Cecilia; Or, Memoirs of an Heiress Volume III Part 26

"Only think," cried the rapturous Henrietta, "it was _me_, poor simple _me_, of all people, that he wanted so to speak with!--I am sure I thought a different thought when he went away! but do, dearest Miss Beverley, tell me this one thing, what do you think he can have to say to me?"

"Indeed," replied Cecilia, extremely embarra.s.sed, "it is impossible for me to conjecture."

"If _you_ can't, I am sure, then, it is no wonder _I_ can't! and I have been thinking of a million of things in a minute. It can't be about any business, because I know nothing in the world of any business; and it can't be about my brother, because he would go to our house in town about him, and there he would see him himself; and it can't be about my dear Miss Beverley, because then he would have written the note to her and it can't be about any body else, because I know n.o.body else of his acquaintance."

Thus went on the sanguine Henrietta, settling whom and what it could _not_ be about, till she left but the one thing to which her wishes pointed that it _could_ be about. Cecilia heard her with true compa.s.sion, certain that she was deceiving herself with imaginations the most pernicious; yet unable to know how to quell them, while in such doubt and darkness herself.

This conversation was soon interrupted, by a message that a gentleman in the parlour begged to speak with Miss Belfield.

"O dearest, dearest Miss Beverley!" cried Henrietta, with encreasing agitation, "what in the world shall I say to him, advise me, pray advise me, for I can't think of a single word!"

"Impossible, my dear Henrietta, unless I knew what he would say to you!"

"O but I can guess, I can guess!"--cried she, her cheeks glowing, while her whole frame shook, "and I sha'n't know what in the whole world to answer him! I know I shall behave like a fool,--I know I shall disgrace myself sadly!"

Cecilia, truly sorry Delvile should see her in such emotion, endeavoured earnestly to compose her, though never less tranquil herself. But she could not succeed, and she went down stairs with expectations of happiness almost too potent for her reason.

Not such were those of Cecilia; a dread of some new conflict took possession of her mind, that mind so long tortured with struggles, so lately restored to serenity!

Henrietta soon returned, but not the same Henrietta she went;--the glow, the hope, the flutter were all over; she looked pale and wan, but attempting, as she entered the room, to call up a smile, she failed, and burst into tears.

Cecilia threw her arms round her neck, and tried to console her; but, happy to hide her face in her bosom, she only gave the freer indulgence to her grief, and rather melted than comforted by her tenderness, sobbed aloud.

Cecilia too easily conjectured the disappointment she had met, to pain her by asking it; she forbore even to gratify her own curiosity by questions that could not but lead to her mortification, and suffering her therefore to take her own time for what she had to communicate, she hung over her in silence with the most patient pity.

Henrietta was very sensible of this kindness, though she knew not half its merit: but it was a long time before she could articulate, for sobbing, that _all_ Mr Delvile wanted, at last, was only to beg she would acquaint Miss Beverley, that he had done himself the honour of waiting upon her with a message from Mrs Delvile.

"From Mrs Delvile?" exclaimed Cecilia, all emotion in her turn, "good heaven! how much, then, have I been to blame? where is he now?--where can I send to him?--tell me, my sweet Henrietta, this instant!"

"Oh madam!" cried Henrietta, bursting into a fresh flood of tears, "how foolish have I been to open my silly heart to you!--he is come to pay his addresses to you!--I am sure he is!--"

"No, no, no!" cried Cecilia, "indeed he is not!--but I must, I ought to see him,--where, my love, is he?",

"In the parlour,--waiting for an answer.--"

Cecilia, who at any other time would have been provoked at such a delay in the delivery of a message so important, felt now nothing but concern for Henrietta, whom she hastily kissed, but instantly, however, quitted, and hurried to Delvile, with expectations almost equally sanguine as those her poor friend but the moment before had crushed.

"Oh now," thought she, "if at last Mrs Delvile herself has relented, with what joy will I give up all reserve, all disguise, and frankly avow the faithful affection of my heart!"

Delvile received her not with the eagerness with which he had first addressed her; he looked extremely disturbed, and, even after her entrance, undetermined how to begin.

She waited, however, his explanation in silence; and, after an irresolute pause, he said, with a gravity not wholly free from resentment, "I presumed, madam, to wait upon you from the permission of my mother; but I believe I have obtained it so late, that the influence I hoped from it is past!"

"I had no means, Sir," answered she, chearfully, "to know that you came from her: I should else have received her commands without any hesitation."

"I would thank you for the honour you do her, were it less pointedly exclusive. I have, however, no right of reproach! yet suffer me to ask, could you, madam, after such a parting, after a renunciation so absolute of all future claim upon you, which though extorted from me by duty, I was bound, having promised, to fulfil by principle,-could you imagine me so unsteady, so dishonourable, as to obtrude myself into your presence while that promise was still in force?"

"I find," cried Cecilia, in whom a secret hope every moment grew stronger, "I have been too hasty; I did indeed believe Mrs Delvile would never authorise such a visit; but as you have so much surprised me, I have a right to your pardon for a little doubt."

"There spoke Miss Beverley!" cried Delvile, reanimating at this little apology, "the same, the unaltered Miss Beverley I hoped to find!--yet _is_ she unaltered? am I not too precipitate? and is the tale I have heard about Belfield a dream? an error? a falsehood?"

"But that so quick a succession of quarrels," said Cecilia, half smiling, "would be endless perplexity, I, now, would be affronted that you can ask me such a question."

"Had I, indeed, _thought_ it a question," cried he, "I would not have asked it: but never for a moment did I credit it, till the rigour of your repulse alarmed me. You have condescended, now, to account for that, and I am therefore encouraged to make known to you the purpose of my venturing this visit. Yet not with confidence shall I speak if, scarce even with hope!--it is a purpose that is the offspring of despair,--

"One thing, Sir," cried Cecilia, who now became frightened again, "let me say before you proceed; if your purpose has not the sanction of Mrs Delvile, as well as your visit, I would gladly be excused hearing it, since I shall most certainly refuse it."

"I would mention nothing," answered he, "without her concurrence; she has given it me: and my father himself has permitted my present application."

"Good Heaven!" cried Cecilia, "is it possible!" clasping her hands together in the eagerness of her surprise and delight.

"_Is it possible_!" repeated Delvile, with a look of rapture; "ah Miss Beverley!--once my own Cecilia!--do you, can you _wish_ it possible?"

"No, No!" cried she, while pleasure and expectation sparkled in her eyes, "I wish nothing about it.--Yet tell me how it has happened,--I am _curious_," added she, smiling, "though not interested in it."

"What hope would this sweetness give me," cried he, "were my scheme almost any other than it is!--but you cannot,--no, it would be unreasonable, it would be madness to expect your compliance!--it is next to madness even in me to wish it,--but how shall a man who is desperate be prudent and circ.u.mspect?"

"Spare, spare yourself," cried the ingenuous Cecilia, "this, unnecessary pain!--you will find from me no unnecessary scruples."

"You know not what you say!--all n.o.ble as you are, the sacrifice I have to propose--"

"Speak it," cried she, "with confidence! speak it even with certainty of success! I will be wholly undisguised, and openly, honestly own to you, that no proposal, no sacrifice can be mentioned, to which I will not instantly agree, if first it has had the approbation of Mrs Delvile."

Delvile's grat.i.tude and thanks for a concession never before so voluntarily made to him, interrupted for a while, even his power of explaining himself. And now, for the first time, Cecilia's sincerity was chearful, since now, for the first time, it seemed opposed by no duty.

When still, therefore, he hesitated, she herself held out her hand to him, saying, "what must I do more? must I offer this pledge to you?"

"For my life would I not resign it!" cried he, delightedly receiving it; "but oh, how soon will you withdraw it, when the only terms upon which I can hold it, are those of making it sign from itself its natural right and inheritance?"

Cecilia, not comprehending him, only looked amazed, and he proceeded.

"Can you, for my sake, make such a sacrifice as this? can you for a man who for yours is not permitted to give up his name, give up yourself the fortune of your late uncle? consent to such settlements as I can make upon you from my own? part with so splendid an income wholly and for-ever?--and with only your paternal L10,000 condescend to become mine, as if your uncle had never existed, and you had been Heiress to no other wealth?"

This, indeed, was a stroke to Cecilia unequalled by any she had met, and more cruel than any she could have in reserve. At the proposal of parting with her uncle's fortune, which, desirable as it was, had as yet been only productive to her of misery, her heart, disinterested, and wholly careless of money, was prompt to accede to the condition; but at the mention of her paternal fortune, that fortune, of which, now, not the smallest vestige remained, horror seized all her faculties! she turned pale, she trembled, she involuntarily drew back her hand, and betrayed, by speechless agitation, the sudden agonies of her soul!

Delvile, struck by this evident dismay, instantly concluded his plan had disgusted her. He waited some minutes in anxious expectation of an answer, but finding her silence continued while her emotion encreased, the deepest crimson dyed his face, and unable to check his chagrin, though not daring to confess his disappointment, he suddenly quitted her, and walked, in much disorder, about the room. But soon recovering some composure, from the a.s.sistance of pride, "Pardon, madam," he said, "a trial such as no man can be vindicated in making. I have indulged a romantic whim, which your better judgment disapproves, and I receive but the mortification my presumption deserved."

"You know not then," said Cecilia, in a faint voice, "my inability to comply?"

"Your ability or inability, I presume, are elective?"

"Oh no!--my power is lost--my fortune itself is gone!"

"Impossible! utterly impossible!" cried he with vehemence.

"Oh that it were!--your father knows it but too well."

"My father!"