Mrs. Dorriman Volume Iii Part 21

"Do you mind telling me how it was it all went wrong at Lornbay? I thought you cared for her then."

"Cared for her! It was a terrible misunderstanding. I never can forgive myself for having said something--put something in a stupid way. It does not bear thinking about. You have no conception what a trial _that_ has been to bear. It has added to everything else."

"Well, before my lady and her b.u.t.terfly comes, hear me promise to do what little I can in the matter, Sir Albert. Let us swear an eternal friends.h.i.+p!"

She held out her hand as Lady Lyons came into the room, and he gave her a grateful pressure. Lady Lyons coughed loudly, as much as to say--"I am here."

"Now, Sir Albert," said Grace, gaily, "Lady Lyons is quite shocked; you really must not make love to me under her very eyes."

Poor Lady Lyons felt dreadfully taken aback. Sir Albert, however, was so kind about her jewel, and, taking it to the light, gave it such real attention, that she was soon thinking of her b.u.t.terfly more than of anything else.

When he had gone, however, the little scene recurred to her, and she began talking about him.

She was just sufficiently afraid of Grace to begin the conversation as far from the subject as possible, and, without losing sight of what she wanted to know, she began talking of Mrs. Dorriman, and of the days of her youth, when she had been a neglected girl of sixteen as Anne Sandford.

"Do you know, my dear, that in those days people used to think she was an heiress. n.o.body knew anything at all about the brother, and it was such a surprise when he appeared. No one knew anything about _his_ mother, and no one, I believe--none of his most intimate friends--knew of his father's first marriage."

"A disagreeable surprise for Mrs. Dorriman."

"Yes! and how good she is always; never a murmur, and it is very hard for her. First of all, her father made no will; then her husband muddled away all his money! Poor dear woman! Now, can any one say truthfully that she has had a happy life?" And Lady Lyons looked round the room, appealing, as it were, to an invisible audience, only at last looking at Grace.

"It is quite impossible that any one should be happy without independence," answered Grace. "It is a most galling thing to owe all, or nearly all, to some one who is nothing to one. I speak feelingly, Lady Lyons. Mr. Sandford, out of affection for his wife (who, as you know, was my aunt), offered us a home, and added to our income at school. But he made the obligation hateful to us by the way he went on.

His temper is absolutely unbearable. I cannot tell you how terrible the scenes were. No one--no girl with any sense of self-respect--could put up with it! No one!"

"My dear! this is very, very sad."

"It is more than sad. This is the history of my poor darling Margaret's marriage. I was so utterly wretched, so perfectly miserable, that she married Mr. Drayton (all her instincts being against him) to save _me_ from a life I hated. I urged her to do it; but, Lady Lyons, I was very ill; if I had only been well--if only I had not felt so much in want of all the comfort and care I could get--I am sure I never would have allowed her to sacrifice herself so terribly."

She stopped, exhausted, and covered her face with her hands.

"My dear! my dear!" said Lady Lyons, feebly patting her on the arm. "For my sake do not excite yourself so much. I am so very sorry I brought this forward--but I don't think I did either."

"It does not matter whether you did or not, it is always here--no, not always," said Grace, with a bitter little laugh, "because I am not a girl who makes herself miserable about what cannot be helped, but when I am driven into thought----Oh! Lady Lyons, do you know what it is? Did you ever, in all your life, have remorse?"

"Oh, yes!" said Lady Lyons, very placidly, "when I lost my husband I wished I had not been so cross to him. But he was trying, my dear--very trying. However, I was sorry I was snappish to him sometimes. It quite weighed upon me when he died."

Grace laughed again, and Lady Lyons looked at her curiously. What had she said that was so funny? She began to talk again, this time a little spitefully.

"I suppose you will be glad if your sister marries again?"

"Of course, I shall be glad for her to do whatever is for her happiness; but marrying again, Lady Lyons, does it not seem a little hard that she should have so many chances and I ... have none?"

"My dear, if I am not very much mistaken, Sir Albert Gerald is very much in love."

"Yes, I think he is very much in love," Grace answered indifferently.

"Then let us hope it will all come right."

"I hope it will," and before Lady Lyons could go on with her investigations a servant came to ask if Grace would see Mr. Stevens.

"Certainly." Grace was enchanted to see any one; and Lady Lyons, who did not care for Mr. Stevens, carefully gathered her patchwork together and left the room.

"Well, Mr. Stevens, you see me on the very verge of departure,"

exclaimed Grace; "I am really going far from this gay and festive scene, and intend recruiting my shattered nerves in Highland air."

Mr. Stevens looked at her gravely. He was deeply shocked by her appearance. She looked so fragile, and her lips were so absolutely without colour.

"I hope the Highland air will set you up," he said; "you look as if you have not had sleep for an indefinite time."

"No, sleep.... I do not sleep well." There was something almost pathetic in her tone. He had seen her pretty often now, but he had always seen her full of high spirits, bandying words; he thought her more interesting, and he said very kindly, "Change of air does much for every one, and it will do you good seeing your sister."

"How is she?" Grace felt softened by his tone.

"A different person since she went there. I went up there for a few days...." A curious hesitation in his manner struck her.

"I shall like being with my sister. I shall very much dislike being with some one else," Grace said, with a bitterness of tone he could not help noticing.

"Not--Mrs. Dorriman?"

"Not--Mrs. Dorriman!" she rejoined, imitating the little pause he had made, and looking at him with laughing eyes.

Mr. Stevens got up and looked out of the window. Grace called him back.

"Did you come to see how I was? I do not look very robust, but I intend to get well up in the North."

"I hope you will."

"But you are afraid? Mr. Stevens, your face is nearly as good as a looking-gla.s.s. I see exactly how I look by the expression of your eyebrows. When you come into the room they are tidy and straight; if I look well they arch up into a sort of surprised state, as much as to say 'That girl is a riddle to me, she is actually better, who would have thought it?' When I look very ill, as I suppose I look to-day, they go down in a melancholy line and say as plainly as possible, 'Poor thing!

she is going down-hill very fast.'"

"Miss Rivers, I am sorry my eyebrows should be so very inconveniently expressive," he said, trying to laugh, and feeling absolutely heartsick; she seemed to him frightfully ill, and so utterly devoid of anything like serious thought.

"You need not be sorry," she said, in an odd tone; "we none of us know anything of each other, and I daresay I judge you quite as hardly as you do me."

"Hardly! Do I judge you hardly?"

"You think I am so fearfully frivolous and thoughtless and----I cannot at this moment think of any other words."

"I know your sister best. She is not thoughtless: and may I say to you, Miss Rivers, that the more I know her the more thunderstruck I am at her ever having married poor Drayton?"

"You knew him better than any of us."

"Yes, ever since his boyhood. He had no chance. His father and mother were cousins, and insanity in the family. It was terrible to me to hear of his marriage."

Grace s.h.i.+vered.

"You do not like Mr. Sandford. I remember hearing this. I cannot bear him."

"He is in very bad health now."