The Vampire Files - Song in the Dark Part 39

When I was utterly anch.o.r.ed in place, so solid that it would be impossible to vanish and heal, I knew it was time- and that I could do it.

Absolutely my last conscious act was to put my revolver's muzzle to my right temple and pull the trigger.

Chapter 16

I HURTLED awake shrieking, then vanished almost in the same instant. The agony abruptly ceased, and, floating in the grayness, my dazed mind slowly grasped the appalling truth that I'd failed.

Solid again. Lying as before on the office couch. Blood-smell on my left. A spray of long-dried rust brown blood on the lighter brown leather by my head. Hole in the leather from my carefully crafted wooden bullet. It'd pa.s.sed right through my skull.

I still lived. Would continue to live.

G.o.d d.a.m.n it.

Then I noticed Escott standing over me.

I'd never seen such a look on his face. Infinite rage. Infinite pain. It was raw as an open wound and still bled, the pain carving deep lines into his gray flesh.

"You b.a.s.t.a.r.d," he whispered.

I made no response.

His eyes blazed, hot enough to scorch what was left of my soul. Why couldn't I have just stayed dead?

"You b.a.s.t.a.r.d. You idiotic, selfish b.a.s.t.a.r.d." There was enough venom in his voice to kill an elephant.

I stopped meeting his gaze. Maybe he would get fed up and leave, then I'd find some other place to be at dawn and try again. Next time, a shotgun. Wood pellets in the cartridges. Ugly. I'd have to blow my whole head off. So be it...

Anger like a living force rolled from Escott to smash against my body. For a second I thought he had hit me. His fists shook at his sides. He trembled all over. "You b.l.o.o.d.y coward! Did you even think how it would be for her walking upstairs, opening the door, and finding you?"

Bobbi. He was talking about Bobbi.

"How could you do that to her?"

I'd done it for her. He just didn't understand. "She saw?"

"No, thank G.o.d. Instead I came in first and found you."

I shrugged. Better him than Bobbi, I guess.

"I've waited all day to see if you'd b.l.o.o.d.y wake up. All b.l.o.o.d.y day, d.a.m.n you!"

"And I woke up," I murmured to myself.

His lips twisted. Teeth showed. "How could you do this to-"

"Because I hurt, dammit!"

"And how do you think she'd have felt?"

"She'd get over it. She's better off without me. Everyone is."

I saw it coming and didn't duck. He hauled back and landed one square and hard, one of his best. It knocked me clean from the couch. He'd know I wouldn't feel much; this clobbering was about expressing anger, not to cause pain.

I had plenty of that already.

"Get your head out of your backside and think of somebody else for a change-"

"I was! Don't you see? I'm no good to her or anyone like this. And I hurt!"

"We all hurt! But you don't inflict your pain on others by doing this!"

I dragged off the floor onto the couch again. "Yeah-yeah, well, too bad, I thought it over, and it's better for everyone if I'm gone."

He called me a b.l.o.o.d.y coward again and knocked me over again. Much harder. The second time made bruises. Dammit. Why couldn't he just leave me alone? I started to get up...

He got a good one square on my nose. I heard and felt it break. While he rubbed his battered knuckles and glowered, I sat a.s.s flat on the floor with blood s...o...b..ring down my chin.

"What the h.e.l.l's with you?" I snarled, snuffling messily at the flow. "You know what I went through!"

"That's no excuse!"

"It is. I'm never gonna get better from it-"

"Not by killing yourself you won't!"

"I can't live like this! Every night it gets worse-"

"So you have a few bad memories, poor, poor fellow. It gave you a reaction you don't like. Very scary, I'm sure.

You're going to let that destroy you? Destroy Bobbi-"

"It's not your business, Charles. This is my choice, only I know what it's like in my head, not you!"

"I know what it's doing to the people who care about you. Don't you give a tinker's d.a.m.n what you're doing to Bobbi?"

"Since when do you have to b.u.t.t in about her? I never asked."

"But she did! We're here to help, but you shut us out-especially Bobbi. You're ripping her apart."

"That's what I'm trying not to do! This is to save her, dammit!"

"How?" he demanded.

The words stuck in my throat.

"How?" he roared. He rose, loomed over me.

"Because..."

"What? Come on, tell me! Save her from what?"

I couldn't. It was too much. "Go to h.e.l.l. Just G.o.dd.a.m.n get out and go to h.e.l.l!"

"Tell me!"

I got up, grappled him, pulled him toward the door to throw him out before I lost myself. Bloodsmell clogged my nose, in another minute I'd fall into another d.a.m.ned fit. He could sell tickets to the freak show.

Then he got his arms up and twisted and somehow slipped my grip and threw another punch, this time driving deep into my gut. There was surprising force behind it, powered by adrenaline and sheer fury; I doubled over and dropped.

His face was so distorted I didn't know him. "Tell me! You don't know, do you?"

I spat blood. "Get out! It's none of your d.a.m.n-"

Then he really started in. Brakes off. Down the mountain. Full tilt.

Escott was always in control of himself. That iron reserve had only ever slipped once. He'd been blind drunk, then.

Now he'd gone lunatic. He got me up only to knock me over, and when I was down he slammed my head against the wood floor again and again, cursing me over and over under his ragged breath.

Wood damaged, could kill me-and he knew it.

I didn't fight, wanting him to cut loose. If he pounded me unconscious, that'd be one less night I'd have to suffer through. He pummeled until his sweat ran and his face went bloated and scarlet from the effort, until his breath sawed and he finally lost his balance and fell against the desk and ended on the floor, too, glaring at me. That look said I'd made the right choice about killing myself.

He hated me, they all did for what I was doing to them. I had to get myself away from it, spare them from the wreckage Bristow's torture had left. No one needed to see me like this. I didn't want to see me like this.

Neither of us moved for a time. I lay in the pain and stared at the ceiling and ignored Escott. My head thundered, and when I blinked the ceiling dipped and pulled a sick-making half spin. Shut my eyes, kept still. With no need to breathe it was as close to being dead as I could get at night. Not close enough, though. I felt it come. The churning within, bursting outward from my battered guts, settling cold into my bones, hearing that pathetic whimper leaking between my clenched teeth as the shakes took me.

Escott suddenly within view, staring down. Yeah, look, get a good look at the crazy man.

"Jack... ?"

Tried to vanish. Nothing doing. No escape. Was stuck solid because of the wood. d.a.m.n you, Charles...

"Jack, stop it!"

"I... c-can't!"

"Oh, yes, you b.l.o.o.d.y can."

He hit me again, an open-handed crack across the mouth.

It didn't work, either. Another strike. Another.

I was kitten weak, limps thras.h.i.+ng, no control, and he kept hitting me.

d.a.m.n you...

"Come out of it, d.a.m.n your eyes!"

Crack.

"You're better than this!"

Tried to push him off. Swatted hard with one arm, caught him firm in the rib cage.

He grunted, but kept hitting, harder, more frenzied. His eyes... he was right-out-of-his-mind berserk.

Using me for a punching bag. Wouldn't let up. All that rage...

"Dammit, Charles!"

"... b.a.s.t.a.r.d..." Hitting. Hitting.

I hit back. Full force.

Wasn't sure when I woke out of it. Gradual return of awareness, of senses.

Of pain. A lot of that. Body pain for a change, not soul pain. That was there someplace, though. Had to be.

Pain followed by perception, then growing horror.

Escott's body lay across the office on the floor under the windows. He faced away from me and was very, very still.

Could not move myself. Only stare.

Oh, G.o.d... no.

"Ch-Charles?"

No response. Stillness.

"Charles!"

Nothing.

I crawled over to him, afraid to touch him, but I had to see.

A heartbeat in the silence.

His.