Mr. Pim Passes By Part 5

GEORGE. No. I don't like them, and what is more, I don't mean to have them in my house. As I told you yesterday, this is the house of a simple country gentleman, and I don't want any of these new-fangled ideas in it.

OLIVIA. Is marrying for love a new-fangled idea?

GEORGE. We'll come to that directly. None of you women can keep to the point. What I am saying now is that the house of my fathers and forefathers is good enough for me.

OLIVIA. Do you know, George, I can hear one of your ancestors saying that to his wife in their smelly old cave--(GEORGE _looks up annoyed at her levity_)--when the new-fangled idea of building houses was first suggested. "The Cave of my Forefathers is good enough for----"

GEORGE (_rising and coming to_ R. _of_ L.C. _table_). That's ridiculous.

Naturally we must have progress. But that's just the point. (_Indicating the curtains_.) I don't call this sort of thing progress. It's--ah-- retrogression.

OLIVIA. Well, anyhow, it's pretty.

GEORGE. There I disagree with you. And I must say once more that I will not have them hanging in my house. (_Going up_ R.C.)

OLIVIA. Very well, George. (_But she goes on working_.)

GEORGE (_seeing her continuing to sew, stops_). That being so, I don't see the necessity of going on with them.

OLIVIA. Well, I must do something with them now I've got the material.

(GEORGE _goes up to writing-table, sits and writes_.)

I thought perhaps I could sell them when they're finished--as we're so poor.

GEORGE (_turns to her with surprised look_). What do you mean--so poor?

OLIVIA. Well, you said just now that you couldn't give Dinah an allowance because rents had gone down.

GEORGE (_annoyed_). Confound it, Olivia! Keep to the point! We'll talk about Dinah's affairs directly. We're discussing our own affairs at the moment.

OLIVIA. But what is there to discuss, dear?

GEORGE. Well, those ridiculous things.

OLIVIA. But we've finished that. You've said you wouldn't have them hanging in your house, and I've said, "Very well, George."--(GEORGE _is again annoyed_.)--Now we can go on to Dinah, and Brian.

GEORGE (_shouting_). But put these beastly things away.

OLIVIA (_rising and gathering up the curtains_). Very well, George.

(_Going up_ L. _she places the curtains on the cabinet_.)

GEORGE (_waits impatiently until she has put them away on top of cabinet_). Ah! That's better.

(OLIVIA _comes to table_ L.C., _closes her workbox and then crosses down to settee_ R.)

GEORGE (_rising and crossing down to_ OLIVIA _and placing arms lovingly on her shoulder_). Now look here, Olivia, old girl, you've been a jolly good wife to me--(_takes his arms from her shoulder_)--and we don't often have rows, and if I've been rude to you about this--lost my temper a bit perhaps, what?--I'll say I'm sorry. May I have a kiss?

OLIVIA (_holding up her face_). George, darling! (_He kisses her_.) Do you love me?

GEORGE. You know I do, old girl.

OLIVIA. As much as Brian loves Dinah?

GEORGE (_stiffly, taking her hands from his shoulders_). I've said all I want to say about that. (_He goes away from her to_ L.)

OLIVIA. Oh, but there must be lots you want to say and perhaps don't like to. (_Sits on settee_ R.) Do tell me, darling.

GEORGE (_coming back to_ C.). What it comes to is this. I consider that Dinah is too young to choose a husband for herself, and that Strange isn't the husband I should choose for her.

OLIVIA. You were calling him Brian yesterday.

GEORGE. Yesterday I regarded him as a boy, now he wants me to look upon him as a man.

OLIVIA. He's twenty-four.

GEORGE. Yes, and Dinah's nineteen. Ridiculous. (_Crossing up to smoking- table up_ R., _and filling his pipe which he finds on table_.)

OLIVIA. If he'd been a Conservative, and thought that clouds were round, I suppose he'd have seemed older, somehow.

GEORGE. That's a different point altogether. That has nothing to do with his age.

OLIVIA (_innocently_). Oh, I thought it had.

GEORGE (_crossing down_ C. _stuffing tobacco into his pipe_). What I am objecting to is these ridiculously early marriages before either party knows its own mind, much less the mind of the other party. (_Moving to fireplace looking for a match_.) Such marriages invariably lead to unhappiness.

OLIVIA. Of course, _my_ first marriage wasn't a happy one.

GEORGE. As you know, Olivia, I dislike speaking about your first marriage at all--(_takes a match from table down_ L. OLIVIA _rises slowly and goes up to_ R. _of writing-table_)--and I had no intention of bringing it up now, but since you mention it--well, there's a case in point. (_Sits on settee_ L., _lighting his pipe_.)

OLIVIA (_looking back at it_). When I was eighteen, I was in love.

GEORGE (_turning to her_). What?

OLIVIA. Or perhaps I only thought I was, and I don't know if I should have been happy or not if I had married him. But my father made me marry Mr. Jacob Telworthy. (GEORGE _looks up at her, annoyed_.) And when things were too hot for him in England--"too hot for him"--I think that was the expression we used in those days--then we went to Australia, and I left him there. (_Goes slowly down to back of settee_ L.) And the only happy moment I had in all my married life was on the morning when I saw in the papers that he was dead. (_Leans with her arms over back of settee_.)

GEORGE (_very uncomfortable yet lovingly taking her hands with his left hand_). Yes, yes, my dear, I know, I know. You must have had a terrible time. I can hardly bear to think about it. My only hope is that I have made up to you for it in some degree. (_She places her left cheek lovingly on his head_.) (_Dropping her hands_.) But I don't see what bearing it has upon Dinah's case.

OLIVIA. Oh, none, except that _my_ father _liked_ Jacob's political opinions and his views on art. (_Moving slowly round_ L.C. _table to below stool at foot_.) I expect that that was why he chose him for me.

GEORGE. You seem to think that I wish to choose a husband for Dinah. I don't at all. Let her choose whom she likes as long as he can support her and there's a chance of their being happy together. Now, with regard to this fellow--

OLIVIA. You mean Brian?

GEORGE. Well, he's got no money, and he's been brought up in quite a different way from Dinah. Dinah may be prepared to believe that--er--all cows are blue, and that--er--waves are square, but she won't go on believing it for ever.

OLIVIA. Neither will Brian.

GEORGE (_moving to_ R. _end of settee_). Well, that's what I keep telling him, only he won't see it. Just as I keep telling you about those ridiculous curtains. (_Points to cupboard with pipe in right hand over his left shoulder_.) It seems to me that I am the only person in the house with any eyesight left.