A Nonsense Anthology Part 19

The Carpenter said nothing but "Cut us another slice: I wish you were not quite so deaf-- I've had to ask you twice!"

"It seems a shame," the Walrus said, "To play them such a trick, After we've brought them out so far, And made them trot so quick!"

The Carpenter said nothing but "The b.u.t.ter's spread too thick!"

"I weep for you," the Walrus said; "I deeply sympathize."

With sobs and tears he sorted out Those of the largest size, Holding his pocket-handkerchief Before his streaming eyes.

"O Oysters," said the Carpenter, "You've had a pleasant run!

Shall we be trotting home again?"

But answer came there none-- And this was scarcely odd, because They'd eaten every one.

_Lewis Carroll_.

THE HUNTING OF THE SNARK

We have sailed many months, we have sailed many weeks, (Four weeks to the month you may mark), But never as yet ('tis your Captain who speaks) Have we caught the least glimpse of a Snark!

"We have sailed many weeks, we have sailed many days, (Seven days to the week I allow), But a Snark, on the which we might lovingly gaze, We have never beheld until now!"

"Come, listen, my men, while I tell you again The five unmistakable marks By which you may know, wheresoever you go, The warranted genuine Snarks."

"Let us take them in order. The first is the taste, Which is meagre and hollow, but crisp: Like a coat that is rather too tight in the waist, With a flavour of Will-o-the-wisp."

"Its habit of getting up late you'll agree That it carries too far, when I say That it frequently breakfasts at five-o'clock tea, And dines on the following day."

"The third is its slowness in taking a jest.

Should you happen to venture on one, It will sigh like a thing that is greatly distressed; And it always looks grave at a pun."

"The fourth is its fondness for bathing-machines, Which it constantly carries about, And believes that they add to the beauty of scenes-- A sentiment open to doubt."

"The fifth is ambition. It next will be right To describe each particular batch; Distinguis.h.i.+ng those that have feathers, and bite, From those that have whiskers, and scratch."

"For, although common Snarks do no manner of harm, Yet I feel it my duty to say Some are Boojums--" The Bellman broke off in alarm, For the Baker had fainted away.

They roused him with m.u.f.fins--they roused him with ice-- They roused him with mustard and cress-- They roused him with jam and judicious advice-- They set him conundrums to guess.

When at length he sat up and was able to speak, His sad story he offered to tell; And the Bellman cried, "Silence! Not even a shriek!"

And excitedly tingled his bell.

"My father and mother were honest, though poor--"

"Skip all that!" cried the Bellman in haste, "If it once becomes dark, there's no chance of a Snark, We have hardly a minute to waste!"

"I skip forty years," said the Baker, in tears, "And proceed without further remark To the day when you took me aboard of your s.h.i.+p To help you in hunting the Snark."

"You may seek it with thimbles--and seek it with care; You may hunt it with forks and hope; You may threaten its life with a railway-share; You may charm it with smiles and soap--"

"I said it in Hebrew--I said it in Dutch-- I said it in German and Greek; But I wholly forgot (and it vexes me much) That English is what you speak!"

"The thing can be done," said the Butcher, "I think The thing must be done, I am sure.

The thing shall be done! Bring me paper and ink, The best there is time to procure."

So engrossed was the Butcher, he heeded them not, As he wrote with a pen in each hand, And explained all the while in a popular style Which the Beaver could well understand.

"Taking Three as the subject to reason about-- A convenient number to state-- We add Seven and Ten and then multiply out By One Thousand diminished by Eight."

"The result we proceed to divide, as you see, By Nine Hundred and Ninety and Two; Then subtract Seventeen, and the answer must be Exactly and perfectly true."

"As to temper, the Jubjub's a desperate bird, Since it lives in perpetual pa.s.sion: Its taste in costume is entirely absurd-- It is ages ahead of the fas.h.i.+on."

"Its flavor when cooked is more exquisite far Than mutton or oysters or eggs: (Some think it keeps best in an ivory jar, And some, in mahogany kegs.)"

"You boil it in sawdust; you salt it in glue: You condense it with locusts and tape; Still keeping one princ.i.p.al object in view-- To preserve its symmetrical shape."

The Butcher would gladly have talked till next day, But he felt that the Lesson must end, And he wept with delight in attempting to say He considered the Beaver his friend.

_Lewis Carroll_.

_SYLVIE AND BRUNO_

He thought he saw a Banker's clerk Descending from the 'bus; He looked again, and found it was A Hippopotamus.

"If this should stay to dine," he said, "There won't be much for us!"

He thought he saw an Albatross That fluttered round the lamp: He looked again, and found it was A Penny-Postage-Stamp.

"You'd best be getting home," he said; "The nights are very damp!"

He thought he saw a Coach-and-Four That stood beside his bed: He looked again, and found it was A Bear without a Head.

"Poor thing," he said, "poor silly thing!

It's waiting to be fed!"

He thought he saw a Kangaroo That worked a coffee-mill: He looked again, and found it was A Vegetable-Pill.

"Were I to swallow this," he said, "I should be very ill!"

He thought he saw a Rattlesnake That questioned him in Greek: He looked again, and found it was The Middle of Next Week.

"The one thing I regret," he said, "Is that it cannot speak!"

_Lewis Carroll_.

GENTLE ALICE BROWN

It was a robber's daughter, and her name was Alice Brown.