Daring Greatly Part 12

Grat.i.tude to the gang at Speaker's Office: Holli Catchpole, Jenny Canzoneri, Kristen Fine, Ca.s.sie Glasgow, Marsha Horshok, Michele Rubino, and Kim Stark: Hey JCan! Am I supposed to be in Edmonton?

So grateful for the talent and artistry of graphic designer Elan Morgan and for the amazing work of artist Nicholas Wilton. Thanks to Vincent Hyman for his editing talent and to Jayme Johnson of Worthy Marketing Group for her communication and connection wisdom.

Thank you to the friends who challenge me to show up, be brave, and dare greatly: Jimmy Bartz, Negash Berhanu, s.h.i.+feraw Berhanu, Farrah Braniff, Wendy Burks, Katherine Center, Tracey Clark, Ronda Dearing, Laura Easton, Kris Edelheit, Beverly and Chip Edens, Mike Erwin, Frieda Fromen, Peter Fuda, Ali Edwards, Margarita Flores, Jen Grey, Dawn Hedgepeth, Robert Hilliker, Karen Holmes, Andrea Corona Jenkins, Myriam Joseph, Charles Kiley, Jenny Lawson, Jen Lee, Jen Lemen, Harriet Lerner, Elizabeth Lesser, Susie Loredo, Laura Mayes, Mati Rose McDonough, Patrick Miller, Whitney Ogle, Joe Reynolds, Kelly Rae Roberts, Virginia Rondero-Hernandez, Gretchen Rubin, Andrea Scher, Peter Sheahan, Diana Storms, Alessandra de Souza, Ria Unson, Karen Walrond, Jess Weiner, Maile Wilson, Eric Williams, and Laura Williams.

To the curators of TEDx Houston: Javier Fadul, Kara Matheny, and Tim DeSilva. Thank you for trusting me and taking a chance.

To the larger TED family: In 1998 I told Steve that my dream was to start a national conversation about shame. Thank you for making that dream come true. Thank you to Chris Anderson, Kelly Stoetzel, June Cohen, Tom Rielly, Nicholas Weinberg, Mike Lundgren, and the entire team of idea spreaders and dream makers.

To my research a.s.sistants, Saba Khonsari and Yolanda Villarreal: Thank you for your commitment, patience, and hard work.

To our parents: Deanne Rogers and David Robinson, Molly May and Chuck Brown, Jacobina and Bill Alley, Corky and Jack Crisci: Thanks for always believing in us, loving us so fiercely, being totally crazy about our children, and teaching us to dare greatly.

To my sibs, Ashley and Amaya Ruiz; Barrett, Frankie, and Gabi Guillen; Jason Brown; and Jen and David Alley: Thank you for the love, support, laughter, tears, high fives, and fist b.u.mps.

To Steve, Ellen, and Charlie: Y'all make everything possible. I don't know how I got so lucky. I love you.

NOTES AND REFERENCES.

INTRODUCTION.

p. 8 ...developing a theory: Brown, Brene. (2009). Connections: A 12-session psychoeducational shame-resilience curriculum. Center City, MN: Hazelden.

Brown, Brene. (2007). I Thought It Was Just Me (But It Isn't): Telling the Truth About Perfectionism, Inadequacy, and Power. New York: Penguin/Gotham Books.

Brown, Brene. (2007). Shame resilience theory. In Susan P. Robbins, Pranab Chatterjee, and Edward R. Canda (Eds.), Contemporary human behavior theory: A critical perspective for social work, rev. ed. Boston: Allyn and Bacon.

Brown, Brene. (2006). Shame resilience theory: A grounded theory study on women and shame. Families in Society, 87, 1: 4352.

p. 9 The Gifts of Imperfection: Brown, B. (2010). The gifts of imperfection: Letting go of who we think we should be and embracing who we are. Center City, MN: Hazelden.

p. 12 ...in my dissertation: Brown, C.B. (2002). Acompanar: A grounded theory of developing, maintaining and a.s.sessing relevance in professional helping. Dissertation Abstracts International, 63(02). (UMI No. 3041999).

p. 13 TEDxHouston p. 14 ... the main TED website p. 14 ... the main TED conference in Long Beach, CA.

CHAPTER 1.

SCARCITY: LOOKING INSIDE.

OUR CULTURE OF "NEVER ENOUGH"

p. 20 Recently a group of researchers conducted a computer a.n.a.lysis: DeWall, C. Nathan; Pond Jr., Richard S.; Campbell, W. Keith; Twenge, J. (2011). Tuning in to psychological change: Linguistic markers of psychological traits and emotions over time in popular US song lyrics. Psychology of Aesthetics, Creativity, and the Arts 5, 3: 200207.

p. 20 The Narcissism Epidemic: Twenge, J., and Campbell, K. (2009). The narcissism epidemic: Living in the age of ent.i.tlement. New York: Simon and Schuster.

p. 25 The Soul of Money: Twist, L. (2003). The soul of money: Transforming your relations.h.i.+p with money and life (New York: W. W. Norton and Company), p. 44.

p. 26 The word scarce: Merriam-Webster. Retrieved January 2012. http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/

CHAPTER 2.

DEBUNKING THE VULNERABILITY MYTHS.

p. 39 From the field of health psychology: Aiken, L., Gerend, M., and Jackson, K. (2001). Subjective risk and health protective behavior: Cancer screening and cancer prevention. In A. Baum, T. Revenson, and J. Singer (Eds.), Handbook of health psychology, pp. 727746. Mahwah, NJ: Erlbaum.

Apanovitch, A., Salovey, P., and Merson, M. (1998). The Yale-MTV study of att.i.tudes of American youth. Ma.n.u.script in preparation.

p. 40 From the field of social psychology: Sagarin, B., Cialdini, R., Rice, W., and Serna, S. (2002). Dispelling the illusion of invulnerability: The motivations and mechanisms of resistance to persuasion. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 83, 3: 536541.

p. 50 The Science of Trust: Gottman, J. (2011). The science of trust: Emotional attunement for couples. New York: W. W. Norton & Company.

p. 50 ... the University of CaliforniaBerkeley's "Greater Good": John Gottman on Trust and Betrayal. October 28, 2011. Retrieved February 2012. http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/john_gottman_on_trust_and_betrayal/ (www.greatergood.berkeley.edu) p. 54 There's actually some very persuasive leaders.h.i.+p research: Fuda, P., and Badham, R. (2011). Fire, s...o...b..ll, mask, movie: How leaders spark and sustain change. Harvard Business Review. http://hbr.org/2011/11/fire-s...o...b..ll-mask-movie-how-leaders-spark-and-sustain-change/ar/1

CHAPTER 3.

UNDERSTANDING AND COMBATING SHAME.

(AKA GREMLIN NINJA WARRIOR TRAINING).

p. 71 In a 2011 study: Kross, E., Berman, M., Mischel, W., Smith, E. E., & Wager, T. (2011). Social rejection shares somatosensory representations with physical pain. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 108, 15: 62706275.

p. 71 The majority of shame researchers: For the most comprehensive review of the shame and guilt literature see Shame and Guilt by June Price Tangney and Ronda L. Dearing (New York: Guilford Press, 2002).

Additionally, I recommend this edited volume: Shame in the Therapy Hour edited by Ronda Dearing and June Tangney (American Psychological a.s.sociation, 2011).

p. 73 Shame is highly correlated, and Researchers don't find...: The following books and articles explore the relations.h.i.+ps between shame and various outcomes: Balcom, D., Lee, R., and Tager, J. (1995). The systematic treatment of shame in couples. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 21: 5565.

Brown, B. (2007). I thought it was just me: Women reclaiming power in a culture of shame. New York: Gotham.

Brown, B (2006). Shame resilience theory: A Grounded theory study on women and shame. Families in Society, 87, 1: 4352.

Dearing, R., and Tangney, J. (Eds). (2011). Shame in the therapy hour. American Psychological a.s.sociation.

Dearing, R., Stuewig, J., and Tangney, J. (2005). On the importance of distinguis.h.i.+ng shame from guilt: Relations to problematic alcohol and drug use. Addictive Behaviors, 30: 13921404.

Ferguson, T. J., Eyre, H. L., and Ashbaker, M. (2000). Unwanted ident.i.ties: A key variable in shame-anger links and gender differences in shame. s.e.x Roles, 42: 133157.

Hartling, L., Rosen, W., Walker, M., and Jordan, J. (2000). Shame and humiliation: From isolation to relational transformation (Work in Progress No. 88). Wellesley, MA: The Stone Center, Wellesley College.

Jordan, J. (1989). Relational development: Therapeutic implications of empathy and shame (Work in Progress No. 39). Wellesley, MA: The Stone Center, Wellesley College.

Lester, D. (1997). The role of shame in suicide. Suicide and Life-Threatening Behavior, 27: 352361.

Lewis, H. B. (1971). Shame and guilt in neurosis. New York: International Universities Press.

Mason, M. (1991). Women and shame: Kin and culture. In C. Bepko (ed.), Feminism and addiction, pp. 175194. Binghamton, NY: Haworth.

Nathanson, D. (1997). Affect theory and the compa.s.s of shame. In M. Lansky and A. Morrison (Eds.), The widening scope of shame. Hillsdale, NJ: a.n.a.lytic.

Sabatino, C. (1999). Men facing their vulnerabilities: Group processes for men who have s.e.xually offended. Journal of Men's Studies, 8: 8390.

Scheff, T. (2000). Shame and the social bond: A sociological theory. Sociological Theory, 18: 8499.

Scheff, T. (2003). Shame in self and society. Symbolic Interaction, 26: 239262.

Stuewig, J., Tangney, J. P., Mashek, D., Forkner, P., and Dearing, R. (2009). The moral emotions, alcohol dependence, and HIV risk behavior in an incarcerated sample. Substance Use and Misuse, 44: 449471.

Talbot, N. (1995). Unearthing shame is the supervisory experience. American Journal of Psychotherapy, 49: 338349.

Tangney, J. P., Stuewig, J., and Hafez, L. (in press). Shame, guilt and remorse: Implications for offender populations. Journal of Forensic Psychiatry & Psychology.

Tangney, J. P., Stuewig, J., Mashek, D., and Hastings, M. (2011). a.s.sessing jail inmates' p.r.o.neness to shame and guilt: Feeling bad about the behavior or the self? Criminal Justice and Behavior, 38: 710734.

Tangney, J. P. (1992). Situational determinants of shame and guilt in young adulthood. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 18: 199206.

Tangney, J. P., and Dearing, R. (2002). Shame and guilt. New York: Guilford.

p. 73 Humiliation is another word: Klein, D. C. (1991). The humiliation dynamic. An overview. The Journal of Primary Prevention, 12, 2: 93122.

p. 76 Incognito: Eagleman, D. (2011). Incognito: The secret lives of the brain. New York: Pantheon.

p. 77 Research from the Stone Center at Wellesley: Hartling, L., Rosen, W., Walker, M., and Jordan, J. (2000). Shame and humiliation: From isolation to relational transformation (Work in Progress No. 88). Wellesley, MA: The Stone Center, Wellesley College.

p. 82 James Pennebaker's work: Pennebaker, J. W. (2004). Writing to heal: A guided journal for recovering from trauma and emotional upheaval. Oakland: New Harbinger Publications.

Pennebaker, J. W. (2010). Expressive writing in a clinical setting. The Independent Pract.i.tioner, 30: 2325.

Petrie, K. J., Booth, R. J., and Pennebaker, J. W. (1998). The immunological effects of thought suppression. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 75: 12641272.

Pennebaker, J. W., Kiecolt-Glaser, J., and Glaser, R. (1988). Disclosure of traumas and immune function: Health implications for psychotherapy. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 56: 239245.

Richards, J. M., Beal, W. E., Seagal, J., and Pennebaker, J. W. (2000). The effects of disclosure of traumatic events on illness behavior among psychiatric prison inmates. Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 109: 156160.

p. 82 Pennebaker, J. W. (2004). Writing to heal: A guided journal for recovering from trauma and emotional upheaval. Oakland: New Harbinger Publications.

p. 88 Marilyn Frye describes a double bind: Frye, M. (2001). Oppression. In M. Anderson and P. Collins (Eds.), Race, cla.s.s and gender: An anthology. New York: Wadsworth.

p. 89 In a US study on conformity to feminine norms: Mahalik, J. R., Morray, E., c.o.o.nerty-Femiano, A., Ludlow, L. H., Slattery, S. M., and Smiler, A. (2005). Development of the conformity to feminine norms inventory. s.e.x Roles, 52: 317335.

p. 99 What's ironic (or perhaps natural) is that research tells us that we judge people: Shrauger, S., and Patterson, M. (1974). Self-evaluation and the selection of dimensions for evaluating others. Journal of Personality, 42, 569585.

p. 100 I wrote an op-ed on bullying: Brown, B. (September 30, 2002). Reality TV bites: Bracing for a new season of bullies [op-ed]. Houston Chronicle, p. 23A.

p. 107 Well, when looking at the attributes a.s.sociated with masculinity in the US: Mahalik, J. R., Locke, B., Ludlow, L., Diemer, M., Scott, R. P. J., Gottfried, M., and Freitas, G. (2003). Development of the Conformity to Masculine Norms Inventory. Psychology of Men and Masculinity, 4: 325.

Brown, C. B. (2002). Acompanar: A grounded theory of developing, maintaining and a.s.sessing relevance in professional helping. Dissertation Abstracts International, 63(02). (UMI No. 3041999).