A Select Collection of Old English Plays Volume Ix Part 7

O. ART. Why, sir, as yet you do not know the case.

O. LUS. Well, he knows somewhat; forward, Master Arthur.

O. ART. And, as I told you, my unruly son, Once having bid his wife home to my house, There took occasion to be much aggriev'd About some household matters of his own, And, in plain terms, they fell in controversy.

O. LUS. 'Tis true, sir, I was there the selfsame time, And I remember many of the words.

O. ART. Lord, what a man are you! you were not there That time; as I remember, you were rid Down to the North, to see some friends of yours.

O. LUS. Well, I was somewhere; forward, Master Arthur.

JUS. All this is well; no fault is to be found In either of the parties; pray, say on.

O. ART. Why, sir, I have not nam'd the parties yet, Nor touch'd the fault that is complain'd upon.

O. LUS. Well, you touch'd somewhat; forward, Master Arthur.

O. ART. And, as I said, they fell in controversy: My son, not like a husband, gave her words Of great reproof, despite, and contumely, Which she, poor soul, digested patiently; This was the first time of their falling out.

As I remember, at the selfsame time One Thomas, the Earl of Surrey's gentleman, Din'd at my table.

O. LUS. I knew him well.

O. ART. You are the strangest man; this gentleman, That I speak of, I am sure you never saw; He came but lately from beyond the sea.

O. LUS. I am sure I know one Thomas;--forward, sir.

JUS. And is this all? Make me a _mittimus_, And send the offender straightways to the jail.

O. ART. First know the offender--now[13] began the strife Betwixt this gentlewoman and my son-- Since when, sir, he hath us'd her not like one That should partake his bed, but like a slave.

My coming was that you, being in office And in authority, should call before you My unthrift son, to give him some advice, Which he will take better from you than me, That am his father. Here's the gentlewoman, Wife to my son, and daughter to this man, Whom I perforce compell'd to live with us.

JUS. All this is well; here is your son, you say, But she that is his wife you cannot find.

Y. LUS. You do mistake, sir, here's the gentlewoman; It is her husband that will not be found.

JUS. Well, all is one, for man and wife are one; But is this all?

Y. LUS. Ay, all that you can say, And much more than you can well put off.

JUS. Nay, if the case appear thus evident, Give me a cup of wine. What! man and wife To disagree! I prythee, fill my cup; I could say somewhat: tut, tut, by this wine, I promise you 'tis good canary sack.

MRS ART. Fathers, you do me open violence, To bring my name in question, and produce This gentleman and others here to witness My husband's shame in open audience.

What may my husband think, when he shall know I went unto the Justice to complain?

But Master Justice here, more wise than you, Says little to the matter, knowing well His office is no whit concern'd herein; Therefore with favour I will take my leave.

JUS. The woman saith but reason, Master Arthur, And therefore give her licence to depart.

O. LUS. Here is dry justice, not to bid us drink!

Hark thee, my friend, I prythee lend thy cup; Now, Master Justice, hear me but one word; You think this woman hath had little wrong, But, by this wine which I intend to drink--

JUS. Nay, save your oath, I pray you do not swear; Or if you swear, take not too deep an oath.

O. LUS. Content you, I may take a lawful oath Before a Justice; therefore, by this wine--

Y. LUS. A profound oath, well-sworn, and deeply took; 'Tis better thus than swearing on a book.

O. LUS. My daughter hath been wronged exceedingly.

JUS. O, sir, I would have credited these words Without this oath: but bring your daughter hither, That I may give her counsel, ere you go.

O. LUS. Marry, G.o.d's blessing on your heart for that!

Daughter, give ear to Justice Reason's words.

JUS. Good woman, or good wife, or mistress, if you have done amiss, it should seem you have done a fault; and making a fault, there's no question but you have done amiss: but if you walk uprightly, and neither lead to the right hand nor the left, no question but you have neither led to the right hand nor the left; but, as a man should say, walked uprightly; but it should appear by these plaintiffs that you have had some wrong: if you love your spouse entirely, it should seem you affect him fervently; and if he hate you monstrously, it should seem he loathes you most exceedingly, and there's the point at which I will leave, for the time pa.s.ses away: therefore, to conclude, this is my best counsel: look that thy husband so fall in, that hereafter you never fall out.

O. LUS. Good counsel, pa.s.sing good instruction; Follow it, daughter. Now, I promise you, I have not heard such an oration This many a day. What remains to do?

Y. LUS. Sir, I was call'd as witness to this matter, I may be gone for aught that I can see.

JUS. Nay, stay, my friend, we must examine you.

What can you say concerning this debate Betwixt young Master Arthur and his wife?

Y. LUS. Faith, just as much, I think, as you can say, And that's just nothing.

JUS. How, nothing? Come, depose him; take his oath; Swear him, I say; take his confession.

O. ART. What can you say, sir, in this doubtful case?

Y. LUS. Why, nothing, sir.

JUS. We cannot take him in contrary tales, For he says nothing still, and that same nothing Is that which we have stood on all this while; He hath confess'd even all, for all is nothing.

This is your witness, he hath witness'd nothing Since nothing, then, so plainly is confess'd, And we by cunning answers and by wit Have wrought him to confess nothing to us, Write his confession.

O. ART. Why, what should we write?

JUS. Why, nothing: heard you not as well as I What he confess'd? I say, write nothing down.

Mistress, we have dismissed you; love your husband, Which, whilst you do, you shall not hate your husband.

Bring him before me; I will urge him with This gentleman's express confession Against you; send him to me; I'll not fail To keep just nothing in my memory.

And, sir, now that we have examin'd you, We likewise here discharge you with good leave.

Now, Master Arthur and Master Lusam too, Come in with me; unless the man were here, Whom most especially the cause concerns, We cannot end this quarrel: but come near, And we will taste a gla.s.s of our March beer.

[_Exeunt_.

SCENE III.

_A Room in Mistress Mary's House_.