De Turkey and De Law Part 2

(to men on porch) You got to talk to wimmen-folks lak dat--tell 'em every lil' thing-do she'd come rackin out here wid de board by itself.

(Enter Mrs. Clarke with homemade checker-board and coffee can containing the much-used checkers. Clarke sits on a keg and faces Hambo. They put the board on their knees and pour out the checkers)

HAMBO You want black or red?

CLARKE Oh, I don't keer which--I'm gointer beat you anyhow. You take de black. (they arrange them. The others get near to look on. Hambo sits looking at the board without moving.)

HAMBO Who's first move?

CLARKE Black folks always go to work first. Move! (Hambo moves and the same proceeds with the spectators very interested. Enter Lum Boger [Note: Handwritten correction: Bailey] right and joins the spectators. A woman enters left with a market basket and goes on in the store. The checkers click on the board. A girl about twelve enters right and goes into the store and comes out with a stick of peppermint candy.

WALTER Naw you don't Hambo!--Don't you go in dere! Dats a trap--(pointing) come right here and you got him.

LIGE Back dat man up (pointing) Hambo do he'll git et up.

(there is the noise of the checkers for a half minute then a general shout of triumph)

SPECTATORS You got him now, Hambo! Clarke, he's sho got you.

CLARKE (Chagrined) Aw, he aint done nothin! Jes' watch ME.

HAMBO (Jeering) Yeah, gwan move! Ha! Ha! go head and move.

SPECTATORS Aw, he got you, Bro. Mayor--might as well give up. He got you in de Louisville loop.

CLARKE Give up what? He can't beat me? (peeved) de rest of y'all git from over me, whoopin and hollerin! I G.o.d, a man can't hear his ears.

(The men fall back revealing the players clearly)

HAMBO Aw, neb mind bout them, Joe, go head and move. You aint got but one move to make nohow--go head on and take it.

CLARKE (moving a checker) Aw, here.

HAMBO (triumphant) Now! watch me boys whut Ahm gonna do to him. Ahm gonna laff in notes, while Ah work on him. (he lifts a checker high in the air preparatory to the jump, laughing to the scale and counting each checker he jumps out loud) Do, sol, fa, me, la! One! (jumps a checker) la, sol, fa, me, do! Two! (jumps another) Do, re, fa, me, do, Three!

Me, re, la, so, fa! Four! (the crowd is roaring with laughter) Sol, fa, me, la, sol, do! Five! Ha! Ha! boys I got [Note: "the" x-ed out]

de ole tush hawg! I got him in de go-long. (He slaps his leg and accidently knocks the board off his knee and spills the checkers.)

CLARKE Too bad you done dat, Hambo, cause Ah was gointer beat you at dat (he rises and starts towards the door of the store as the crowd roars in laughter)

HAMBO You mean you was gointer beat me to de door, not a game Of checkers.

Ah done run de ole c.o.o.n in his hole.

LIGE Well, Hambo, you done got to be so hard at checkers, come on less see whut you can do wid de cards. (He pulls out a soiled deck from his coat pocket and moves toward the bench at the left of the porch) You take Lum and me and Walter will wear you out.

HAMBO You know I don't play no cards.

LUM We aint playin for no money, just a lil Florida flip.

HAMBO Y'all can't play no Florida flip. 'Fore Ah joined de church there wasn't a man in de state could beat me wid de cards. But Ahm a deacon now, in Macedonia Baptist--Ah don't bother wid de cards no mo". (He and Joe Lindsay go inside store)

LIGE Well, come on Lum. Walter, git yo'self a partner.

WALTER (Looking about) Taint n.o.body to git (looks off right) Here come Dave Carter.

LIGE You can't do nothin wid him dese days. He useter choose a game of cards when he wasn't out huntin, but now when he ain't out huntin varmints he's huntin' Daisy Blunt. (Enter Dave right with a shot-gun slung over his shoulder.)

WALTER Come on, fish, lemme bend a five-up over yo' head. You looks just like my meat.

DAVE Ahm on mah way to kill me a turkey gobbler, but if you and Lum thinks y'all's tush hawgs Ah'll stop long enough to take you down a b.u.t.ton-hole lower. (He sets his gun down and finds a seat and draws it up to the card table)

WALTER Naw, Dave, we aint going to fool wid no b.u.t.ton-holes we gointer tear off de whole piece dat de b.u.t.ton-holes is in. (They all get set) All right boys, turn it on and let de bad luck happen.

LIGE (Probbing the deck) My deal.

WALTER Watch yo'self Dave, don't get to worryin bout Daisy and let 'em ketch yo' jack.

LUM (Winking) What you reckon he gointer be worryin' bout Daisy for? Dot's Jim's gal.

DAVE Air Lawd, a heap sees but a few knows. Deal de cards man--you shufflin' a mighty lot.

WALTER Sho is--must be tryin' to carry de cut to us.

LIGE Aw, we ain't gonna cheat you, we gonna beat you. (He slams down the cards for Dave to cut) Wanna cut 'em?

DAVE Nope. Taint no use cuttin' a rabbit out when you kin twist him out.

Deal 'em! (Lige deals and turns up Jack of spades.)

WALTER Yee-ee! Did you s.n.a.t.c.h dat Jack?

LIGE Man, you know I ain't s.n.a.t.c.hed no Jack. Whut you doin'?

WALTER I'm beggin!

LIGE Go ahead and tell 'em I sent you.

WALTER Play just like ahm in New York, partner. (scratches his head) We oughter try to ketch dat Jack.

LIGE Stick out yo' hand an' you'll draw back a nub.

WALTER Whut you want me to play for you, partner?

DAVE Play me a baby diamond.

(Walter plays, then Lum, then Dave)

LUM (Triumphant) Looka pardner, they doin all dat woofin on uh queen--sendin' women to do uh man's work. Watch me stomp her wid mah king (He slams his card down and collects the trick.) Now come un under dis ace! (They all play and he collects the trick.) Now whut you want me to play for you, pardner?

LIGE How many times you seen de deck.

LUM Twice