De Turkey and De Law Part 16

DAVE Youse a big old Georgy-something-ain't-so! I done got my belly full of Daisy Sat'day night. She can't snore in my ear no more.

DAISY (Indignantly) Whut you come here low-rating me for, Dave Carter? I ain't done nothin' to you but treat you white. Who come rubbed yo' ole head for you yestiddy if it wasn't me?

DAVE Yeah, you rubbed my head all right, and I lakted dat. But everybody say you done toted a pan to Joe Clark's barn for Jim before I seen you.

DAISY Think I was going to let Jim there thout nothing fitten for a dog to eat?

DAVE That's all right, Daisy. If you want to pay Jim for r knockin' me in de head, all right. But I'm a man in a cla.s.s--in a cla.s.s to myself and n.o.body knows my name.

JIM (s.n.a.t.c.hing Daisy around to face him) Was you over to Dave's house yestiddy rubbing his ole head and cloaking wid him to run me outa town--and me locked up in dat barn wid de cows and mules?

DAISY (Sobbing) All both of y'all hollerin' at me an' fussin' me just cause I tries to be nice--and neither one of y'all don't keer nothin' bout me.

(Both boys glare at each other over Daisy's head and both try to hug her at the same time. She violently wrenches herself away from both and makes as if to move on.)

Leave me go! Take yo' rusty pams offen me. I'm going on back to my work-place. I just got off to see bout y'all and look how y'all treat me.

JIM Wait a minute, Daisy. I love you like G.o.d loves Gabriel--and dat's His best angel.

DAVE Daisy, I love you harder than detthunder can b.u.mp a stump--if I don't--G.o.d's a gopher.

DAISY (Brightening) Dat's de first time you ever said so.

DAVE and JIM Who?

JIM Whut you hollering "who" for? Yo' foot don't fit no limb.

DAVE Speak when you spoken to--come when you called, next fall you'll be my c.o.o.n houn' dog.

JIM Table dat discussion. (Turning to Daisy) You ain't never give me no chance to talk wid you right.

DAVE You made _me_ feel like you was trying to put de Ned book on me all de time. Do you love me sho nuff, Daisy?

DAISY (Blooming again into coquetry) Aw, y'all better stop dat. You know you don't mean it.

DAVE Who don't mean it? Lemme tell you something, mama, if you was mine I wouldn't have you counting no ties wid yo' pretty lil toes. Know whut I'd do?

DAISY (Coyly) Naw, whut would you do?

DAVE I'd buy a whole pa.s.senger train and hire some mens to run it for you.

DAISY (Happily) Oo-ooh, Dave.

JIM (to Dave)

De wind may blow, de door may slam Dat whut you shootin' ain't worth a dam.

(to Daisy) I'd buy you a great big ole s.h.i.+p--and then baby, I'd buy you a ocean to[Note: corrected missing s.p.a.ce] sail yo' s.h.i.+p on.

DAISY (Happily) Oo-ooh, Jim.

DAVE (to Jim)

A long train, a short caboose Dat lie whut you shootin', ain't no use.

(to Daisy) Miss Daisy, know what I'd do for you?

DAISY Naw, whut?

DAVE I'd like uh job cleanin out de Atlantic Ocean jus for you.

DAISY Don't fool me now, papa.

DAVE I couldn't fool _you_, Daisy, cause anything I say bout lovin' you, I don't keer how big it is, it wouldn't be half de truth. Y

DAVE I'd come down de river riding a mud cat and leading a minnow.

DAISY Lawd, Dave, you sho is propaganda.

JIM (Peevishly) Naw he ain't--he's just lying--he's a n.o.ble liar. Know whut I'd do if you was mine?

DAISY Naw, Jim.

JIM I'd make a panther wash yo' dishes and a 'gator chop yo' wood for you.

DAVE Daisy, how come you [Note: corrected missing s.p.a.ce] let Jim lie lak dat? He's as big a liar as he is a [Note: corrected missing s.p.a.ce]

man. But sho nuff now, laying all sides to jokes, Jim, there don't even know how to answer you. If you don't b'lieve it, ast him something.

DAISY (to Jim) You like me much, Jim?

JIM (Enthusiastically) Yeah, Daisy, I sho do.

DAVE (Triumphant) See dat! I tole you he didn't know how to answer n.o.bocy like you. If he was talking to some of them ol' funny looking gals over town he'd be answering 'em just right. But he got to learn how to answer _you_. Now you ast _me_ something and see how I answer you.

DAISY Do you like me, Dave?

DAVE (Very properly in a falsetto voice) Yes ma'am! Dat's de way to answer swell folks like you. Furthermore, less we prove which one [Note: corrected missing s.p.a.ce] of us love you de best right now. (To Jim) Jim, how much time owuld you do on de chain-gang for dis 'oman?

JIM Twenty years and like it.

DAVE See dat, Daisy? Dat n.i.g.g.e.r ain't willing to do no time for you. I'd _beg_ de judge to gimme life. (Both Jim and Dave laugh)

DAISY Y'all doin' all dis bookooing out here on de railroad track but I bet y'all crazy 'bout Bootsie and t.e.e.t.s and a whole heap of others.

JIM Cross my feet and hope to die! I'd ruther see all de other wimmenfolks in de world dead than for[Note: corrected missing s.p.a.ce] you to have de tooth-ache.

DAVE If I was dead any any other woman come near my coffin de undertaker would have to do his job all over--cause I'd git right up and walk off. Furthermore, Miss Daisy, ma'am, also m'am, which would _you_ ruther be a lark a flying or a dove a settin'--ma'am also ma'am?

DAISY 'Course I'd ruther be a dove.