The Humorous Poetry of the English Language; from Chaucer to Saxe Part 110

Down they squatted [15] them together, "Lovely Joan," said Colin bold, "Tell me, on thy davy, [16] whether Thou dost dear thy Colin hold?"

"Don't I, just?" [17] with look ecstatic, Cried the young and ardent maid; "Then let's bolt!" [18] in tone emphatic, b.u.mptuous [19] Colin quickly said.

"Bolt?" she falter'd, "from the gov'nor?

Oh! my Colin, that won't pay; [20]

He will ne'er come down, [21] my love, nor Help us, if we run away."

"Shall we then be disunited?"

Wildly shrieked the frantic cove; [22]

"Mull'd [23] our happiness! and blighted In the kinchin-bud [24] our love!

"No, my tulip! [25] let us rather Hand in hand the bucket kick; [26]

Thus we'll chouse [27] your cruel father-- Cutting from the world our stick!" [28]

Thus he spoke, and pull'd a knife out, Sharp of point, of edge full fine; Pierc'd her heart, and let the life out-- "Now," he cried, "here's into mine!" [29]

But a hand unseen behind him Did the fatal blow arrest.

Oh, my eye! [30] they seize and bind him-- Gentle Mure, conceal the rest!

In the precints of the prison, In his cold crib [31] Colin lies; Mourn his fate all you who listen, Draw it mild, and mind your eyes! [32]

1. "Prigging," stealing; as yet exclusively applied to petty larceny.

"Stealing" is as well known to be a poetical term as it is to be an indictable offense; the Zephyr and the Vesper Hymn, c.u.m multis aliis, are very p.r.o.ne to this practice.

2. "Swigging," drinking copiously--of malt liquor in particular.

"Pearly drops of dew we drink."--OLD SONG.

3. "Plummiest," the superlative of "plummy," exquisitely delicious; an epithet commonly used by young gentlemen in speaking of a bonne bouche or "t.i.t bit," as a mince pie, a preserved apricot, or an oyster patty.

The transference of terms expressive of delightful and poignant savor to female beauty, is common with poets. "Death, that hath sucked the honey of thy breath."--SHAKESPEARE. "Charley loves a pretty girl, AS SWEET AS SUGAR CANDY."--ANON.

4. "Nutty," proper--in the old English sense of "comely," "handsome."

"Six PROPER youths, and tall."--OLD SONG.

5. "n.o.b," a person of consequence; a word very likely to be patronized, from its combined brevity and significancy.

6. "Spicy," very smart and pretty; it has the same recommendation, and will probably supplant the old favorite "bonny." "Busk ye, busk ye, my bonny, bonny bride."--HAMILTON.

7. "Young'un," youth, young man. "A YOUTH to fortune and to fame unknown."--GRAY.

8. "Gov'nor," or "guv'nor," a contraction of "governor," a father. It will, no doubt, soon supersede sire, which is at present the poetical equivalent for the name of the author of one's existence. See all the poets, pa.s.sim.

9. "Said as how he'd never fight," the thing was out of the question; a metaphorical phrase, though certainly, at present, a vulgar one.

10. "Snooze," slumber personified, like "Morpheus," or "Somnus."

11. "Daddle."--Q. from daktulos, a finger--pars pro toto!--Hand, the only synonym for it that we have, except "Paw," "Mawley," &c., which are decidedly generis ejusdem.12. "His'n," his own; corresponding to the Latin suus, his own and n.o.body else's, so frequently met with in OVID and others.

13. "Crack," a twinkling, an extremely short interval of time, which was formerly expressed, in general, by a periphrasis; as, "Ere the leviathan can swim a league!"--SHAKESPEARE.

14. "Cut," sped. A synonym.

15. "Squatted," sat. Id.

16. "Davy," affidavit, solemn oath. Significant and euphonious, therefore alluring to the versifier.

17. "Don't I, just?" A question for a strong affirmation, as, "Oh, yes, indeed I do;" a piece of popular rhetoric, pithy and forcible and consequently almost sure to be adopted--especially by the pathetic writers.

18. "Bolt," ran away. Syn.

19. "b.u.mptious," fearless, bold, and spirited; a very energetic expression such as those rejoice in who would fair "DENHAM'S strength with Waller's sweetness join."

20. "That won't pay," that plan will never answer. Metaph.

21. "Come down," disburse; also rendered in the vernacular by "fork out." etc. Id.

22. "Cove," swain. "Alexis shunn'd his fellow SWAINS."--PRIOR. See also SHENSTONE Pa.s.sIM.

23. "Mull'd," equivalent to "wreck'd," a term of pathos.

24. "Kinchin-bud," infant-bud. Metaph.; moreover, very tender, sweet, and touching, as regards the idea.

25. "My tulip," a term of endearment. "Fairest FLOWER, all flowers excelling." ODE TO A CHILD: COTTON.

26. "The bucket kick," pleonasm for die; as, "to breathe life's latest sigh."--"To yield the soul,"--"the breath,"--or, UT APUD ANTIQ. "Animam expirare," seu "efflare," etc.

27. "Chouse," cheat. Syn.

28. "Cutting . . . our stick." Pleon. ut supra.

29. "Here's unto mine!" A form of speech a.n.a.logous to "Have at thee."--SHAKESPEARE, and the dramatists generally.

30. "Oh, my eye!" an interjectional phrase, tantamount to "Oh, heavens!" "Merciful powers!" etc.

31. "Cold crib," cold bed. "Go to thy cold bed and warm thee."--SHAK.

32. "Draw it mild," etc. Metaph. for "Rule your pa.s.sions, and beware!"

I doubt not that it will be admitted by your judicious readers that I have substantiated my case. Our monarchical inst.i.tutions may preserve our native tongue for a time, but if it does not become, at no very distant period, as strange a medley as that of the American is at present--to use the expressive but peculiar idiom of that people--"IT'S A PITY."

I am, sir, etc., P.

EPITAPH ON A LOCOMOTIVE.

BY THE SOLE SURVIVOR OF A DEPLORABLE ACCIDENT (NO BLAME TO BE ATTACHED TO ANY SERVANTS OF THE COMPANY).

PUNCH.

Collisions four Or five she bore, The Signals wor in vain; Grown old and rusted, Her biler busted, And smash'd the Excursion Train.

"HER END WAS PIECES."

THE TICKET OF LEAVE.

[AS SUNG BY THE HOLDER, AMID A CONVIVIAL CIRCLE IN THE SLUMS.]

PUNCH.

Ven a prig has come to grief, He's no call for desperation; Though I'm a conwicted thief, Still I've opes of liberation.

The Reverend Chapling to deceive A certain dodge and safe resource is, Whereby you gets a Ticket of Leave, And then resumes your wicious courses.

(SPOKEN.) I vos lagged, my beloved pals, on a suspicion of burglary, 'ad up afore the Recorder, and got seven years' penal serwitude and 'ard labor. Hand preshus 'ard labor and 'ard lines I found it at first, mind you. Vell, I says to myself, blow me! I ain't a goin' to stand this 'ere, you know: but 'taint no a.s.s kickin' agin stone walls and iron spikes: wot I shall try and do is to gammon the parson.

"Ven a prig," etc.

Them parsons is so jolly green, They're sure to trust in your conwersion, Which they, in course, believes 'as been The consequence of their exertion.

You shakes your 'ead, turns up your eyes, And they takes that to be repentance; Wherein you moans, and groans, and sighs, By reason only of your sentence.

(SPOKEN.) Wen in a state of wiolent prespiration smokin' 'ot from the crank, the Chapling comes into my cell, and he says, says he, "My man,"

he says, "how do you feel?" "'Appy, sir," says I, with a gentle sithe: "thank you, sir: quite 'appy." "But you seem distressed, my poor fellow," says he. "In body, sir," says I; "yes. But that makes me more 'appy. I'm glad to be distressed in body. It serves me right. But in mind I'm 'appy: leastways almost 'appy." "'Ave you hany wish to express," says he: "is there any request as you would like to make."

"'AWKER'S HEVENING POTION, sir," says I, "and the DAIRYMAN'S DAUGHTER: if 'AWKER'S HEVENING POTION was but mine--and the DAIRYMAN'S DAUGHTER--I think, sir, I should be quite 'appy." "My friend," says the parson, "your desire shall be attended to," and hout he valked: me a takin' a sight at 'im be'ind 'is back; for as soon as I thought he wos out of 'earin', sings I to myself-- "Ven a prig," etc

In the chapel hof the Jug, Then I did the meek and lowly, Pullin' sitch a spoony mug That I looked unkimmon pure and 'oly.

As loud as ever I could shout, All the responses too I hutter'd, Well knowing what I was about: So the reverend Gent I b.u.t.tered.

(Spoken.) Won day he comes to me arter service, and axes me what I thought: I could do for myself in the way of yarnin a honest liveliwood, if so be as I was to be allowed my liberty and to go back to the world. "Ah! sir," says I, "I don't think no longer about the world. 'Tis a world of sorrow and wanity, I havn't given a thought to what I should do in it" "Every one," says the Chapling "has his sphere of usefulness in society; can you think of no employment which you have the desire and ability to follow?" "Well, sir," says I "if there is a wocation which I should feel delight and pleasure in follerin 'tis that of a Scripter Reader. But I ain't worthy to be a Scripter Reader. A coal-porter of tracts and religious books, sir, I thinks that's what I should like to try and be, if the time of my just punishment was up.

But there's near seven year, sir, to think about that--and p'raps 'tis better for me to be here." That's the way I used to soap the Chapling--Cos vy?

"Ven a prig," etc.