Epicoene; Or, The Silent Woman Part 16

TRUE: Yes, madam, believe it, she is a gentlewoman of very absolute behaviour, and of a good race.

HAU: And Jack Daw told us she could not speak!

TRUE: So it was carried in plot, madam, to put her upon this old fellow, by sir Dauphine, his nephew, and one or two more of us: but she is a woman of an excellent a.s.surance, and an extraordinary happy wit and tongue. You shall see her make rare sport with Daw ere night.

HAU: And he brought us to laugh at her!

TRUE: That falls out often, madam, that he that thinks himself the master-wit, is the master-fool. I a.s.sure your ladys.h.i.+p, ye cannot laugh at her.

HAU: No, we'll have her to the college: An she have wit, she shall be one of us, shall she not Centaure? we'll make her a collegiate.

CEN: Yes faith, madam, and mistress Mavis and she will set up a side.

TRUE: Believe it, madam, and mistress Mavis she will sustain her part.

MAV: I'll tell you that, when I have talk'd with her, and tried her.

HAU: Use her very civilly, Mavis.

MAV: So I will, madam.

[WHISPERS HER.]

MOR: Blessed minute! that they would whisper thus ever!

[ASIDE.]

TRUE: In the mean time, madam, would but your ladys.h.i.+p help to vex him a little: you know his disease, talk to him about the wedding ceremonies, or call for your gloves, or--

HAU: Let me alone. Centaure, help me. Master bridegroom, where are you?

MOR: O, it was too miraculously good to last!

[ASIDE.]

HAU: We see no ensigns of a wedding here; no character of a bride-ale: where be our scarves and our gloves? I pray you, give them us. Let us know your bride's colours, and yours at least.

CEN: Alas, madam, he has provided none.

MOR: Had I known your ladys.h.i.+p's painter, I would.

HAU: He has given it you, Centaure, i'faith. But do you hear, master Morose? a jest will not absolve you in this manner. You that have suck'd the milk of the court, and from thence have been brought up to the very strong meats and wine, of it; been a courtier from the biggen to the night-cap, as we may say, and you to offend in such a high point of ceremony as this, and let your nuptials want all marks of solemnity! How much plate have you lost to-day, (if you had but regarded your profit,) what gifts, what friends, through your mere rusticity!

MOR: Madam--

HAU: Pardon me, sir, I must insinuate your errors to you; no gloves? no garters? no scarves? no epithalamium? no masque?

DAW: Yes, madam, I'll make an epithalamium, I promise my mistress; I have begun it already: will you ladys.h.i.+p hear it?

HAU: Ay, good Jack Daw.

MOR: Will it please your ladys.h.i.+p command a chamber, and be private with your friend? you shall have your choice of rooms to retire to after: my whole house is yours. I know it hath been your ladys.h.i.+p's errand into the city at other times, however now you have been unhappily diverted upon me: but I shall be loth to break any honourable custom of your ladys.h.i.+p's. And therefore, good madam--

EPI: Come, you are a rude bridegroom, to entertain ladies of honour in this fas.h.i.+on.

CEN: He is a rude groom indeed.

TRUE: By that light you deserve to be grafted, and have your horns reach from one side of the island, to the other. Do not mistake me, sir; I but speak this to give the ladies some heart again, not for any malice to you.

MOR: Is this your bravo, ladies?

TRUE: As G.o.d [shall] help me, if you utter such another word, I'll take mistress bride in, and begin to you in a very sad cup; do you see? Go to, know your friends, and such as love you.

[ENTER CLERIMONT, FOLLOWED BY A NUMBER OF MUSICIANS.]

CLER: By your leave, ladies. Do you want any music? I have brought you variety of noises. Play, sirs, all of you.

[ASIDE TO THE MUSICIANS, WHO STRIKE UP ALL TOGETHER.]

MOR: O, a plot, a plot, a plot, a plot, upon me! this day I shall be their anvil to work on, they will grate me asunder. 'Tis worse then the noise of a saw.

CLER: No, they are hair, rosin, and guts. I can give you the receipt.

TRUE: Peace, boys!

CLER: Play! I say.

TRUE: Peace, rascals! You see who's your friend now, sir: take courage, put on a martyr's resolution. Mock down all their attemptings with patience: 'tis but a day, and I would suffer heroically. Should an a.s.s exceed me in fort.i.tude? no. You betray your infirmity with your hanging dull ears, and make them insult: bear up bravely, and constantly.

[LA-FOOLE Pa.s.sES OVER THE STAGE AS A SEWER, FOLLOWED BY SERVANTS CARRYING DISHES, AND MISTRESS OTTER.]

--Look you here, sir, what honour is done you unexpected, by your nephew; a wedding-dinner come, and a knight-sewer before it, for the more reputation: and fine mistress Otter, your neighbour, in the rump, or tail of it.

MOR: Is that Gorgon, that Medusa come! hide me, hide me.

TRUE: I warrant you, sir, she will not transform you. Look upon her with a good courage. Pray you entertain her, and conduct your guests in. No!--Mistress bride, will you entreat in the ladies?

your bride-groom is so shame-faced, here.

EPI: Will it please your ladys.h.i.+p, madam?

HAU: With the benefit of your company, mistress.

EPI: Servant, pray you perform your duties.

DAW: And glad to be commanded, mistress.

CEN: How like you her wit, Mavis?

MAV: Very prettily, absolutely well.

MRS. OTT: 'Tis my place.