Contemporary One-Act Plays Part 3

KATE. I a.s.sure you, I don't even know his name.

LADY SIMS. [_Suddenly showing that she knows him._] Oh, he wouldn't like that!

[_And it is here that_ HARRY _re-enters in his city garments, looking so gay, feeling so jolly, that we bleed for him. However, the annoying_ KATHERINE _is to get a shock also_.

LADY SIMS. This is the lady, Harry.

SIR HARRY. [_Shooting his cuffs._] Yes, yes. Good morning, my dear.

[_Then they see each other, and their mouths open, but not for words. After the first surprise_ KATE _seems to find some humor in the situation, but_ HARRY _lowers like a thunder-cloud_.

LADY SIMS. [_Who has seen nothing._] I have been trying to explain to her----

SIR HARRY. Eh--what? [_He controls himself._] Leave it to me, Emmy; I'll attend to her.

[LADY SIMS _goes, with a dread fear that somehow she has vexed her lord, and then_ HARRY _attends to the intruder_.

SIR HARRY. [_With concentrated scorn._] You!

KATE. [_As if agreeing with him._] Yes, it's funny.

SIR HARRY. The shamelessness of your daring to come here.

KATE. Believe me, it is not less a surprise to me than it is to you. I was sent here in the ordinary way of business. I was given only the number of the house. I was not told the name.

SIR HARRY. [_Withering her._] The ordinary way of business! This is what you have fallen to--a typist!

KATE. [_Unwithered._] Think of it!

SIR HARRY. After going through worse straits, I'll be bound.

KATE. [_With some grim memories._] Much worse straits.

SIR HARRY. [_Alas, laughing coa.r.s.ely._] My congratulations!

KATE. Thank you, Harry.

SIR HARRY. [_Who is annoyed, as any man would be, not to find her abject._] Eh? What was that you called me, madam?

KATE. Isn't it Harry? On my soul, I almost forget.

SIR HARRY. It isn't Harry to you. My name is Sims, if you please.

KATE. Yes, I had not forgotten that. It was my name, too, you see.

SIR HARRY. [_In his best manner._] It was your name till you forfeited the right to bear it.

KATE. Exactly.

SIR HARRY. [_Gloating._] I was furious to find you here, but on second thoughts it pleases me. [_From the depths of his moral nature._] There is a grim justice in this.

KATE. [_Sympathetically._] Tell me?

SIR HARRY. Do you know what you were brought here to do?

KATE. I have just been learning. You have been made a knight, and I was summoned to answer the messages of congratulation.

SIR HARRY. That's it, that's it. You come on this day as my servant!

KATE. I, who might have been Lady Sims.

SIR HARRY. And you are her typist instead. And she has four men-servants. Oh, I am glad you saw her in her presentation gown.

KATE. I wonder if she would let me do her was.h.i.+ng, Sir Harry? [_Her want of taste disgusts him._

SIR HARRY. [_With dignity._] You can go. The mere thought that only a few flights of stairs separates such as you from my innocent children----

[_He will never know why a new light has come into her face._

KATE. [_Slowly._] You have children?

SIR HARRY. [_Inflated._] Two. [_He wonders why she is so long in answering._

KATE. [_Resorting to impertinence._] Such a nice number.

SIR HARRY. [_With an extra turn of the screw._] Both boys.

KATE. Successful in everything. Are they like you, Sir Harry?

SIR HARRY. [_Expanding._] They are very like me.

KATE. That's nice. [_Even on such a subject as this she can be ribald._

SIR HARRY. Will you please to go.

KATE. Heigho! What shall I say to my employer?

SIR HARRY. That is no affair of mine.

KATE. What will you say to Lady Sims?

SIR HARRY. I flatter myself that whatever I say, Lady Sims will accept without comment.

[_She smiles, heaven knows why, unless her next remark explains it._

KATE. Still the same Harry.

SIR HARRY. What do you mean?