Life and Death of Mr. Badman Part 19

Atten. These are good testimonies of this truth, and doe (if matter of fact, with which Mr. Badman is charged, be true), prove indeed that he did not repent, but as he lived, so he dyed in his sin: For without Repentance a man is sure to dye in his sin; for they will lie down in the dust with him, {160a} rise at the Judgement with him, hang about his Neck like Cords and Chains when he standeth at the Barre of G.o.ds Tribunal, and goe with him too when he goes away from the Judgment-seat, with a Depart from me ye cursed into everlasting fire, prepared for the Devil and his Angels; and there shall fret and gnaw his Conscience, because they will be to him a never-dying worm. {160b}

Wise. You say well, and I will add a word or two more to what I have said: Repentance, as it is not produced without a sight and sence of sin, so every sight and sence of sin cannot produce it: I mean, every sight and sence of sin cannot {160c} produce that Repentance, that is Repentance unto salvation; repentance never to be repented of. For it is yet fresh before us, that Mr. Badman had a sight and sence of sin, in that fit of sickness that he had before, but it dyed without procuring any such G.o.dly fruit; as was manifest by his so soon returning with the Dog to his Vomit. Many people think also that Repentance stands in Confession of sin only, but they are very much mistaken: For Repentance, as was said before, is a being sorry for, and a turning from transgression to G.o.d by Jesus Christ. Now, if this be true, that every sight and sence of sin will not produce Repentance, then Repentance cannot be produced there where there is no sight and sence of sin. That every sight and sence of sin will not produce repentance, to wit, the G.o.dly repentance that we are speaking of, is manifest in Cain, Pharaoh, Saul and Judas, who all of them had sence, great sence of sin, but none of them repentance unto life.

Now I conclude, that Mr. Badman did die impenitent, and so a death most miserable.

Atten. But pray now, before we conclude our discourse of Mr. Badman, give me another proof of his dying in his sins.

Wise. Another proof is this. {160d} He did not desire a sight and sence of sins, that he might have repentance for them. Did I say he did not desire it, I will add, he greatly desired to remain in his security: and that I shall prove by that which follows. First, he could not endure that any man, now, should talk to him of his sinfull life, and yet that was the way to beget a sight and sence of sin, and so of repentance from it in his soul. But, I say, he could not endure such discourse. Those men that did offer to talk unto him of his ill-spent Life, they were as little welcome to him in the time of his last sickness, as was Elijah when he went to meet with Ahab, as he went down to take possession of Naboths Vineyard. Hast thou found me, said Ahab, O mine enemy? {161a} So would Mr. Badman say in his heart to and of those that thus did come to him, though indeed they came even of love, to convince him of his evil life, that he might have repented thereof, and have obtained mercy.

Atten. Did good men then goe to see him in his last sickness?

Wise. Yes: Those that were his first wifes acquaintance, they went to see him, and to talk with, and to him, if perhaps he might now, at last, bethink himself, and cry to G.o.d for mercy.

Atten. They did well to try now at last if they could save his soul from h.e.l.l: But pray how can you tell that he did not care for the company of such?

Wise. Because of the differing Carriage that he had for them, from what he had when his old carnal companions came to see him: When his old Campanions came to see him, he would stir up himself as much as he could both by words and looks, to signifie they were welcome to him; he would also talk with them freely, and look pleasantly upon them, though the talk of such could be none other but such as David said, carnal men would offer to him, when they came to visit him in his sickness: If he comes to see me, says he, he speaketh vanity, his heart gathereth iniquity to itself. {161b} But these kind of talks, I say, Mr. Badman better brooked, than he did the company of better men.

But I will more particularly give you a Character {161c} of his carriage to good men (and good talk) when they came to see him.

1. When they were come, he would seem to fail in his spirits at the sight of them.

2. He would not care to answer them to any of those questions that they would at times put to him, to feel what sence he had of sin, death, h.e.l.l, and Judgment: But would either say nothing, or answer them by way of evasion, or else by telling of them he was so weak and spent that he could not speak much.

3. He would never shew forwardness to speak to, or talk with them, but was glad when they held their tongues. He would ask them no question about his state and another world, or how he should escape that d.a.m.nation that he had deserved.

4. He had got a haunt at last to bid his wife and keeper, when these good people attempted to come to see him, to tell them that he was asleep or inclining to sleep, or so weak for want thereof, that he could not abyde any noyse. And so they would serve them time after time, till at last they were discouraged from coming to see him any more.

5. He was so hardned, now, in this time of his sickness, that he would talk, when his companions came unto him, to the disparagement of those good men (and of their good doctrine too) that of love did come to see him, and that did labour to convert him.

6. When these good men went away from him, he would never say, Pray when will you be pleased to come again, for I have a desire to more of your company, and to hear more of your good instruction? No not a word of that, but when they were going would scarce bid them drink, or say, Thank you for your good company, and good instruction.

7. His talk in his sickness with his companions, would be of the World, as Trades, Houses, Lands, great Men, great t.i.tles, great places, outward Prosperity, or outward Adversity, or some such carnal thing.

By all which I conclude, that he did not desire a sence and sight of his sin, that he might repent and be saved.

Atten. It must needs be so as you say, if these things be true that you have a.s.serted of him. And I do the rather believe them, because I think you dare not tell a lie of the dead.

Wise. I was one of them that went to him, and that beheld his carriage and manner of way, and this is a true relation of it that I have given you.

Atten. I am satisfied. But pray if you can, shew me now by the Word, what sentence of G.o.d doth pa.s.s upon such men?

Wise. Why, the man that is thus averse to repentance, that desires not to hear of his sins, that he might repent and be saved; is said to be a man that saith unto G.o.d, Depart from me, for I desire not the knowledge of thy wayes. {163a} He is a man that sayes in his heart and with his actions, I have loved strangers, (sins) and after them I will goe. He is a man that shuts his eyes, stops his ears, and that turneth his spirit against G.o.d. Yea he is the man that is at enmity with G.o.d, and that abhorres him with his soul. {163b}

Atten. What other signe can you give me that Mr. Badman died without repentance?

Wise. Why, he did never heartily cry to G.o.d for mercy all the time of his affliction. {163c} True, when sinking fits, st.i.tches, or pains took hold upon him, then he would say as other carnal men use to do, Lord help me, Lord strengthen me, Lord deliver me, and the like: But to cry to G.o.d for mercy, that he did not, but lay, as I hinted before, as if he never had sinned.

Atten. That is another bad sign indeed; for crying to G.o.d for mercy, is one of the first signs of repentance. When Paul lay repenting of his sin, upon his bed, the Holy Ghost said of him, Behold he prayes. {163d} But he that hath not the first signs of repentance, 'tis a sign he hath none of the other, and so indeed none at all. I do not say, but there may be crying, where there may be no sign of repentance. They cryed, says David, to the Lord, but he answered them not; {163e} but that he would have done, if their cry had been the fruit of repentance. But, I say, if men may cry, and yet have no repentance, be sure, they have none, that cry not at all. It is said in Job, They cry not when he bindeth them; {163f} that is, because they have no repentance; no repentance, no cryes; false repentance, false cryes; true repentance, true cryes.

Wise. I know that it is as possible for a man to forbear crying that hath repentance, as it is for a man to forbear groaning that feeleth deadly pain. He that looketh into the Book of Psalms, (where repentance is most lively set forth even in its true and proper effects,) shall there find, that crying, strong crying, hearty crying, great crying, and uncessant crying, hath been the fruits of repentance: (But none of this had this Mr. Badman, therefore he dyed in his sins.)

That Crying is an inseparable effect of repentance, is seen in these Scriptures. Have mercy upon me, O G.o.d, according to the mult.i.tude of thy tender mercies, blot out my transgressions. O Lord, rebuke me not in thine anger, neither chasten me in thy hot displeasure. Have mercy upon me, O Lord, for I am weak. O Lord, heal me for my bones are vexed. My soul is also vexed, but thou, O Lord, how long: Return, O Lord, deliver my soul: O save me for thy mercies sake: O Lord, rebuke me not in thy wrath, neither chasten me in thy hot displeasure; for thine arrows stick fast in me, and thy hand presseth me sore. There is no soundness in my flesh, because of thine anger, neither is there any rest in my bones, because of my sin. For mine iniquities are gone over mine head, as an heavy burthen, they are too heavy for me. My wounds stink and are corrupt; because of my foolishness. I am troubled, I am bowed down greatly, I goe mourning all the day long. My loyns are filled with a loathsom disease, and there is no soundness in my flesh. I am feeble, and sore broken, I have roared by reason of the disquietness of my heart.

{164a}

I might give you a great number more of the holy sayings of good men, whereby they express how they were, what they felt, and whether they cryed or no, when repentance was wrought in them. Alas, alas, it is as possible for a man, when the pangs of Guilt are upon him to forbear praying, as it is for a woman when pangs of travel are upon her to forbear crying. If all the world should tell me that such a man hath repentance, yet if he is not a praying man, I should not be perswaded to believe it.

Atten. I know no reason why you should: for there is nothing can demonstrate that such a man hath it. But pray Sir, what other sign have you, by which you can prove that Mr. Badman died in his sins, and so in a state of d.a.m.nation?

Wise. I have this to prove it. {164b} Those who were his old sinfull companions in the time of his health, were those whose company and carnal talk he most delighted in, in the time of his sickness. I did occasionally hint this before, but now I make it an argument of his want of grace: for where there is indeed a work of Grace in the heart, that work doth not only change the heart, thoughts and desires, but the conversation also; yea conversation and company too. When Paul had a work of grace in his soul, he a.s.sayed to Joyn himself to the Disciples.

He was for his old companions in their abominations no longer: he was now a Disciple, and was for the company of Disciples. And he was with them coming in and going out in Jerusalem. {165a}

Atten. I thought something when I heard you make mention of it before.

Thought I, this is a shrewd sign that he had not grace in his heart.

Birds of a feather, thought I, will flock together: If this man was one of G.o.ds children, he would heard with G.o.ds children, his delight would be with, and in the company of G.o.ds children. As David said, I am a companion of all them that fear thee, and of them that keep thy precepts.

{165b}

Wise. You say well, for what fellows.h.i.+p hath he that believeth with an Infidel? And although it be true, that all that joyn to the G.o.dly are not G.o.dly, yet they that shall inwardly choose the company of the unG.o.dly and open profane, rather than the company of the G.o.dly, as Mr. Badman did; surely are not G.o.dly men, but profane. He was, as I told you, out of his element, when good men did come to visit him, but then he was where he would be, when he had his vain companions about him. Alas!

grace, as I said, altereth all, heart, life, company, and all; for by it the heart and man is made new: and a new heart, a new man, must have objects of delight that are new, and like himself: Old things are pa.s.sed away; Why? For all things are become new. {165c} Now if all things are become new, to wit, heart, mind, thoughts, desires, and delights, it followeth by consequence that the company must be answerable: hence it is said, That they that believed were together; that they went to their own company; that they were added to the Church; that they were of one heart and of one soul; {165d} and the like. Now if it be objected that Mr.

Badman was sick, and so could not goe to the G.o.dly, yet he had a tongue in his head, and could, had he had an heart, have spoken to some to call or send for the G.o.dly to come to him. Yea, he would have done so; yea the company of all others, specially his fellow sinners, would, even in every appearance of them before him, have been a burden and a grief unto him. His heart and affection standing bent to good, good companions would have suited him best. But his Companions were his old a.s.sociates, his delight was in them, therefore his heart and soul were yet unG.o.dly.

Atten. Pray how was he when he drew near his end? for I perceive that what you say of him now, hath reference to him, and to his actions, at the beginning of his sickness? Then he could endure company, and much talk; besides, perhaps then he thought he should recover and not die, as afterwards he had cause to think, when he was quite wasted with pining sickness, when he was at the graves mouth. But how was he, I say, when he was (as we say) at the graves mouth, within a step of death? when he saw, and knew, and could not but know, that shortly he must dye, and appear before the Judgment of G.o.d?

Wise. Why {166a} there was not any other alteration in him, than what was made by his disease upon his body: sickness, you know, will alter the body, also pains and st.i.tches will make men groan; but for his mind he had no alteration there. His mind was the same, his heart was the same.

He was the self-same Mr. Badman still: not onely in Name but Conditions, and that to the very day of his death: yea, so far as could be gathered to the very moment in which he died.

Atten. Pray how was he in his death? was Death strong upon him? or did he dye with ease, quietly?

Wise. As quietly as a {166b} Lamb. There seemed not to be in it, to standers by, so much as a strong struggle of Nature: and as for his Mind, it seemed to be wholly at quiet. But pray why do you ask me this question?

Atten. Not for mine own sake, but for others. For there is such {166c} an opinion as this among the ignorant: That if a man dies, as they call it, like a Lamb, that is, quietly, and without that consternation of mind that others shew in their death, they conclude, and that beyond all doubt, that such an one is gone to Heaven, and is certainly escaped the wrath to come.

Wise. There is no Judgment to be made by a quiet death, of the Eternal state of him that so dieth. Suppose one man should die quietly, another should die suddenly, and a third should die under great consternation of spirit; no man can Judge of their eternall condition by the manner of any of these kinds of deaths. He that dies quietly, suddenly, or under consternation of spirit, may goe to Heaven, or may goe to h.e.l.l; no man can tell whether a man goes, by any such manner of death. The {167a} Judgment therefore that we make of the eternall condition of a man must be gathered from another consideration: To wit, Did the man die in his sins? did he die in unbelief? did he die before he was born again? then he is gone to the Devil and h.e.l.l, though he died never so quietly.

Again, Was the man a good man? had he faith and holiness? was he a lover and a Wors.h.i.+pper of G.o.d by Christ, according to his Word? Then he is gone to G.o.d and Heaven, how suddenly, or in what consternation of mind soever he died: But Mr. Badman was naught, his life was evil, his wayes were evil; evil to his end: he therefore went to h.e.l.l and to the Devil, how quietly soever he died.

Indeed there is, in some cases, a Judgment to be made of a mans eternal condition by the manner of the death he dieth. {167b} As suppose now a man should murder himself, or live a wicked life, and after that die in utter despair; these men without doubt do both of them goe to h.e.l.l. And here I will take an occasion to speak of two of Mr. Badmans Brethren, (for you know I told you before that he had Brethren,) and of the manner of their death. One of them killed himself, and the other after a wicked life died in utter despair. Now I should not be afraid to conclude of both these, that they went by, and through their death to h.e.l.l.

Atten. Pray tell me concerning the first, how he made away himself?

Wise. Why, he took a knife and cut his own Throat, and immediately gave up the Ghost and died. Now what can we judge of such a mans condition; since the Scripture saith, No murderer hath eternall life, &c. but that it must be concluded, that such an one is gone to h.e.l.l. He was a murderer, a Self-murderer; and he is the worst murderer, one that slays his own body and soul: nor doe we find mention made of any but cursed ones that doe such kind of deeds. I say, no mention made in holy Writ of any others, but such, that murder themselves.

And this is the sore Judgment of G.o.d upon men, when G.o.d shall, for the sins of such, give them up to be their own Executioners, or rather to execute his Judgment and Anger upon themselves. And let me earnestly give this Caution to sinners. Take heed, Sirs, break off your sins, lest G.o.d serves you as he served Mr. Badmans Brother: That is, lest he gives you up to be your own Murderers.

Atten. Now you talk of this. [Picture: Take note symbol] I did once know a man, a Barber, that took his own Raisor, and cut his own Throat, and then put his head out of his Chamber-window, to shew the neighbours what he had done, and after a little while died.

Wise. [Picture: Take note symbol] I can tell you a more dreadful thing than this: I mean as to the manner of doing the fact. {168c} There was about twelve years since, a man that lived at Brafield by Northampton, (named John c.o.x) that murdered himself; the manner of his doing of it was thus. He was a poor man, and had for some time been sick (and the time of his sickness was about the beginning of Hay-time;) and taking too many thoughts how he should live afterwards, if he lost his present season of work, he fell into deep despair about the world, and cryed out to his wife the morning before he killed himself, saying, We are undone. But quickly after, he desired his wife to depart the room, Because, said he, I will see if I can get any rest; so she went out: but he instead of sleeping, quickly took his Raisor, and therewith cut up a great hole in his side, out of which he pulled, and cut off some of his guts, and threw them, with the blood up and down the Chamber. But this not speeding of him so soon as he desired, he took the same Raisor and therewith cut his own throat. His wife then hearing of him sigh and fetch his wind short, came again into the room to him, and seeing what he had done, she ran out and called in some Neighbours, who came to him where he lay in a b.l.o.o.d.y manner, frightfull to behold. Then said one of them to him, Ah! John, what have you done? are you not sorry for what you have done? He answered roughly, 'Tis too late to be sorry. Then said the same person to him again, Ah! John, pray to G.o.d to forgive thee this b.l.o.o.d.y act of thine. At the hearing of which Exhortation, he seemed much offended, and in angry manner said, Pray! and with that flung himself away to the wall, and so after a few gasps died desperately. When he had turned him of his back, to the wall, the blood ran out of his belly as out of a boul, and soaked quite through the bed to the boards, and through the c.h.i.n.ks of the boards it ran pouring down to the ground. Some said, that when the neighbours came to see him, he lay groaping with his hand in his bowels, reaching upward, as was thought, that he might have pulled or cut out his heart. 'Twas said also, that some of his Liver had been by him torn out and cast upon the boards, and that many of his guts hung out of the bed on the side thereof. But I cannot confirm all particulars; but the general of the story, with these circ.u.mstances above mentioned, is true; I had it from a sober and credible person, who himself was one that saw him in this b.l.o.o.d.y state, and that talked with him, as was hinted before.

Many other such dreadful things might be told you, but these are enough, and too many too, if G.o.d in his wisdom had thought necessary to prevent them.