The Vicar of Wrexhill Part 35

Poor Rosalind, meanwhile, was as profoundly unhappy as it was well possible for a girl to be who was young, beautiful, rich, talented, well-born, sweet-tempered, high-principled, not crossed in love, and moreover in perfect health.

Young Mowbray had just taken a distinguished degree at Oxford, and having given a farewell banquet to his college friends, returned home with the hope of speedily obtaining the commission in a regiment of horse for which his name had been long ago put down by his father.

It was at this time that several circ.u.mstances occurred at Wrexhill sufficiently important to the princ.i.p.al personages of my narrative to be recorded at some length.

CHAPTER X.

f.a.n.n.y'S RELIGION.--A VISIT TO OAKLEY.

It was towards the end of November that young Mowbray returned from Oxford to his mother's house in Hamps.h.i.+re. As usual, the first three or four hours' chat with Helen and Rosalind put him _au fait_ of all that had taken place during his absence. The retrospect was not a cheering one; yet most of the circ.u.mstances which tended to annoy him were of that minor kind which none but a very gossiping correspondent would detail--and Helen was not such. Besides, since the mysterious letter which had recalled Charles to keep watch over f.a.n.n.y, (the full and true purpose of which letter he had never yet discovered,) Miss Torrington had not written to him; and as she was now the chief historian, her round and unvarnished tale made him acquainted with many particulars to which Helen had scarcely alluded in her correspondence with him.

Helen Mowbray's was not a spirit to exhaust itself and its sorrows by breathing unavailing complaints; and though her brother had pretty clearly understood from her letters that she was not happy or comfortable at home, it was from Rosalind he first learned how many circ.u.mstances were daily occurring to make her otherwise.

The only point on which he blamed her, or in which, according to Rosalind's account, she had shown more yielding, and, as he called it, weakness than her helpless and most unhappy position rendered unavoidable, was in the never having attempted to see Lady Harrington.

This he declared was in itself wrong, and rendered doubly so by her situation, which would have rendered the society and counsel of such a friend invaluable. But he did not know--even Rosalind did not know--that this forbearance for which he blamed her was the result of those qualities for which they most loved her. But Helen knew, though they did not, that if she had gone to Oakley, she should have thought more of hearing news of Colonel Harrington than of any advice her G.o.dmother could have given her, and have been infinitely more anxious to learn if he ever mentioned her in his letters, than to know whether Lady Harrington thought it best that she should be civil, or that she should be rude, in her demeanour towards the Vicar of Wrexhill.

It was this conscious weakness which lent strength to the unreasonable violence of her mother on this point. Had Helen been quite fancy-free and altogether heart-whole, she would have had courage to discover that a pa.s.sionate prohibition, originating, as she could not doubt it did, with a man for whom she entertained no species of esteem, ought not to make her abandon one of the kindest friends she had ever known. But there is a feeling stronger than reason in a young girl's breast; and again and again this feeling had whispered to Helen,

"'It is not maidenly--'

to go to the house of a man that I fear I love, and that I hope loves me, for the chance of hearing his name mentioned--and that too when my mother forbids me to enter his father's doors."

But there was an authority in Charles's voice when he said, "You have been wrong, Helen," which seemed to have power even over this, and she promised that if after he paid the visit to Oakley, which he was fully determined to do on the morrow, he should report that her friends there were not too angry to receive her, she would consent to volunteer a visit to them, a.s.signing as her reason for doing so, to her mother, that it was Charles's wish.

This conversation took place on the night of his arrival, and lasted for some hours after every individual of the household, excepting those engaged in it, were in bed. Poor f.a.n.n.y was among those who had the earliest retired, but she was not among the sleepers. She too had once loved Charles most dearly, and most dearly had she been loved in return.

But now she felt that they were separated for ever in this world, and that if they were doomed to meet in the world to come, it could only be amidst torturing and devouring flames. As she knelt for long hours beside her bed before she dared to lay her aching head on the pillow, her thoughts reverted to her early youth, and to all the innocent delights she had enjoyed with him and the now avoided Helen; and as she remembered the ecstasy with which she once enjoyed the bloom of flowers, the songs of birds, the breath of early morning, and all the poetry of Nature, tears of silent, unacknowledged, but most bitter regret, streamed from her eyes. But then again came the ague fit of visionary remorse and genuine Calvinistic terror, and she groaned aloud in agony of spirit for having suffered these natural tears to fall.

This dreadful vigil left such traces on the pale cheek and heavy eye of the suffering girl, that her brother's heart ached as he looked at her; and though with little hope, after what he had heard, of doing any good, he determined to seek half an hour's conversation with her before he went out.

When she rose to leave the breakfast-table therefore, Charles rose too, and following her out of the room, stopped her as she was in the act of ascending the stairs by putting his arms round her waist and saying, "f.a.n.n.y, will you take a walk with me in the shrubbery?"

f.a.n.n.y started, and coloured, and hesitated, as if some deed of very doubtful tendency had been proposed to her. But he persevered "Come, dear! put your bonnet on--I will wait for you here--make haste f.a.n.n.y!

Think how long it is since you and I took a walk together!"

"Is Helen going?" The question was asked in a voice that trembled; for the idea that Charles meant during this walk to question her concerning her faith occurred to her, and she would have given much to avoid it.

But before she could invent an excuse for doing so, her conscience, always ready to enforce the doing whatever was most disagreeable to her, suggested that this shrinking looked like being ashamed of her principles; and no sooner had this idea suggested itself, than she said readily, "Very well, Charles; I will come to you in a moment."

But the moment was rather a long one; for f.a.n.n.y, before she rejoined him, knelt down and made an extempore prayer for courage and strength to resist and render of no effect whatever he might say to her. Thus prepared, she set forth ready to listen with the most determined obstinacy to any argument which might tend to overthrow any part of the creed that was poisoning the very sources of her life.

"You are not looking well, my f.a.n.n.y," said her brother, fondly pressing her arm as they turned into the most sheltered part of the garden. "Do you think the morning too cold for walking, my love? You used to be such a hardy little thing, f.a.n.n.y, that you cared for nothing; but I am afraid the case is different now."

This was not exactly the opening that f.a.n.n.y expected, and there was a tenderness in the tone of his voice that almost softened her heart towards him; but she answered not a word,--perhaps she feared to trust her voice.

"I wish you would tell me, dearest, if any sorrow or vexation has chased away the bloom and the gladness that we all so loved to look upon. Tell me, f.a.n.n.y, what is it that has changed you so sadly? You will not?--Then you do not love me as I love you; for I am sure if I had a sorrow I should open my heart to you."

"When a Christian has a sorrow, brother Charles, he should open his heart to Heaven and not to a poor sinful mortal as wicked and as weak as himself."

"But surely, my dear f.a.n.n.y, that need not prevent a brother and sister from conversing with the greatest confidence together. How many texts I could quote you in which family unity and affection are inculcated in the Bible!"

"Pray do not quote the Bible," said f.a.n.n.y in a voice of alarm, "till the right spirit has come upon you. It is a grievous sin to do it, or to hear it."

"Be a.s.sured, f.a.n.n.y, that I feel quite as averse to quoting the Bible irreverently as you can do. But tell me why it is you think that the right spirit, as you call it, has not come upon me."

"As I call it!" repeated f.a.n.n.y, shuddering, "It is not I, Charles,--it is one of Heaven's saints who says it; and it is a sin for me to listen to you."

"It is doubtless Mr. Cartwright who says it, f.a.n.n.y. Is it not so?"

"And who has so good a right to say it as the minister of your parish, and the friend and protector that Heaven has sent to your widowed mother?"

Poor Mowbray felt his heart swell. It was difficult to hear the man who had come between him and all his best duties and affections named in this manner as his own maligner, and restrain his just and natural indignation;--yet he did restrain it, and said in a voice of the utmost gentleness,

"Do you think, my beloved f.a.n.n.y, Mr. Cartwright's influence in this house has been for our happiness?"

"May the Lord forgive me for listening to such words!" exclaimed f.a.n.n.y, with that look of nervous terror which her beautiful face now so often expressed. "But he can't! he can't!--I know it, I know it! It is my doom to sin, and you are only an agent of that enemy who is for ever seeking my soul to destroy it.--Leave me! leave me!"

"f.a.n.n.y, this is dreadful! Can you really believe that the G.o.d of love and mercy will hold you guilty for listening to the voice of your brother? What have I ever done, my f.a.n.n.y, to deserve to be thus driven from your presence?"

The unhappy girl look bewildered. "Done!" she exclaimed. "What have you done?--Is not that works?--is not that of works you speak, Charles?--Oh!

he knew, he foretold, he prophesied unto me that I should be spoken to of works, and that I should listen thereunto, to my everlasting destruction, if I confessed not my soul to him upon the instant. I must seek him out: he said IF,--oh, that dear blessed IF! Let go my arm, brother Charles!--let me seek my salvation!"

"f.a.n.n.y, this is madness!"

She looked at him, poor girl, as he said this, with an expression that brought tears to his eyes. That look seemed to speak a dreadful doubt whether the words he had spoken were not true. She pressed her hand against her forehead for a moment, and then said in a voice of the most touching sadness, "Heaven help me!"

"Oh, f.a.n.n.y!--darling f.a.n.n.y!" cried the terrified brother, throwing his arms round her: "save us from the anguish of seeing you destroyed body and mind by this frightful, this impious doctrine! Listen to me, my own sweet girl! Think that from me you hear the voice of your father--of the good and pious Wallace--of your excellent and exemplary governess, and drive this maddening terror from you. Did you live without G.o.d in the world, f.a.n.n.y, when you lived under their virtuous rule? How often have you heard your dear father say, when he came forth and looked upon the beauty of the groves and lawns, bright in the morning suns.h.i.+ne, 'Praise the Lord, my children, for his goodness, for his mercy endureth for ever!' Did not these words raise your young heart to heaven more than all the frightful denunciations which have almost shaken your reason?"

"Works! works!--Oh, Charles, let me go from you! Your voice is like the voice of a serpent: It creeps dreadfully near my heart, and I shall perish, everlastingly perish, if I listen to you. IF:--is there yet an IF for me now? Let me go, Charles: let me seek him;--if you love me, let me seek my salvation."

"Do you mean that you would seek Mr. Cartwright, f.a.n.n.y? You do not mean to go to his house, do you?"

"His house? How little you know him, Charles! Think you that he would leave me and my poor mother to peris.h.!.+ Poor, poor Charles, you do not even know that this shepherd and guardian of our souls prays with us daily?"

"Prays with you? Where does he pray with you?"

"In mamma's dressing-room."

"And who are present at these prayers?"

"Mamma, and I, and Curtis, and Jem."

"Jem? Who is Jem, f.a.n.n.y?"

"The new stable-boy that our minister recommended, Charles, when that poor deluded d.i.c.k Bragg was found walking in the fields with his sister Patty on the Sabbath."

"You don't mean that d.i.c.k Bragg is turned away? He was, without exception, the steadiest lad in the parish."