Yorksher Puddin Part 26

One neet a little la.s.s knock'd at th' door, an' sed 'at Emma had sent her to tell her an' Isaac to go a to see her as sooin as ivver they could.

"Nah then! What did aw tell thi? It's come at last, an' aw knew it wad I But if he's raised a finger o' his to hurt a hair ov her heead aw'l fotch law on him if aw have to sell up dish an' spooin! put this stickin' plaister i' thi pocket, an' theas cammomile flaars, an' poppy heeads, an' let's be off this minit!"

"What's th' stickin' plaister an' all this stuff for?". sed Isaac.

"Tha'll see what it's for sooin enuff! A'a, aw wish sometimes aw'd flivver been born! It's a bonny come off to bring childer into th' world an' keep' em an' luk after' em till they grow up to be treated war nor dogs!"

Isaac shov'd th' stuff into his pockets an' wor off after her as sooin as he could, for shoo'd stirred him up a bit, an' he gript his walkin'

stick an' pooled his hat ovver his een as mich as to say he thowt it high time to let fowk know what they wor abaat. As sooin as they gate i'th' seet o'th' haase he sed, "Ther's noa fowk abaat that's one blessin'; if ther's been a row they must ha' been varry quite abaat it."

"Shoo'd niver utter a word if shoo wor to be riven i' bits, shoo's too mich like me for that, A'a, aw little thowt aw should ivver have to come o' sich o' eearand as this!"

They didn't stop to knock, but oppen'd th' door, an' thear they saw Bob an' Emma sittin' at th' teah-table lukkin' as cheerful an' as happy as could be.

"Come in, booath on yo'," sed Emma, "Yo'r just i' time for a cup o'

teah. We didn't expect yo' quite as sooin, but yo'r allus welcome."

"Why yond la.s.s tha sent coom wi' sich a tale wol we wor sewer ther' munt be summat serious to do, an' we started off withaat wastin' a minit."

"Aw'm glad yo've com'd," sed Bob, "We've getten summat to show yo', but yo' mun have a cup o' teah furst."

"What have aw to do wi' all this stickin' plaister an' stuff?" sed Isaac.

"Can't ta keep it i' thi pocket an' say nowt apaat it, softheead! Tha wants a piece on it across thi macth."

"Whativver made yo' bring stickin' plaister, mother, yo' sewerly didn't think ther'd been ony feightin'?"

"Does fowk nivver want ony stickin' plaister n.o.bbut when they've been feightin'? Ha could aw tell but what one o' yo' had tummel'd onto th'

foire, or getten scalded or summat? Thi father browt it, it wor nooan o'

me."

"Eea, aw browt it, but--"

"But--Tha can hold thi noise an' tak' it back, for if ther'd been ony use for it tha'd ha' been sewer to ha' forgetten it. But let's see what this thing is 'at tha's sent for us to luk at, for aw can get noa drinkin' unless aw know what it is."

"Well, come yo're ways into this raam," sed Emma, "Here it is, an' tell me what yo' think on it."

"Why aw'l be shot if it isn't a sewin' machine! An' a grand en it is; but ha' mich have yo' to give for it?"

"Ther's nowt to give for it, becoss it's all paid for. Bob's bowt it me aght o'th' bra.s.s he's been savin'."

"Then that's whear his five s.h.i.+llin' a wick has been gooin'?"

"Eea, an' moor nor that, for he'd getten a raise of hauf a craan, an' he nivver tell'd me, becoss he wanted to buy this for mi birthday."

"What did aw tell thi, Emma? Didn't aw say 'at tha could trust Bob? They can't deceive me. Aw can tell a straightforrad chap as sooin as aw see him."

"Nah, tha sees Angelina," sed Isaac, "Things isn't just as black as tha thowt they wor, an' aw tell'd thi--"

"Tha tell'd me nowt, an' aw dooan't want thi to tell me owt; goa sit thi daan to thi drinkin' an' let thi mait stop thi maath.'"

Niver Judge by Appearances.

If yo niver heeard tell o' that doo 'at Broddington an Clarkson once had, aw'll tell yo abaat it; for when aw heeard on it aw lafft wol my bally wark'd, aw did forshure. Yo mun understand at Broddington kept a butcher's shop i' Snicket loin an Clarkson kept a puttaty shop ith same row. Well, it soa happen'd 'at Broddington's shop wor too big for him, an Clarkson's wor too little for him, soa they had a bit o' tawk together, an after a deeal o' bargainin, an boath swearin 'at it ud be a loss o' monny a paand, they agreed to swap. Broddington wor a single chap an lived bi hissen, but Clarkson had a wife an some bairns, an shoo wor a wife an noa mistak! for shoo'd tongue enuff for hauf a duzzen.

Ther wor a sign ovver each shop wi th' name painted on, but as one wodn't fit t' other they agreed to swap signs as weel an to get' em repainted, each wi thee own name. Well, one day they set abaat flittin, an a varry hard day they had, but at last all wor comfortably arranged an nowt moor wanted dooin but names changin.

After a hard job like that, Broddington thowt he'd give hissen a bit ov a treat, an goa off on a cheap trip to Liverpool, for as it wor varry hot weather he hadn't mich to do--butchers niver have--but as he lived bi hissen, an wor a varry hard sleeper, he couldn't tell ha to manage to get up to be ready for four o'clock, an' he didn't like th' idea o'

sittin up all th' neet, coss he knew if he did 'at he'd be fit for nowt all th' day. After studdin abaat it a bit an idea struck him, an' off he set to seek th' policeman 'at wor o' that beat, an get him to wakken him.

He wornt long afoor he fan him, soa he says, "Jim, aw want thee to do me a bit ov a faver if tha will." "Well, lad," he sed, "awl do it if aw can awl promise thi; what is it tha wants me to do?" "Aw want to set off o'

that cheap trip tomorn 'at leaves here at four o'clock, an as awm a varry saand sleeper, aw want thee to wakken me abaat hauf-past three."

"O, if that's all, awl do that an' welcome." "But tha knows," sed Broddington, "its nooan sich a easy task as tha seems to fancy, for when awm i' bed aw sleep like a stooan, an soa if aw dooant get up at once tha mun pawse th' door wol aw do." "O, awl pawse it niver fear, awl wakken thi afoor aw leave off, tha may bet thi front teeth o' that."

"Well, aw darsay tha may, an awve made up mi mind to goa, but awm sich a sleepy-head 'at if aw get up its a thaasand to one aw shall goa to bed agean as sooin as iver tha turns thi back, so tha mun stop wol aw come daan stairs, an then tha shall tell me what tha thinks abaat some whisky 'at awve getten." "Leave that to me," sed Jim, "awl bet tha'll come daan afoor aw stur; if ther's ony whisky inside awl find mi way to it."

"That's all right," sed Broddington, "nah awl goa hooam an' get to bed an' have a few haars sleep afoor tha comes." Soa off he went hooam, but unfortunately he'd forgetten to tell th' policeman 'at he'd flitted.

Well, old Clarkson stuck to his puttaty shop wol abaat ten o'clock an then when he'd getten shut up, he thowt he'd just goa an' spend an' haar or two wi a friend, so a as th' wife wor aght oth seet he snig'd off, an' it seems he faand ther company soa varry agreeable wol it wor ommost three o'clock when he landed hooam. He knew what a blowin up he'd be sure to get, but as his wife liked a drop o' whisky to goa to bed on, he bowt a bottle to tak hooam as a bit ov a sweetner. He crept in as quiet as he could, for he thowt if th' wife wor asleep it wad be a shame to wakken her. He tuk his booits off an' went ov his tiptooas into th'

bedroom.

"O, soa tha's landed hooam agean has ta? Couldn't ta find ony body 'at ud have thi ony longer? If awd been thee awd ha done t'other bit aght.

Awm capt 'at a wed chap 'at's a wife an' childer at hooam rakin aght i'

this way! But ther's one thing certain, it's noa daycent place wheer tha wor wol this time oth' mornin! Niver heed! It willn't last long, aw feel awm gettin waiker ivery day--waiker ivery day; tha'll nooan ha me soa long, an' then tha can spree an' drink thi fill. Aw do, aw feel awm gettin waiker ivery day," shoo sed agean. But old Clarkson made noa reply, for he'd heeard th' same tale monny a time befoor, an' he knew if he sed he wor sooary, shoo'd say he wor a liar, an' praich him a sarmon as long as his leg abaat what he'd do if he wor sooary; an' if he sed he didn't think shoo wor waiker, shoo'd say, "Noa, aw ail nowt; ther's nivver any sympathy for me! aw mun slave mi soul aght for owt tha cares--nasty unfeelin wretch!" Well, Jim didn't spaik for he thowt "the leeast sed an th' soonest mended." But shoo wornt to be done, shoo at it ageean in another tone--"Eea, aw feel awm gettin waiker--Waiker ivery day; does ta hear what aw say?" "Hear thi," he sed, "mi ears are hoof'd wi harkenin to thi." "Eea, an they shall be hoof'd," shoo sed, "for as long as awve breath i' my body awl tell thi o' thi faults. Ha can ta fas.h.i.+on; but if tha doesn't alter awl niver put legs daan i' bed wi'

thee agean I Shame o' thisen! but tha has na shame; tha'rt as brazzen as bra.s.s, that's what tha art!" "Nah, hold thi noise," he sed. "Sithee, aw've browt thi a bottle o' whisky; mun, awm allus thinkin on thi."

"Dooant tell me sich like tales as them, for aw dooant believe thi,"

shoo says, "tha thinks tha can get ovver me wi a bottle o' whisky aw daresay, but tha'rt mistakken; an' aw dooant know whear tha's getten that at this time oth' mornin."

Jim kept a still tongue in his bead an' crept quietly into bed, an' it worn't long befoor they wor booath asleep.

Nah, it wor varry near time for th' polieeman to come to wakken Broddington, an' as he knew nowt abaat th' flittin he luck'd up at th'

sign, an' feelin sure at he wor at th' reight shop he gave a varry gooid rat-a-tat at Clarkson's door.

"What's that?" sed his wife, jumpin up; "go daan and see."

"Net aw," sed Clarkson, "its n.o.bbut some druffen chaps 'at's on for a spree."

"Eea, an they know whear to come it seems! A'a, if aw wor a man aw should shame to have sich like followin me."

Another rat-a-tat followed, but Clarkson wor detarmined not to get up, an' th' policeman wor just as detarmined to pail at th' door till he did get up. Rat-a-tat! rat-a-tat! went his stick time after time, wol at last old Clarkson baanced aght o' bed an threw up his winder, an' axed what he wanted; but when he saw a blue coat an' s.h.i.+nin b.u.t.tons, he turned raand to his wife an' sed, "It's a bobby."

"Why," shoo says, "ax him what he wants."

"What does ta want?" sed Clarkson.

"Nah, then, is noa gooid tryin' to mak it strange; tha knows aw've come here for that whisky, an' awmean to have it befoor aw goa."

"O, that's it, is it?" sed his wife. "That's thee 'at's browt me th'