Simply Magic Part 21

Her grandparents, Susanna thought, gazing one at a time at the three strangers.

She dipped into a curtsy.

And then the lady came hurrying toward her, both hands outstretched, and Susanna set her own in them.

aSusanna,a the lady said. aOh, my dear, I believe I would have known you anywhere. You look just like your mother, though surely you have something of the look of my son too. Oh, my dearest, dearest girl. I knew you were not dead. All these years I have said it, and now I know that I was right.a Her chin wobbled and her eyes filled with tears.

aPlease do not cry, maaam,a Susanna said, hearing a gurgle in her own throat. aPlease do not.a aGrandmama,a the lady said. aCall me Grandmama. Please do.a aGrandmama,a Susanna said.

And then of course, there was no way of stopping the tears of either of them from flowinga"and somehow they had their arms about each other, Susanna and this stranger who was not a stranger at all but Papaas mother.

Peter was clearing his throat, though not in an attention-seeking way. So was the Reverend Clapton, who was leaning on his cane with both hands. Lady Markham and Edith were smiling with happiness. Mr. Morley looked as if he were in raptures. Theodore was beaming genially.

The colonel withdrew a large white handkerchief from a pocket of his coat, blessing his soul rather fiercely as he did so, held the handkerchief to his nose, and blew into it loudly enough to wake the dead.

24.

aThis is very pleasant, Peter,a his mother said, sinking into the best chair, which he had drawn near the fire in the library. aJust the two of us together for a cozy chat. It does not happen often enough.a He seated himself across from her. He had asked her to join him in the library after almost everyone else had retired for the night and only a few of the younger people were still amusing themselves in the music room.

aYou are warm enough, Mama?a he asked her.

aI am,a she said. aMy love, it was very naughty of you to leave the house this morning to deliver one of your invitations and not return until late in the afternoon. However, you were very attentive to Miss Flynn-Posy this evening. She is a sweet girl, is she not?a aVery,a he agreed. aAnd doubtless she will make some man a wonderful wife someday soon. But she will not be mine.a She looked a little surprised at such a categorical statement. But she smiled as she relaxed back against the cus.h.i.+ons.

aYou may well change your mind during the coming days,a she said.

aI will not change my mind,a he told her. aI have already chosen the woman I wish to marry.a He watched her eyes light up with interest.

aPeter?a She clasped her hands to her bosom and sat up straighter.

aI am just not sure she will have me,a he said.

aOh, but of course she will have you, whoever she is,a she cried. aYou know you are one of the greatest matrimonial prizesa"a He held up a hand.

aMama,a he said, ashe is Susanna Osbourne.a aWho?a She sat back again, all the animation draining from her face.

aWilliam Osbourneas daughter,a he said. aI love her, and I mean to have her if she will have me. I met her during the summera"she was staying with the Countess of Edgecombe not far from Hareford House. I saw her again in Bath when I went there with Lauren and Kit to attend Sydnam Butleras wedding breakfast. And I have been with her today. She is at Fincham Manor for Christmas. Her grandparents have come there to meet her. I have invited them all to the ball here on Christmas night.a She licked her lips. Her hands, he noticed, were gripping the arms of the chair.

aI suppose she set her cap at you,a she said. aIf she has you believing she will not have you, Peter, that is just her cunning, believe me. You cannot seriouslya"a aShe wanted to have nothing to do with me during the summer,a he said, aafter she had heard my name.a Her lips moved, but she did not speak.

aMama,a he asked, and it was an enormously difficult question to ask, awhat was your relations.h.i.+p with Mr. Osbourne?a aMy?a"a She bristled suddenly. aYou are surely being impertinent, Peter. I am your mother, I would have you remember, even if you are now grown up.a aYou were lovers,a he said.

aHow dare you!a Her eyes widened.

aJust as you and Grantham were,a he said. aExcept that then you told me it was the only time it had happened since my father died and that it had happened because you were lonely and could not help yourself. And yet it had been going on for a long time, and on the occasion when I saw the two of you together, you were here, in my home, with both Bertha and her mother as my guests under the same roof.a aPeter!a She looked ashen.

She had admitted only that one lapse to him at the time. He had learned differently from other people, but he had never confronted her with his knowledge. She had been quite broken up, and he had been distraught. Good G.o.d, she was his mother.

aLady Grantham doubtless knew about the affair,a he said, abut all her ladyas education had taught her to turn a blind eye. Heaven knows what suffering and what humiliation she bore in silence. Bertha certainly knew even before I was fool enough to blurt out to her what I had just discovered. But she had been trained by her mother and had accepted her fatheras infidelity long before I told her about it.a Worse, Bertha had gazed at him uncomprehendingly as he spoke and had then asked him if all men were not like her father. When he had a.s.sured her that he was not, that he would be faithful to her until death, she had actually recoiled from him and told him what a child he wasa"though he was two years her senior. She had no intention, she had told him, of tying herself to him for life once she had performed the duty of presenting him with a son, perhaps two. He surely could not be so nave as to ask it of her.

aAnd my uncles knew,a he said, aand were only chagrined that you had neglected to lock your door.a They had told him in no uncertain terms that it was time he accepted some of the realities of life. And yet they were the ones who had sheltered and educated him all through his boyhood. He was a nave child, they had told hima"the same words Bertha had useda"and had better keep his mouth shut about what he had seen and get ready to announce his engagement the following day, as planned. It was time he grew up.

Instead he had summoned every member of the house party to the drawing room within the hour and announced that there was to be no engagement and that they would all kindly leave Sidley before noon the next day. He had told his uncles that they were absolved of all future obligations toward him since he was now an adult and was no longer in need of either their guardians.h.i.+p or their advice.

His mother he had left to her tearsa"and to Sidley. He had bolted only one day after his guests.

He had not excused her. He had not even believed her liea"he had accepted that her affair with Grantham was of long standing. But he had believed that she had loved Grantham. Now he wondered if that had been so, or if it had mattered anyway. Grantham had been a married mana"and the two of them had been prepared to arrange a marriage between their offspring.

She was clinging tightly to the arms of her chair now, gazing at him with wide-eyed indignation.

aBut it is not about Grantham that I wish to speak,a he said. aIt is about Mr. Osbourne. You did have an affair with him, did you not? But something happened to end the liaison. My guess is that he ended it. Had he told you about his past before then? Or did you find it out some other way? However it was, you threatened to go to Sir Charles with your knowledge.a He had no proof of any of this, it struck him suddenly. It would be terrible indeed if he were wrong and had made such accusations against his own mother. And yet he longed to be proved wrong.

aPeter,a she said, aif this is what that woman has been telling you, I will do all in my power to free you from her evil clutches. You have always beena"a aSusanna did not tell me,a he said. aShe told me about the contents of the letter her father had written her and the one he had written Sir Charles, but she did not name his blackmailer.a aWilliam wrote a letter to her?a his mother asked.

He stared bleakly at her.

aJust before he shot himself,a he said. aHe felt that suicide was the only protection he could offer her. If he had lived, she would have been exposed to all the ugly consequences he would have faced from the charge of rape.a She recoiled.

aHow can you use that word in your own motheras hearing?a she asked him. But then she sank back in her chair again, looking suddenly smaller and older. aI said only that he had hara.s.sed and molested me, not thataAnd it was true. I told Sir Charles so after Williamas death. I would never haveaPeter, you must believe me.a He felt his shoulders slump. He had been hoping, despite everything, that perhaps he had been wrong, that perhaps it had been someone else. But he had remembered during the ride back to Sidley from Fincham that it was about the time of Osbourneas death that the coolness had developed in the relations between his mother and the Markhams.

aI did not know he would kill himself,a she said. aHow could I have known that? How could he punish me so?a aBut you would have taken away his reputation, his character, his freedom, Mama,a he said. aWhatever he had done in the past he had surely lived down. He had a child to support.a aI condescended,a she said, her voice jerky and rather breathless. aI condescended to his level. And then, when I went to London on one occasion because he was there, he let me know that he was not pleased. And then he started avoiding me even at Fincham and finally told me it was all over between us. The presumption, Peter. The humiliation! You must understand. I loved your papa, but my life was very empty without him. I was willing to allow that manaa Ah, just the explanation she had given five years ago when he had confronted her.

aYou drove him to his death,a he said quietly. He felt physically sick.

aHe was foolis.h.!.+a she cried. aHe must have known that I was just upset with him, that I would not really have ruined him.a aAnd yet,a he said, aafter he had been to Sir Charles and confessed about his past, you were very ready with new threats.a aI would not havea"a she began.

aWouldnat you?a he asked her. aHe obviously thought you would. He staked his life on it.a She spread her hands over her face, and he sat staring at her, appalled at what he had learned today, at what he had guessed, at what she had now confirmed. And at the knowledge that she had twice been prepared to wreak havoc with other peopleas lives because of her s.e.xual needs and her loneliness.

He hated to think of his own mother in such a way.

Was this one of the dragons he must fight? If so, the price was high indeed. Nothing would ever be the same. But the same as what? He had brushed much beneath the metaphoric carpet five years ago. He would do so no longer.

aYou do not know how I have suffered, Peter,a she said, tearful nowa"as she had been the last time. aIf he did it for revenge, he certainly had the final word. Do you think I have not felt like a murderer all these years? But it is unfair. I did not mean him any harm. I was fond of him. I have always been your mother, and I know it is hard to see your own mother as a woman. But I am a woman, and I was lonely. We were both widowed. He had loved his wife as I loved your father. He even told me at the end that he could not continue with me because his heart had broken at her death and he could not forget her. But for a time we were almost happy. We were not hurting anyone.a He almost felt sorry for her. She had done something monstrous, but she was surely not a monster. And the worst thing about her monstrosity must always have been that she could not atonea"Osbourne was dead. Would she have brought false accusations against him if he had lived? There was no way of knowing, and he did not want to know. But she had done irreparable harm anyway.

He was very tempted to get up, to take her hands in his and draw her to her feet and into his arms, to comfort and rea.s.sure her, to send her off to bed. But he had done that the last time, after Grantham. If she needed forgiveness, it was her own she must seek, not his.

Besides, there was one more thing he needed to say, and it was best to say everything now tonight and hope that tomorrow they could both start piecing their lives back together.

She spoke before he could, though.

aPeter,a she said, ayou cannot marry his daughter. You must see that. It would be an impossible, horrible situation.a He drew a slow breath.

aAnd yet it would have been perfectly fine for me to marry Bertha?a he asked her.

She did not reply.

With the commonsense part of his mind he agreed with her, though. The past would always be there between him and Susanna, the knowledge that his mother and her father had been lovers, that she had caused his death. It would be far better to allow Susanna to return to Bath, to go to London himself after Christmas and set his mind to choosing a suitable bride during the Season. Eventually they would forget each other, and when they did remember, they would both be glad they had not taken a chance on happiness.

But he had renounced simple common sense since leaving Bath behind him a few weeks ago. He was reaching for happiness, or if happiness proved impossible, then at least for self-respect. He would no longer avoid the darker corners of his life.

It was altogether possiblea"even probablea"that Susanna would not have him after all, but he would not lose her just because he had chosen to tiptoe his way past his dragons. Even after she was gone he would have to live with himself. And finally he was determined to like the person who lived inside his body.

Not that he particularly liked himself at the moment.

aThe only question to be settled on the issue of Miss...o...b..urne, Mama,a he said, ais whether she will marry me under the circ.u.mstances. She has already refused me once.a She looked sharply at him with a curious mixture of indignation and hope on her face.

aMama,a he said after drawing a deep breath, aI want Sidley to become my home.a She stared at him.

aIt is yours, Peter,a she said. aIf you do not spend more time here, it is your own fault. You know how often I have urged you to come.a aBecause it has always been more yours than mine,a he said.

aSidley has been yours since you were an infant,a she said. aI have always kept the household running smoothly for you. I have always kept it beautiful for you. Lately I have begun some refurbis.h.i.+ngs, all for your sake.a aBut I have never been consulted about anything,a he said.

aBecause you are never here,a she cried.

It was true enough. She did have a point there.

aI ought to have taken over both the house and the estate when I reached my majority,a he said, abut I did not for reasons we need not rehash yet again. I have my own ideas on how both should be run, and now I am ready to implement them. I want to make friends of my neighbors. I want them here for frequent entertainments. I want them to feel welcome, to feel at home here. I want to live here most of the time.a aPeter,a she said, looking more herself again, athis is wonderful! I shalla"a aI want it for myself, Mama,a he said, aand for my wife and children if I marry.a She smiled uncertainly at him.

aPerhaps,a he said, ayou would like to redecorate and refurnish the dower house and move there when it is ready.a aThe dower house?a Her eyes widened in indignation.

aI have always loved it,a he said. aYou could surely be contented there.a aIt is where the governesses and tutors always lived,a she cried.

aThen we will look around for a suitable house for you in London,a he suggested. aThere will be company there for you most of the year, and plenty of entertainments, and all the shops. And you will always be welcome here as a visitor.a She leaned back in her chair and stared at hima"and there was a moment at which he was aware that her chin tilted slightly upward.

aI have always lived here in order to keep it for you,a she said. aYou are my only son. I took on the responsibility when your father died, and I have not relinquished it since. I have given my life for you.a It was, he realized, a moment when some rebuilding was possible.

aAnd I will be eternally grateful,a he said. aI had a marvelously secure childhood. I was never in any doubt that I was loved. And I am glad I did not marry too young. I have had the chance to live out my early manhood and find out who I am and what I want of my life, secure in the knowledge that you and my home were always here for me. But now I have arrived at that point of self-discovery, Mama, and I can set you free to enjoy your life in any way you choose. I know you have been lonely here.a It was not entirely the truth that he spoke, of course, but there was truth in it nevertheless. And despite everything, he would always love her and always be grateful that she had loved him during his childhood.

aI think,a she said, aI would like to live in London.a Perhaps she did not speak the entire truth either. And yet it struck him that she probably would be happier there. And there was a certain relief in finding that she had rejected the idea of moving to the dower house.

aWe will see to it after Christmas,a he said. aBut I have kept you up very late, Mama. You must go to bed now. Tomorrow will be busy, I daresay.a aYes.a But she did not immediately get to her feet.

aPeter,a she said, aI could never love another man as I loved your father. William Osbourne, George Granthama"they meant nothing to me, though I was fond of them both. I certainly did not mean to do anyone any harm.a aI know you did not.a He knew no such thing, alas, but it was not his place to pour recriminations on her head. He got to his feet and offered her his hand. When she was standing before him, small, fragile, still lovely, he kissed her forehead and then her cheek.

aGood night, Mama,a he said.

aGood night, Peter.a She left the room without another word, her back straight, her step light and firm.

He looked toward the brandy decanter but rejected the idea of pouring himself a gla.s.s. If he started drinking tonight, he knew he would not stop until he was thoroughly foxed.

Several times during the course of Christmas Eve Susanna thought about Claudia and Eleanor and Lila and the girls who would be at the school for Christmas. They were there right now, she thought. She tried to ground herself in the reality of that thought, but it was hard to believe in it. It was hard to believe anything that was happening around her either.

It was as if she had stepped into some strange dream.

Life had been so routine, so predictable, so dull, until the end of the summer. And yet there had been a certain contentment, even happiness, about the dullness.

Yesterday seemed unreal. Could she really have gone willingly to the dower house at Sidley Park with Viscount Whitleaf? Had she really gone to bed and made love with him there? Twice? The second time entirely initiated by her?

And today, were these strangers with whom she was spending almost all her time really turning so quickly into familiar, even dear, relatives? Was it possible to feel a close familial connection to people of whose very existence she had been hardly aware until yesterday morning?

But her grandfather Osbourne looked so very much as her father would have looked, if he had lived so long, that she would hardly have been able to drag her eyes away from him had her grandmother not had Papaas eyesa"and if she had not insisted upon holding Susannaas hand much of the time and patting it and gazing at her in fascinated wonder. And her Grandfather Clapton really did have her own eyes, though their color had faded closer to gray than green, and she could imagine, looking at his thin gray hair, that it really had been auburn at one time. He had a way of nodding and smiling quietly, leaving most of the talking to the other two, that drew her eyes and tugged at her heart.

Grandmother and Grandfather Osbourne had no surviving children, and she was their only grandchild. Their lives must have been filled with the most terrible sadness. They had had two sons.

By running away, she thought, she had robbed them of knowing her from the age of twelve until now. But then, they were the ones who had banished her father. Not that she would judge them for that. He had interfered with their elder sonas marriage and then caused his death in a fight. She longed to know details of that fight. Had the death been entirely accidental? Had her fatheras brother fallen and hit his head on a stone, for example? But she would not ask.

Her grandfather Clapton had three surviving daughters and eight grandchildren apart from Susanna. Her aunts and cousins, he told her, smiling his quiet smile. The eldest was married to his successor in the village churcha"and their son was a curate in a church not far away.

She had aunts and uncles and cousins.

aHow different my life would have been if I had not left Fincham in such a hurry all those years ago,a she said.

aAnd ours too, dearest,a her grandmother said, patting her hand.

aBut would you go back now and change your life if you could?a Grandfather Clapton asked gently. aI believe our lives unfold in perfect but mysterious ways, understood clearly only by our Lord.a aThat is something you would say, Ambrose,a Grandfather Osbourne said irritably. aI have not seen much perfection in the lives of my own family, only endless mystery. And if the Almighty is responsible, I will have a quarrel to pick with him on Judgment Day.a aI cannot know if I would change the course of my life or not,a Susanna said, smiling at all of them and understanding already that her grandfathers did not always see eye-to-eye upon every issue. aI wish I had known you all sooner, and I do look back upon the couple of weeks I spent in London with some horror. But I spent six happy years at Miss Martinas school, and I have loved my teaching job there during the past five years. I am proud of what I have made of my life.a Her grandmother patted her hand.

aTeaching is all very well,a Grandfather Osbourne said, afor a lady with no family or for a lady whose family has only slender means. I am not an enormously wealthy man, Susanna, but I am certainly not poor either, and you are all we have. It is time you came home with us. It is time we found you a good husband to look after you when we are gone.a Her grandmother smoothed a hand over hers, and Susanna could feel her bent arthritic fingers against the back of her hand.

aI think, Clarence,a she said, aSusanna may have already found him for herself. Viscount Whitleaf is a very handsome and charming young man, and it seemed to me yesterday that he thinks the world of our granddaughter. He has invited us all to attend the ball at Sidley Park tomorrow evening, but I had the feeling that it is Susanna with whom he wants to dance more than anyone else.a aI daresay it would not be me, Sadie,a Grandfather Osbourne said with a bark of laughter. aBut a viscount. That is aiming high, though not impossibly high. We have a perfectly respectable lineage. And so does Ambrose.a aAnd you were a colonel,a Grandmother Osbourne reminded him.

aHmm,a her grandfather said. aI shall have to find out what that young manas intentions are.a Susanna pulled her hand away from her grandmotheras in order to clap both hands to her cheeks.

aOh, Grandfather,a she said, aplease do not say anything to him.a She was blus.h.i.+ng, she realized. She was also laughing. Her grandfather had known her for less than twenty-four hours, and already he was trying to take charge of her life.

Could it possibly be less than twenty-four hours? She already loved them, all three of them. How absurd!

How indescribably wonderful!

She had just realized something, though. They must not know about Viscountess Whitleafas part in the death of her father. They had not reacted in any way to his name.

They were not alone together all day, the four of them. Lady Markham, Theodore, Edith, and Mr. Morley were all tactful enough to remain in the background most of the time, but they all came together at mealtimes, and after luncheon Susanna and her grandmother went up to the nursery at Edithas invitation to see Jamie since this was apparently the most wakeful, alert, and cheerful part of his day.

aAnd of course,a Edith said, aI want you to see him at his very best.a They stayed up there talking for longer than an hour after admiring the baby and handing him from one to the other and coaxing smiles from him. Susannaas grandmother held him in the crook of one arm while they sat and talked, and cooed down at him when he demanded attention.

It was during that hour and a bit, Susanna discovered later, that Viscount Whitleaf had called with two of his brothers-in-law and young Mr. Flynn-Posy.

She also discovered that during the visit her two grandfathers had gone off to the library with Viscount Whitleaf while the others had visited in the drawing room. Neither of them volunteered any further informationa"about who had initiated the private meeting or what the topic of conversation had been. And Susanna did not ask lest her grandparents think that she really was interested in him.

He was gone by the time she came downstairs.

But she would see him at the ball, she thought, with a heart that tried to sink and soar at the same time, leaving her feeling horribly confused and not a little upset.

She must not begin thinking that an impossibility might after all be possible.