De Turkey and De Law Part 5

MISS LULU You don't want to fight, do you?

JIM Sho do. You aint never seen a Weston yet dat wouldn't fight, have you?

LIGE Thats whut they all got run outa town for--fightin. (Calls into store) Hey, Joe, give Jenny and Lulu some soda water and ground peas on me so they'll turn us loose. (to Jim) Yeah, y'all Westons blieves in fightin.

JIM Ahd ruther get run out for fightin than to be uh coward. (He slings the guitar round his neck an' picks up his box of sh.e.l.ls.) Well, Ah reckon Ah'll go git Daisy her turkey cause she sho wont git none less Ah go git it. Here come Elder Simms anyhow now taint no mo' pickin de box. (to Daisy) Don't git lonesome whilst Ahm gone.

(Enter Daisy from the store smiling, and walks down to where Jim is standing)

DAISY Whuts all dis talk about fightin?

JIM Lige throwin it up to me bout all my folks been run outa town for fightin. But I don't keer!

DAISY Mah mouf done got lonesome already. Buy me some chewing gum to keep mah mouf comp'ny till y'all gits back wid dat turkey.

JIM Don't hafta buy none. (reaches in his pocket and pulls out a stick) What it takes tuh satisfy de ladies, Ah totes it. (He hands her the gum tenderly) 'By, Daisy. (He walks to left exit)

DAISY (Coyly) Bye, till you come back.

(Enter Elder Simms right)

Good evenin' everybody.

ALL Good evenin', Elder Sims.

LUM (Getting up from his seat on the porch) Have mah seat, Elder. Sims takes it with a sigh of pleasure. Lum steps off the porch and sets his hat over one eye) Say, Daisy, you aint goin to sprain yo' lil mouf on dat tough chewin gum, is yuh? Not wid de help _you_ got. Better lemme kinda tender dat gum up for yuh so yo' lil mouf won't hafta strain wid it. (He places himself exactly in front of her. She glances up coyly at him)

DAISY Ain't you crazy, now? (Lum tries to s.n.a.t.c.h the gum but she pops it into her mouth and laughs as he seizes her hands.

LUM You don't need no gum to keep yo' mouf company wid me around. Ahm all de compny yo' mouf need. Ahm sweet papa chewin and sweetness change.

DAISY Tell dat to Bootsie Pitts, you cant fool me. (turns right) Guess Ah better go home and see mama. Ah ain't been round since Ah come from de white folk. You goin walk round there wid me?

LUM Naw, Ah aint gointer _walk_. When Ahm wid de angels ah puts on mah hosanna wings and flies round heben lak de rest. (He falls in beside her and catches her elbow) Less go! (to the porch) See you later and tell you straighter.

LINDSAY Don't stay round to Daisy's too long, Lum, and get run out from under yo' hat!

LUM Who run?

HAMBO Taint no use in you hollerin "who". Yo' feet don't fit no limb.

(General laughter) (Exit Lum and Daisy right)

WALTER Lawd! Daisy sho is propaganda. She really handles a lot of traffic. Ah don't blame de boys. If Ah was uh single man Ah'd be round there myself.

LIGE Ahm willin tuh serve some time on her gang as it is, but mah wife won't lissen to reason. (Laughter) Ah tries to show her dis deep point where taint right for one woman to be harboring uh whole man all to herself when theres heaps uh po' young girls aint got no husband atall. But Ah just can't sense her into it.

(Laughter)

HAMBO Now take Jim and Dave for instant. Here they is, old friends, done fell out and ready to fight--all over Daisy.

WALTER Tha.s.s me all over. I don't want no partners.h.i.+p when it comes to my women. Its whole hawg uh none. Lawd, what wimmen makes us do!

LINDSAY What is it dey don't make us do. Now take for instant Jim Weston. He know he can't hunt wid Dave--Dave is uh sworn marksman, but jes' so as not to be outdone here he go trying to shoot turkeys--wild turkeys mind you, 'ginst Dave.

JOE CLARKE I G.o.d, I hope he finds 'em too. If he get to killin turkeys maybe he'll stay way from my hen house. I G.o.d, I done lost nine uh my best layin' hens in three weeks.

(General Laughter)

WALTER Did Jim git em?

CLARKE I ain't personatin' n.o.body but I been told dat Jim's got uh powerful lot uh chicken feathers buried in his back yard. I know one thing if I ever ketch his toe-nails in my chicken yard, I G.o.d, he's gointer follow his pappy and his four brothers. He's got to git from dis town of mine.

(Enter a little girl right, very neat and starchy. She runs up to Rev.

Sims.)

GIRL Papa, mama say send her dat witch hazely oil she sent you after right quick.

LINDSAY Whuss matter wid Sister Sims--poly today?

SIMS She don't keep so well since we been here, but I reckon she's on de mend.

HAMBO Don't look like she never would be sick. She look so big and portly.

CLARKE Size don't mean nothin'. My wife is portly and she be's on de sick list all de time. It's "Jody, pain in de belly all day. Jody, pain in de back all night.

LIGE Besides, Mrs. Simms ain't very large. She wouldn't weigh more'n two hundred. You ain't seen no big woman. I seen one so big she went to whip her lil boy an' he run up under her belly and stayed up under dere for six months.

(General laughter)

WALTER You seen de biggest ones. But I seen uh woman so little till she could go out in uh shower uh rain and run between de drops. She had tuh git up on uh box tuh look over uh grain uh sand.

SIMMS Y'all boys better read yo' Bibles 'stead of studyin foolishness. (He gets up and starts into the store. Clarke and the little girl follow him.) Reckon Ah better git dat medicine. (The three exit into store)

HAMBO Well, y'all done seen so much--be y'all ain't never seen uh snake big as de one Ah seen down round Kissimnee. He was so big he couldn't hardly move his self. He laid in one spot so long he growed moss on him and everybody thought he was uh log layin' there; till one day Ah set down on him and went to sleep. When Ah woke up ah wuz in Middle Georgy.

(General laughter. Two women enter left and go in store after everybody has spoken to them)

LINDSAY Layin' all sides to jokes now, y'all remember dat rattlesnake Ah kilt on Lake Hope was 'most big as dat one.

WALTER (Nudgin' Lige and winking at the crowd) How big did you say it was, Joe?

LINDSAY He mought not uh been quite as big as dat one--but jes' bout fourteen feet.

HAMBO Gimme dat lyin' snake! He wasn't but fo' foot long when you kilt him and here you done growed him ten feet after he's dead.

(Enter Simms followed by the girl with an all day sucker. Simms has a small package in his hand.

SIMMS