Poems for Pale People Part 4

This, my child, is the Sissy Boy Who acts so womanly and coy.

His head's as soft as new-made b.u.t.ter; His aim in life is just to flutter; Yet he goes along with unconcern And marries a woman with money to burn.

TO GELETT BURGESS.

I never saw a purple cow, You say you never saw one; But this I'll tell you anyhow, I know that I can draw one.

THE LOBSTER.

Lobsters haven't any feet, But they have lots of claws; Yet lobster meat is good to eat, And this is strange, because-- A dog is never good to eat, And yet a dog has paws, And so have cats, and so have rats And so have other kind of brats.

A lobster then, so to speak, Is, my child, an awful freak; For if you get him in a stew, He'll blush quite red and glare at you.

Yet if you eat much lobster salad, It will make you very pallid.

A PUN FROM THE DEEP.

A funny thing once happened to a German from Berlin, For once he got too gay and seized a swordfish by the fin, This made the big fish angry, and he sawed the German's chin.

"Just Tell Them That I Saw You" said the swordfish with a grin.

STYLISH.

There once was an old crocodile Who lived on the banks of the Nile.

One day, for a meal, He swallowed a wheel, And ate for dessert, an automobile.

IF I COULD FLY.

(What the Little Boy Thought.)

If I had wings just like a bird Do you know what I'd do?

I'd fly way up into the sky An' holler down at you.

I'd fly along the Milky Way Feelin' fine and chipper, An' then I'd drink some b.u.t.termilk Fresh from out the Dipper.

I'd skim along through fleecy clouds, An' see the great, Big Bear An' ask him how he liked to live So high up in the air.

Wouldn't it be dandy To fly just when you please, An' go an' ask the Dog-star If he worried much with fleas?

I'd do all kinds of other things If I could only fly, But I am just a little boy An' so I da.s.sn't try.

A HAND-ME-DOWN.

Said Sue to her suitor: "You'll get a new suit, or I'll sue for a suitor to suit."

"Why Sue," said her suitor Who tried hard to suit her, "Your suitor is suited to suit."

FAREWELL SNOW.

(After Walt Whitman.)

That light, that white, that weird, uncanny substance we call snow Is slowly sifting through the bare branches--and ever and anon My thoughts sift with the drifting snow, and I am full of pale regret.

Yes, full of pale regret and other things--you know what I mean.

And why? Because the snow must go; the time has came to part.

Yes, it cannot wait much longer--like the flakes my thoughts are melting 'Tis here, 'tis there, in fact, 'tis everywhere--the snow I mean.

Like the thick syrup which covers buckwheat cakes it lies.

The man who says he don't regret its pa.s.sing also lies.

And wilt thou never come again? Yes, thou ilt never come again. Alas!

How well I remember thee! 'Twas but yesterday, methinks.

When a great daub of snow fell from a nearby housetop And when I ventured--poor foolish mortal that I was--to look, Caught me fairly in the mouth (an awful swat) and nearly smothered me.

There is another little trick of thine, most lovely snow-- It is but a proof of thine affection to cling around our necks, But still we swear--we cannot help it, Snow.

Now it is "Skidoo," or "23 for you." Oh, cursed inconstancy of man!

THE SAD TURKEY GOBBLER.

O a fat turkey gobbler once sat on a limb And he sighed at the wind, and the wind sighed at him.

But the grief of the gobbler one could not diminish, For it was Thanksgiving and he saw his finish.

So the heart of the gobbler was heavy as lead And he muttered the words of the poet who said: "Backward, turn backward, O Time in thy flight, Make me a boy again, just for to-night!"