Simply Magic Part 8

aI have promised to call upon Miss Honeydew this morning,a he saida"though in fact he had done no such thing. aIt is almost my last day here too, you know, and I have grown fond of the lady. I will try to call at Barclay Court sometime this afternoon.a Miss Raycroft pulled a face, but she did not suggesta"as he thought she mighta"that the planned walk to Barclay Court be postponed until the afternoon so that they might all go together after all.

And so she and Raycroft set off without him, and he spent the morning chopping wood for Miss Honeydew, despite her vociferous protests, a task for which he was rewarded with effusive thanks, a few tears, and an insistence that he eat half a dozen of her housekeeperas special cakes, which this time were suspiciously black at the bottom and nearly rock-hard in the center. He took the dog for a run before driving his curricle back to Hareford House.

The morning had been cloudya"one of those days that could not make up its mind whether to dissolve into rain or open out into suns.h.i.+ne. If it had rained, he might have persuaded himself to remain at the house to play chess with Raycroftas father, who was always eager for a game with someone who could at least come close to beating him.

But the sky cleared off instead and the sun shone. The outdoors beckoned.

Peter rode over to Barclay Court. He left his horse in a groomas care at the stable and strode across the terrace and up one branch of the horseshoe steps. The butler was already in the open doorway and informed him that his lords.h.i.+p and the ladies had just finished luncheon and would surely be delighted to receive him in the drawing room.

He would, Peter decided as he followed the butler up the stairs, stay for fifteen or twenty minutes and then leave. He would wish Susanna Osbourne a pleasant journey and a happy autumn term at school. Perhaps he would kiss the back of her handa"or perhaps he would merely bow over it.

Good Lord, such self-conscious planning was quite uncharacteristic of him, he thought ruefully. The appropriate good manners normally came so naturally to him that he did not have to think them out in advance.

The butler opened the double doors of the drawing room with a flourish, as if he were about to announce the Prince of Wales himselfa"and then paused.

Susanna Osbourne was rising from a window seat. The large room was otherwise empty.

aOh, Mr. Smothers,a she said, athe earl and countess went downstairs to the library. Did you not see them?a The butler turned an almost comically mortified face to the guest, but Peter spoke up before him.

aBut it was Miss...o...b..urne I came particularly to see, Smothers,a he said. aIf she will receive me, that is.a The butler looked back to the lone occupant of the room.

aBut of course,a she said, walking halfway across the room before stopping. aIt is quite all right, Mr. Smothers. How do you do, my lord?a He was not doing very well at all actually. He had been a.s.saulted again by the rather foolish panic he had felt when he awoke. This was the last time he would see her. Tomorrow morning she would be gone. The day after so would he. It was no comfort at the moment to try telling himself that by this time next week he would probably have forgotten her.

He smiled and advanced into the room, and the butler closed the door behind him.

aFrances received an invitation this morning to sing at a series of concerts in London later in the autumn,a she explained. aShe and the earl have gone down to the library to check on dates and make some plans. But they will not be long.a They would not be long. Suddenly their absence seemed to him like a gift he had avoided but longed for.

She was looking rather pale, he thought, until he looked more closely and realized that actually her face was slightly bronzed from exposure to the sun. But there was somethingaIt was in her eyes even though they smiled. No, the rest of her face smiled. Her eyes surely did not. Like him, he thought, she was not unaware that this was the last time they would be alone together, the last time they would see each other.

Of course she was not unaware of it. Over the course of ten days or so they had developed a friends.h.i.+p that was rare in its warmth. How foolish of him to have deprived them both of two days.

aI came to say good-bye,a he said.

aYes.a She spoke softly.

aIt has been a pleasure knowing you,a he said, though it struck him that there was so much knowing yet to doa"if only they had more time.

aYes,a she said. aIt has. Been a pleasure.a aYesterdayas excursion was enjoyable,a he said.

aYes,a she agreed. aI have never been to Taunton before.a aNor I,a he said.

He saw her swallow, and she turned her head away for a moment before looking back at him.

aI hope you have a pleasant journey the day after tomorrow,a she said.

aYes. Thank you.a He clasped his hands at his back.

aShall Ia"a aWill youa"a They spoke together and stopped together, and she gestured for him to proceed.

aWill you come out for a stroll with me?a he asked her, abandoning without a thought his careful plan for a fifteen-minute formal call. aIt has turned into a beautiful day out there.a aI will fetch my bonnet,a she said.

She left him on the landing while she ran up to the next floor, and panic returned. What if they could not get out of the house and out of sight before Edgecombe and his lady emerged from the library? There was this one afternoon left. This was ita"his last chance. This time tomorrowa His last chance for what, for G.o.das sake?

As they stepped through the stairway arch into the hall, Edgecombe and the countess were coming out of the library, all hospitable smiles when they saw him.

aAh, there you are, Whitleaf,a Edgecombe said. aSmothers came and told us you were herea"sorry about the misunderstanding, old chap. We were on our way up to join you. You are not leaving already, are you?a aPlease do not,a the countess said.

aMiss...o...b..urne and I are going to take a stroll outside,a Peter explained. aThis suns.h.i.+ne is too lovely to miss.a aYou should go and see this end of the wilderness walk,a Edgecombe suggested. aIt is all very picturesquea"deliberately so, of course. In fact, we will come with you, will we not, Frances?a Her hand came to rest on his sleeve.

aYou were concerned yesterday,a she said, athat I had had too much exposure to the sun during the picnic. Remember?a aEh?a He looked down at her with a frown.

aI think I had better do the wise thing and stay indoors today,a she said.

Peter saw comprehension dawn in Edgecombeas eyes at the same time as it dawned in his own mind.

aOh, absolutely, my love,a Edgecombe said. aIall stay here with you. Will you mind, Susanna?a aNo, of course not,a she said.

aSunstroke can be a dangerous thing,a Peter added.

And so they stepped out of the house alone together, he and Susanna Osbournea"with the blessing of the Countess of Edgecombe, it would seem.

But blessing for what?

She had not misunderstood, had she? She did not expect?a But he would not torture his mind further or waste another moment of this suddenly precious chance to be alone one more time with Susanna Osbournea"his friend.

He offered her his arm without a word, and without looking up into his face she took it.

There was suddenly a strangea"and potentially disturbinga"sense of completion.

11.

Susannaas bags were almost completely packed. She had done the job herself after breakfast, though Frances had told her not to bother, that she would have a maid sent up later to do it for her. But she had come and watched anywaya"and admitted while they chatted that she would still rather do many things for herself than rely upon servants to wait upon her hand and foot.

Susanna had been feeling almost cheerful. She was genuinely looking forward to returning homea"and that was what the school was to her. It was home. And the ladies and girls waiting there for her were her family.

She had determinedly thrown off the depression that had weighed her down the night after the a.s.sembly. She had spent a wonderful two weeks of relaxation in lovely, luxurious surroundings and in company with one of her dearest friends and a whole host of other amiable acquaintances. And if that were not enough, she had had her first ride in a gentlemanas curricle, she had engaged ina"and wona"a boat race, she had attended her very first balla"the a.s.sembly did qualify for that name, she had decideda"and she had danced all but two sets there, each with a different partner. She had even waltzed, and she had been kissed for the first timea"that brief meeting of lips did qualify. She had decided that too. Friends of opposite gender could occasionally kiss even if the sentiment behind the gesture was affection rather than romance.

She had decideda"very sensiblya"that she would remember everything about these two weeks down to the last little detail, and that she would enjoy the memories rather than allow them to oppress her.

It had helped that Viscount Whitleaf had not singled her out for any particular attention during the past two days. They had been able to smile amicably at each other and even speak with each other, but as part of a group of acquaintances.

It had helped too that he had not come this morning with Mr. Raycroft and his sister and the Calverts. All four of the young ladies had hugged her when they were leaving, and Miss Raycroft and Miss Mary Calvert had actually shed a few tears. Mr. Raycroft had taken her hand in both of his and patted it kindly as he wished her a safe journey and a pleasant autumn term at school.

Ah, yes, it had helped that he had not come too, that he had avoided actually saying good-bye to her.

And yet it had been very hard at luncheon to maintain a cheerful flow of conversation with Frances and the earl.

It had been hard to swallow her food past the lump in her throat.

It had been hard to avoid admitting to herself that she was hurta"both by his absence this morning and by the care with which he had avoided being alone with her yesterday and the day before. She knew it had been deliberate.

It was as if that kiss, which had perhaps not been a real kiss at all, had destroyed their friends.h.i.+p.

But now he had come after all.

Alone.

And he had found her alone. Yet when the earl had suggested that he and Frances join them on their walk outside, Viscount Whitleaf had conspicuously not grasped at the chance of having company. He had said nothing. And Frances seemed to have believed that Susanna wanted to spend a few minutes of this last afternoon alone with him.

Did she?

She and Frances had intended spending the afternoon walking all about the lake. Just the two of them. The earl had said at luncheon that he would leave them to enjoy each otheras company since they were soon going to be separated for a while again.

Viscount Whitleafas arm, Susanna noticed, was not quite relaxed beneath her hand. There was a certain tension in the muscles there. He did not speak for a while as she directed them across the terrace and diagonally across the lawn toward the woods, where the wilderness walk began.

She could not help remembering the silence in which they had walked more than halfway from Hareford House to Barclay Court the day they meta"not quite two weeks ago.

But there was a different quality to this silence.

It was almost impossible to believe that just two weeks ago she had not even met hima"except once, briefly, when they were both children.

aThere it is,a she said, breaking the silence at last as she pointed ahead to where a clearly defined path disappeared among the trees. aThe wilderness walk. It winds its way through the woods and over the hill to a small bridge across the river, and then it follows the river past the waterfall to the lake and continues all around it to approach the house from the other side.a aA long hike,a he said.

aYes.a aAre you up to it?a he asked her.

aI have always loved walking,a she told him.

aI have too,a he said. aI have been on walking tours of the Scottish Highlands and the Lake District. I intend to try North Wales one of these days.a aMount Snowdon is said to be quite breathtaking,a she said, aand the whole country rugged and beautiful.a aYes,a he said, aso I have heard.a The path was well kept and allowed them to walk comfortably two abreast. There was an instant feeling of seclusion as tree branches offered shade overhead and tree trunks closed in around them like pillars in a cathedral. A number of birds were trilling out a summer song from their perches above.

aI would be interested to hear about your walking tours,a she said.

He did not answer for a while, and she was aware that his head was turned toward her. She kept looking ahead.

aWe can do it this way if you wish,a he said softly at last. aWe can find topics upon which one or both of us is able to converse eloquently and at some length. And when we have reached the end of the walk and arrived back at the house we can each congratulate ourselves on the fact that we allowed not a momentas silence to descend between us after the first few awkward minutes. We can take a cheerful farewell of each other and that will be it. The end of the story.a She did not know what she was supposed to say. He had asked no question.

aYes,a she said.

aIt is what you wish?a He bent his head closer to hers, and she risked turning her own to look into his eyes, darker than usual in the shade of the trees, only a few inches from her own.

It was her undoing.

aNo,a she said, not knowing exactly what she meant but quite certain that she did not want to chatter politely with him about inconsequential matters when this was their last time alone together.

Ever.

aNo,a she said again, more firmly, and she smiled fleetingly and turned her head to look ahead along the path once more. aBut in what way are we to do it, then?a aLet us simply enjoy the afternoon and each otheras company. Let us laugh a little,a he said. aBut real enjoyment and real laughter. Letas be friends. Shall we?a It was foolish to feel tragic. This time next week, next year, she would look back and wonder why she had not taken full advantage of every moment instead of living with the emptiness of what the future would hold. How did she know the future would be empty? How did she know there would even be a future?

aWhat a good idea,a she saida"and laughed.

aI think it quite brilliant.a He laughed too, but though their laughter was about nothing at alla"her comment and his retort could hardly be called wittya"it felt very good. And suddenly she felt happy. She would not peer into the future.

aHave you noticed,a she asked him, ahow we live much of our lives in the past and most of the rest of it in the future? Have you noticed how often the present moment slips by quite unnoticed?a aUntil it becomes the past?a he said. aThen it gets our attention. Yes, you are perfectly right. How many present moments will there be before we arrive back at the house, do you suppose? How long is a present moment, anyway? One could argue, perhaps, that it is endless, eternal.a aOr more fleeting than a fraction of a second,a she said.

aI believe,a he said, awe are dealing with the half-empty-gla.s.s att.i.tude versus the half-full-gla.s.s att.i.tude again. Are we by any chance talking philosophy? It is an alarming possibility. If we are not careful we will be trying to decide next how many angels can dance on the head of a pin.a aNone at all or an infinite number,a she said. aI have never been sure which. If there is a correct answer.a aWell,a he said, chuckling, ashall we agree to live this particular endless moment strictly in the present tense? Or this myriad succession of present moments?a aYes, we will so agree,a she said, laughing with him again.

And as they strolled onward, Susanna lifted her face to the changing patterns of light and shade, warmth and coolness, and was aware of the sounds of birdsong and insect whirrings and the scurrying of unseen wildlife and the smells of earth and greenery and a masculine cologne. She felt every irregularity, every small stone on the path beneath her feet, the firm but relaxed muscles of his arm beneath her hand, warm through the sleeve of his coat.

She turned her head again to smile at him and found that he was smiling backa"a lazy, genuine, happy smile.

aI see a seat up ahead,a he said. aIt is my guess that it looks out on a pleasing prospect.a aIt does,a she said. aThis path was very carefully constructed for the pleasure of the walker, as you observed yourself when we walked to the waterfall.a They stood behind the seat for a while, looking through what appeared to be a natural opening between trees across wide lawns to the house and stables in the distance. An old oak tree in the middle of the lawn was perfectly framed in the view.

And she was here now looking at the view, Susanna thought, deliberately feeling the soft fabric of his coat sleeve without actually moving her hand.

aThe path moves up into that hill,a she said, pointing ahead. aThere are some lovely views from up there. The best, though, I think, is the one down onto the river and the little bridge.a They stopped a number of times before they came there, gazing alternately out onto the cultivated beauty of the park and over the rural peace and plenty of the surrounding farmland.

aI wish you could see Sidley,a he said, squinting off into the distance when they were looking across a patchwork of fields, separated by low hedgerows. aYou did say you had never been there, did you not? It always seems to me that there is nowhere to compare with it in beauty. I suppose I am partial. Undoubtedly I am partial, in fact. It smites me here.a He tapped his heart and then turned to her suddenly and smiled roguishly. aIt smites this chest organ, this pump.a aThe heart, the center of our most tender sensibilities,a she conceded, aeven if only because we feel they must be centered somewhere. It must indeed be wonderful to have a home of your very own. I can well imagine that you would come to see it more with the emotions than with the eye or the intellect.a aI hope you will have a home of your own one day,a he said, tapping her hand as it rested on his arm.

They strolled onward, following the path down through the lower, wooded slopes of the hill until it climbed again into the open and they could see down to the river, narrower here than it was closer to the lake. And there was the little wooden footbridge that spanned it, so highly arched that the path across it formed actual steps up to the middle and down the other side. The water flowing beneath it was dark green from the reflections of trees growing thickly up the slopes from its banks.

aAh, yes,a he said as they stopped walking, ayou were quite right. This is the best view of all. Even better than the view from the waterfall. That is spectacular, but like most of the views here it encompa.s.ses both the wilderness and the outside world. This is nothing but wilderness.a Susanna let go of his arm and turned all about. The hill rose behind them to meet the sky. On the other three sides there was nothing to see but trees. Below were more trees and undergrowth and ferns and the river and bridge.

aI had not really noticed that before,a she said. aBut it is true. That must be why I love being just here so much. It offers totalaa aEscape?a But she frowned and shook her head.

aRetreat,a she said. aIt is a better word, I think.a aShall we sit down for a while?a he suggested. aThere is no seat just here, but I donat suppose the ground is damp. There has been no rain for several days, has there?a He stooped down on his haunches and rubbed his hand hard across the gra.s.s. He held the hand up, palm out, to show her that it was dry.

She sat down, drawing her knees up before her and clasping her arms about them. He stretched out on his side beside her, lifting himself onto one elbow and propping his head on one hand while the other rubbed lightly over the gra.s.s.

The sun beamed down warm on their heads.

aOh, listen,a she said after a few moments.

His hand fell still.

aThe waterfall?a aYes.a They both listened for a while before he lifted his hand from the gra.s.s and set it lightly over one of hers about her knees.

aSusanna,a he said, aI am going to miss you.a aWe are not supposed to be thinking about the future,a she said, but she had to draw a slow, steadying breath before she spoke.

aNo,a he agreed. His hand slid from hers and he tossed his hat aside and lay back on the gra.s.s, one leg bent at the knee with his booted foot flat on the ground, the back of one hand over his eyes to s.h.i.+eld them from the sun.

There was the rawness of threatened pain at the back of her throat. It was no easy thing to hold the future at bay. She concentrated her mind again upon the distant sound of the waterfall.

aDo you ever wish,a he asked after a couple of minutes, athat you were totally free?a aI dream of it all the time,a she said.