Random Rhymes and Rambles Part 12

It wurnt long afore they gat arm'd-sum wi clothes props, muk forks, ropes, and so on, and there wor some compet.i.tion yo mind, for they wur all trying which could mak best movement so as they could immortalise their names it history of Haworth, for there wur one Joe Hobb, a handloom weaver, browt his slay boards, and as he wor going dahn th' hill he did mak some manvures, an' talk abaht fugal men it army when they throw their guns up into th' air and catches em again, they wur nowt to Joe, for he span his slay boards up an' dahn just like a shuttlec.o.c.k. But wal all this wur going on the storm began to abate, and th' water seem'd to get less, but still they kept at it. Wal at last a chap at they call Dave Twirler shahted aht he saw summat, and they look't way at he pointed, and there behold it wur won o'th' ribs o'th' railway sticking up (here a dead silence tuk place which lasted for abaht three hours) for n.o.body durst open their mahths, flaid a'th' wind wud mak th' current stronger, and sum at wimen held their tungs to that pain and misery wal their stockings fell dahn ower their clog tops; but hasumever th' silence wur broken by a Haworth Parish chap at they call Bob Gimlet, he happened to be there and he said nah lads, look down th' valley for I think I see th' skeleton at onny rate, and Bob wur reight for it wur as plain to be seen as an elephant in a shop window.

And this wur a fact this wur th' railway they saw, And at th' first sight o' th' spectre they all stood in awe, For it wur smashed all i' pieces ashamed to be seen As tho' it hed pa.s.sed thro' a sausidge masheen; Wi horror some fainted, while others took fits, Aud these at cud stand it wur piking up t'bits.

But after a while when they all bec.u.m calm, They gathered together like bees in a swarm, Resolvd to pick up all fragments and th' wood, And splice 'em together as weel as they cud, Hasumever thay started a putting it streyt, And wi' spelking and braying they soon made it reight.

Six months nah elapsed and th' gert job wur done, And th' next thing to argue wur wen it sud run, So they sent Joe a-Stirks arahnd wi' his bell, And gave him strict orders at he wur to tell, At th' inspector hed been and examined it thro', And c.u.m to th' conclushun et th' railway wud do.

So to wark wi a vengance, the bellman set to, To warn up a meeting to meet a'th' Black Bull, It wud dun yo all good to hear Joey shaht, For they heard him distinctly for miles all abaht, And i' less ner ten minits, they flockt in so fast, While Jonny Broth horses they couldn't get past.

So they fram'd on wi' th' meeting an' th' chairman spak first, And tell'd 'em at th' railway wur finish'd at last; And declared at th' inspector hed pa.s.sed when he com, Both viaducts and bridges as sahnd as a plum; As for sinkin agean they wud do nowt et sort, For they sailed thro' the arches i' Marriner's boat.

So he hoped i' this meeting they all wud agree, And settle when th' oppening o' th' railway sud be.

He thout for his part tho' he n.o.bbut wur won, At first day o' April wur fittest to run, Wen a voice sed, sit dahn or I'll pelt thee wi' spooils, Duz ta think at wur bahn to be April fooils?

Then up on to th' platform jump'd Red d.i.c.ky Brook, Along wi' his uncle Black Tom at d.y.k.e Nook, Determined to sattle and bring things arahnd, As th' railway wur finished both proper and sahnd; So they pitched on a day-this wur April the fourth.

To oppen th' grand railway fra Lunden to Haworth.

It wur carried as usual, bi' th' showing o' hands, Amidst grate rejoicing and playing o' bands, Both oud men and wimen hed a smile on their face, For all wur dead certain this wur bahn to tak place, So they fled to their homes like bees to a hive, Impashent and anshus for th' day to arrive.

Hasumever th' day com at wur menshun'd before, And folk wur all flocking fra mahntan and th' moor, And little they thout when they set off that morn, Anuther disaster would laff 'em to scorn; For Joe Stirk wur sent out to tell 'em to stop, For poor Haworth Railway hed gotten i' pop.

Nah this wur a damper and th' biggest i' th' lot, And th' folks they declared this wur a Keighley plot, But one Jack o' Ludges sed he'd stop 'em their prate, He'd learn 'em i' Keighley to insinuate, They'st hev no excurshuns for nout but their lip, And s.h.i.+pley and Bradford should hev the first trip.

He sed he'd been quiet, but he'd nah interfere, He'd wauk up to Derby and tell em up there, Hah they hed been skitted, sin first they begun, And nah when this wur finished they wurnt to run; But hah he went on I never did hear, But won thing I'm certain he must a been there.

For th' tenth day of April bills wur put aht, That th' railway wud oppen withaht any daht, And a famous excurshun fra Bradford wod run, And call at all stashuns wi' th' excepshun o' won; For nowt aht o' Keighley to Haworth sud ride, For that day all th' luggage wur left o' won side.

Scarce Keighley crookt-legg'd ens heard o' the news, And wur just bahn to give 'em the gratest abuse, When a order c.u.m aht fra sum unknawn source, That Keighley crookt-legg'd ens cud go up of course, They thowt it wur best, and wud cause the least bother, For wun sud be welc.u.m as weel as anuther.

Hasumever their hopes hes not been i' vain, For the day's arrived and yonder's the train, And thahsands o' folks is flocking to th' spot, The gent fra his hall, the peasant fra his cot, For all are determined as th' weather is fine, To hev an' excurshun up th' Worth Valley Line.

They land up i' Haworth, and sports et is seen, Wur nivver yet equalled it reign o' the Queen, Such processhuns wi music yo ne'er saw the like, They wur bands fra all nashuns excepting Black d.y.k.e, And Sham o' Blue Bills sed he'd kick up a s.h.i.+ne, For nah they hed oppen'd the Worth Valley Line.

There wur Jim o'th' Damems, and Will o' th' Gooise Coit, And the lads at wur in that puddin exploit, There wur Ned dahn fra Oakworth, and Ike fra Loin Ends, Along wi their aristocratical friends, They repair'd to Black Bull, of sahnd puddin to dine, That day at they oppen'd the Worth Valley Line.

I' all nooks and corners and chimla tops, Wur floating gert banners wi' mighty big props, And stamp'd on each flag i' figures so nice, Sum an' inscripshun and sum a device; But th' nicest i'th' lump at swung on a band, Wur welc.u.m to Haworth fra ivvery land.

Yor welc.u.m, yor welc.u.m, all men upon earth, Yor welc.u.m to the valley of Worth, Fra th' Humber to th' Mersey, fra th' Thames dahn to th' Tyne, Yor welc.u.m to travel the Worth Valley Line.

CHAPTER IV.

"Th' last Scene of all that ends this strange eventful history."

_Fra th' Corrispondent o' th' Hoylus End Mercury_.

Good folks you've inkwired at home an' abroad, Ha we're gettin on wi wur famous railroad; And when I've tell'd yo the disasters we've hed, Yo've greeved monny a time wal yo've tain to yor bed, But ha yo will gape when yo read farther dahn, What famons big stirrins we've hed up i'th' tahn.

I knaw yo'd be mad as soin as yo heard, Abaht that oud kah at belong'd to Blue Beard, For I like as I saw yo just hod of its tail, And braying it rump wi' the end o' yor flail; For I wisht monny a time at yo hed been here, For swallowing the plan yo'd a geen it what cheer.

Ha ivver good folk I'll try to be breef, For I knaw you're i' pain and I'll give yo releef- So to tell yo the truth in a plain, honnest way, The railroad is finish'd an oppen'd to-day; And I've tain up my pen for ill yo'd a taint, If I hednt a geen yo a truthful ackahnt.

Hasumivver this morning, as I tell'd yo before, I wur wakken'd wi hearin a awful uproar, What wi' the prating o' wimen and the shahtin o'th' folk, And the bells at wur ringin, they wur past onny joke, For ivvery two minnits they shahted hurrah, We are nah bahn to oppen the Haworth Railway.

So I jump'd up i' bed, an' I gat on the floor, I slipt on my cloas and ran out at door, And the first at I met, it wur one Jimmy Peg, He c.u.m'd up fra Bocking and brout a gert flag, And just at his heels wur the Spring-headed band, Playing a march-I thout it wur grand.

So I fell into the step for I knaw how to march, For I've been stiffen'd up wi' guvernment starch; And first smell o' music it maks me fair dance, And I p.r.i.c.k up my ears like a trooper his lance, Hasumivver, I thout as I'd gotten i' th' scent, I'd follow this music wharever it went.

Then I march'd up erect, wal I come to the grand stand, And that wur a' th' stashun where the train hed to land; There wur flags of all nashuns fra the Union Jack To Bacchus and Atlas wi' the globe on his back, For the Inspector and conductor and all sorts o' fray Wur expected directly to land at the railway.

So I star'd wal both een wur varry near bleared, And waited and waited-at last it appear'd, It wur filled full o' folk as eggs full o' meat, And it tuk four ingens to bring it up reight, Two hed long chimlas and th' tuther hed noan, But they stuck weel together like a dog to a bone.

They wur gruntin and growling wur the folks at gat aht, So I made some inquiries what it wur abaht; And i' all my born days I ne'er heard nout so call'd, For three or four times they sed it hed stall'd, Wal some o'th' crookt-legg'd ens bethout of a scheam, And they went back to Keighley for a hamper o'steam.

And my word and honour it did mak a gert din, For I stud by and heard it, and saw it come in; I expected it coming as quiet as a lamb, But no daht at the noises wur n.o.bbut a sham; But what's the use o' telling yo ha it did come, I'd forgotten yo'd ridden to Wibsey begum.

There wur fifty i' number invited to dine, All us at hed acted reight loyal to the line; So I thout that I'd go, for I knew weel enuff At the puddings this time wud be made at reight stuff, And noan o' that stuffment they gav the Keighley band, Toan awf on it rubbish and the other awf sand.

For twelve stone o' flour (3lbs. to a man) Wur boiled i' oud Bingleechin's kah lickin pan, Wi gert lumps o' suet at the cook hed put in't, At shane like a ginney just new aht at mint; Wi' knives made a purpose to cut it i' rowls, And the sauce wur i' buckets and mighty big bowls.

They wur chattin and taukin and souckin ther spice, And crackin at dainties they thout at wur nice, Wal the oud parson gat up and pull'd a long face, And mutter'd some words at they call saying th' grace, But I nivver goam'd that, cos I knew for a fact It wur n.o.bbut a signal for the puddin attack.

And aw'l tell yo wot, folk tho' yo maint beleeve, But yo tauks abaht Wibsey fooak heytin horse beef, Yo sud a seen Locker-taaners brandis.h.i.+ng ther nives, An choppin an cutting ther wollopin s.h.i.+ves; An all on em shaatin thay lik'd th puddin th best, Fer nout wur like th puddin for standin th' test.

An while thay wor cutting an choppin away, The gallant Spring-Heeaders wor order'd ta play, But thay didn't mich loike it fer ivvery wun, Wur flaid at thayd play wol th puddin wor dun; But as luck wor thay tice'd em, wi a gert deeal to do, Ta play Roger the Plowman an Rozzen the bow.

Ike Ouden wor th chairman at com to preside, An Will Thompson o Guiseley wor set by his soide, Na Will's a director o'th Midland line, An as deeacent a chap as sat dahn ta dine; Along wi Jin Sugden at held th Vice-chair, Wor won Billy Brayshaw, Bradford Lord Mayor.

Their wor Jonathan Craven, Mic Morrell and me, And a lot o more lads at wur for a spree; There wur Nedwin o George's and Pete Featherstone, They sat side by side like Darby and Joan; And I hardly can tell yo, but yor noan to a shade, But I knaw they wur Ingham and little Jack Wade.

So he says, be silent, all the folk i' this hall, So as any won on yo can hear a pin fall; And Jone o' Bill Olders just shut up thi' prate, For I've summat to say and I mun let it aht; For I mun hev silence whativer betide, Or I'll c.u.m aht oth loom and some o' yo hide.

Three years hes elapsed and we're going on the fourth, Sin we first started th railway fra Keighley to Haworth What wi' dreamin by neet, and workin by day, Its been to poor Haworth a dearish railway.

And monny a time I've been aht o' patience Wi' the host o' misfortunes and miscalculations.

The first do at we hed wur th kah swallowing th plan, And then wur bad luck and misfortunes began; For before Ginger Jabus cud draw us another, All went on wrong and we'd a gert deal o' bother; He must a been dreamin, a silly oud clahn, For three fields o' Oud Doodles he nivver put dahn.

As for thee, Jonny Broth, it's a pity I knaw, For thart one o' the best drivers at ivver I saw; And n.o.body can grumble at what tha hes dun, If thi buss driven wearisome race it is run; For who nah cud grumble, ha fine wur thur cloth, To ride up to Haworth wi oud Johnny Broth.

So Johnny, my lad, don't thee mak onny fuss, I shuttin thi horses, or sellin thi buss; For if the railway hes done thee, there's wun thing I knaw; Tha mud mak 'o th' oud bus a stunnin peep show, And if I meet thee at Lunden, tho two hundred miles, I sall patronise thee if it be in St. Giles.

So strike up yor music and give it some mahth, And welc.u.m all nashuns fra north to the sahth; The black fra the east, and the red fra the west, For they sud be welc.u.m as weel as the rest: And all beyond the Tiber, the Baltic or Rhine, Shall knaw at we've oppen'd the Worth Valley Line.