Mr. Pim Passes By Part 16

PIM. Oh, Mrs. Marden!

OLIVIA. This man Telworthy whom you met is my husband.

PIM. Your husband! (_He looks in mild surprise at_ GEORGE.) Your--er----

OLIVIA. My first husband. His death was announced six years ago. I had left him some years before that, but there seems no doubt from your story that he's still alive. His record--the country he comes from--above all, the very unusual name--Telworthy.

PIM. Telworthy--yes--certainly a most peculiar name. I remember saying so. Your first husband? Dear me! Dear me!

GEORGE. You understand, Mr. Pim, that all this is in absolute confidence.

PIM (_turning to_ GEORGE). Of course, of course.

OLIVIA (_pulling his arm, trying to attract his attention_). Well, since he is my husband, we naturally want to know something about him. Where is he now, for instance?

PIM (_surprised and turning to_ OLIVIA). Where is he now? But surely I told you? I told you what happened at Ma.r.s.eilles?

GEORGE. At Ma.r.s.eilles?

PIM (_to_ GEORGE). Yes, yes, poor fellow, it was most unfortunate. (_To_ LADY MARDEN. OLIVIA _again pulls his arm, trying to attract his attention_.) You must understand, Lady Marden, that although I had met the poor fellow before in Australia, I was never in any way intimate----

GEORGE (_thumping the desk_). Where is he _now_, that's what we want to know?

(MR. PIM _turns to him with a start_.)

OLIVIA. Please, Mr. Pim!

PIM (_to_ OLIVIA). Where is he now? But--but didn't I tell you of the curious fatality at Ma.r.s.eilles--poor fellow--the fish-bone?

ALL. Fish-bone?

PIM. Yes, yes, a herring, I understand.

OLIVIA (_becoming hysterical_). Do you mean he's dead?

PIM. Dead--of course he's dead. He's been dead----

OLIVIA (_laughing hysterically_). Oh, Mr. Pim, you--oh, what a husband to have--oh, I----(_But that is all she can say for the moment_.)

LADY MARDEN. Pull yourself together, Olivia. (_To_ PIM.) So he really is dead this time?

PIM. Oh, undoubtedly, undoubtedly. A fish-bone lodged in his throat.

(LADY MARDEN _retreats to settee_ R. _again_.)

GEORGE (_moving up_ C. _to_ L. _window, trying to realize it_). Dead!

Dead!

PIM (_rising and turning to_ OLIVIA, _alarmed at her hysteria_). Oh, but, Mrs. Marden!

OLIVIA. I think you must excuse me, Mr. Pim. (_Crossing to_ C.) But a herring! There's something about a herring----

(GEORGE _comes quickly to her, very concerned_.)

(PIM _is also very concerned_.)

(_Turning to_ GEORGE.) Oh, George! (_Shaking her head in a weak state of laughter, turns to_ R. _and is about to hurry out of the room towards staircase_ R.)

QUICK CURTAIN.

ACT III

SCENE.--_The same and furniture exactly as in_ ACT II.

(MR. PIM _is below settee_ L. _standing in same position as at the end of_ ACT II. GEORGE MARDEN _is in centre of stage and_ LADY MARDEN _is at foot of staircase. Their alt.i.tude is the same as at the end of_ ACT II, _and all are concerned about_ OLIVIA'S _hysteria_.)

GEORGE. Dead! Dead!

PIM. Oh dear! Oh dear! I'm afraid I broke the news rather hastily. The double shock of losing one husband and being restored to another--

LADY MARDEN (_coming to_ GEORGE). A dispensation of Providence, George.

One can regard it in no other light. (_Moves to_ R. _of writing-table_.)

GEORGE (_coming to_ PIM). Yes! Yes! Well, I'm much obliged to you, Mr.

Pim, for having come down to us this afternoon, and you understand that your news, though tardy, has been very welcome. _De Mortuis_, and so forth.

(LADY MARDEN _crosses at back of writing-table to_ L.)

PIM (_sadly repeating_). _De Mortuis--_

GEORGE (_shaking hands--anxious to get rid of him_). Well, good-bye, and again our thanks.

(_Crosses below and to_ L. _of_ PIM _and rings bell below fireplace_.)

PIM (_crossing to centre_). Not at all. I shouldn't have broken the news so hastily. (_Catches sight of_ LADY MARDEN _up_ L., _and with a profound bow_.) Good-bye, Lady Marden.

LADY MARDEN (_equally profound_). Good-bye, Mr. Pim.

PIM. I'm afraid I broke the news too hastily. (_Goes to table_ B.C. _and takes up_ GEORGE'S _cap in mistake for his hat and is moving towards double-doors when_ GEORGE, _noting this, picks up_ PIM'S _hat from_ L.

_of stage where it has been left from previous_ ACT, _and crosses with it to_ PIM.)

GEORGE. Mr. Pim, excuse me, but I think this is yours.

PIM (_he takes it and looks at it closely, comparing it with the cap_).