English As We Speak It in Ireland Part 23

A steel grey with a flaxen tail and a bra.s.s boy driving. Answer: needle and thread; thimble.

Little Jennie Whiteface has a red nose, The longer she lives the shorter she grows.

Answer: a lighted candle.

A man without eyes Went out to view the skies, He saw a tree with apples on: He took no apples, He ate no apples, And still he left no apples on.

Answer: a one-eyed man: the tree had two apples: he took one.

Long legs, crooked thighs, little head, no eyes. Answer: a tongs.

Ink-ank under a bank ten drawing four. Answer: a girl milking a cow.

Four-and-twenty white bulls tied in a stall: In comes a red bull and over licks them all.

Answer: teeth and tongue.

These are perhaps not very hard, though not quite so easy as the Sphinx's riddle to the Thebans, which Oedipus answered to his immortal renown. But I should like to see Oedipus try his hand at the following. Samson's riddle about the bees is hard enough, but ours beats it hollow. Though Solomon solved all the puzzles propounded to him by the Queen of Sheba, I think this would put him to the pin of his collar. I learned it in Limerick two generations ago; and I have got a Wexford version from Mr. MacCall. Observe the delightful inconsequence of riddle and answer. {187}

Riddle me, riddle me right: What did I see last night?

The wind blew, The c.o.c.k crew, The bells of heaven Struck eleven.

'Tis time for my poor _sowl_ to go to heaven.

Answer: the fox burying his mother under a holly tree.

To a person who begins his dinner without saying grace: 'You begin your meal like a fox': for a fox never says grace. A fox once ran off with a c.o.c.k--neck in mouth--to make a meal of him. Just as he was about to fall to, the c.o.c.k said--'Won't you thank G.o.d?' So the fox opened his mouth to say grace, and the c.o.c.k escaped and flew up into a tree. On which the fox swore he'd never more say grace or any other prayer. (From Clare: Healy.)

In depreciation of a person's honour: 'Your honour and goat's wool would make good stockings': i.e. your honour is as far from true honour as goat's hair is from wool.

'For the life of me' I can't see why you vex yourself for so small a matter.

Of a pair of well-matched bad men:--'They might lick thumbs.' Also 'A pity to spoil two houses with them.' (Moran: Carlow.)

A person is said to be 'belled through the parish' when some discreditable report concerning him has gone about in the neighbourhood. The allusion is to a bellman announcing something to the public. (Moran: Carlow.) {188}

A person addresses some abusive and offensive words to another, who replies 'Talk away: _your tongue is no scandal_.' The meaning is, 'You are so well known for the foulness of your tongue that no one will pay any attention to you when you are speaking evil of another.' (Moran: Carlow.)

'Come and have a drink,' said the dragoon. 'I don't take anything; _thank you all the same_,' replied Billy Heffernan. (Knocknagow.) Very general everywhere in Ireland.

Regarding a person in consumption:--

March will _sarch_ [search], April will try, May will see Whether you'll live or die.

(MACCALL: Wexford.)

When a man inherits some failing from his parents, 'He didn't catch it in the wind'--'It wasn't off the wind he took it.' (Moran: Carlow.)

When a man declines to talk with or discuss matters with another, he says 'I owe you no discourse'--used in a more or less offensive sense--and heard all through Ireland.

When a person shows himself very cute and clever another says to him 'Who let you out?'--an ironical expression of fun: as much as to say that he must have been confined in an asylum as a confirmed fool. (Moran: Carlow.)

When a person for any reason feels elated, he says 'I wouldn't call the king my uncle.' ('Knocknagow'; but heard everywhere in Ireland.)

When a person who is kind enough while he is with {189} you grows careless about you once he goes away:--'Out of sight out of mind.'

To go _with your finger in your mouth_ is to go on a fool's errand, to go without exactly knowing why you are going--without knowing particulars.

When a person singing a song has to stop up because he forgets the next verse, he says (mostly in joke) 'there's a hole in the ballad'--throwing the blame on the old ballad sheet on which the words were imperfect on account of a big hole.

Searching for some small article where it is hard to find it among a lot of other things is 'looking for a needle in a bundle of straw.'

When a mistake or any circ.u.mstance that entails loss or trouble is irreparable--'there's no help for spilt milk.'

Seventy or eighty years ago the accomplishments of an Irishman should be:

To smoke his dudheen, To drink his cruiskeen, To flourish his alpeen, To wallop a spalpeen.

(MACCALL: Wexford.)

It is reported about that Tom Fox stole d.i.c.k Finn's sheep: but he didn't.

Driven to desperation by the false report, Tom now really steals one, and says:--'As I have the name of it, I may as well have the gain of it.'

A person is told of some extraordinary occurrence and exclaims--'Well such a thing as that was never before heard of _since Adam was a boy_.' This last expression is very general.

The Chairman of the Banbridge Board of Guardians {190} lately asked a tramp what was his occupation: to which the fellow--cancelling his impudence by his drollery--replied:--'I'm a hailstone maker out of work owing to the want of snow.'

My partner in any business has acted against my advice and has persisted, notwithstanding my repeated friendly remonstrances, till at last he brings failure and discredit. Yet when the trial comes I _stand black for him_; i.e. I act loyally towards him--I defend him: I take my share of the blame, and never give the least hint that the failure is all his doing. _Standing black_ often heard.

'He's not all there,' i.e. he is a little daft, a little _cracked_, weak-minded, foolish, has a slight touch of insanity: 'there's a slate off,' 'he has a bee in his bonnet' (Scotch): 'he wants a square' (this last Old English).

A man gets into an angry fit and you take no trouble to pacify him:--'Let him cool in the skin he heated in.' (Moran: Carlow.)

A person asks me for money: I give him all I have, which is less than he asked for:--'That is all [the corn] there's threshed.' (Moran: Carlow.)

A man with a very thin face 'could kiss a goat between the horns.' (Moran: Carlow.)

'Never put a tooth on it': an invitation to speak out plainly, whatever the consequences.

A woman giving evidence at Drumcondra Petty Sessions last year says 'I was born and reared in Finglas, and there isn't one--man or woman--that dare say _black was the white of my eye_': that is, no one could allege any wrong-doing against her. Heard everywhere in Ireland. {191}

A man who is going backwards or down the hill in circ.u.mstances is said to be 'going after his back.' The sense is obvious. (Moran: Wexford.)

'Come day go day G.o.d send Sunday,' applied to an easy-going idle good-for-nothing person, who never looks to the future.

When a person is asked about something of which for some reason he does not wish to speak, he says 'Ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies.'

(General.)