Scamping Tricks and Odd Knowledge Part 4

"Now, I'll tell you about a bit of 'extra' dodging that rather scared me. First, let me say, no one can ever know how much I hate waste--it can't be measured."

"You and me are alike, a couple of turtle doves on that question."

"We are. Finish up, and we will have another. I remember Lord Palmerston said, dirt was matter out of place, or something like that.

Now I think piles are often good timber out of place, so I followed that lesson and said to myself 'What a lot of good timber is going to be buried; and really it is breaking and loosening the ground too much to please me, and that's a mistake, besides placing extra weight on it'; so after dwelling on the subject as much as suited me, I decided it was waste, and that it was poison to me. I had trouble on my mind about it and it made me feel thirsty and does now. Pour another out."

"There you are."

"I'm better now. Well, I wrestled over the waste question some time, and finally made up my mind not to be a party to it, it being against my principles, and, like us all, no man shall make me swerve from them, especially when they agree with my pocket."

"Certainly; shake hands. That is good!"

"Well, there was only one way to do it, so in order that every one might have their way to a certain extent I decided to drive first one pile to the depth as ordered and one to the depth that suited me, and therefore both parties were satisfied and believed they had got what they wanted; for while I left the other man, that is the engineer--excuse the disrespect--to his happy thoughts, I descended to simple practice in a way very comforting to me. Knowing it is not every pile which is driven that drives whole, or is according to drawing, many often being twisted and knocked to shreds--although I have seen them driven through a layer of old brickwork, and whole, too--and that there is a lot of uncertainty about them in some ground, I dwelt on the matter, and came to the conclusion that according to the drawings every other pile would be driven about 3 to 4 feet too far down, and that all concerned hardly agreed upon the depth to which all of them should be driven, and that I was the chief one to be considered; so I cut off a few feet of the top of nearly every other pile, and varied the length according to whether the pile happened to drive hardly or went down gently."

"Precisely."

"Somehow or other the ground seemed really grateful to me, for more of the piles were cut off than I originally intended. They must have pa.s.sed the tip--may be the worms did it; anyhow the ground, after a few had been driven, seemed to become harder, and we had more sawing to do than ever. I like sawing. You see your work, and all is above board and nothing hidden and no deception. Suits our principles. Now, you are like me, you don't wish to disturb other people's minds, we are built on the lines of love too much, and tenderness is better than anger any day."

"That's it. I consider you were doing a kindness all round, or as near to it as makes no difference!"

"Well, in order not to disturb any one, it took some thinking over as to the best time to ease off the tops. I mean cut the heads off and put the rings on again, and give the tops a properly seasoned appearance. I used to call it put their hair right. Now, you know docks are not like railway works, for the men are nearly all at one place; here we were in the middle of a large town, but you'll excuse my naming the place, I am too polite to do such a thing without permission. No one was about at dinner time, for all the chaps pa.s.sed the gates. The place where my work was was shut in nicely, and as there was always a row going on from the traffic close by on road and river, and loading and unloading, it was a really nice little home in which to do a bit of engineering-up-to-date."

"I understand; a convenient spot for scientific experiments in saving labour and the waste of good material."

"That's the lesson. I found dinner time was the best after a week's scouting, and that the road was clear as daylight, for all the spies were away, and there was only one that ever hung about, and he was a young engineer just come to the docks straight from Westminster. He was a nice sort of chap, and a smart one, and had the kind of face a girl looks fond upon from what I have noticed of their tricks. Of course, he did not know much of actual work, being a new pupil, I heard. By the way, what a lot of pupils to be sure some engineers turn out. I almost fancy a few of them must make as much from the schooling branch of the profession as they do from work; but let them, it is nothing to do with me, but this pupil I can say was no fool, though, the same as all new hands, the work was a novelty to him, like a new toy to a child.

"Now, the only thing to interfere with the 'extra' business as described was this pupil, so I decided to fix his attention, if I could, in another direction, and sweetly, so thought it out, and said to myself, 'You have had more difficult things to steer through than this--rather hotter, I fancy.'

"It so happened, just then, they had pulled down an old tavern, and built on the site a showy crib with balcony overlooking the river, and they had a lot of relics on view, and two nicish girls were there. Good figures, you know, and fairly on; so I made myself particularly gracious to Mr. Pupil and pointed out, submissive to his superior knowledge like, a few things on the work. Then the plot was let loose this way. I started a kind expression on my face, and said--

"'I'm afraid you find it rather rough, sir, here; there are not the nice feeding places they have in town, in fact, I think there is only one near here, sir, at all fit for you.'"

"'Where is that?'

"'It is the Anchor and Hope Hotel, sir. I can hardly direct you to it; but you have plenty of time to go there and get back fully a quarter of an hour before the men's dinner time is over, if you will allow me to show you the place, and they have almost a museum of relics of the river.'

"The relics settled it, and he took on all right, and I knew then things were working smoothly and the wind was getting round to a nice steady breeze from the proper quarter. He was a good-natured chap, and one could see liked inspecting the woman portion of creation better than works, at least, during dinner-time, and I don't blame him; some men are built that way, and can hardly say 'no' to a woman, for if they do they think they have done wrong and been unkind. Poor things! Well, we got to the place, and, fortunately, no one was in the private bar."

"You mean lobby. Don't insult the place."

"I humbly beg pardon.

"In we went, and it was lucky, for the better of the two girls was on parade; they were nieces of the landlord, so had more lat.i.tude than paid slaves. I went in first, and Mr. Pupil turned to me and said, 'I will be with you in a minute.' Now, that was just what I wanted, a word or two of priming for Polly. So after shaking hands with her, said:--

"'Polly, in a second or two a young swell will be here just new on the works, and will be on the job to the finish, three years, so make yourself pleasant as possible. Three years' presents and fun, to say nothing of odd trips out, are not to be snuffed at; and he is rich they tell me, and should be real good business all round, if you work him right.'

"She laughed; and before I could say any more the door was on the move, and in Mr. Pupil came. I kept my weather eye on him, for I can generally tell, when they run young, whether a chap is smitten sufficient. I saw the place would be a pleasant diversion, just seeing one of the tender gender occasionally, after being all day among men; so to make it appear I was a wolf on business, said, 'Please excuse me, sir, but I have to meet a gentleman at half-past twelve.'

"'Certainly. Do not let me detain you.'

"I just turned to Polly, and said, 'Show this gentleman your museum of relics, and the private room looking across the river, as I think it may perhaps suit him for an odd lunch now and then.' Polly twigged.

"I saw they were started on the road of mutual admiration, and travelling pretty, and that he meant calling again. She also seemed to like the prospect, and knew how to work the game of fascination right, and she did; so the only one in the way of preventing my doing a bit of engineering-up-to-date with the pile-driving was now removed in a nice harmonious way, and to the entire satisfaction of the company's resident engineer--no, hardly that, I mean mine. I consider I did a kind action to all parties, not excepting myself. What a blessing women are, if you use them right. Mr. Pupil had his lunch at the place every day, and Polly and he understood each other, and got on A 1, so I was told. It is soothing work bringing happiness to two young hearts as beat soft.

"_Next day we started cutting off the pile-heads_, while Polly and Mr.

Pupil were occasionally very likely pitching their heads together so that I should not have all the fun. Well, we managed to so drive the piles after a day or two as to be able to cut off, generally during dinner time, from 2 to 4 feet, and I should think must have done over 200, when one day, just as we had nearly sawn one through, up turned Mr. Pupil. Polly and her sister were visiting, and never told me they were going, so the Anchor and Hope did not weigh-in much from him that day. My ganger, who was doing the sawing trick with me, looked a bit down, but he is not so educated as me; so I turned to Mr. Pupil and said--as he asked me what I was doing, and what was the matter--'Got the pile down wrong, sir, and shall have to lift it. I think it's broken off, or gone ragged, may be it has struck an old anchor.'

"He just looked very hard at me, nodded, and went away. It was a close shave, and lucky it was not the chief engineer. However, we had a quarter of an hour to work on that pile before the men came back, and we soon ruined it with bars and tackle. Anyhow, we raised it in no time, for we had the best tackle and everything you could wish for. We split the pile right across. It was only down 5 feet, and most of it in mud. We quickly cut it up into cleats; and out of misfortunes, between you and me, I always make as much as I can. So when Mr. Pupil returned I said to him, 'It wants a lot of experience to know when piles are not driving right, but 25 years has not been lost on me, sir, and I will have good work or none.' Perhaps 'none' would have been the correct word; but anyhow I used it coupled, and you can't complain, for if the pile had been cut there would have been none in the place where it was thought there was. We saved a lot of driving, and I said to myself, 'It is lucky this bit of wharf wall is left to me pretty well, because, as nearly most of the piles are a bit short, the wall may settle if they load it much or build on it; still I think it will settle equally, and then it won't matter so much, and they are not going to build on or near it, that I know,' so I saved nearly 1000 feet of driving on the lot; but here comes the shake. I forgot to say the piles were driven, and a platform fixed on the top for the wall in the old style, but it has gone out now, since Portland cement concrete came into fas.h.i.+on. One day the engineer walked over the work with two or three directors, and, after a lot of talk, they decided to build some 3-floor warehouses upon the quay, after some figuring and dwelling on it. That made me think. I heard someone say, 'The piles are 15 feet in the solid ground, and therefore will safely bear the load.' So they would if they had been, but not many hundreds of them were, and many were in 5 feet of little better than mud, and as some had been cut off 4 feet, those piles were only 6 feet in the solid ground. Understand, this wharf piling was only the beginning of a long two or three years profit for me, and I knew the warehouses would be sure to settle, and if they did unequally, over would go the show. I always avoided the quay wall afterwards; it seemed like a sort of spectre to me.

"One day the engineer sent for me to come to the office. Of course I was there sharp. He said:--

"'I want you to tell me your idea of the character of the ground upon which the western quay wall is erected?'

"Don't you think I was lucky, old pal? Here was my deliverance. It was not exactly a path of roses--there are not many knocking about now--because if I said it was soft ground he could reply, 'You had a very high price for such driving.' If I said it was firm, I felt sure, should they build a warehouse on it such as I heard them talk about, it would sink or topple over, so I had to be careful how the s.h.i.+p was sailed. I answered the engineer like this: 'If you'll excuse me talking to you freely, sir, I will speak my mind; but I most feel abashed with such as you, for you know a thousand times better than me.' He then said to me:--

"'Be at your ease. I wish to hear exactly what you would do in the matter if you were in my position. I have made up my mind; in fact, I have already committed my views to writing.'

"'Thank you, sir. Well, sir, I think it is a risky place, although the piles were many of them dreadfully hard to drive, and wanted a lot of care and all had it, I think, judging from the variation in the depth to which they went down under the same number of blows, that the ground is a bit mixed, and therefore I should choose another site, as there is plenty of room.'

"'Your opinion somewhat coincides with mine. Your idea, I may say, is one which the configuration of the ground leads me to think is the case without doubt. It is therefore probable that in a few days I may have a considerable length of the quay loaded with rails, nearly 2000 tons will arrive for the main and branch lines before the end of the week, as I intend to load part of the quay with about 8 tons per square foot in order to test it. In any case, much as I am urged to commence the warehouses at once, I shall not do so until the quay has withstood the test during at least a month.'

"'That is a heavy test, sir.'

"'You can go now!' He bowed, and smiled his thanks, and I withdrew. Of course, I said nothing to anyone. It don't do to annoy the guv'nor.

Well, in a few days the rails came, about 2500 tons of them. The engineer sent for me again and said, 'I wish you to see the rails stacked on part of the quay in accordance with instructions you will receive.'

"I could only say, 'Very well, sir,' and withdraw. I felt I was had again, and went straight away and had a pull of rum. There was no help for it now. I was in the fix and had to get out of it somehow, and what made it doubly worse was being ordered to superintend my own ruin.

Listen, for you will when I tell you I might have been tried for having killed or injured 400 men and one director! It was a near squeak for the lot, and as it was--No! I'll tell you in a few minutes what happened.

"Well, we stacked the rails over the place according to the engineer's directions, after Mr. Pupil had taken the levels--he also took them every day, to see how things were going. I made no remarks, for fear I might say something that would lead to further enquiries, and took the cue from a chap I once knew, the biggest rogue out he was; he could please them pretty, and never had any fixed opinions about anything, like some of our politicians, or could twist them about to suit the times; and he set his sails according to circ.u.mstances, so as to be pleasant to everyone, and was liked and respected by a lot that knew no better and could not see through him, but he had not a bit of honesty in him. Fact was, knowing I had got all I could out of short driving and cutting off these piles, I played a mild game of respectful bluff, more particularly as Mr. Pupil told me the ground had only gone down a mere decimal of an inch.

"One day the engineer walked over by himself and said to me, 'Come to the quay wall.'

"We got there, and I felt I had soft sawder enough in me for anything.

He led off by saying, 'Although this is a severe test it is not altogether satisfactory to me. The rails shall remain in their present position for at least another month. I have known, as in cylinder sinking, subsidence to occur very suddenly and unexpectedly. I do not like the system of foundations upon piles, but have been overruled here.'

"Now what he said pleased me much, because I thought to myself if the wall does break up it will not be exactly a heart-breaking trial to him. Well, all went on as usual for a fortnight, and I heard nothing further till one Friday about 5 o'clock. It was near low water, and Mr.

Pupil came to me and said the engineer wanted to see me. I went towards the office, but on the way met him and the engineer and three or four other swells, two of them that came before. I touched my hat, and walked behind. I heard the engineer say, 'Mr. Selectus, although the position is very good, I am not satisfied with regard to the foundations, more especially as I believe the ground to be varied in character; and on an old plan, dated 1720, I note a stream marked here; in fact, Mr. Pupil has searched and found a water-course existed almost from the earliest known times.'

"If he did not say exactly that, it was just like it, anyhow he spoke up pretty straight. One of the directors (I heard they were all such afterwards) said, addressing the engineer, 'I have an idea. The men will cease work, I think, very soon?' 'They will,' said the engineer.

'Have you any objection to their marching and marking time, as it were, upon the rails, as a final test, as I remember we so tested a suspension bridge I had erected at my place?'

"The engineer a.s.sented, and remarked that although the weight of 500 men was not much compared to the weight of the rails, the vibration they would create might cause a sudden subsidence. However, he slightly bowed to the director, and said, 'I leave the experiment entirely to you, although I may say it is not unattended with risk; for the test load now imposed is a very severe one for such unstable soil, and the effects of vibratory motion are usually most deleterious.'

"However, the director, after some talking, had his way, so the men were fetched. We had about 700 at work then, the company's own men. I will cut it short. Well, the director told the foreman, as the engineer asked him to do so, what he wished to be done, and the men marched up and down I should think six or seven times. It did not take long, and they soon got into step, for we had a lot of militia chaps at work; and then the director, who seemed to be enjoying himself, said, 'Now we will try three trips, double quick,' so the men went by once all on the smile, and we were as near laughing as smiling allows, when!----

"It chokes me to think of it. Fill up the gla.s.s, so that I may keep my pipes open. Thank you, I was near being blocked up. Well, about half of the men were behind the rails, and we were all, except the director-in-command I'll call him, looking on and stationed on a mound close by. I shouted out--seemed a sort of sudden impulse--