The Deipnosophists, or Banquet of the Learned of Athenaeus Part 62

And Timocles says in his Heroes--

_A._ You bid me now to speak of everything Rather than what is to the purpose; well, I'll gratify you so far.

_B._ You shall find As the first fruits that you have pacified The great Demosthenes.

_A._ But who is he?

_B._ That Briareus who swallows spears and s.h.i.+elds; A man who hates all quibbles; never uses Ant.i.thesis nor trope; but from his eyes Glares terrible Mars.

According, therefore, to the above-mentioned poets, so we, _restoring_ but not _giving_ to you what followed after the previous conversation, will now tell you all that was said afterwards.

4. Then came into us these servants, bringing a great quant.i.ty of sea fish and lake fish on silver platters, so that we marvelled at the wealth displayed, and at the costliness of the entertainment, which was such that he seemed almost to have engaged the Nereids themselves as the purveyors. And one of the parasites and flatterers said that Neptune was sending fish to our Neptunian port, not by the agency of those who at Rome sell rare fish for their weight in money; but that some were imported from Antium, and some from Terracina, and some from the Pontian islands opposite, and some from Pyrgi; and that is a city of Etruria.

For the fishmongers in Rome are very little different from those who used to be turned into ridicule by the comic poets at Athens, of whom Antiphanes says, in his Young Men--

I did indeed for a long time believe The Gorgons an invention of the poets, But when I came into the fish-market I quickly found them a reality.

For looking at the fishwomen I felt Turn'd instantly to stone, and was compell'd To turn away my head while talking to them.

For when I see how high a price they ask, And for what little fish, I'm motionless.

5. And Amphis says in his Impostor--

'Tis easier to get access to the general, And one is met by language far more courteous, And by more civil answer from his grace, Than from those cursed fishf.a.gs in the market.

For when one asks them anything, or offers To buy aught of them, mute they stand like Telephus, And just as stubborn; ('tis an apt comparison, For in a word they all are homicides;) And neither listen nor appear to heed, But shake a dirty polypus in your face; Or else turn sulky, and scarce say a word, But as if half a syllable were enough, Say "se'n s'lings this," "this turb't eight'n-pence."

This is the treatment which a man must bear Who seeks to buy a dinner in the fish-market.

And Alexis says in his Apeglaucomenos--

When I behold a general looking stern, I think him wrong, but do not greatly wonder, That one in high command should think himself Above the common herd. But when I see The fishmongers, of all tribes far the worst, Bending their sulky eyes down to the ground, And lifting up their eyebrows to their foreheads, I am disgusted. And if you should ask, "Tell me, I pray you, what's this pair of mullets?"

"Tenpence." "Oh, that's too much; you'll eightpence take?"

"Yes, if you'll be content with half the pair."

"Come, eightpence; that is plenty." "I will not Take half a farthing less: don't waste my time."

Is it not bitter to endure such insolence?

6. And Diphilus says in his Busybody--

I used to think the race of fishmongers Was only insolent in Attica; But now I see that like wild beasts they are Savage by nature, everywhere the same.

But here is one who goes beyond his fellows, Nouris.h.i.+ng flowing hair, which he doth call Devoted to his G.o.d--though that is not the reason, But he doth use it as a veil to hide The brand which marks his forehead. Should you ask him, What is this pike's price? he will tell you "tenpence;"

Not say what pence he means; then if you give him The money, he will claim aegina's coinage; While if you ask for change, he'll give you Attic.

And thus he makes a profit on both sides.

And Xenarchus says in his Purple--

Poets are nonsense; for they never say A single thing that's new. But all they do Is to clothe old ideas in language new, Turning the same things o'er and o'er again, And upside down. But as to fishmongers, They're an inventive race, and yield to none In shameless conduct. For as modern laws Forbid them now to water their stale fish, Some fellow, hated by the G.o.ds, beholding His fish quite dry, picks with his mates a quarrel, And blows are interchanged. Then when one thinks He's had enough, he falls, and seems to faint, And lies like any corpse among his baskets.

Some one calls out for water; and his partner Catches a pail, and throws it o'er his friend So as to sprinkle all his fish, and make The world believe them newly caught and fresh.

7. And that they often do sell fish which is dead and stinking is proved by what Antiphanes says in his Adulterers, as follows--

There's not on earth a more unlucky beast Than a poor fish, for whom 'tis not enough To die when caught, that they may find at once A grave in human stomachs; but what's worse, They fall into the hands of odious fishmongers, And rot and lie upon their stalls for days; And if they meet with some blind purchaser, He scarce can carry them when dead away; But throws them out of doors, and thinks that he Has through his nose had taste enough of them.

And in his Friend of the Thebans he says--

Is it not quite a shame, that if a man Has fresh-caught fish to sell, he will not speak To any customer without a frown Upon his face, and language insolent?

And if his fish are stale, he jokes and laughs-- While his behaviour should the contrary be: The first might laugh, the latter should be shamed.

And that they sell their fish very dear we are told by Alexis in his Pylaean Women--

Yes, by Minerva, I do marvel at The tribe of fishmongers, that they are not All wealthy men, such royal gains they make.

For sitting in the market they do think it A trifling thing to t.i.the our properties; But would take all at one fell swoop away.

8. And the same poet says in his play ent.i.tled the Caldron--

There never was a better lawgiver Than rich Aristonicus. For he now Does make this law, that any fishmonger Who puts a price upon his fish, and then Sells it for less, shall be at once dragg'd off And put in prison; that by their example The rest may learn to ask a moderate price, And be content with that, and carry home Their rotten fish each evening; and then Old men, old women, boys, and all their customers, Will buy whatever suits them at fair price.

And a little further on he says--

There never has, since Solon's time, been seen A better lawgiver than Aristonicus.

For he has given many different laws, And now he introduces this new statute, A golden statute, that no fishmonger Should sell his fish while sitting, but that all Shall stand all day i' the market. And he says Next year he will enact that they shall sell Being hung up; for so they will let off Their customers more easily, when they Are raised by a machine like G.o.ds in a play.

9. And Antiphanes, in his Hater of Wickedness, displays their rudeness and dishonesty, comparing them to the greatest criminals who exist among men, speaking as follows--

Are not the Scythians of men the wisest?

Who when their children are first born do give them The milk of mares and cows to drink at once, And do not trust them to dishonest nurses, Or tutors, who of evils are the worst, Except the midwives only. For that cla.s.s Is worst of all, and next to them do come The begging priests of mighty Cybele; And it is hard to find a baser lot-- Unless indeed you speak of fishmongers, But they are worse than even money-changers, And are in fact the worst of all mankind.

10. And it was not without some wit that Diphilus, in his Merchant, speaks in this manner of fish being sold at an exorbitant price--

I never heard of dearer fish at any time.

Oh, Neptune, if you only got a tenth Of all that money, you would be by far The richest of the G.o.ds! And yet if he, The fishmonger I mean, had been but civil, I would have given him his price, though grumbling; And, just as Priam ransom'd Hector, I Would have put down his weight to buy the conger.

And Alexis says in his Grecian Woman--

Living and dead, the monsters of the deep Are hostile to us always. If our s.h.i.+p Be overturn'd, they then at once devour Whatever of the crew they catch while swimming: And if they're caught themselves by fishermen, When dead they half undo their purchasers; For with our whole estate they must be bought, And the sad purchaser comes off a beggar.

And Archippus, in his play called the Fish, mentions one fishmonger by name, Hermaeus the Egyptian, saying--

The cursedest of all fish-dealers is Hermaeus the Egyptian; who skins And disembowels all the vilest fish, And sells them for the choicest, as I hear.

And Alexis, in his Rich Heiress, mentions a certain fishmonger by name, Micio.

11. And perhaps it is natural for fishermen to be proud of their skill, even to a greater degree than the most skilful generals. Accordingly, Anaxandrides, in his Ulysses, introduces one of them, speaking in this way of the fisherman's art--

The beauteous handiwork of portrait painters When in a picture seen is much admired; But the fair fruit of our best skill is seen In a rich dish just taken from the frying-pan.

For by what other art, my friend, do we See young men's appet.i.tes so much inflamed?

What causes such outstretching of the hands?

What is so apt to choke one, if a man Can hardly swallow it? Does not the fish-market Alone give zest to banquets? Who can spread A dinner without fried fish, or anchovies, Or high-priced mullet? With what words or charms Can a well-favour'd youth be caught, if once The fisherman's a.s.sistance be denied?

His art subdues him, bringing to the fish-kettle The heads of well-boil'd fish; this leads him on To doors which guard th' approach to a good dinner, And bids him haste, though nought himself contributing.

12. And Alexis says this with reference to those who are too anxious as to buying their fish, in his Rich Heiress--

Whoever being poor buys costly fish, And though in want of much, in this is lavish, He strips by night whoever he may meet.

So when a man is stripp'd thus, let him go At early morn and watch the fish-market.