Rejected Addresses Part 11

AIR, "Sure such a day."--TOM THUMB.

LEAR.

Dance, Regan! dance, with Cordelia and Goneril - Down the middle, up again, poussette, and cross; Stop, Cordelia! do not tread upon her heel, Regan feeds on coltsfoot, and kicks like a horse.

See, she twists her mutton fists like Molyneux or Beelzebub, And t'other's clack, who pats her back, is louder far than h.e.l.l's hubbub.

They tweak my nose, and round it goes--I fear they'll break the ridge of it, Or leave it all just like Vauxhall, with only half the bridge of it.

{76}

OMNES.

Round let us bound, for this is Punch's holyday, Glory to Tomfoolery, huzza! huzza!

LADY MACBETH.

_I_ kill'd the king; my husband is a heavy dunce; He left the grooms unma.s.sacred, then ma.s.sacred the stud.

One loves long gloves; for mittens, like king's evidence, Let truth with the fingers out, and won't hide blood.

MACBETH.

When spoonys on two knees implore the aid of sorcery, To suit their wicked purposes they quickly put the laws awry; With Adam I in wife may vie, for none could tell the use of her, Except to cheapen golden pippins hawk'd about by Lucifer.

OMNES.

Round let us bound, for this is Punch's holyday, Glory to Tomfoolery, huzza! huzza!

OTh.e.l.lO.

Wife, come to life, forgive what your black lover did, Spit the feathers from your mouth, and munch roast beef; Iago he may go and be toss'd in the coverlet That smother'd you, because you p.a.w.n'd my handkerchief.

GEORGE BARNWELL.

Why, neger, so eager about your rib immaculate?

Milwood shows for hanging us they've got an ugly knack o' late; If on beauty 'stead of duty but one peeper bent he sees, Satan waits with Dolly baits to hook in us apprentices.

OMNES.

Round let us bound, for this is Punch's holyday, Glory to Tomfoolery, huzza! huzza!

HAMLET.

I'm Hamlet in camlet; my ap and peri-helia The moon can fix, which lunatics makes sharp or flat.

I stuck by ill luck, enamour'd of Ophelia, Old Polony like a sausage, and exclaim'd, "Rat, rat!"

GHOST.

Let Gertrude sup the poison'd cup--no more I'll be an actor in Such sorry food, but drink home-brew'd of Whitbread's manufacturing.

MACHEATH.

I'll Polly it, and folly it, and dance it quite the dandy O; But as for tunes, I have but one, and that is Drops of Brandy O.

OMNES.

Round let us bound, for this is Punch's holyday, Glory to Tomfoolery, huzza! huzza!

JULIET.

I'm Juliet Capulet, who took a dose of h.e.l.lebore - A h.e.l.l-of-a-bore I found it to put on a pall.

FRIAR.

And I am the friar, who so corpulent a belly bore.

APOTHECARY.

And that is why poor skinny I have none at all.

ROMEO.

I'm the resurrection-man, of buried bodies amorous.

FALSTAFF.

I'm f.a.gg'd to death, and out of breath, and am for quiet clamorous; For though my paunch is round and stanch, I ne'er begin to feel it ere I Feel that I have no stomach left for entertainment military.

OMNES.

Round let us bound, for this is Punch's holyday, Glory to Tomfoolery, huzza! huzza!

[Exeunt dancing.

Footnotes:

{0} "We have no conjectures to offer as to the anonymous author of this amusing little volume. He who is such a master of disguises may easily be supposed to have been successful in concealing himself, and, with the power of a.s.suming so many styles, is not likely to be detected by his own. We should guess, however, that he had not written a great deal in his own character--that his natural style was neither very lofty nor very grave--and that he rather indulges a partiality for puns and verbal pleasantries. We marvel why he has shut out Campbell and Rogers from his theatre of living poets, and confidently expect to have our curiosity, in this and in all other particulars, very speedily gratified, when the applause of the country shall induce him to take off his mask."

LORD JEFFREY, Edinburgh Review for Nov. 1812.

{1} 12mo., 1833. The first published by Mr. Murray. The "Preface"

was written by Horace Smith; the "Notes" to the Poems by James Smith.

{2} Samuel Whitbread, M.P. He died by his own hand in 1815.

{3} This was Horatio, the writer of the present Preface. The envelope which enclosed his Address to the Committee was sold with two volumes of the original Addresses at Mr. Winston's sale, Dec. 14, 1849, and was inscribed inside "Horatio Smith, 36, Basinghall Street."

{4} The pa.s.sage, as originally written, continued thus: "and among others, so difficult is it to form a correct judgment in catering to the public taste, by the very bibliopolist who has now, after an interval of twenty [ONLY seven] years, purchased the copyright from a brother bookseller, and ventured upon the present edition." To this, on the proof-sheet, the late Mr. Murray appended the following note:- "I never saw or even had the MS. in my possession; but knowing that Mr. Smith was brother-in-law to Mr. Cadell, I took it for granted that the MS. had been previously offered to him and declined." Mr.

H. Smith consequently drew his pen through the pa.s.sage.