De Turkey and De Law Part 13

LUM Being as he wasn't picked or nothin', I know you didn't want to be bothered wid it, so I took and carried it over to Mrs. Blunt's house and she put on some hot water and we set up way Sat'day night pickin de turkey and fixin him so nex' day she cooked him off--just sorta baked him wid a lil stuffin an' such, so he'd keep.

MAYOR CLARKE Didn't you know my wife knowed how to cook? Go fetch dat turkey here, and don't let no dead lice fall off of you on de way.

LUM (extremely embarra.s.sed) I don't speck he's dere now, Mist' Clarke.

CLARKE (ferociously) How come?

LUM I pa.s.sed by dere on Sunday and et a lil piece of shoulder offa him, an' being everybody else was eatin' turkey too, I et some breast meat an' uh mouf ful or two of stuffin' an' uh drum stick wid de ham part of de leg hung on to it wid a lil gravy. (general laughter) I thought I was doin' right cause [Note: corrected missing s.p.a.ce] de turkey was kilt for Daisy anyhow. So I jus' took it on to her. Dave was all hurt up and Jim was locked up so--

CLARKE Dat'll do! Dat'll do! Dry up, Suh! (turns to Dave) Stand up, Dave.

Since youse de one got hurted, you be de first witness and tell me just whut went on out dere.

(Dave rises slowly.)

SISTER TAYLOR Dat's right, Dave. Git up dere and lie lak de cross ties from New York to Texas. You greasy rascal you! You better go wash yo'self before you go testifying on people.

DAVE I'm just as clean as you.

REV. SINGLETARY (jumping to his feet) Wait a minute! Taint none of y'all got no call to be throwin' off on dis boy. He come here to git justice, not to be slurred and low-rated. He ain't 'ssaulted n.o.body. He ain't stole no turkeys _nor_ chickens. He's a clean boy. He set at my feet in Sunday school since he was so high, (measures knee height) and he come thru religion under de sound of my voice an' I baptized him and I know he's clean.

SISTER TAYLOR It'll take more'n uh baptizin' to clean dat n.i.g.g.e.r.

DAVE I goes in swimmin' nearly every day. I'm just as clean as anybody else.

SISTER TAYLOR (Mayor begins rapping for order. She shouts out) Swimmin! Dat ain't gointer clean de crust offa _you_. You ain't had a good bath since de devil was a hatchet. If you ain't been parboiled in de wash pot and scoured wid Red Seal lye, don't bring de mess up.

CLARKE I'm goin' to have order here or else! Gwan, Dave.

DAVE It's just lak I tole you Sat'day night.

CLARKE Yeah, but dat wuz at de store. Dis is in [Note: corrected missing s.p.a.ce] court and it's got to be tole agin.

ELDER SIMMS Just uh minute, Brother Clarke, before we any further go I wants to ast de witness uh question dat oughter be answered before he open his mouf.

MAYOR CLARKE Whut _kind_ of a question is dat?

SIMMS Dave, tell de truth. Ain't yo' heart full of envy and malce 'gainst dis chile? (Gestures towards Jim. Dave shakes his head and starts to deny the charge but Simms hurries on.) Wait a minute now! Wait till I git thru. Didn't y'all used to run around everywhere playin' and singing andeverything till you got so full of envy and malce and devilment till y'al broke up? Now, Brother Mayor, make him tell de truth.

DAVE Yeah, I useter be crazy bout Jim, and we was buddies till he tried to back bite me wie, wid my girl.

JIM Never _was_ yo girl. Nohow I ain't none of yo' buddy. I ain't got no buddy. They kilt my buddy tryin' to raise me. But I did useter lak you till you acted so low down tryin' to undermine me and root me out wid my girl.

MAYOR Aw, table dat business an' less open up new business. We ain't here to find out whose girl it is. We wants to know 'bout dis fight and who hit de first lick and how come. Go head on Dave and talk.

DAVE Well, jus lak I tole yuh, Sat'day night, I been watchin' dat flock uh wild turkeys ever since way last summer roostin' in de edge of dat cypress swamp out by Howell Creek, where Brazzle's ole mule was dragged out. It was a great, bit ole gobbler leadin' de flock. So last time I seen him I said I was gointer git him for my girl if it taken me uh year. So Sat'day, kinda late, I grabs ole Hannah, my gun, I calls her Old Hannah, and come to de store to buy some sh.e.l.ls. Y'all know whut went on at de store. Well, it made me feel lak I wuz gointergit dat ole gobbler if I had to follow him clean to Diddy war Diddy or slap into Ginny-Gall. But I didn't have to do nothin'. When I got out by de ole mule bones, I seen 'em flyin' round lak buzzards. So I loaded both barrels, squatted down on uh log where I had dead aim on dat big ole cypress pine where they roosts at. Sho nuff, soon's de sun had done set, here dey come followin' de leader'. He lit way out on de end of de limb kinda off from de rest and I eased ole Hannah up on him. Man! I got so skeered I wuz gointer miss him till I got de all overs. He gobbled two three times to see if all his fambly was safed den he settled down and bam! I let him have it! He spread his wings lak he wuz gointer fly on off an' I _cried_ lak a chile! But I got him alright and down he come floppin, and me grabbin him before he quit kickin. Gee, I was proud. He felt lak he weighed forty pounds. Whilst I was kinda heftin him in my hands I heard uh rifle fire and I looked and dere was Jim firin into de turkey flock dat was flyin round skeered. He didn't hit a G.o.d's thing, but he seen me wid my gobbler and come runnin up talking bout give him his turkey. I ast him "who turkey you talkin bout?[Note: missing double quote?] He says dat one of hisn I hed done grabbed. I tole him he must gone crazy in de head.

He says, I better give him his turkey before he beat my head off. I tole him I wasn't gointer give n.o.body but Daisy Blunt dat turkey.

Otherwise, if he wanted to try my head, I wasn't runnin uh d.a.m.n step.

Come on. So he jumped on me and tried to s.n.a.t.c.h de turkey. We fit all over de place. First we was just tusslin for de bird, but when he found out he couldn't take it he hit me wid his fist. Den I ups wid my African soup bone and I bet I plowed up uh acre uh bushes wid his head. He hit ker-bam! right in dat pack uh mule bones and I turnt and started off, when lo and behold, he gits up wid dat hock bone and lams me in de head and when I come to, him and my turkey was gone. So I come swore out uh warrant aginst him cause didn't fight fair. I ain't mad. I always lakted Jim, but he sho done dirty--lammin me wid uh mule bone and takin' [Note: corrected missing s.p.a.ce] my turkey.

(Dave resumes his seat and Jim drops his head for a moment, then s.n.a.t.c.hes it up arrogantly and glares at the Baptists. The whole place is very silent for a moment. Then Mayor Clarke clears his throat, raps with his gavel and looks sternly at Jim.)

CLARKE Jim Weston, stand up suh! (Jim rises sullenly.) Youse charged wid 'saulting Dave Carter wid uh dangerous weapon and then stealin his lawful turkey gobbler. You heard de charge--guilty or not guilty?

JIM (arrogantly) Yeah, I hit him and I'll hit him agin if he crowd me. But I ain't guilty uh no crime. (He hitches up his pants and sits down arrogantly.)

CLARKE (surprised) Whuts dat you say, Jim? (raps sharply) Git up from there sir! Whuts dat you say?

JIM (rising) I say, heah, I lammed ole Dave wid de mule bone, but I ain't guilty uh nothin.

(There is a stark silence for a few seconds. Then Clarke raps nervously.)

CLARKE How come you ain't guilty?

(Jim sits down amid jubilant smiles of Methodists. Simms chuckles out loud and wipes his face with his handkerchief. He gets to his feet still gloating.)

SIMMS (to Jim) Set down, Jim, and lemme show dese people dat walks in de darkness wid sinners an' republicans de light.

SINGLETARY You just as well tuh hush up befo' you start, then, Simms. You can't show n.o.body uh light when you ain't got none tuh show.

HAMBO Ain't dat de gospel?

NIXON Aw, let de man talk. Y'all sound lak uh tree full uh blackbirds. Go head on, Elder Simms.

WALTER Yeah, you can't teach 'em nothin' but talk on. We know whut you talkin' about.

CLARKE (raps once or twice) I G.o.d, tell it. Whut ever tis you got tuh tell.

SISTER LEWIS An yeah, hurry up and tell it. I know it ain't goin' tuh be nothin'

after you git it told but hurry up and say it so yo' egg-bag kin rest easy.

WALTER Aw shut up an' give de man uh chance.

SISTER LEWIS My shetters ain't workin' good. Sposin' you come shet me up, Walter.

Den you'll know it's done right.

LIGE Aw, whyn't y'all ack lak folks an' leave de man talk.

CLARKE (rapping repeatedly) Order in dis court, I G.o.d, jus' like you was in Orlando! (Silence falls.) Now, Simms, talk yo' chat.

SIMMS (glances down into his open Bible then looks all around the room with great deliberation. It is evident he enjoys being the center of attraction. He smiles smugly as he turns his face towards the pulpit.

He speaks slowly and accents his words so that none will be lost on his audience.) De Bible says, be sho' you're right, then go ahead. (He looks all around to collect the admiration he feels he has earned.) Now, we all done gethered and 'sembled here tuh law dis young lad of uh boy on uh might serious charge. Uh whole pa.s.sle of us is rarin tuh drive him way from home lak you done done off his daddy an' his brothers.

HAMBO We never drove off his pappy. De white folks took an' hung him for killin' dat man [Note: corrected missing s.p.a.ce?] in Kissimmee for nothin'.

SIMMS Dat ain't de point, brother Hambo.

HAMBO It's jes' as good uh point as any. If you gointer talk--tell de truth.

An if you can't tell de truth, set down an' leave Rev. Singletary talk.