Simply Magic Part 19

aCome to the stables,a he said. aWith any luck my curricle will still not be unhitched. Let me take you for a drive.a aYes,a she said without looking at him. aOh, yes, please.a This was not quite how he had visualized the morning, he thought as they walked in silence to the stable block and into the cobbled yard, where indeed his horses were still hitched to his curricle. But she had already read her lettera"had just read it, apparently.

He helped her up to the high seat and took his place beside her. He took the ribbons from the groomas hands and gave the horses the signal to start. He could not help remembering the last time she had ridden beside him thus when they had gone to Miss Honeydewas cottage together. He glanced down into her face, shaded by the brim of her bonnet, but she was staring ahead.

As soon as they were on the driveway he took his horses to a faster pace. He had the distinct feeling that she needed to leave Fincham behind, at least for a while.

She looked up at him, her cheeks already slightly rosy from the cold, and laughed quite unexpectedly.

He urged his horses to an even faster pace.

aAnyone for a race to Brighton and back?a he asked.

This time when she laughed there was a somewhat reckless gleam in her eyes, and he kept up the pace for several minutes, concentrating upon what he was doing. He had not exactly sprung his horses, but he had also never traveled at this speed with a lady pa.s.senger beside him.

aOh, Peter,a she cried, athis is wonderful!a He knew that her exuberance was very close to hysteria. But there was nothing he could do for her except thisa"to be with her, to give her the illusion of escape, however brief.

But eventually he slowed down. They had the wind behind them, but even so it was a cold winteras day, and speed did not do anything to keep one warm in an open conveyance. Besides which, these lanes had not exactly been designed for reckless driving.

aTell me about your Christmas concert,a he said.

aOh, it went very well,a she told him. aIt always does, of course, but every year we fear the worst. There were no disasters and only a few very minor crises, none of which were obvious to the audience, I daresay. Not that the audiences at such events are ever very critical. They come fully intending to be pleased. It was a large audiencea"I was so pleased for the girls.a She proceeded to tell him about the play she had directed, the choirs, the solos, the dancing, the Nativity tableau Miss Thompson had organized at the last moment, and the end-of-term prizes presented by Miss Martin.

aMiss Thompson has joined the staff, then?a he asked.

aShe never did leave Bath,a she said. aI do believe she is enjoying herself, and we all enjoy having hera"especially Claudia. They must be very near each other in age, and they have struck up a close friends.h.i.+p.a She turned her head toward him after another minute or two.

aYou came home to Sidley, then?a she said.

aI did,a he told her. aYou asked me to, if you will remember, and I came directly from Bath. I have been here ever since.a She gazed at him in silence while he looked ahead along the road.

aI have even quarreled with my steward,a he told her.

aOh, dear,a she said.

He grinned. aIt was not exactly a quarrel,a he said. aI made a suggestion and he rejected it without even hearing me outa"very gently and tactfully as if I were still a half-wit nine-year-old. I looked him in the eye and told him I did not enjoy being interrupted, and I thought his lower jaw was going to sc.r.a.pe on the floor. He listened after that with both ears and both eyes, made one small suggestion, which was very sensible, and we came to an agreement. It may be my imagination, but it has seemed to me in the week or so since it happened that he now looks upon me with something bordering on respect.a aOh, Peter.a She laughed. aHow splendid of you. I wish I had been there to see you pokering up and telling him that you did not enjoy being interrupted.a aIf he had been very observant, though,a he said, ahe might have noticed that my knees were knocking together.a She laughed again.

aWhere are we going?a she asked.

He had thought he was just driving aimlessly about the lanes in the vicinity of Fincham, but now that she had asked he realized that he was headed in a very definite directiona"toward Sidley Park, in fact, though he knew in the same moment that it was not the house that was his destination.

aI donat think,a he said, ayou are quite ready to go back to Fincham yet, are you?a aNo,a she said.

aBut you do need to get in out of the cold,a he said. aIall take you to the dower house at Sidley. Itas empty but well kept. We will light a fire in the sitting room and warm up. And you can tell me about your lettera"or not, as you wish. You can sit there for as long as you need toa"either alone or in my company.a aYou are very kind,a she said.

But there was no more light chatter or laughter. They had served their purposea"she was now calm whereas it had been clear that she was in high distress when he first saw her.

There was no more conversation at all, in fact, as he drove them the rest of the distance, turning onto the long driveway to Sidley, turning off it again almost immediately to take a narrower, wooded trail to the dower house.

He helped her down, unhitched the horses before leading them into the stable stalls and laying out some feed for them, and then took Susanna into the house.

aIt is very prettily situated,a she said.

aYes,a he agreed, taking her by the elbow and leading her to the sitting room. aI have always loved it almost more than the main house. I have always felt at home here.a The sitting room was also the library. There were several tall bookcases filled with books, many of them his boyhood favorites. The large sofa and chairs were of soft, ancient leather, probably in no way elegant in the eyes of the fas.h.i.+on sticklers, but marvelously comfortable.

He went down on one knee by the fireplace without first removing his greatcoat, and lit the fire that was already laid there.

aCome and warm your hands,a he said.

aI like this room,a she said as they stood side by side, almost shoulder to shoulder, holding out their hands to the thin flames that would soon crackle into full life. aIt is cozy. I could be happy here.a aCould you?a He turned his head and found himself in the middle of one of those moments of heightened awareness. He was sure she was blus.h.i.+ng even though her cheeks were already rosy from the cold.

She lowered her glance and removed her bonnet. She undid the fastenings of her cloak too, though she left it around her shoulders as she sat in the chair to one side of the fire. He threw off his greatcoat and took the chair at the other side.

This, he supposed suddenly, was not at all proper.

But to the devil with propriety.

aI am glad you chose to read the letter,a he said, aand I am glad you chose to do it here. Was it very hard to read?a She touched her middle fingers to her temples and made circles there for a while as she looked down at her lap.

aI had not realized,a she said, awhat aaliving thing handwriting is. It was his handwriting, and it was as familiar as his face. I felt as if I were looking at him a few minutes before his death.a He said nothing.

aHe loved me,a she said, looking up into his face and lowering her hands.

aOf course he did.a aHe thought his death would be the best thing for me,a she said. aHe was facing disgrace and perhaps worse, and he chose death for my sake. Can you imagine anything more foolish than that?a He watched tears well into her eyes. She blinked them away.

aHow could his death benefit me?a She drew a deep breath and released it slowly. aHe made provision for me, and told me I would be happy.a aProvision?a he said.

aOh, Peter,a she said, athey are coming to Fincham todaya"my two grandfathers and my grandmother, all the way from Gloucesters.h.i.+re. But they are strangers. Whatever am I to do?a He thought of her as a twelve-year-old in London, trying to find employment and of the same child being sent to school in Bath as a charity girl, all alone in the world. How very different her life would have been if she had waited.

He would never have met hera"except on that one barely remembered occasion when they were children.

aI would not plan on doing anything if I were you,a he said. aMeet them and allow the relations.h.i.+p to develop from there. They are your blood kin.a aI am so frightened,a she said. aAnd what a very foolish thing to say.a She sat farther back in her chair.

aIt might be worth remembering,a he said, athat as they draw nearer to Fincham today, they are probably very frightened too.a aI had not thought of that,a she said. aDo you suppose it is true?a aIf they are prepared to make such a long journey in the dead of winter just to meet you,a he said, aI would say it is undoubtedly true.a aOh,a she said, and she closed her eyes.

He let her rest while he poked the fire in order to disperse the flames more evenly. A shower of sparks crackled up the chimney.

aThey sent him away,a she said without opening her eyes, aafter he had fallen in love with his brotheras wife and then killed his brother in a fight. But she followed him and they married.a aYour mother?a he asked, seating himself again.

aYes,a she said. aI think it must have been a great and very painful love. One filled with guilt. I wonder if they ever knew a moment of happiness.a Probably not. The William Osbourne he remembered had certainly not been an unfeeling brute of a man.

aHe wrote,a she said, athat my mother paid the ultimate price when she died giving birth to me and that now it was his turn.a aBut why then?a he asked. aWhy did he wait twelve years?a He thought she would not answer him, and he certainly would not press. This was her story. He had no right to hear it unless she chose to tell him. But she did answer after a while.

aHis secret was out,a she said. aHe had recently told Sir Charles himself since someone was trying to blackmail him by threatening to expose him. But then sha". But then that person decided to ruin him anyway by telling untrue stories that surely would have been believed when his past was disclosed too.a It sounded, Peter thought, like something a woman might doa"a scorned woman. And Susanna had been about to say she before she used the more neutral person instead. Poor Osbourne. Perhaps he had tried to find comfort in another womanas arms, and it had cost him his life.

He was facing disgrace and perhaps worse, she had said earlier. Worse than disgrace?

Had rape been the threatened charge, then?

aIt has just struck me,a she said, athat my one grandfather and grandmother lost two sons within twelve years of each other, and that my other grandfather lost a daughter. And that the circ.u.mstances must have been particularly painful for all of them.a aAnd then,a he said, athey lost you when you disappeared.a aTheodore told me,a she said, athat they searched for me but could not find me.a She spread both hands over her face.

He knew after a few moments that she was not weeping but that it was costing her an enormous effort to control her tears. He got up out of his chair, crossed to her, and without really thinking of what he did, scooped her up into his arms, leaving her cloak behind, and sat on the sofa with her on his lap. He cradled her head against his shoulder and held it there when she buried her face against him, her hands still covering it, and wept.

He knew that she was weeping out eleven yearsa worth of griefa"for her mother and father, for her grandparents, perhaps for her dead uncle. And for herself. He held her and let her cry as long as she needed to. At last he offered her a handkerchief, and she took it and dried her eyes and blew her nose before putting it away in a pocket of her own.

aI am sorry,a she said, resting the side of her head against his shoulder again. aDid you even know I was at Fincham?a aI did,a he said. aWhy do you think I went there this morning?a aTheodore said something about an invitation for his mother,a she said.

aAn invitation for you all,a he said, abut especially for you. There is to be a ball at Sidley on Christmas evening. We have a houseful of guests and I have invited everyone from the neighborhood too. It will be the first grand event that I have hosted at Sidley. You must come.a aOh, no, Peter,a she said, sitting up and looking down at him with troubled eyes. aI cannot possibly do that.a aYou can,a he said. aIt is for you. I thought you would be proud of me. It is a very little dragon I have slain, but I have done it anyway. It was my idea, and I have done all of the planning and all of the inviting. Donat refuse to come. Please donat.a He would not want to attend himself if she did nota"and that would lead to a mildly absurd situation.

aAs host,a he said, aI will have to dance all evening. I will have to waltz with someone else if you are not there.a aOh, Peter,a she said, cupping one of her palms about his cheek.

aTell me you donat want me waltzing with anyone but you,a he said.

aPetera"a aPlease tell me.a She bowed her head and closed her eyes.

aI cannot bear the thought of you waltzing with anyone but me,a she half whispered.

aSusannaa"a She opened her eyes and looked into his, her own still somewhat reddened from the weeping.

aI really cannot bear it,a she said, but he was no longer sure she was talking just about the waltz.

He spread his hand over the soft curls at the back of her head and drew it down toward his until her arms came about his neck and he kissed her.

And he knew at that moment that love would never die, that it would never fade away altogether. The time might come when he would meet and marry someone else. He might even be reasonably happy. But there would always be a deep, precious place in his heart that belonged to his first real love. To Susanna.

But he was not going to think meekly about that someone else and that reasonably happy life he might live. He was not giving up what he really wanted without a fight. He might never have been much of a knight during his twenty-six years, he might never have been in the habit of searching out dragons to fight and quella"indeed, he had run from them five years ago. But he would find one and fight it to the death if Susanna were the prize.

Or perhaps even if she were not.

Her face was a little above his, cupped in his hands, her auburn curls spilling over his fingers, her eyes very green.

aLet me take you upstairs,a he found himself saying. aThere is no fire up there, but the bedcovers are warm. Let me make love to you.a He felt as though he had walked out to the end of a plank, a helpless prisoner on a pirate s.h.i.+p. He felt more vulnerable than he had ever felt in his life before. If she said no, every dream he had ever dreamed would be shattered. For he was not asking her just to bed with him. He was asking for her love. He was offering his own.

He was offering everything he had, everything he was.

Did she know that? Did she understand?

He watched her swallow.

aYes,a she said.

23.

She should, of course, have said no. This time she knew exactly what she had agreed toa"future pain, the danger of consequences. And she knew too that afterward, sometime before she returned to Bath, he would offer her marriage againa"and that she would refuse again. She even knew that his feelings for her were deeper than just liking. She knew that her refusal would hurt him.

She did not care about any of it.

Sometimes love was to be grasped in any form and in any manner it was offered. And sometimes love must be given in the same way. After a morning of emotional turmoil, she wanted, more than anything else in this world, to give love, to pour it out recklessly and unstintingly.

aYes,a she said again, and got to her feet.

He set a guard in front of the fire and took her by the hand. They left the room and went up the wide staircase together without speaking and turned to their right, past several closed doors, until he opened one that led into a front-facing room, obviously the main bedchamber, which was fully furnished, just as the downstairs was. The bed was made up.

aSusanna,a he said, turning to her, taking both her hands in his and holding them against the lapels of his coat, aare you sure?a She was. She had never been more sure of anything in her life. She wanted to give, and she wanted to receive, and it struck her suddenly that both were equally important components of love. She loved him and would give him her body. She would allow him to give to her in exchange.

aI am,a she said. aMake love with me, Peter.a aWith you.a He smiled as he leaned his head closer and touched his lips lightly to hers. aYes, I like it.a She let him unclothe her, first her dress, then her stockings, then her undergarments. She thought at first that she would be embarra.s.sed. But how could she be when his eyes wors.h.i.+ped her and his hands too as he stripped the clothes away? And there was something undeniably erotic about the cold room and his warm hands. Her arms were covered with goose b.u.mps, partly from the cold, partly from the antic.i.p.ation of what was to come.

He kissed her again, more deeply this time, his tongue coming into her mouth, his hands on either side of her waist and then spreading over her b.u.t.tocks to bring her fully against hima"naked body to fully clothed body.

Desire sizzled through her.

aYou are so beautiful, Susanna,a he said against her lips. aSo very beautiful.a Her fingers fumbled at his neckcloth until she discovered the way to remove it. She pushed his coat off his shoulders and down his arms until it fell to the floor. She undid the b.u.t.tons of his waistcoat and sent it to follow his coat. She pulled his s.h.i.+rt free of his breeches, and he raised his arms so that she could lift it off over his head.

While he watched her through narrowed eyes, she set her palms flat against his chest and moved them up over the light dusting of hair to his shoulders, down his arms, back to his shoulders, and down to the waistband of his breeches. He was neither large nor brawnya"he was slender and beautiful. But his chest and shoulders and upper arms were firmly muscled. She spread her hands over his chest again and set her face between them, kissing him.

He was warmer than either her hands or her lips. He smelled wonderfully of his usual cologne.

She felt the throbbing of s.e.xual desire low in her womb and down between her thighs. She felt her b.r.e.a.s.t.s tauten, her nipples harden. She s.h.i.+vered.

He chuckled softly as he kissed the top of her head.

aIall do the rest,a he said. aBesides, you are freezing to death.a He turned and drew back the bedcovers and watched as she lay down, his eyes moving over her.

Ah, how could she possibly feel embarra.s.sed beneath such a hot gaze? But she had been too embarra.s.sed to remove his breeches. How silly! She smiled at him, and he covered her to the chin with the heavy covers before pulling off his boots and his stockings and then his other lower garments. He did not turn away as he did so. He watched her watching him, saw her realize that he was ready for her.

aIs it warm under there?a he asked with a grin.

aIt will be,a she said.

aIt certainly will,a he agreed as she slid over on the bed and he lay down beside her. aAnd very soon too.a She wondered suddenly what it would be like to be married to him, to share a bed thus every night, to share bodies with frequent regularity, toa Ah, never mind. She had today.

He lifted himself onto one elbow and looked down at her, his face inches from her own, his eyes smiling into hers.

aI would like to be the Hercules of long endurance,a he said, aand keep us both panting in antic.i.p.ation for the next hour or so. But I doubt it is possible. Will you mind?a aNo.a She smiled back. aI want to feel you inside me.a Her cheeks grew hot at the boldness of her words.

And yet it was a shocka"a wonderful shocka"when he rolled on top of her, slipped his hands beneath her as his legs spread hers wide, and came deep inside her with one smooth, firm thrust. Smooth, she realized, because she had been very ready for him too. And painless this time.

She drew a deep breath and released it slowly as she slid her feet up the bed so that she could tilt herself to allow him deeper access. Ah, yes, she was as ready for him as he was for her, but please, please, let it not all be over too soon.

She tightened inner muscles about him and found the resulting sensation wondrously pleasurable. He was long and hard.

He drew his hands free and lifted some of his weight onto his forearms and looked down into her face.

aThere is nowhere in the world I would rather be,a he said before kissing her. aLetas love each other.a And that was what they did after he had turned his head away to rest on the pillow beside her and lowered some of his weight back onto her. He withdrew and entered again and withdrew and entered and set up a slow, firm rhythm of love. And this time, because she knew what happened and knew too that she could make love as well as submit to being made love to, she moved to the same rhythm, rotating her hips, pulsing with her inner muscles.