Short Stories by Robert A. Heinlein Vol 2 Part 167

So? Well, in the first place it recognizes the a.s.sociation as a semipublic body like the Bar a.s.sociation or the Community Chest, and permits it to initiate actions before the commission. That means that every magician had better by a d.a.m.n sight belong to Ditworth's a.s.sociation and be careful not to offend it.,

But how can that be legal?' I asked. It sounds unconst.i.tutional to me - a private a.s.sociation like that-'

Plenty of precedent, son. Corporations to promote world's fairs, for example.

They're recognized, and even voted tax money. As for unconst.i.tutionality, you'd have to prove that the law was not equal in application - which it isn't! - but awfully hard to prove.'

But, anyhow, a witch gets a hearing before the commission?'

Sure, but there is the rub. The commission has very broad powers, almost unlimited powers over everything connected with magic. The bill is filled with phrases like "reasonable and proper , which means the sky's the limit, with nothing but the good sense and decency of the commissioners to restrain them.

That's my objection to commissions in government - the law can never be equal in application under them. They have delegated legislative powers, and the law is what they say it is. You might as well face a drumhead court- martial.

There are nine commissioners provided for in this case, six of which must be licensed magicians, first-cla.s.s. I don't suppose it is necessary to point out that a few ill-advised appointments to the original commission will turn it into a tight little self-perpetuating oligarchy - through its power to license.'

Sally and Joe were going over to see a legislator whom they thought might sponsor our bill, so they dropped me off at the capitol. I wanted to listen to some of the debate.

It gave me a warm feeling to climb up the big, wide steps of the statehouse. The old, ugly ma.s.s of masonry seemed to represent something tough in the character of the American people, the determination of free men to manage their own affairs. Our own current problem seemed a little smaller, not quite so overpoweringly important - still worth working on, but simply one example in a long history of the general problem of self-government.

I noticed something else as I was approaching the great bronze doors; the contractor for the outer construction of the building must have made his pile; the mix for the mortar was not richer than one to six!

I decided on the a.s.sembly rather than the Senate because Sally said they generally put on a livelier show. When I entered the hall they were discussing a resolution to investigate the tarring and feathering the previous month of three agricultural-worker organizers up near the town of Six Points. Sally had remarked that it was on the calendar for the day, but that it would not take long because the proponents of the resolution did not really want it. However, the Central Labour Council had pa.s.sed a resolution demanding it, and the labour- supported members were stuck with it.

The reason why they could only go through the motions of asking for an investigation was that the organizers were not really human beings at all, but mandrakes, a fact that the state council had not been aware of when they asked for an investigation. Since the making of mandrakes is the blackest kind of black magic, and highly illegal, they needed some way to drop it quietly. The use of mandrakes has always been opposed by organized labour, because it displaces real men - men with families to support. For the same reasons they oppose synthetic facsimiles and homunculi. But it is well known that the unions are not above using mandrakes, or mandragoras, as well as facsimiles, when it suits their purpose, such as for pickets, pressure groups, and the like. I suppose they feel justified in fighting fire with fire. Homunculi they can't use on account of their size, since they are too small to be pa.s.sed off as men.

If Sally had not primed me, I would not have understood what took place. Each of the labour members got up and demanded in forthright terms a resolution to investigate. When they were all through, someone proposed that the matter be tabled until the grand jury of the county concerned held its next meeting. This motion was voted on without debate and without a roll call; although practically no members were present except those who had spoken in favour of the original resolution, the motion pa.s.sed easily.

There was the usual crop of oil-industry bills on the agenda, such as you read about in the newspapers every time the legislature is in session. One of them was the next item on the day's calendar - a bill which proposed that the governor negotiate a treaty with the gnomes, under which the gnomes would aid the petroleum engineers in prospecting and, in addition, would advise humans in drilling methods so as to maintain the natural gas pressure underground needed to raise the oil to the surface. I think that is the idea, but I am no petroleum engineer.

The proponent spoke first. Mr Speaker,' he said, I ask for a "Yes vote on this bill, A B 79. Its purpose is quite simple and the advantages obvious. A very large part of the overhead cost of recovering crude oil from the ground lies in the uncertainties of prospecting and drilling. With the aid of the Little People this item can be reduced to an estimated 7 per cent of its present dollar cost, and the price of gasoline and other petroleum products to the people can be greatly lessened.

The matter of underground gas pressure is a little more technical, but suffice it to say that it takes, in round numbers, a thousand cubic feet of natural gas to raise one barrel of oil to the surface. If we can get intelligent supervision of drilling operations far underground, where no human being can go, we can make the most economical use of this precious gas pressure.

The only rational objection to this bill lies in whether or not we can deal with the gnomes on favourable terms. I believe that we can, for the Administration has some excellent connexions in the Hall World. The gnomes are willing to negotiate in order to put a stop to the present condition of chaos in which human engineers drill blindly, sometimes wrecking their homes and not infrequently violating their sacred places. They not unreasonably claim everything under the surface as their kingdom, but are willing to make any reasonable concession to abate what is to them an intolerable nuisance.

If this treaty works out well, as it will, we can expect to arrange other treaties which will enable us to exploit all of the metal and mineral resources of this state under conditions highly advantageous to us and not hurtful to the gnomes. Imagine, if you please, having a gnome with his X-ray eyes peer into a mountainside and locate a rich vein of gold for you!'

It seemed very reasonable, except that, having once seen the king of the gnomes,

I would not trust him very far, unless Mrs Jennings did the negotiating.

As soon as the proponent sat down, another member jumped up and just as vigorously denounced it. He was older than most of the members, and I judged him to be a country lawyer. His accent placed him in the northern part of the state, well away from the oil country. Mr Speaker,' he bellowed, I ask for a vote of

"No! . Who would dream that an American legislature would stoop to such degrading nonsense? Have any of you ever seen a gnome? Have you any reason to believe that gnomes exist? This is just a cheap piece of political chicanery to do the public out of its proper share of the natural resources of our great state-'

He was interrupted by a question. Does the honourable member from Lincoln County mean to imply that he has no belief in magic? Perhaps he does not believe in the radio or the telephone either.'

Not at all. If the Chair will permit, I will state my position so clearly that even my respected colleague on the other side of the house will understand it.

There are certain remarkable developments in human knowledge in general use which are commonly referred to by the laity as magic. These principles are well understood and are taught, I am happy to say, in our great publicly owned inst.i.tutions for higher learning. I have every respect for the legitimate pract.i.tioners thereof. But, as I understand it, although I am not myself a pract.i.tioner of the great science, there is nothing in it that requires a belief in the Little People.

But let us stipulate, for the sake of argument, that the Little People do exist.

Is that any reason to pay them blackmail? Should the citizens of this commonwealth pay c.u.mshaw to the denizens of the underworld-' He waited for his pun to be appreciated. It wasn't. -for that which is legally and rightfully ours? If this ridiculous principle is pushed to its logical conclusion, the farmers and dairymen I am proud to number among my const.i.tuents will be required to pay toll to the elves before they can milk their cows!'

Someone slid into the seat beside me. I glanced around, saw that it was Jedson, and questioned him with my eyes. Nothing doing now,' he whispered. We've got some time to kill and might as well do it here' - and he turned to the debate.

Somebody had gotten up to reply to the old duck with the Daniel Webster complex.

Mr Speaker, if the honoured member is quite through with his speech - I did not quite catch what office he is running for! - I would like to invite the attention of this body to the precedented standing in jurisprudence of elements of every nature, not only in Mosaic law, Roman law, the English common law, but also in the appellate court of our neighbouring state to the south. I am confident that anyone possessing even an elementary knowledge of the law will recognize the case I have in mind without citation, but for the benefit of-'

Mr Speaker! I move to amend by striking out the last word.'

A stratagem to gain the floor,' Joe whispered.

Is it the purpose of the honourable member who preceded me to imply-'

It went on and on. I turned to Jedson and asked, I can't figure out this chap who is speaking; a while ago he was hollering about cows. What's he afraid of, religious prejudices?'

Partly that; he's from a very conservative district. But he's lined up with the independent oilmen. They don't want the state setting the terms; they think they can do better dealing with the gnomes directly.'

But what interest has he got in oil? There's no oil in his district.'

No, but there is outdoor advertising. The same holding company that controls the so-called independent oilmen holds a voting trust in the Countryside Advertising

Corporation. And that can be awfully important to him around election time.

The Speaker looked our way, and an a.s.sistant sergeant at arms threaded his way towards us. We shut up. Someone moved the order of the day, and the oil bill was put aside for one of the magic bills that had already come out of committee.

This was a bill to outlaw every sort of magic, witchcraft, thaumaturgy.

No one spoke for it but the proponent, who launched into a diatribe that was more scholarly than logical. He quoted extensively from Blackstone's

Commentaries and the records of the Ma.s.sachusetts trials, and finished up with his head thrown back, one finger waving wildly to heaven and shouting,' "Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live! '

No one bothered to speak against it; it was voted on immediately without roll call, and, to my complete bewilderment, pa.s.sed without a single nay! I turned to

Jedson and found him smiling at the expression on my face.

It doesn't mean a thing, Archie,' he said quietly.

Huh?'

He's a party wheel horse who had to introduce that bill to please a certain bloc of his const.i.tuents.'

You mean he doesn't believe in the bill himself?'

Oh no, he believes in it all right, but he also knows it is hopeless. It has evidently been agreed to let him pa.s.s it over here in the a.s.sembly this session so that he would have something to take home to his people. Now it will go to the senate committee and die there; n.o.body will ever hear of it again.'