The Spectator Volume Iii Part 86

If we would be thus Happy, and thus Sensible of our Maker's Presence, from the secret Effects of his Mercy and Goodness, we must keep such a Watch over all our Thoughts, that, in the Language of the Scripture, his Soul may have Pleasure in us. We must take care not to grieve his Holy Spirit, and endeavour to make the Meditations of our Hearts always acceptable in his Sight, that he may delight thus to reside and dwell in us. The Light of Nature could direct _Seneca_ to this Doctrine, in a very remarkable Pa.s.sage among his Epistles:

_Sacer inest in n.o.bis spiritus bonorum malorumque custos, et Observator, et quemadmodum nos illum tractamus, ita et ille nos_ [2].

There is a Holy Spirit residing in us, who watches and observes both Good and Evil Men, and will treat us after the same Manner that we treat him. But I shall conclude this Discourse with those more emphatical Words in Divine Revelation,

_If a Man love me, he will keep my Word, and my Father will love him, and we will come unto him, and make our Abode with him_ [3].

[Footnote 1: No. 565, and see Nos. 580, 590, and 628.]

[Footnote 2: Ep. 41. To Lucilius. 'Deum in viro bono sedere.']

[Footnote 3: John xiv. 23.]

No. 572. Monday, July 26, 1714. Z. Pearce [3].

'--Quod medicorum est Promittant medici--'

Hor.

I am the more pleased with these my Papers, since I find they have encouraged several Men of Learning and Wit to become my Correspondents: I Yesterday received the following Essay against Quacks, which I shall here communicate to my Readers for the Good of the Publick, begging the Writer's Pardon for those Additions and Retrenchments which I have made in it.

The Desire of Life is so natural and strong a Pa.s.sion, that I have long since ceased to wonder at the great Encouragement which the Practice of Physick finds among us. Well-const.i.tuted Governments have always made the Profession of a Physician both honourable and advantageous. _Homer's Machaon_ and _Virgil's j.a.pis_ were Men of Renown, Heroes in War, and made at least as much Havock among their Enemies as among their Friends.

Those who have little or no Faith in the Abilities of a Quack will apply themselves to him, either because he is willing to sell Health at a reasonable Profit, or because the Patient, like a drowning Man, catches at every Twig, and hopes for Relief from the most Ignorant, when the most able Physicians give him none. Though Impudence and many Words are as necessary to these Itinerary _Galens_ as a laced Hat or a Merry _Andrew_, yet they would turn very little to the Advantage of the Owner, if there were not some inward Disposition in the sick Man to favour the Pretensions of the Mountebank. Love of Life in the one, and of Mony in the other, creates a good Correspondence between them.

There is scarce a City in _Great-Britain_ but has one of this Tribe, who takes it into his Protection, and on the Market-Day harangues the good People of the Place with Aphorisms and Receipts. You may depend upon it, he comes not there for his own private Interest, but out of a particular Affection to the Town. I remember one of those Public-spirited Artists at _Hammersmith_, who told his Audience 'that he had been born and bred there, and that having a special Regard for the Place of his Nativity, he was determined to make a Present of five s.h.i.+llings to as many as would accept of it.' The whole Crowd stood agape, and ready to take the Doctor at his Word; when putting his Hand into a long Bag, as every one was expecting his Crown-Piece, he drew out an handful of little Packets, each of which he informed the Spectators was constantly sold at five s.h.i.+llings and six pence, but that he would bate the odd five s.h.i.+llings to every Inhabitant of that Place: The whole a.s.sembly immediately closed with this generous Offer, and took off all his Physick, after the Doctor had made them vouch for one another, that there were no Foreigners among them, but that they were all _Hammersmith_-Men.

There is another Branch of Pretenders to this Art, who, without either Horse or Pickle-Herring, lie snug in a Garret, and send down Notice to the World of their extraordinary Parts and Abilities by printed Bills and Advertis.e.m.e.nts. These seem to have derived their Custom from an _Eastern_ Nation which _Herodotus_ speaks of, among whom it was a Law, that whenever any Cure was performed, both the Method of the Cure, and an Account of the Distemper, should be fixed in some Publick Place; but as Customs will corrupt, these our Moderns provide themselves of Persons to attest the Cure, before they publish or make an Experiment of the Prescription. I have heard of a Porter, who serves as a Knight of the Post under one of these Operators, and tho' he was never sick in his Life, has been cured of all the Diseases in the Dispensary. These are the Men whose Sagacity has invented Elixirs of all sorts, Pills and Lozenges, and take it as an Affront if you come to them before you are given over by every Body else. Their Medicines _are infallible, and never fail of Success_, that is of enriching the Doctor, and setting the Patient effectually at Rest.

I lately dropt into a Coffee-house at _Westminster_, where I found the Room hung round with Ornaments of this Nature. There were Elixirs, Tinctures, the _Anodine Fotus_, _English_ Pills, Electuaries, and, in short, more Remedies than I believe there are Diseases. At the Sight of so many Inventions, I could not but imagine my self in a kind of a.r.s.enal or Magazine, where store of Arms were reposited against any sudden Invasion. Should you be attack'd by the Enemy Side-ways, here was an infallible Piece of defensive Armour to cure the Pleurisie: Should a Distemper beat up your Head Quarters, here you might purchase an impenetrable Helmet, or, in the Language of the Artist, a Cephalic Tincture: If your main Body be a.s.saulted, here are various Kinds of Armour in Case of various Onsets. I began to congratulate the present Age upon the Happiness Men might reasonably hope for in Life, when Death was thus in a manner Defeated; and when Pain it self would be of so short a Duration, that it would but just serve to enhance the Value of Pleasure: While I was in these Thoughts, I unluckily called to mind a Story of an Ingenious Gentleman of the last Age, who lying violently afflicted with the Gout, a Person came and offered his Service to Cure him by a Method, which he a.s.sured him was Infallible; the Servant who received the Message carried it up to his Master, who enquiring whether the Person came on Foot or in a Chariot; and being informed that he was on Foot: _Go, says he, send the Knave about his Business: Was his Method as infallible as he pretends, he would long before now have been in his Coach and Six._ In like manner I concluded, that had all these Advertisers arrived to that Skill they pretend to, they would have had no Need for so many Years successively to publish to the World the Place of their Abode, and the Virtues of their Medicines. One of these Gentlemen indeed pretends to an effectual Cure for Leanness: What Effects it may have had upon those who have try'd it I cannot tell; but I am credibly informed, that the Call for it has been so great, that it has effectually cured the Doctor himself of that Distemper. Could each of them produce so good an Instance of the Success of his Medicines, they might soon persuade the World into an Opinion of them.

I observe that most of the Bills agree in one Expression, _viz._ that (_with G.o.d's Blessing_) they perform such and such Cures: This Expression is certainly very proper and emphatical, for that is all they have for it. And if ever a Cure is performed on a Patient where they are concerned, they can claim no greater Share in it than _Virgil's j.a.pis_ in the curing of _aeneas;_ he tried his Skill, was very a.s.siduous about the Wound, and indeed was the only visible Means that relieved the Hero; but the Poet a.s.sures us it was the particular a.s.sistance of a Deity that speeded the Operation. An _English_ Reader may see the whole Story in Mr. _Dryden's_ Translation.

_Prop'd on his Lance the pensive Heroe stood, And heard, and saw unmov'd, the Mourning Crowd.

The fam'd Physician tucks his Robes around, With ready Hands, and hastens to the Wound.

With gentle Touches he performs his Part, This Way and that, solliciting the Dart, And exercises all his Heavenly Art.

All softning Simples, known of Sov'reign Use, He presses out, and pours their n.o.ble Juice; These first infus'd, to lenifie the Pain, He tugs with Pincers, but he tugs in vain.

Then to the Patron of his Art he pray'd; The Patron of his Art refus'd his Aid.

But now the G.o.ddess Mother, mov'd with Grief, And pierc'd with Pity, hastens her Relief.

A Branch of Healing_ Dittany _she brought, Which in the_ Cretan _Fields with Care she sought; Rough is the Stem, which woolly Leaves surround; The Leafs with Flow'rs, the Flow'rs with Purple crown'd: Well known to-wounded Goats; a sure Relief To draw the pointed Steel, and ease the Grief.

This_ Venus _brings, in Clouds involv'd; and brews Th' extracted Liquor with_ Ambrosian _Dews, And od'rous_ Panacee: _Unseen she stands, Temp'ring the Mixture with her heav'nly Hands: And pours it in a Bowl, already crown'd With Juice of medc'nal Herbs, prepared to bathe the Wound.

The Leech, unknowing of superior Art, Which aids the Cure, with this foments the Part; And in a Moment ceas'd the raging Smart.

Stanched is the Blood, and in the bottom stands: The Steel, but scarcely touched with tender Hands, Moves up, and follows of its own Accord; And Health and Vigour are at once restor'd_.

j.a.pis _first perceiv'd the closing Wound; And first the Footsteps of a G.o.d he found.

Arms, Arms! he cries, the Sword and s.h.i.+eld prepare, And send the willing Chief, renew'd to War.

This is no mortal Work, no cure of mine, Nor Art's effect, but done by Hands Divine_.

[Footnote 1: Dr. Zachary Pearce, Bishop of Rochester, with alterations by Addison.]

No. 573. Wednesday, July 28, 1714.

'--Castigata remordent--'

Juv.

My Paper on the Club of Widows has brought me in several Letters; and, among the rest, a long one from Mrs. President, as follows.

_Smart SIR_,

'You are pleased to be very merry, as you imagine, with us Widows: And you seem to ground your Satyr on our receiving Consolation so soon after the Death of our Dears, and the Number we are pleased to admit for our Companions; but you never reflect what Husbands we have buried, and how short a Sorrow the Loss of them was capable of occasioning. For my own Part, Mrs. President as you call me, my First Husband I was marry'd to at Fourteen, by my Uncle and Guardian (as I afterwards discovered) by way of Sale, for the Third part of my Fortune. This Fellow looked upon me as a meer Child, he might breed up after his own Fancy; if he kissed my Chamber-Maid before my Face, I was supposed so ignorant, how could I think there was any Hurt in it?

When he came home Roaring Drunk at five in the Morning, 'twas the Custom of all Men that live in the World. I was not to see a Penny of Money, for, poor Thing, how could I manage it? He took a handsome Cousin of his into the House, (as he said) to be my Housekeeper, and to govern my Servants; for how should I know how to rule a Family? and while she had what Money she pleased, which was but reasonable for the Trouble she was at for my Good, I was not to be so censorious as to dislike Familiarity and Kindness between near Relations. I was too great a Coward to contend, but not so ignorant a Child to be thus imposed upon. I resented his Contempt as I ought to do, and as most poor pa.s.sive blinded Wives do, 'till it pleased Heaven to take away my Tyrant, who left me free Possession of my own Land, and a large Jointure. My Youth and Money brought me many Lovers, and several endeavoured to establish an Interest in my Heart while my Husband was in his last Sickness; the Honourable _Edward Waitfort_ was one of the first who addressed to me, advised to it by a Cousin of his that was my intimate Friend, and knew to a Penny what I was worth. Mr.

_Waitfort_ is a very agreeable Man, and every Body would like him as well as he does himself, if they did not plainly see that his Esteem and Love is all taken up, and by such an Object, as 'tis impossible to get the better of. I mean himself. He made no doubt of marrying me within Four or Five Months, and begun to proceed with such an a.s.sured easie Air, that piqued my Pride not to banish him; quite contrary, out of pure Malice, I heard his first Declaration with so much innocent Surprize, and blushed so prettily, I perceived it touched his very Heart, and he thought me the best-natured Silly poor thing on Earth.

When a Man has such a Notion of a Woman, he loves her better than he thinks he does. I was overjoy'd to be thus revenged on him, for designing on my Fortune; and finding it was in my Power to make his Heart ake, I resolved to compleat my Conquest, and entertain'd several other Pretenders. The first Impression of my undesigning Innocence was so strong in his Head, he attributed all my Followers to the inevitable Force of my Charms, and from several Blushes and side Glances, concluded himself the Favourite; and when I used him like a Dog for my Diversion, he thought it was all Prudence and Fear, and pitied the Violence I did my own Inclinations to comply with my Friends, when I marry'd Sir _Nicholas Fribble_ of Sixty Years of Age.