River's End: River on Fire Part 18

She reached up, her hands touching Joey's soot-blackened face, leaving streaks of smudge on her hands and a finger swirl on his skin. "I was so afraid when no one heard from you. No one knew where you were exactly. We had no way to check on you."

He leaned his face to the side, into the cradle of her hands. "I know. I tried to get word to you guys, but once you left Pattinson, I couldn't find anyone who knew where you guys were."

"Are you okay?" she whispered with audible shock and concern.

"Yes. I survived. Just tired, and in dire need of sleep."

Suddenly, fresh sobs made her shudder as she looked out again at the smoking ruins of the structures that once stood. "What about the horses? What happened to the animals?"

"They herded them into the orchard. They had to cut open one end of the fencing when this last push of fire came through. It happened so fast... I heard there was wildlife, mainly deer, that were running together in pairs down the road. When AJ cut the fencing to let them in the green orchards, he said they came right past him. So close, he could have reached out and touched their hides. He even petted them, almost."

"None of the animals were lost?" Lifting her face off his, Hailey's voice rang with excitement.

"No. We were luckier than some with all of our livestock."

Hailey exhaled a deep breath of relief. "Were you guys up there a.s.sessing the damage?"

Joey nodded slowly, his gaze fastening onto hers. He was almost begging for her sympathy and understanding. Her heart was br.i.m.m.i.n.g full of it. "Outbuildings. The house. Shane's, AJ's, and the list goes on."

"I'm so sorry, Joey. I know that doesn't help anything but I am." Her voice shook and his hands clutched her closer to him as the emotional apology touched him. He nodded. "Actually, it helps having you here. I'm not alone. Usually, I'm alone... and up there..."

She touched his cheek. "Up there? What?"

"Up there, Jack said some things, things I've never heard him say. He talked about giving up. Said he'd had enough. Couldn't work this place anymore. Said it was cursed and it ruined our family's livelihood. The thing is... none of us argued with him and then we saw you guys and came directly here. So..."

"Hey, Joey!"

They both whipped around at hearing the shout. It was Sully, the man who had driven Joey there. He released Hailey, and an expression of regret appeared on his face. "I need to see what's going on," Joey said.

He turned and approached Sully and Hailey watched him. Something seemed so changed in his facial expression. Despite all the soot and only the whites of his eyes visible, the tension around his mouth and eyes was nearly tangible. His eyes lifted to Jack and Erin, who were currently embracing, and talking quietly to each other. Jack had already embraced Charlie for several long moments and spoken to him, one on one, about the situation. Charlie was hanging his head, and Hailey wondered what Jack filled the poor child's head with.

But Hailey couldn't ignore the niggling sensation that Joey didn't look right. More. There had to be something more. More than just this fire and the destruction that loomed before them. Her stomach tightened to painful contractions and her knees almost buckled. She inched closer to Joey, feeling confident that something very big and very sad must have been relayed to Sully by one of the northern command centers with a CB radio. It had to be legitimate information.

She touched Joey's arm from behind. He groped around until he found her hand and clutched it tightly, without ever turning or halting his conversation. She heard him finally say, "Okay, I'll tell him. Thanks, Sully."

He turned, and his eyes were glistening with tears. Shaking his head, he dropped her hand and went looking for Jack. The odd, tense way he walked alarmed Hailey. He was like a magnet around the other family members, who also seemed drawn to him. Ian straightened up, and Shane frowned as he took Allison's hand and stepped closer to where Joey saw Jack and Erin.

What?

The exclamation needed to be answered. She wanted to scream out to the world, What happened? What more was lost? What could it be?

Jack's body instantly stiffened. He pushed Erin to the side as he turned towards his brother. "Is it Ben?"

Hailey had nearly forgotten that they never located Jack's older son. But Joey shook his head no. "Ben's been accounted for."

There was a collective release of held breaths and muttered exclamations of prayers.

Joey shook his head, his eyes glimmering with something more. Something sad. He took in a deep breath and said softly as if to ease the blow, "The thing is... they found a truck. It had... casualties."

"How many? All of them?" Jack asked softly.

Joey shuddered, shutting his eyes and whispering, "Two of them didn't get out in time. I'm afraid that one of them was... Marcy."

Chapter Sixteen.

AN AUDIBLE GASP WAS repeated throughout the already grieving group. Joey stepped forward and placed his hand on Jack's arm. Shrieks and cries from Allison and Kailynn filled the air as Kate's face turned stony pale. AJ jogged up from one of the fields after spotting them. Cami fell against her father in convulsing sobs, screaming, "NO! Daddy, no."

The brothers all looked around at each other, their eyes still red and wet but there were no words, only silence.

Jack gasped, "Ben? Does he know?"

"Yes. I think he knows."

Jack pushed Joey off him and turned towards Erin. He was completely unseeing. He made no eye contact with anyone else. "Stay with Charlie. I have to go find my son..."

Erin nodded, fresh tears filling her already red, swollen eyes. She gripped Charlie's arm in her hand as they all watched Jack turn away and stomp across the driveway. As he got into his truck and roared out of the driveway, the entire valley continued smoldering and smoking. It was a scene befitting the horror and tragedy of indeterminable amounts for all of them.

Joey turned and grabbed Hailey, hugging her in a needy, fierce embrace, tucking his head where her neck and shoulder joined. His breathing was ragged as his hands clutched and twisted the s.h.i.+rt on her back. His lungs rattled like someone suffering from tuberculosis. His throat was raw and hoa.r.s.e from inhaling smoke and shedding tears.

What now? Hailey wondered as she glanced around at all of the fire victims surrounding her. What would they do now? She was trying to be rational and thinking literally of this particular moment. What should they do while the entire ranch continued to smoke and smolder? The scorched remains of the buildings were such ugly reminders of the catastrophe.

Joey pulled back from Hailey and said, "I gave Shane my house. It didn't burn and I don't need it like they do. He's got a little kid. AJ and Kate plan to stay with Jack and Erin, that is, they were right up until this happened. Marcy..." His entire body shuddered. "Was found dead. I'm going to stay in Erin's trailer. I need to..." He shrugged, and the listlessness he felt manifested in his sagging shoulders. Shower. Eat. Sleep. Grieve. But Hailey understood; nothing mattered so much anymore. Everything normal seemed so mundane and insipid. It seemed almost sacrilegious for them to return to their previous comforts, especially considering the staggering extent of misfortune that most were suffering from.

"You should at least get some water. Clean up. Take a break. You've been going without a rest for days. It's okay to admit you're human, like everyone else. Take a break now, Joey." He nodded at her words, although his expression was tight and unforgiving.

"Okay, I'll take a break." Letting her go, he consulted briefly with Ian. "I'm going home to change clothes, I'll be back up in an hour or so. Then we can..."

What? Clean up? Find Jack?

Ian nodded. "Take as much time you need. Everything that's left will still be here. It's going to be a long haul, Jo." Ian's ominous, yet true words were such an understatement.

Joey and Hailey went to his house where he collected some clean clothes before retreating to a trailer with a small deck leading up to it. Hailey learned that was where Erin used to live, when she first arrived at the ranch. Hailey was quiet as she followed him. Shutting the door to the trailer, they had to turn on a light because of the odd haze caused by the looming smoke. The drapes were closed inside and a layer of dust became airborne when they opened them, as it had been previously unoccupied. It was clean but quite old, Hailey noticed at first glance. Joey set his stuff down on the table and an eerie quiet filled the air. There was so much to say and so many feelings to explore, yet, their shared inability to start a conversation seemed to be choking both of them. It was too much to sort out, much less, fully grasp. He leaned forward, using his knuckles to hold his weight up as he pressed on the table. Hanging his head, he simply stood there as if he were transfixed by the tabletop.

Hailey pressed a hand to her chest as she tried to banish the image of what must have happened to Ben's wife, Marcy, the pretty blond who worked the front counter. Now... Hailey couldn't even formulate the thought or its a.s.sociated images. Burned alive. And now dead. Her charred remains were discovered inside a burnt out truck. How could that have happened?

"How did she get so tragically caught in the fire? Everyone had evacuated, I thought..."

Joey's back flexed as he inhaled a deep breath. "They left whatever party they were at and drove the opposite direction that everyone else took. The fire appeared out of nowhere. It turned and then switched again, like some kind of freak tornado around them, and all of the flames just trapped them..." His voice trailed off.

"Marcy was really...?"

Joey nodded, still staring down. He whispered and his voice twisted with the gruesome reality. "Yes. She was. Probably died of smoke inhalation before the flames got to her. I don't know... how Ben will live with this? Or Jack? He was already saying things about this place ruining us, and cursing us... What if he's right? His wife, our parents, and Ben's wife. Buildings burning to the ground that have never been touched by another fire in more than a hundred years because of the green fields we planted around everything. Our luck is so terrible, it does seem this place is cursed."

Hailey had no words. No pretty plat.i.tudes, not that Joey was ready to hear any. She let him talk, and her soft silence was, she hoped, supportive. Squeezing her eyelids shut against the barrage of tears, she tried to keep the ghastly images at bay. Joey sucked in a deep breath and straightened up. "I need to shower."

He didn't turn towards her. The magnitude of his grief was almost too overwhelming. There were no words of consolation. All they could do was reach out and touch each other.

She reached her hand out, but only grasped the air. She didn't step forward, feeling so incapacitated by all the shock and grief, she didn't know how to react. But Joey still wore the fire on his skin. The cruel fire that mercilessly destroyed his home, his history, his family, and even took with it a family member. How could she not reach out to him?

Coming up behind him, she wrapped her arms around his waist and pressed her face into his back, tightening her body behind his. He jerked in surprise, then both of his hands engaged hers, which were wrapped around his middle. His clothing reeked and almost suffocated her with the rancid fumes of smoke. It singed her nose, pa.s.sing through her nose hairs and plunging deep into her sinuses. It made her throat instantly dry and her eyes felt gritty, more than they already were from inhaling the smoke and crying endless tears. The useless tears she shed that helped no one. And changed nothing. They brought nothing back. But what else could she do?

Her mouth touched his and her tears flowed again as a near groan escaped her. He hesitated at the sounds of her grief and his eyes sought hers in an almost desperate need for connection. And support. And love. And life.

Wrapping his hands around each of her biceps in a gentle but firm hold, he brought her forward in a jerky, unexpected move. His open, wet mouth crushed hers. He slipped his tongue into her mouth and their kiss felt as deep as the hole in their hearts. In a matter of seconds, the powerful emotions that were flowing through both of them became confusing and overwhelming, to the point of causing anxiety. All of their former emotions changed from grief and mourning to a conflagration of heat so all-consuming, it felt like they had just entered the center of the wildfire. He turned, lifting her and setting her down on the small table. His head leaned closer towards her mouth. Her legs split open and he stepped between them, moving closer into a snug, tight, almost painful position against her now pulsating center. Wet and swollen with need, she allowed his hands to rip her s.h.i.+rt off, and push her bra out of the way, not even bothering to unhook it. His hands were rough and harsh as they grabbed her nipples and pulled, twisted, and tugged on them. She cried out at the intense feelings that were happening so fast and acutely. A bolt of pa.s.sion stemmed from his touch on her b.r.e.a.s.t.s and ran clear into her center and her core.

Suddenly tearing his mouth from hers, he moved to her neck, sucking, licking, and nearly biting her as he slid downwards and placed his hands on her waist, working the waistband of the jean shorts she wore to take them off. She moaned, tilting towards him, letting her head fall back as her hands gripped his head, and entangling her fingers through his smooth hair. She pressed harder against him and he took her pebbled nipple in his mouth. It wasn't enough. Harder. Sharper. Feeling overwhelmed, she only wanted more. All of it. Those feelings. His touch. His lips. His tongue. His teeth. His hands. His body.

Sucking and licking, his teeth gently held her nipple between them while his tongue twirled and whirled. She moaned and pushed him against her chest while his hands worked harder to get her shorts off. He had to temporarily release her and her b.u.t.t scooched and twisted before he could get the clothing off her. His hand slipped right down into her panties, probing his fingertips inside her hot, wet folds. She cried out at his touch and her entire body jolted before a long scream came out of her mouth. His hand was inside her, pus.h.i.+ng hard and deep as his mouth returned to her breast.

She groped around, finding his belt, and with shaking hands, undid it. Her clumsy slowness frustrated her. She had no patience for what she wanted. She felt the belt finally release and grasped for the snap of his dirty, soot-and ash-covered pants, which she also undid. Peeling them off him, she finally managed to pull him free of them with her hand. She nearly shouted her triumph. Pulling him forward, she deftly placed the tip of him to where it barely touched her opening. She had to move her underwear, which she was still wearing, out of the way. Joey grabbed her under her armpits with a tender gentleness that showed his concern for her, but she hastily slid him all the way inside her. They both moaned as their mouths found each other again. Tongues and lips echoed his strokes as he shoved into her wetness as frantically as their mouths moved. It was fast and furious and rough. She clutched him tightly, begging, "Harder, Joey. More. Oh, G.o.d, do it some more."

Her mind was reeling with pleasure. She wasn't aware of her limbs, her words or what she was doing. Colors splashed and swirled behind her eyes as her body clenched around him tighter and harder. She had to wrap her arms around his neck just to stay upright as his body slammed into hers impatiently, seeking redemption over and over again as they both lost themselves in the hammering, mind-numbing, pleasure-seeking, and nearly dizzying power of his body penetrating hers. The speed and pressure were heightened by the slickness that soothed what would otherwise have been a body-splitting jackhammer. She came with such a rush of surprise, she screamed out loud and held on to Joey as his body finally heaved his last stroke into hers. He crushed her to his chest while his other hand pushed on her b.u.t.t, positioning her body to receive all of his c.u.m.

She moaned softly as the swirling, all-encompa.s.sing, commanding feelings started to lessen their cras.h.i.+ng waves over her entire body and mind. Slowly, she returned to her body, her mind, her heart, and the present. Joey was leaning over her, and her hands were still clasped around his neck. As they eventually calmed down, they began to feel awkward and uncomfortable. He was breathing as hard and as fast as she was. Glistening with sweat, their skin was streaked by the soot and black lines of Joey's face. She lifted her hand up and cupped his chin, cradling his cheek and pulling him gently to her before kissing his lips. This time, however, she conveyed a sense of soft, gentle kindness and support. In short, her love.

Not the life-affirming l.u.s.t they'd just indulged in. Joey withdrew from her and slipped her panties back where they belonged. He grabbed her and pulled her completely into his embrace, falling on the couch behind him and holding her against his chest as she curled up against him, still desperately clinging to his neck.

Finally, she glanced up towards his face, resting her cheek on his shoulder. He looked down, and a small smile formed on his mouth. Lifting his hand to trace her cheek, he tapped the tip of her nose. "I got streaks of black all over you. I ruined your clothes."

"You know I don't care." Despite the effort she made to return his tremulous smile, it felt too tragic still, and too heavy for her to begin to think of smiling again.

"I know," he whispered. He shoved his face into her hair, sniffing it. "Everything smells like smoke."

"Even me. You should shower, Joey. You need a break. From the soot, and all the exhaustion, not to mention your grief and the magnitude of what happened. You need to take a break. And maybe sleep a little bit."

He didn't argue with her and held her differently than before. A desperate clutch. As though he were lost, or looking for some kind of salvation. Hailey understood because she felt that way too.

She let him go and stood up to wash her face and hands before dabbing a wet, soapy towel on her s.h.i.+rt. After she wiped off most of her clothes, she waited for Joey.

He closed the door to the small bathroom and she heard water running. Stopping. Running again. Small hot water tank so he couldn't just let it run, she a.s.sumed. She sat down finally on the bed and waited for him to come out.

He emerged wearing a towel around his waist. His skin was still damp and dewy and a cloud of steam rolled out behind him. His hair glistened and shone. The wad of smoke-ridden clothes almost continued to smother her even from a distance. His eyes were finally visible again. His face? That of a young G.o.d walking among us. But his eyes looked so weary, and hardened; and he seemed to have aged years in only a few days. He threw the clothes in a heap on the floor of the small living area and flopped down beside Hailey, dejectedly. His body was so exhausted, he could only slump forward. Hailey slumped beside him, resting her elbows on her knees as he did.

"Why did you stay?" he finally asked.

"For you."

"What did you think you could do? Other than make me worry about your safety on top of everyone else's?"

She turned her torso and reached up to push a piece of his hair back and smiled softly. "You didn't tell me, not even once, that you fought fires."

He shrugged. "I volunteer. It's mostly just local calls for traffic accidents or small brush fires. And rarely like this one. Never like this one. And it isn't like I'm one of the people jumping from airplanes or the hot shot crews that light backfires to save homes and lives. I work on establis.h.i.+ng perimeters to contain the fire usually. But I try to do whatever I can."

"It's more than most men do. Joey, you..." She sighed and linked her fingers with his. His hand rested idly on his thigh. She tugged his hand into hers. "You are so much more than I first gave you credit for; and it's I who was so lacking this entire time that we've spent together and not you."

He shrugged. "You had more factors to juggle. Things that take priority. I get that."

She brought his hand to her mouth. "I know, and that's what I should have first embraced and obsessed about, not our ages. You. Joey the person. You are an incredible person, and I-" She nearly gulped. "And I want nothing more than to be with you always. I just don't have any freaking idea how that can work or happen... but after today, and all the pain and grief I witnessed, I realized how much chaos and randomness exists in life. So many facets of it that we can't control. How can I refuse to tell you the whole truth? The emotional, irresponsible, without putting my kids first reality is, I want to be with you. I have fallen in love with you."

His eyes shut and he sucked a deep breath in. She stared at his face, which appeared nearly tormented. His eyes flashed open finally. "You weren't just saying that out of fear? I thought you said it out of the moment. The rush of adrenaline."

"Is that why you didn't say it back to me?"

He nodded, silent still as he evaluated her. A small smile lifted her mouth. A sad, small smile. "Perhaps that's what gave me the guts to say it. What I felt for you, but was afraid to embrace. I'm still pretty gutless and afraid. But after today... how can I not tell you how I feel? I kept thinking of all the horrible things that could have happened to you."

"I love you, Hailey. Thoughts of you being here kept me going. Even through the worst of it. The exhaustion. The fear. The choking air. Even the grief of finding this place so destroyed. It was thoughts of you that kept me sane."

She sucked in a short breath and her lips trembled. "I think I was trying to do the right thing. The responsible thing, but I... Well, this experience has changed me irrevocably. My perception of who I am and other insights into life suddenly became clear. I don't know how to make it work with us, what with the distance, my kids, your job, and all the destruction here, but in the end, which this day showed me in full, Technicolor vivacity, is in the end, all that matters is whom you choose to share your life with. And I want you to be the one to share my life."

He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her against his chest as he leaned back. With her fully ensconced in his embrace, she was resting on his bare chest. She inhaled the smell of his clean skin and closed her eyes as her cheek felt his soft, dewy, still-warm skin. Life flowed all around him. Not only in his veins, but also in the enticing texture of his skin.

Silence descended and the minutes ticked by, or hours maybe, she didn't know. She stayed lying on him, listening to his heart, as well as her own. The quiet was such a contrast to the earth-shattering chaos of the previous days.

"I have some thoughts on how it could work. I had a lot of time to think about it while I was fighting the fires. I know it sounds off, but thinking about us is what helped me stay amped up to keep going."

"What did you think of?"

"Time. I thought about time, Hailey. I thought of all the weekends I could be visiting you and you me. I thought of maybe, next summer, you coming back, you know, with your kids, if that's appropriate. I thought of ignoring Brianna's infatuation with me, and letting it die a natural death. I thought, I have a life here, and a job. I no longer have either now, but I still have a family and a home that's in ruins. I'll be needed here now more than ever. But I can be here, and still love you."

"My custody agreement requires that I remain living in the same school district as my kids are enrolled, along with Brent, until Jacob graduates high school. That's quite a lot of years."

He shrugged. "I won't be needed here forever. Maybe it's only a year. Or two. I don't know. I just think you're worth it. What I feel for you is definitely worth it. We can evaluate it all as we go."

"You'd leave here?"

"Not now. But eventually, yes, I'd be willing to leave here."

She sighed, keeping her head tucked on him. "Time. That's kind of all there is to life, isn't it, Joey? Time. Yes, I think I love the idea of spending my time with you, or even without you in antic.i.p.ation of seeing you."

"We're adults, Hailey. I think we can handle this. I won't cheat on you. It's never been my thing. I know you're still grieving over your divorce, and not ready to consider another try. Doesn't mean we can't spend our time together, and heal from our pasts until we can figure out how to make all the pieces of our lives fit together. We can commute periodically for a year or two or whatever it takes to figure this out. And if it doesn't work? Then we'll know. At least, we tried. We decided to try it out, and did not give up just because it was hard."

She snuggled closer to him. He sounded so much older and mature; he was certainly her equal. She closed her eyes and made her peace, admitting he was right. He was more than enough, so much more than enough for her. And she did have a lot of healing before she could honestly say she was over her first marriage. h.e.l.l no. She was not even remotely ready to think about entering another one. But spending more time to just be with Joey? Yes. She would love that. She had to rebuild her own life as a single woman with two kids. She wasn't ready to attach her life to another adult, not in an everyday kind of way. But she was ready to love and be loved; and Joey was the man she wanted that with.

And that was enough. At least, for now. They were adults and could handle this.

"I love you, Joey."

He tousled her hair. "I love you too, Hailey." Silence descended like a lingering twilight between them. He finally sighed. "I think I'd best go out and see what's next."