The Man Who Was Afraid Part 13

"Because."

"Because!" mocked the father. "Well, if you did it you ought to be able to explain to yourself and to others the reason for so doing. Come here!"

Foma walked up to his father, who was sitting on a chair, and placed himself between his knees. Ignat put his hand on the boy's shoulders, and, smiling, looked into his eyes.

"Are you ashamed?"

"I am ashamed," sighed Foma.

"There you have it, fool! You have disgraced me and yourself."

Pressing his son's head to his breast, he stroked his hair and asked again:

"Why should you do such a thing--stealing other people's apples?"

"I--I don't know," said Foma, confusedly. "Perhaps because it is so lonesome. I play and play the same thing day after day. I am growing tired of it! While this is dangerous."

"Exciting?" asked the father, smiling.

"Yes."

"Mm, perhaps it is so. But, nevertheless, Foma, look out--drop this, or I shall deal with you severely."

"I'll never climb anywhere again," said the boy with confidence.

"And that you take all the blame on yourself--that is good. What will become of you in the future, only G.o.d knows, but meanwhile--it is pretty good. It is not a trifle if a man is willing to pay for his deeds with his own skin. Someone else in your place would have blamed his friends, while you say: 'I did it myself.' That's the proper way, Foma. You commit the sin, but you also account for it. Didn't Chumakov strike you?" asked Ignat, pausing as he spoke.

"I would have struck him back," declared Foma, calmly.

"Mm," roared his father, significantly.

"I told him that he was afraid of you. That is why he complained.

Otherwise he was not going to say anything to you about it."

"Is that so?"

"'By G.o.d! Present my respects to your father,' he said."

"Did he?"

"Yes."

"Ah! the dog! See what kind of people there are; he is robbed and yet he makes a bow and presents his respects! Ha, ha! It is true it might have been worth no more than a kopeck, but a kopeck is to him what a rouble is to me. And it isn't the kopeck, but since it is mine, no one dares touch it unless I throw it away myself. Eh! The devil take them! Well, tell me--where have you been, what have you seen?"

The boy sat down beside his father and told him in detail all the impressions of that day. Ignat listened, fixedly watching the animated face of his son, and the eyebrows of the big man contracted pensively.

"You are still but floating on the surface, dear. You are still but a child. Eh! Eh!"

"We scared an owl in the ravine," related the boy. "That was fun! It began to fly about and struck against a tree--bang! It even began to squeak so pitifully. And we scared it again; again it rose and flew about here and there, and again it struck against something, so that its feathers were coming out. It flew about in the ravine and at last hid itself somewhere with difficulty. We did not try to look for it, we felt sorry it was all bruised. Papa, is an owl entirely blind in daytime?"

"Blind!" said Ignat; "some men will toss about in life even as this owl in daytime. Ever searching for his place, he strives and strives--only feathers fly from him, but all to no purpose. He is bruised, sickened, stripped of everything, and then with all his might he thrusts himself anywhere, just to find repose from his restlessness. Woe to such people.

Woe to them, dear!"

"How painful is it to them?" said Foma in a low voice.

"Just as painful as to that owl."

"And why is it so?"

"Why? It is hard to tell. Someone suffers because he is darkened by his pride--he desires much, but has but little strength. Another because of his foolishness. But then there are a thousand and one other reasons, which you cannot understand."

"Come in and have some tea," Anfisa called to them. She had been standing in the doorway for quite a long while, and, folding her hands, lovingly admired the enormous figure of her brother, who bent over Foma with such friendliness, and the pensive pose of the boy, who clung to his father's shoulder.

Thus day by day Foma's life developed slowly--a quiet, peaceful life, not at all brimful of emotions. Powerful impressions, rousing the boy's soul for an hour or for a day, sometimes stood out strikingly against the general background of this monotonous life, but these were soon obliterated. The boy's soul was as yet but a calm lake--a lake hidden from the stormy winds of life, and all that touched the surface of the lake either sank to the bottom, stirring the placid water for a moment, or gliding over the smooth surface, swam apart in big circles and disappeared.

Having stayed at the district school for five years, Foma pa.s.sed four cla.s.ses tolerably well and came out a brave, dark-haired fellow, with a swarthy face, heavy eyebrows and dark down on the upper lip. His big dark eyes had a naive and pensive look, and his lips were like a child's, half-open; but when meeting with opposition to his desires or when irritated by something else, the pupils of his eyes would grow wide, his lips press tight, and his whole face a.s.sume a stubborn and resolute expression. His G.o.dfather, smiling sceptically, would often say to him:

"To women, Foma, you'll be sweeter than honey, but as yet not much common sense can be seen in you."

Ignat would heave a sigh at these words.

"You had better start out your son as soon as possible."

"There's time yet, wait."

"Why wait? He'll go about the Volga for two or three years and then we'll have him married. There's my Lubov."

Lubov Mayakina was now studying in the fifth cla.s.s of some boarding school. Foma often met her on the street at which meeting she always bowed condescendingly, her fair head in a fas.h.i.+onable cap. Foma liked her, but her rosy cheeks, her cheerful brown eyes and crimson lips could not smooth the impression of offence given to him by her condescending bows. She was acquainted with some Gymnasium students, and although Yozhov, his old friend, was among them, Foma felt no inclination to be with them, and their company embarra.s.sed him. It seemed to him that they were all boasting of their learning before him and that they were mocking his ignorance. Gathered together in Lubov's house they would read some books, and whenever he found them reading or loudly arguing, they became silent at his sight. All this removed them further from him.

One day when he was at Mayakin's, Luba called him to go for a walk in the garden, and there, walking by his side, asked him with a grimace on her face:

"Why are you so unsociable? You never talk about anything."

"What shall I talk about, since I know nothing!" said Foma, plainly.

"Study--read books."

"I don't feel like doing it."

"You see, the Gymnasium students know everything, and know how to talk about everything. Take Yozhov, for instance."

"I know Yozhov--a chatterbox."

"You simply envy him. He is very clever--yes. He will soon graduate from the Gymnasium--and then he'll go to Moscow to study in the University."

"Well, what of it?" said Foma, indifferently.

"And you'll remain just an ignorant man."

"Well, be it so."