Yandai Xie Jie No. 10 Chapter 32

Act 32: Final Act

I’m Handsome: Honey, I’m sorting out my things here, so I’m wondering if I can place my precious collectibles in the vacant area in the bedroom…

Love 123: Dispose all of those collectibles of yours…

I’m Handsome: What?!

Love 123: They’re all useless stuff.

I’m Handsome: How are they useless! They’re my precious babies!!

Love 123: Needless to say, just one word: dispose!

I’m Handsome: 555555555555…… [T/N: crying sound]

Love 123: It’s useless to cry. If you feel reluctant, then you can continue to live with those useless collectibles of yours.

I’m Handsome: d.a.m.n! Even though they’re useless, they have been with me for so many years! I can’t bring myself to throw them out!

Love 123: You…

I’m Handsome: I beg you!

Love 123: Which one do you want to take with you?

I’m Handsome: I want to take them all.

Love 123: Don’t take any, or better yet you don’t have to come over.

I’m Handsome: Not coming over… Then where do I live! You would just let me stay at a rental?!

Love 123: Don’t care.

I’m Handsome: Alright, if you say so. I won’t take anything with me, but I can’t throw them out either, so I will just leave them here.

Love 123: Trust me. Even if you want to keep it, the tenant that is going to rent your place will throw them out ^_^

I’m Handsome: Why?

Love 123: They would be horrified. They might get scared to death right at the door

I’m Handsome: No way! You wait for me to call the future tenant and ask them!

(10 minutes later…)

I’m Handsome: f.u.c.k! Those cold blooded people said that if I leave these collections behind, they won’t rent the place…

Love 123: Obviously!

I’m Handsome: But my collections (T.T)

Love 123: Alright, I reluctantly will agree to let you bring one item over. Choose wisely.

(Half an hour later…)

I’m Handsome: I’ve made my decision! The Socrates Mirror

Love 123: Ok.

I’m Handsome: It makes me so nostalgic. It reminds me of my youth!

Love 123: =.=

I’m Handsome: I can’t throw the others away, so I’m thinking we can sell them!

Love 123: Collapse, no one would buy them!

I’m Handsome: Let’s post them up on Taobao. You can help me find customers! Hahaha

Love 123: I have to take care of my own online shop!

I’m Handsome: Right, you can still operate your pet supplies shop like you usually do, and you can also sell these items as your side job! If we can sell these, then we will save money on disposing these items!

Love 123: Your collections? Only you would buy them! Wanting to make some money off of them, do you think you’re a professional swindler or something!

I’m Handsome: Then how we are going to dispose these?

Love 123: Forget it! Don’t sell them! If they’re fake, just throw them away!

I’m Handsome: When the dealers were selling me these fake items, were they not afraid of getting caught?

Love 123: Nonsense, they didn’t need to show you their store licenses when they were selling you these! {Translator Input: Just like in America, a store must obtain a certification or a license in order to open the shop, and the license/certification will be monitored by the FDA; it’s a way for them to keep record of all businesses (small and large) in the states. The same goes with China; however, in China we have the “outdoor market” or the “swap meet” where there is no need for a license, and there is no guarantee in the items you purchase. It is the same as a swap meet here in the States ^^}

I’m Handsome: This…

Love 123: Stupid!

I’m Handsome: What about the flea market? We can set up a stall there…we can run away after we sell them all!

Love 123: Wow, you suddenly suggest a clever idea ^_^ I’ll see!

***

January 22nd, Sat.u.r.day.

Hang Hang drove Liang Ze along with his useless collections to the flea market. There was a lot of stuff so Hang Hang had to come along to help, not to mention the Teddy bear alone is as tall as a person =.=

This was their second week of cohabitation, and many problems were already popping up in their life together.

For example, Liang Ze has the habit of not putting things back to their original places.

Or, he discards his ma.n.u.scripts all over the floor.

Or, he never dries his hair after showering.

The worst habit is that he never washes the dishes after he finishes eating.

So on and so forth.

Hang Hang felt like he just took in a child under his care, and it made him feel extremely irritated. Liang Ze had always been like that. It was just that he had never stayed at Hang Hang’s place for too long, so he did not fully show all of his bad habits. Well now, Liang Ze stayed at his place 24 hours a day, and since Hang Hang spent most of his time downstairs to look over the store, Liang Ze could thoroughly expose his flaws.

For the whole two weeks, Hang Hang had been scolding Liang Ze non-stop, yet Liang Ze only showed minor changes.

Each time Liang Ze said sorry when he was scolded, and he showed a sincere att.i.tude and ensured Hang Hang that he would change; but the key point is, if you don’t keep on scolding him, he would forget his flaws and fall back to them again.

Hang Hang got tired from constantly scolding the Idiot, yet Liang Ze did not get tired of listening to them. Liang Ze would just smile innocently, even trying to coax Hang Hang, and successfully stopping Hang Hang from getting angry. But the next day, it would be back to the usual.

A completely miserable cycle.

Aside from this, their life together had been very good.

Every night they would watch a movie together, or to go out to eat something, or sometimes they would tune in for some love making. All in all their life had been very comfortable. Liang Ze had no problem having s.e.x with him, from time to time he would even take the initiative. It seemed that he had also educated himself with some useful bedding techniques.

Another thing that was quite warming to Hang Hang was that they both started to design their place together. They would buy some cute small stuff to decorate their lovenest. Hang Hang also hung up the photos of them at the studio from the other day. Liang Ze’s first reaction when he saw them was still obnoxious — I told you that we’re really handsome! However, the next set of photos…made up a mosaic picture. Looking from afar, it looked like an unique indigenous African tribal handicraft — many tiny pictures added up to make up the one image that looked somewhat like a face. But when looking at it closely, one can clearly see each picture in its naked glory. When Hang Hang did not let Liang Ze hang it up, the Idiot got all worked up and said, Shuaige, you know that in order to make this perfectly, I had to put in a lot of effort on it!
{Translator Input: Hang Hang meant that Liang Ze’s big face pictures are made of the pictures of Liang Ze in his naked glory posing in those tribal clothes}

Mosaic Picture

Le sigh.

—

“Shuaige! It’s so crowded today, do you think that we will manage to find a spot for ourselves?!” Liang Ze carried the big teddy bear on one hand, while carrying the porcelain on another as he looked around.

“I don’t know, let’s try our luck.” Hang Hang carried the proclaimed Tang vase, other handcraft materials, and dragged a cloth with him.

Even the side curb area was taken.

The two walked into the city square, which already had a lot of vendors setting up all over the place. They walked for half a day and finally found a small vacant s.p.a.ce at the corner. Hang Hang laid down the cloth, and Liang Ze helped by placing the items one by one down on the cloth for display.

Liang Ze was very content with living together with Hang Hang. Every day there would be someone who would prepare breakfast for him, do his laundry, converse with him, and share everything with him. However, his behavior would always provoke Hang Hang’s patience. Liang Ze felt that Hang Hang was too meticulous like some middle-aged woman; Hang Hang would scold him when the house was a bit messy. There are only the two of them living in the house, Why couldn’t Hang Hang just relax for a little bit? The one thing that Liang Ze could not bear most was taking a bath every day, not just rinse your body down with water and then get out, but you must thoroughly wash your hair and body off all the debris in every nook and crook. If he was not clean, Hang Hang would not let him on the bed =.= This is something that Liang Ze could never understand. Hang Hang would suck his manhood and did not find it dirty, but when he went a day without a bath, Hang Hang would say that he is dirty.

Le sigh.

—

“Shuaige! I deliberately made some price tags for the items here!” Liang Ze shoved a pile of cards in front of Hang Hang, “We can openly mark all the prices.”

Hang Hang took a look, and immediately his face got distorted!! Without second thought, he ripped up all the price tags.

“Shuaige!”

“No one would buy them with such high prices!”

“No kidding! It’s already 20% off the original price that I bought!”

“What?” Hang Hang’s eyeb.a.l.l.s almost fell out, “you…repeat what you just said…”

“It’s true! They’re discounted 20% off the original price I spent on each item!”

Hang Hang squatted down, feeling that if he did not sit down now, he would fire the anger in his chest at Liang Ze’s face.

Is he that stupid?

Liang Ze also squatted down next to Hang Hang, “If it’s just 20% off, we won’t lose a lot of profit…”

“Don’t talk to me for a sec, let me slowly process this…”

“Is it because we woke up too early? Are you experiencing hypotension*?”

[T/N: Hypotension – medical term for low blood pressure. Since Liang Ze is an author, he is knowledgeable of a wide range of terminology. Therefore, he tends to use lot of jargon (technical terms) ^^]

“…”

“Earlier we pa.s.sed by a breakfast stall, let me go over there and get you a bowl of hot soy milk!”

“…”

The two of them had been sitting there for quite some time, yet no one came by their spot to buy anything; Liang Ze began to get bored, and he remembered that he saw many good things at other stalls that they pa.s.sed by earlier. He now wanted to go over to take a good look at those items.

“Shuaige, I want to go for a walk!”

“What for?”

“I saw many interesting things, and I want to buy…”

“Don’t you dare!”

“Why are you getting all ferocious…?”

“It’s useless to talk some sense into you. In conclusion, you’re not allowed to go!”

“I…”

“Stay put and look after the stall!”

“Oh…”

The whole morning, they were only able to sell a set of porcelain at a high stake price, they sold it at the same price that Liang Ze bought it. To be honest, that person was very unfortunate. When Hang Hang set the price of 400 yuan, Liang Ze immediately stomped on his feet, which made this customer believe that the set must be very valuable, so he bought it at that price without any bargain =.= truth is that set was only worth 50 yuan.

For lunch, one person had a fried pancake while the other was having hot chocolate. It is always freezing cold during winter, so they were wearing very thick layers of clothes that made them look like two teddy bears sitting on the curb side. They would have frozen to death if it was not for the morning sun ray.

One minute they would stand up and bounce around, and then the next minute they would stand up again and do some jumping. Hang Hang saw that Liang Ze’s lips had turned purple from the cold, so he let the Idiot take a walk around to warm up, but before Liang Ze left, Hang Hang confiscated his wallet just in case.

Hang Hang wondered if Liang Ze is a star-crossed Idiot… As Liang Ze walked away, more and more people came by their stall, Hang Hang decided to ignore his good conscience and started using his persuasive skills to sell those people the items.

A couple came by their stall, and when the girl saw Liang Ze’s big teddy bear, her eyes lit up in excitement. Hang Hang told them that the teddy bear was the first teddy bear in the world, and each st.i.tch on the bear was made with skill. He even showed them the fake manufacture tag on the bear, plus the bear is at great height with beautiful appearance. The girl really wanted to buy it, but the boy kept on refusing. And then the boy dragged the girl away. Hang Hang felt that he must have asked for quite a high price. 800 yuan was very uneconomical. He did not expect the boy to come back 20 minutes later to pay him 800 yuan and take the bear. Obviously, if he did not buy this bear today, his girlfriend would not go easy on him ^_^

When Hang Hang almost sold out all of their items, he checked his watch and saw that it had been two hours since Liang Ze left. He wondered where Liang Ze could have wandered off to for that long without any money!

With only a j.a.panese tea set and a Russian doll left, Hang Hang counted their profit for today, thinking that Liang Ze can keep these two if no one buys them. Honestly speaking, Hang Hang did not think they could make such a great profit out of these old items. He had just wanted to throw them away to free up some s.p.a.ce. With some polis.h.i.+ng, many people wanted to buy the items; it was a total victory for all. He began to count the money in his wallet, and realized they had collected more than 5,000 yuan. Hang Hang grinned from ear to ear, no more like he was laughing out loud, selling these old items at such high stake prices, it was hard not to laugh out loud like that! But this is it. In the future, he should not let that big head Idiot buy these useless things again!

When Hang Hang was done packing things up, Liang Ze came back to the vacant s.p.a.ce grinning and asked, “All sold out!”

Hang Hang nodded, “the j.a.panese tea set and the Russian doll, you can keep them.”

“I really want to kiss you!”

“Don’t get over your head.”

Hang Hang decided to quickly leave this place in fear that those people would come back to return those items. The quicker they could get back the better.

Liang Ze instead walked very slowly, he said to take the left instead of the right, taking his sweet time walking as he finally stopped in front of the mask stall.

“What are you doing?”

“…Shuaige…I like that mask…”

Hang Hang looked down and it was a court dance mask. He squatted down to take a look. It does not look bad.

“Can I buy it?” Liang Ze also squatted down next to Hang Hang.

“How much?” Hang Hang asked the stall owner.

A 30 something year old man stared at them and said the price, “260.”

“Let’s leave.” Hang Hang stood up.

“Shuaige!”

“Go.” Hang Hang dragged Liang Ze up.

The stall owner saw that his customer was leaving, and he quickly got up, “Little brother, what price do you want? We can negotiate.”

“60.” Hang Hang bargained.

“You’re kidding me, look at my mask here…” the owner tried to sell his item, Liang Ze listened to the item’s description, but Hang Hang had already walked away.

“That guy there doesn’t have eyes for good quality items, but since you’re the reasonable one, plus you’ve been looking around here for quite some time, I’ll sell it to you for 180, pick the one that you like.”

Liang Ze felt like crying, “It’s useless that I like it… He’s the one with the money!”

“Hang Hang!” Liang Ze chased after him.

The owner’s face was red with anger, “Fine, it’s my unlucky day, sold for 60, come back!”

Liang Ze tried to catch up to Hang Hang as he heard the mask stall owner agreeing to their price. He quickly shouted, “Shuaige! He agrees!”

Hang Hang hauled on his track, took out 100 yuan, turned back and handed it to the mask stall owner. Liang Ze felt completely satisfied with the mask and took the change, holding up the mask to look left and right as he walked side by side with his Hang Hang.

Hang Hang looked at him and smiled. It seemed like he was in love with a big child. Coincidentally, he saw Liang Ze’s big teddy bear in his line of sight. The one holding it was the girl from earlier. She was looking left and right anxiously, and it seemed like she was looking for him.

“Give me the mask.” Hang Hang took the mask from Liang Ze and quickly covered his face with it. Don’t say that he is not being kind. He won’t take returns from goods that have already been sold!

“Shuaige…you also like it?” Liang Ze had no clue of the situation, “Should we go back and buy another one for you?”

“Hurry up and go, stop blabbering.” Hang Hang pulled Liang Ze’s arm.

Liang Ze’s eyes accidentally saw something familiar, and he unknowingly shouted, “isn’t that my teddy bear?” Hang Hang’s fast hand covered Liang Ze’s mouth and dragged him out of the flea market.

“Shuaige, you!” Liang Ze was being shoved into the car, still confused.

“Here is your mask, we’re going home.”

After they got home, Hang Hang told himself that for this year Spring Festival, he must go to the Lama Temple and pay his prayer to the spirit for a whole day =.=

{Translator Input: today at the flea market, Hang Hang had deceived many people; he doesn’t want to be punished for his “bad intentions” so he wants to go the temple to pray for his sins ^^}

“Aiyo, I really can’t bear to leave my babies…” Liang Ze heaved out a sigh.

Hang Hang looked at Liang Ze, he really wanted to chop off his head and give it to little kids to kick around.

***

It was sleeting very hard outside, and the sky was covered in a black curtain. Liang Ze looked at his laptop screen as he typed in something. Then he looked up out the window again; unlike the night before the end of the world {Translator Input: I don’t know what Liang Ze is thinking here, let me say that he was in his literary mode =.=}, the scenery in the early morning brought in some warmth of a sunny day.

I’m Handsome: Shuaige! Take a look outside!

Love 123: This year is too anomalous

I’m Handsome: The earth is going to explode

Love 123: …

I’m Handsome: Look at this sleet, it’s terrible

Love 123: The Earth began to avenge mankind

I’m Handsome: I think so too!

Love 123: Last summer, Europe was very hot

Love 123: This winter, it’s so freezing

Love 123: Nature is retaliating on mankind.

I’m Handsome: Right

Love 123: Hahaha

I’m Handsome: Haha

Love 123: Martian

Love 123: I should fawn over you more

I’m Handsome: Haha! Right!!

Love 123: If the Earth becomes unlivable

Love 123: You would take me to Mars, right?

I’m Handsome: I’ll let you immigrate into my planet

I’m Handsome: So happy

Love 123: Uhm

I’m Handsome: I’ll give you a green card

{Translator Input: For some people who are not familiar with the immigration system in the States, the green card serves as proof that its holder is a lawful permanent resident (LPR), and has been officially granted immigration benefits, which include permission to reside and take employment in the United States. The reason Liang Ze mentioned green card here is because Hang Hang’s parents are diplomats who obviously own green cards. Also, many Chinese business owners have business in America, so it’s like a normal thing for them to have green cards. For middle cla.s.s people, it’s the ordinary thing to have. So both Liang Ze and Hang Hang understood what a green card is and what it is being used for. However, I know that most of the readers here do not know what it is. So I had to ask my parents and get full information on it before I wrote this explanation ^^}

Love 123: My chinchillas too ^_^

I’m Handsome: Granted!

Love 123: The Martians are good people

I’m Handsome: Of course! We Martians are good people

Love 123: Very welcoming ^_^

I’m Handsome: Oh hahaha…Ah, I need to ask you this, what do you think?

Love 123: Let me see it

(Two minutes later…)

Love 123: Lubricant for oral s.e.x?

I’m Handsome: Blueberry flavor!

Love 123: …

The difference between true happiness and false happiness is that the former pays the price first before enjoying it (the happiness); the latter enjoys it (the happiness) first then pays the price.

The so-called love causes sensible people to get confused. They like to concentrate on work and not care so much about money, when money is the main source of income.

【Yandai Xie Jie No. 10 – The End】

Proofread: Kazuha