More Toasts Part 40

"Pardon me," said the professor, "he was exposed to it, but he did not take it."

RUPERT--"What did you do with the cuffs I left on the table last night?"

ROLAND--"They were so soiled I sent them to the laundry."

RUPERT--"Ye G.o.ds, the entire history of England was on them."

'07--"You are always behind in your studies."

'23--"Well, you see, sir, it gives me a chance to pursue them."

STUDENT (writing home)--"How do you spell 'financially'?"

OTHER--"F-i-n-a-n-c-i-a-l-l-y, and there are two R's in 'embarra.s.sed.'"--_Harper's_.

_See also_ Degrees.

COLLEGES AND UNIVERSITIES

SOPH.--"How does it happen you came to Harvard? I thought your father was a Yale man."

FRESH.--"He was. He wanted me to go to Yale; I wanted to go to Princeton. We had an argument and he finally told me to go to H----."--_Yale Record_.

_On The Aristocracy of Harvard_

I come from good old Boston, The home of the bean and the cod; Where the Cabots speak only to Lowells, And the Lowells speak only to G.o.d!

--_Dr. Samuel G. Bushnell_.

_On the Democracy of Yale_

Here's to the town of New Haven, The home of the truth and the light; Where G.o.d speaks to Jones in the very same tones, That he uses with Hadley and Dwight!

--_Dean Jones_.

COMMITTEE

BOBBIE--"What is a committee, pa?"

FATHER--"A committee, my son, is something which takes a week to do what one good man can do in an hour."

COMMON SENSE

A farmer, just arrived in town, was walking across the street and happened to notice a sign on a hardware store, "Cast Iron Sinks."

He stood for a minute and then said, "Any fool knows that."

Common sense is in spite of, not because of age.--_Lord Thurlow_.

Common sense is instinct, and enough of it is genius.--_H. W. Shaw_.

COMMUNISM

We were talking to our friend O'Doul about politics, and he was calm enough until somebody announced himself "a violent radical."

"I can stand for Socialism--a little of it, anyway," said O'Doul fiercely; "but it's this Communism that makes me mad; I'm not going to stand for any form of government under which a man can come up to me and say, 'O'Doul, there are too many men just like you in New York.

You go out and live in Columbus.'"

A--"Your communism is stupid. If everything were divided today, in a very short time your portion would be gone. What then?"

B--"Divide again!"

COMMUTERS

Stationed at the Mont Sec observation post, near St. Mihiel, a French soldier was showing the scenery to a doughboy.

"I have been in this section ever since the beginning of the war," he said. "Back there is Commercy, where my home is."

"I suppose you get home once in a while?" said the doughboy.