The Book of Gud Part 17

There could be no mistake about it, for these were the bones of the only smoker who had ever believed that tobacco was as injurious as the non-smokers said it was!

Thus made aware that the show was being repeated on him, Gud realized that even the most gruesome and ghoulish sights and sounds became commonplace with repet.i.tion; and he became bored, and his fear died within him. So he arose and walked right through the marching ma.s.s of swinging, swaying, rattling, whistling, dry-boned skeletons, and out into the sunlight of a new day where he found Fidu digging up a freshly planted lawn in search of a bone he had buried on a golf course countless eons before.

"Come, come," said Gud, "let the dead bones stay buried--the future of eternal life is long enough without digging up the past."

Having dissuaded Fidu from his search for provender Gud offered him a portion of his own lunch.

"Do you remember," remarked Gud to the Underdog, as they sat munching their sandwiches, "the time I was on that little world back there--"

"Which one?" asked Fidu.

"The one I am talking about, silly--I ran into an earthquake. It shook things up rather badly and toppled over about half the houses, killing and maiming millions of mortals."

"What caused it?"

"I don't know, probably it was accidental--but that isn't important.

What interested me was what those poor mortals thought caused it. As I was strolling through a town watching the relief committee at work, I happened to see people going into a steep roofed building, which being well constructed, had not fallen down. I joined the crowd and went in.

One of their kind was standing on a box at the far end of the building and talking. I sat down with the others and listened to him.

"He was talking about the 'divine visitation.' For a moment I became self-conscious, thinking my incognito had been discovered. But I soon realized that he referred to the earthquake.

"His theory was interesting. He thought their silly little world had been shaken up by their divinity. I knew that he was mistaken, for I knew the chap who had that world in charge; he is a weak little G.o.d who could not shake up a good-sized island."

"For what reason did the mortals think your friend shook them up?" asked Fidu.

"The one who was talking had two theories about it. You see they had two kinds of folks in that world--one bunch was called 'sinners' and one was called 'righteous.' Plenty of both bunches were killed by the quake. But it seemed that the fellow who was talking, wanted the sinners killed and he was praising my friend for doing it. But his difficulty was in explaining the death of the righteous, whom I gathered were friends of his that had been in the habit of paying him to talk to them. There were a good many empty stalls in the room with black cloths on them, and some of the women in the crowd were weeping.

"Well, after the talker got through explaining that their deity had caused the earthquake for the purpose of killing the sinners, he had to admit that it also got a few of the righteous. He said that this was due to the 'mysterious working of the divine purpose' or some such vagary."

"Well, what of it?" asked Fidu.

"Nothing in particular, only it struck me as funny."

"Is that all?"

"About," said Gud--"but as I left that world, I took hold of its axis and gave it another shake."

"Did you know," said Fidu, "that the Copycat had been visiting?"

"What makes you think so?"

"Because there are five little copy kittens."

After which they journeyed on until they came to a wall. In this wall were two doors. Before the wall stood a great mult.i.tude and they stared at the two doors with fixed gla.s.sy eyes.

Gud turned and spoke to the mult.i.tude and said: "Why stare ye at the doors in the wall and durst not enter?"

"Alas, Great Gud," cried the mult.i.tude, as with one voice, "we wish not to enter the doors, but would only know which door the man entered."

"That I will find out for you," said Gud, and he stepped up and examined the k.n.o.bs of the doors. Then he turned and bowed to the mult.i.tude, and turned yet again, and seizing the k.n.o.b of one of the doors he swung it boldly open.

And behold, there stood a man-eating tiger, contentedly licking his chops, his belly with fat lover lined.

And Gud beckoned to the tiger which came out through the door and faced the mult.i.tude, and on the tiger's face there was a faint fragrance of a smile.

And the tiger bowed to the mult.i.tude, and Gud also bowed with the tiger.

And from the eyes of the mult.i.tude the gla.s.sy stare faded, and they turned and walked away, and some spoke exultant words to the others.

"But," asked Fidu of Gud, as they again went on their journey, "how did you know which door to open--did you smell the blood?"

"No, you hundopomorphic canine fool, I looked for finger prints on the k.n.o.bs of the doors."

Chapter x.x.xV

Gud, sauntering through the Market of Knowledge, came to a stall of a prophet and pa.s.sed the time of day with him.

"Business is terrible," lamented the prophet.

"What is the trouble?" asked Gud sympathetically.

"Unfair compet.i.tion," replied the prophet. "Those up-start scientists across the way have berated my goods and stolen my customers until I have none left save a few old ladies. Indeed, I fear me we shall never again see those good old days when even young men believed there was magic in the stars."

"But," said Gud, as he glanced about, "your goods look shelf-worn."

"Shelf-worn you say? And why not? I have rare antiques here. See, here is the Golden Fleece and there is the Philosopher's Stone. That box in the corner is the Hope Chest of Venus. And there in the window is the Fountain of Youth. That puzzle beside it is the Riddle of the Universe.

And this vial here contains the Evil Eye preserved in spirits of mocking wine."

"All very fine antiques," agreed Gud, "but in this age a merchant must keep up-to-date; you need new goods on your shelves."

"And new goods, I have had in time and again," declared the prophet.

"But they have stolen them from me. Did I not once make good money auguring from the entrails of animals, till these scientists found that they were useful for sausage casings? And when the stars paled in popularity because the scientists turned their spy-tubes upon them, did I not sit over a wall of gas and make myself drunk with its stinking fumes, while my wife sold my insane babblings for wisdom, until those scientists stole the gas and ran it through pipes to the houses to make fuel for pots to boil? And did not I read the cracks in fools' palms, until the scientists made fingerprints to identify criminals, and then the people durst not give me their hands to read lest I be a spy in the employ of the state searching out their crimes? And did I not call messages out of the air from distant lands, until the scientists trained the lightning to bring messages and harnessed it to vehicles so that the people could go and see for themselves that the lightning had not lied?"

"Did you ever try interpreting dreams?" asked Gud.

"Bah!" said the prophet. "That was the idea with which I began business when this world was young. But they have spoiled that also and taught the people that dreams were merely neurotic emanations of a bad bellyful of beef and beans. I tell you, my friend, they have left me nothing, nothing of mystery and magic to sell the people; and here I am, a prophet, wise in all the ways of prophecy, and sitting in an empty shop full of musty bones!"

Taking leave of this disgruntled prophet, Gud strolled through the Market of Knowledge to see for himself how it was that these scientists had ruined the honorable business of prophecy. And Gud saw many wonders and much business going on. In one stall he saw a chemist with tubes and retorts brewing pretty smells to scent ill-favored women. In another he saw a doctor with a microscope studying the germs of disease and making poisons to kill them. And in another was a chemist a.n.a.lyzing foods to see how much fatness or leanness they contained, so that he could sell recipes that would make the waists of his customers of a girth suited to the length of their lovers' arms.

And in all the shops of the scientists, Gud discovered that young men were busy a.n.a.lyzing things and dissecting and dismembering them and finding out of what they were made, so that they could prepare some recipe or medicine or knowledge and sell it and get gain. And Gud wondered what was left that his old friend, the prophet, could dissect and a.n.a.lyze and sell as a scientific product and so get gain.

As Gud pondered this he chanced to stroll into the shop of a psychologist whose secretary had the nose bleed so that she fainted, and Gud asked: "What is the matter with her?"

"She is unconscious," replied the psychologist, "her mind has lost its awareness."