Friendly Visiting among the Poor Part 10

The man's desertion of his family was a mere ruse. He was soon back again, and ready to profit by the help they had obtained. Moving from place to place to avoid rent, they were at last ejected, and the man, wife, and children, including the imbecile, found refuge in the stable of a kind-hearted man who took pity on them. The owner was alarmed, however, when he found the family making no effort to find other quarters, and fearing the imbecile might set fire to the place at any time, he applied to the Charity Organization Society to know what could be done. We offered the woman and children shelter at the Electric Sewing {206} Machine Rooms, until the boy could be sent back to Owing's Mills and the other children committed to the Henry Watson Children's Aid Society, and advised that the man saw wood at the Friendly Inn until he could get work. The man refused to go, but the woman and children came to the Electric Rooms, and with the cooperation of the Society for the Protection of Children, the imbecile was returned to Owing's Mills.

At this juncture the daily papers interfered with our plans for the children by publis.h.i.+ng a sensational account of Gamma as a most industrious shoemaker, who had always supported his family until the hard times of the last year had thrown him out of work. Money was sent to the papers for the family. Gamma, who had consented to have two of the children placed in good country homes by the Henry Watson Aid Society, changed his mind, and the old story of indiscriminate charity and indiscriminate filth and neglect began all over again. The gentleman who had given them shelter thought they ought to have another trial. They had had six years' trial already, but this last one was of short duration. In four months their champion returned to say that the Charity Organization Society was right and he was wrong; that he had found Gamma drunken, lazy, and insolent; and that the children raised under his influence must become paupers and criminals. Again the family were ejected, and this {207} time, before public sympathy could interfere, the two older children were committed to the Henry Watson Aid Society, and only the baby left with Mrs. Gamma.

Our advice to Mrs. Gamma was to return to her mother, who offered her a home. But the advice was not taken. Established in another part of Baltimore, Gamma renewed his attack on the clergy, and told one minister that he was a hardened criminal who had served a term in the Penitentiary, but, after hearing one of his sermons, he desired earnestly to reform. The latest news about the Gammas is a bit of information in which the charitable public will have to take an interest, however reluctantly, before very long,--there is a new baby.--"Charities Record,"

Baltimore, Vol. II, No. 8.

_A Success._--The second family consisted of a respectable, middle-aged woman who had been twice married, four children of the first marriage, and the second husband. The eldest daughter had married, and with her husband occupied part of the house in which her mother lived. The other three children were young. The second husband was a drunken fellow, who did little for his wife's support and abused her badly. She had been to the hospital to have a serious operation performed; and, although the operation had been successful, her health was still poor. When first known by the Conference the family were {208} in great dest.i.tution. The husband brought home very little, the wife could not work, and one of the children earned a mere trifle. The rent was unpaid, and almost the only food the family had was oatmeal. The married daughter and her husband said the family had been long enough quartered on them, and refused to help them any more. The only work the woman thought she could do was sewing, and some of this was found for her. Diet Kitchen order was obtained for one of the children who was ill, and shoes were given to the others. Later, the Provident a.s.sociation gave groceries. At this time the first visitor left the city, and a new one took charge of the family.

She writes: "On first calling on Mrs. X., I found a tidy, respectable-looking woman, apparently in delicate health. Her face was almost that of a lady, and her manners were polite; but she did not make me very welcome. She spoke with affection of her former visitor, who, she said, had been very kind; but she presently remarked that she could not see why 'all these other people' had come prying into her affairs."

On inquiry it was learned that after the former visitor had left town representatives of several charitable societies had called, and that one had hurt the woman's feelings by asking all kinds of questions without giving any explanation of his so doing. The visitor explained that she knew the former visitor, and had been asked to call in her place; and, after {209} some sympathetic explanation, the woman seemed a little cheered. However, she resented the grocery orders she was receiving, saying that she did not wish charity--that she was willing to earn her living by sewing. "Why could she not have that instead of grocery orders?" As to sewing for the shops, she said she could not do that; for shop-work was too low paid, and she could not work on the machine. Plain hand-sewing was the only thing she could do. When told that certain sewing to which she referred was charity sewing, and was only given out in winter, she exclaimed, "Then it is not work at all, but charity, just like the grocery orders." When the visitor said good-by, she was invited to call again. She did so repeatedly, seeing the family once a week or oftener. On account of the drunken husband, some question was raised as to whether the groceries should be given regularly, but Mrs. X. stated that her husband never shared the food. He was away from home most of the time. Sometimes he would come home Sat.u.r.day night and bring some money, and then he would take his meals at home; but, when the money was gone, he would go out for his meals, never asking how his wife and children fared in his absence. It did not appear that his disregard was due to his thinking that others would care for the family. The wife insisted that he did not think or care how they fared. He had sometimes left her for weeks, when {210} she was ill in bed, and had never asked or known how she had been kept alive. He appeared to be so utterly irresponsible that he could not be made more so.

At the visitor's suggestion, it was soon decided that the younger daughter should take a place at service, where she could earn something and yet go home every night. Such a place the visitor found for her, and the girl was eager to save money to buy herself a coat for the following winter. The needs of the family, however, made it necessary to take the earnings for living expenses; but the visitor promised that somehow a coat for the winter should be forthcoming. When the employer closed her house in July, the visitor found a situation for the girl for the summer in one of the country towns. Of this time the visitor writes: "All the time I felt that the family were suffering more than was right. The children were fatherless and with a sick mother, and little A. was constantly ill, first one thing and then another, the doctors saying that he was under-nourished. Mrs. X. did jobs of was.h.i.+ng and scrubbing as she could get them or was able, and the two children of thirteen both worked.

So a benevolent person consented to take entire charge of the family, giving just what I should think proper. Accordingly, from that date to October 10 an average of $2.65 a week was given, besides $13.00 for clothes and other things. Also, {211} Mrs. X. and the two boys were sent to the country for one week. Notwithstanding this, Mrs. X. felt the summer a hard one. She was not a brisk or cheerful woman. She had suffered a great deal from the heat, and A. had diphtheria and other illnesses." In the fall it was arranged that the girl should again go to school; and the married sister finally offered, in order to make this possible, to board her and provide her with boots until Christmas. The Provident a.s.sociation, after considering the case carefully, offered to give $2.00 a week and coal and clothing. The friend who had been giving all the help stood ready to give if more than this was needed. Two months later Mrs. X. had her husband arrested, and sent to the Island for a month.

In the winter Mrs. X. consulted her visitor as to the possibility of her giving up the Provident help and supporting herself by taking boarders.

"She had friends all ready to come, and could arrange to hire additional rooms. All she needed was extra bedding. She felt confident of success.

Her health was better than it had been for a long time, and she was improved in energy and courage. By dint of great persuasion, the Provident consented to give the bedding. They also promised to continue giving coal; but the other help, it was arranged, should stop. They had little hope, however, that the experiment would succeed. But the experiment did succeed, and better {212} than I had antic.i.p.ated. Mrs. X.

proved a good manager. She made a comfortable home, clothed the children, and provided many little comforts of which they had long been deprived. She became cheerful and hopeful for the future. She seemed like a different person from the sick, discouraged woman I had known nine months before.

"When her husband came home from the Island, I feared he might disturb this prosperity, for he acted worse than ever; but in January he attacked her with a knife, so she had him again arrested, and sent to the Island for four months. She then told me she wished to take steps for a separation. I encouraged her in this decision, but was careful not to urge her, for I felt that such a step to be successful must be taken by her own desire.

"So, as spring approached, I hoped that better days had really come for this family. Unfortunately, however, in March a sad accident brought this prosperous state of things to a sudden end. On the morning of March 10, N. brought me word that his mother had fallen downstairs and broken her arm, and asked me to call as soon as possible. I found the poor woman in bed, with her right wrist broken, and her face and body badly bruised. She was in great pain, and so discouraged that it was pitiful.

Her boarders had gone, and she found herself once more dependent on charity; but I felt I could say {213} from a full heart that the help she now needed would not be grudged to her. For, surely, no one could help respecting her endeavor for self-support or could regard her effort as a failure; and, when her accident reduced her once more to dependence, her rent was paid for the rest of the month, she had a bag of flour and other groceries in the house, and $8.00 in money with which to pay the doctor for setting her wrist." The visitor adds: "I think that during this year's visiting Mrs. X. had really learned to regard me as a friend. At first I do not think she liked me very well, and I also found it hard cordially to like her. We were not naturally sympathetic. I am afraid that she often thought me hard; and she had a dreary, complaining way that tried me a great deal. But her good qualities commanded my respect and her misfortunes my pity; and on her my evident desire to befriend her gradually had its effect. Her first expression of real feeling was when she consulted me about her plan for taking boarders, and that was after nine months of constant visiting. She then said that I was the only friend that she had in the world; and later, when the plan was in successful operation, she told me that she attributed all her prosperity to me, and that she was a star in my crown. That she owed all her prosperity to me was of course an exaggeration. I could not have helped her had she not been the essentially decent woman she was. But, at the same {214} time, it was true that, had she not been helped and encouraged when her dest.i.tution was so great, she would probably have lacked both the physical and moral strength, as well as the opportunity later, to stand upon her own feet. And, when her bad fortune again overtook her, it was much for her that she had a friendly visitor to turn to. She felt it so herself; and, as she lay moaning with pain, she sobbed out that I was the only comfort she had on earth."

After the breaking of her wrist, Mrs. X. was dependent for a long time, since the wrist did not knit properly, and her right hand was almost disabled. It did not seem as if she could ever get on her feet again.

But after a time she wished to move to one of the country towns where she had acquaintances. The visitor went to the place herself to examine the chances, and decided that the plan was worth trying. The Provident a.s.sociation gave $10.00 for moving and $10.00 more for a start. After that the visitor gave a little from time to time; but, for the most part, the family were self-supporting. The boy worked in a factory, the girl was employed by a neighbor, and the mother raised hens and vegetables.

At last accounts the daughter was married. Her husband is of good character and prosperous. Both the brothers are earning good wages, the younger one having grown from a sickly child to a strong and hearty boy.

The mother is successful with her poultry, and gets high prices for {215} the eggs. The husband comes and goes as formerly, contributing nothing to the family income, but doing no special harm to any but himself.

Certainly, the present condition of the family is a very happy contrast to that in which they were first found; and certainly, also, these changed conditions are in no small degree due to the earnest and devoted efforts of the visitor.--Sixteenth Report of Boston a.s.sociated Charities, pp. 45 _sq_.

_Unconscious Influence of Good Neighbors._--I would venture to say that there is not an immoral man or woman in neighborhoods known as disreputable, however completely he or she may have cast off self-restraint and regard for character, who has not daily examples of persons, close to such homes and haunts of vice, living honest and morally clean lives, and who is not, to a degree not consciously known, restrained and influenced by the contact. . . . s.p.a.ce will not permit many instances to be stated, but, as ill.u.s.trating what I am wishful to make clear, I give two. In a court behind a street well known as bearing almost the worst character in Manchester lives a man, paralyzed, unable to leave an old sofa which has been his bed for months. He was in the Royal Infirmary, and there p.r.o.nounced incurable, but likely to live years with ordinary care. He could have been taken to the workhouse hospital at Crumpsall, where he would have {216} had careful nursing and suitable food. He has no dread of the workhouse hospital, and would gladly go if he had any hope of cure. He speaks most gratefully of his treatment at the Royal Infirmary. But there is no hope of cure, and his wife and he have determined to keep together while he lives, and he refuses the comforts of the hospital, and she refuses to let him go from her. She has made her home in this court, working in the room in which he lies, with only another room for their four children. She earns an average of 5s. weekly; her eldest boy earns at a situation 5s. more, and on what is left out of 10s., after paying 2s. 6d. rent, and buying coal and light, the six live. (The condition of things is now improved by the guardians deciding to take two of the children into Swinton Schools.) This is a simple and very ordinary story. But what is the effect of the woman's work? She says little to her neighbors. Her high purpose and her complete devotion to her husband and children have made other women ashamed of sin, and made men wish themselves worthy of women like her.

She has no thought that she is doing anything but giving her life for her husband and children, has no knowledge of what the words "unconscious influence" mean--but none the less she is "a light s.h.i.+ning in a dark place."

Another ill.u.s.tration. An old man, for forty years a laborer, never earning more than a weekly wage of {217} 20s., who had brought up three sons (now decent working men, married, with families), became unable to work longer, and is allowed 5s. weekly by his last employer; the rent is paid by his sons, who also give an occasional s.h.i.+lling when they visit him. This is the whole income for himself and his wife. Some time ago when in the street he met a young woman whom he recognized as the daughter of a man who used to work with him. He saw that she was out for immoral purposes and spoke to her, telling her how sorry he was to find her leading such a life. As she appeared sorry and repentant, he took her home to his wife to take care of her until he could see her father.

He found that the father had moved to Bury, having left his work in Manchester from shame at his daughter's disgrace. On the Sunday, when he could expect to find the father at home, the old man walked the seven miles to Bury and found his former mate, but could not prevail on him to take his daughter home. In fact, the father was very angry at being asked, and refused to listen. The old man walked back and told his wife that the girl must stay with them until the next Sunday, when he would try again. The next Sunday the old man walked to Bury and saw the father, who was somewhat softened, but still refused to see his daughter.

A walk home again, and the old man and his wife settled that the girl should remain with them for another try to be made, and on the next Sunday he set out on the {218} road, hopeful to succeed. The father this time gave way, and on the following Monday the daughter went home, and has since lived at home working regularly. The old man and his wife don't know that they have done anything "out of common," or anything more than ought to be done, "for a poor la.s.s."--"Drink and Poverty," by Councillor Alexander M'Dougall, pp. 7 _sq_.