The Book of Humorous Verse Part 20

Says he, "I'd better call agin"; Says she, "Think likely, Mister"; Thet last word p.r.i.c.ked him like a pin, An' ... Wal, he up an' kist her.

When Ma bimeby upon 'em slips, Huldy sot pale ez ashes, All kin' o' smily roun' the lips An' teary roun' the lashes.

For she was jes' the quiet kind Whose naturs never vary, Like streams that keep a summer mind Snowhid in Jenooary.

The blood clost roun' her heart felt glued Too tight for all expressin', Tell mother see how metters stood, An' gin 'em both her blessin'.

Then her red come back like the tide Down to the Bay o' Fundy, An' all I know is they was cried In meetin' come nex' Sunday.

_James Russell Lowell._

HIRAM HOVER

A BALLAD OF NEW ENGLAND LIFE

Where the Moosatockmaguntic Pours its waters in the Skuntic, Met, along the forest side Hiram Hover, Huldah Hyde.

She, a maiden fair and dapper, He, a red-haired, stalwart trapper, Hunting beaver, mink, and skunk In the woodlands of Squeedunk.

She, Pentucket's pensive daughter, Walked beside the Skuntic water Gathering, in her ap.r.o.n wet, Snake-root, mint, and bouncing-bet.

"Why," he murmured, loth to leave her, "Gather yarbs for chills and fever, When a lovyer bold and true, Only waits to gather you?"

"Go," she answered, "I'm not hasty, I prefer a man more tasty; Leastways, one to please me well Should not have a beasty smell."

"Haughty Huldah!" Hiram answered, "Mind and heart alike are cancered; Jest look here! these peltries give Cash, wherefrom a pair may live.

"I, you think, am but a vagrant, Trapping beasts by no means fragrant; Yet, I'm sure it's worth a thank-- I've a handsome sum in bank."

Turned and vanished Hiram Hover, And, before the year was over, Huldah, with the yarbs she sold, Bought a cape, against the cold.

Black and thick the furry cape was, Of a stylish cut the shape was; And the girls, in all the town, Envied Huldah up and down.

Then at last, one winter morning, Hiram came without a warning.

"Either," said he, "you are blind, Huldah, or you've changed your mind.

"Me you snub for trapping varmints, Yet you take the skins for garments; Since you wear the skunk and mink, There's no harm in me, I think."

"Well," said she, "we will not quarrel, Hiram; I accept the moral, Now the fas.h.i.+on's so I guess I can't hardly do no less."

Thus the trouble all was over Of the love of Hiram Hover.

Thus he made sweet Huldah Hyde Huldah Hover as his bride.

Love employs, with equal favor, Things of good and evil savor; That which first appeared to part, Warmed, at last, the maiden's heart.

Under one impartial banner, Life, the hunter, Love the tanner, Draw, from every beast they snare, Comfort for a wedded pair!

_Bayard Taylor._

BLOW ME EYES!

When I was young and full o' pride, A-standin' on the gra.s.s And gazin' o'er the water-side, I seen a fisher la.s.s.

"O, fisher la.s.s, be kind awhile,"

I asks 'er quite unbid.

"Please look into me face and smile"-- And, blow me eyes, she did!

O, blow me light and blow me blow, I didn't think she'd charm me so-- But, blow me eyes, she did!

She seemed so young and beautiful I _had_ to speak perlite, (The afternoon was long and dull, But she was short and bright).

"This ain't no place," I says, "to stand-- Let's take a walk instid, Each holdin' of the other's hand"-- And, blow me eyes, she did!

O, blow me light and blow me blow, I sort o' thunk she wouldn't go-- But, blow me eyes, she did!

And as we walked along a lane With no one else to see, Me heart was filled with sudden pain, And so I says to she: "If you would have me actions speak The words what can't be hid, You'd sort o' let me kiss yer cheek"-- And, blow me eyes, she did!

O, blow me light and blow me blow, How sweet she was I didn't know-- But, blow me eyes, _she_ did!

But pretty soon me s.h.i.+pmate Jim Came strollin' down the beach, And she began a-oglin' him As pretty as a peach.

"O, fickle maid o' false intent,"

Impulsively I chid, "Why don't you go and wed that gent?"

And, blow me eyes, she did!

O, blow me light and blow me blow, I didn't think she'd treat me so-- But, blow me eyes, she did!

_Wallace Irwin._

FIRST LOVE

O my earliest love, who, ere I number'd Ten sweet summers, made my bosom thrill!

Will a swallow--or a swift, or some bird-- Fly to her and say, I love her still?

Say my life's a desert drear and arid, To its one green spot I aye recur: Never, never--although three times married-- Have I cared a jot for aught but her.

No, mine own! though early forced to leave you, Still my heart was there where first we met; In those "Lodgings with an ample sea-view,"

Which were, forty years ago, "To Let."

There I saw her first, our landlord's oldest Little daughter. On a thing so fair Thou, O Sun,--who (so they say) beholdest Everything,--hast gazed, I tell thee, ne'er.