Contemporary One-Act Plays Part 68

NELI. [_Absent-mindedly, her nose in the book._] Is he? Well, indeed!

HUGH. [_Crossly._] Aye, he is. [_Pointedly._] An' I was not plannin' to give away the book whatever.

NELI. [_Closing volume with a little sigh, as for stolen delights, and speaking hastily._] An' I am not talkin' about acceptin' books, but about b.u.t.ter an' eggs an' cheese an' all the other groceries!

HUGH. Aye, ye'll get no blessin' from such worldliness.

NELI. [_Absent-mindedly._] Maybe not, but ye will get a dinner from that unblessed worldliness an' find no fault, I'm thinkin'. [_Her hand lingering on the book, which she opens._] But such wonderful theology!

An' such eloquence! Such an understandin' of sin! Such glowin' pictures of Babylon!

HUGH. Aye, hot! I tell ye, Neli, there's no man in the parish has such a gift of eloquence as Deacon Roberts or such theology. In all Wales ye'll not find stronger theology than his.

NELI. Ye have no need to tell me that! [_Looking for a place in which to hide the book until she returns._] Have I not a deep an' proper admiration for theology? Have I not had one minister an' five deacons an' a revivalist in my family, to say nothin' at all of one composer of hymns?

HUGH. Yiss, yiss. Aye, 'tis a celebrated family. I am no sayin' anythin'

against your family.

NELI. Then what?

HUGH. [_Pleadingly._] Deacon Roberts has great fire with which to save souls. We're needin' that book on Babylon's wickedness. Give it back to me, Neli!

NELI. Oh, aye! [_Looks at husband._] I'm not sayin' but that ye are wicked, Hugh, an' needin' these essays, for ye have no ministers and deacons and hymn composers among your kin.

HUGH. [_Triumphantly._] Aye, aye, that's it! That's it! An' the more need have I to read till my nostrils are full of the smoke of--of Babylon.

NELI. [_Absent-mindedly tucking book away on shelf as she talks._] Aye, but there has been some smoke about Deacon Roberts's reputation which has come from some fire less far away than Babylon.

HUGH. What smoke?

NELI. [_Evasively._] Well, I am thinkin' about my eggs which vanished one week ago to-day. There was no one in that mornin' but Deacon Roberts. Mrs. Jones the Wash had come for her soap an' gone before I filled that basket with eggs.

HUGH. [_Watching her covertly, standing on tiptoe and craning his neck as she stows away book._] Yiss, yiss!

NELI. [_Slyly._] Ask Deacon Roberts if cats steal eggs whatever?

HUGH. [_Repeating._] If cats steal eggs, if cats steal eggs.

NELI. Aye, not if eggs steal cats.

HUGH. [_Craning neck._] Yiss, yiss, if eggs steal cats!

NELI. Hugh--_ie_! Now ye'll never get it correct again! 'Tis if cats steal eggs.

HUGH. [_Sulkily._] Well, I'm no carin' about cats with heaven starin'

me in the face.

[NELI _turns about swiftly with the quick, sudden motions characteristic of her, and_ HUGH _shrinks into himself. She shakes her finger at him and goes over to kiss him._

NELI. Hughie, lad, ye're not to touch the book while I am gone to market.

HUGH. Nay, nay, certainly not!

NELI. And ye're to be on the lookout for Mrs. Jones the Wash, for Mrs.

Jenkins the Midwife--Jane Elin has a new baby, an' it'll be needin'

somethin'. [_Pointing to counter._] Here is everythin' plainly marked.

Ye're no to undersell or give away anythin.' D'ye hear?

HUGH. Aye, I hear!

NELI. An' remember where the tobacco is, for this is the day Tom Morris the Sheep comes in.

HUGH. Aye, in the gla.s.s jar.

NELI. Good-by. I will return soon.

HUGH. [_Indifferently._] Good-by.

[NELI _leaves by door at back centre. Immediately_ HUGH _steals toward the shelves where she hid the book_.

NELI. [_Thrusting head back in._] Mind, Hughie lad, no readin'--nay, not even any theology!

HUGH. [_Stepping quickly away from shelves and repeating parrotlike._]

Nay, nay, no readin', no sermons, not even any theology!

NELI. An' no salvation till I come back!

[_She smiles, withdraws head, and is gone._ HUGH _starts forward, collides clumsily with the counter in his eagerness, knocks the basket of eggs with his elbow, upsetting it. Several eggs break. He shakes his head ruefully at the mess and as ruefully at the counter. He finds book and hugs it greedily to him._

HUGH. [_Mournfully._] Look at this! What did I say but that there was no salvation sellin' groceries! If Neli could but see those eggs! [_He goes behind counter and gets out a box of eggs, from which he refills the basket. The broken eggs he leaves untouched upon the floor. He opens his volume of sermons and seats himself by a little three-legged table near the fire. He sighs in happy antic.i.p.ation. Hearing a slight noise, he looks suspiciously at door, gets up, tiptoes across floor to street door, and locks it quietly. An expression of triumph overspreads his face._] Da, if customers come, they will think no one is at home whatever, an' I can read on! [_He seats himself at little three-legged table, opens volume, smooths over its pages lovingly, and begins to read slowly and halting over syllables._] The smoke of Ba-by-lon was hot--scorchin' hot. An' 'twas filled with Ba-ba-ba-baal stones, slimy an' scorchin' hot also----

[_There is the sound of feet coming up the shop steps, followed by a hand trying the door-k.n.o.b._ HUGH _looks up from his sermons, an expression of innocent triumph on his face. The door-k.n.o.b is tried again, the door rattled._

[_Then some one rings the shop door-bell._

MRS. JONES THE WASH. [_Calling._] Mrs. Williams, mum, have ye any soap?

[_No answer. Calling._] Mrs. Williams! Mrs. Williams!

[HUGH _nods approvingly and lifts his volume to read_.

MRS. JONES THE WASH. Where are they all whatever? I will just look in at the window, [_A large, kindly face is anxiously flattened against the window. At that_ HUGH _drops in consternation under the three-legged table_.] Uch, what's that shadow skippin' under the table? No doubt a rat after the groceries. Mrs. Williams, mum, Mrs. Williams! Well, indeed, they're out.

[_She pounds once more on the door with a heavy fist, rings, and then goes. Suddenly the door back centre opens, and_ NELI WILLIAMS _appears_.

NELI. [_She does not see_ HUGH _and peers around for him_.] What is all that bell-ringing about?

[HUGH _crawls out from under the table_.