John Leech, His Life and Work Volume I Part 15

"'Why, of course--are we not, dear Mr. Candytuft? What would be thought of us if we did not pay our homage to----'

"The sentence was broken by the sudden appearance of Monica and Agatha, each bearing a jewel-case, and looking radiant with the possession.

"'Thank you, dear papa,' said Monica, curtseying and smiling her best to Jericho.

"'They're beautiful. Thank you--dear, dearest papa,' cried the more impulsive Agatha.

"'Look!' said Monica, and she exhibited her treasure.

"'Look!' cried Agatha, and she half dropped upon one knee, on the other side, to show her jewels.

"'Beautiful!' cried Candytuft. 'Pray, ladies, don't stir.'

"The girls, with pretty wonder on their faces, kept their positions on either side of Jericho.

"'My dear madam'--and Candytuft appealed to Mrs. Jericho--'is not this a delightful group--an exquisite family picture? It ought to be painted.'"

[Ill.u.s.tration: _A Family Picture._]

Mr. Candytuft is right. The graceful figures of the girls, the attenuated figure of papa, in whose hopeless expression one sees the dread of further attenuation, together with his own perfect presentment, would make--indeed, does make--an admirable picture. The jewels cost one thousand pounds: ten calls have to be made upon the supernatural bank.

They are made, and the jeweller is paid. And the result! For some minutes after the departure of the tradesman Jericho sat motionless--all but breathless. He would, however, know his fate. He took out the silk lace with which an hour ago he had measured his chest. Again he pa.s.sed it round his body. He had drawn upon the bank, and he had shrunk an inch.

Truly he was a man made of money--money was the principle of his being, for with every note he paid away a portion of his life.

Poor Mr. Carraway was ruined through no fault of his own. Jogtrot Hall was sold, and Jericho bought it. Thirty thousand pounds' worth of flesh had he sacrificed to buy to himself a country mansion. He had become a member of Parliament, and at the same time become so thin that his tailor declared, "It's like measuring a penknife for a sheath." "Why,"

said the tailor to his wife, "he isn't a man at all, but a cotton-pod.

He can't have no more stomach than a 'bacco-pipe." In fact, it was the growing belief of a large circle that Jericho was no flesh, no man, at all. "He was made up of coats," ran the rumour, "like an onion."

The insolence that is sometimes the accompaniment of great riches took full possession of Mr. Jericho, and he found an occasion to treat Colonel Bones to a specimen of it. Almost without provocation the Colonel was called "a toad-eater! a bone-picking pauper!" etc. For this insult the Colonel declared he would have Mr. Jericho's blood, and in pursuance of that object he sent the millionaire a challenge. Jericho fought very hard to avoid fighting, but his second, Mr. Candytuft, prevailed, and the belligerents met in Battersea Fields. Mr.

Commissioner Thrush waited upon the angry Colonel, and the celebrated Dr. Dodo was there to attend to the wounded. The seconds confer; the men are placed. Candytuft looked at them with an eye of admiration. The signal was given.

"Colonel Bones fires, and his ball goes clear through Jericho's bosom, knocking off a b.u.t.ton in its pa.s.sage, and striking itself flat against a pile of bricks."

"'A dead man!' cried the doctor, running to Jericho.

"'My friend,' exclaimed Candytuft, 'have you made your will?'

"'Eh? What's the matter?' said Jericho.

"'Matter!' exclaimed Dr. Dodo, and he pointed his cane to the hole in the front of Jericho's coat, immediately over the region of his heart.

'Matter! It's the first time I ever heard a man with a bullet clean through his breast ask--What's the matter!'"

The Colonel's ball had pa.s.sed through Jericho's bank-note-paper breast, and Jericho lived and moved and was none the worse for it. Jericho fired in the air.

An ugly atmosphere was collecting about Mr. Jericho, and he was aware of it. "His own family saw in him a man of mysterious attributes. Monica turned pale at the smallest courtesy of her parent, and Agatha, suddenly meeting him on the staircase, squealed and ran away as from a fiend.

"Mr. Jericho went on a rejoicing conqueror. His huge town mansion, burning with gold--ma.s.sive, rich, and gorgeous; for the Man of Money was far the most substantial, the most potent development of his creed, whereby to awe and oppress his wors.h.i.+ppers----"

Mrs. Jericho had made up her mind that it was time her daughters were "settled in life, and she said as much to her husband."

"'Your girls, my dear, have my free permission to settle when and where they like,' said the husband.

"But in sounding Mr. Jericho as to his intentions in the matter of settlements, she could make no way whatever. At last she put the point-blank question:

"'What do you propose to give the dear child?' (alluding to Monica, for whose hand Candytuft was about to ask).

"'Give! I'll give a magnificent party on the occasion.'

"'But the dowry; what dowry do you give?'

"'Dowry! I thought, my dear, you observed marriage was no bargain? Why, you're making it quite a ready-money transaction!'"

At this point the conversation was interrupted by Mr. Candytuft, who, before advocating his own case, warmly espoused that of his foolish friend, Sir Arthur Homadod, the accepted of Agatha.

"'He's as bashful as--as--upon my life I am at a loss for a simile. And as he and I are old friends, and as he knew that I should see you--in fact, he's in the house at this moment, and came along with me--he desired me to inform you that Miss Agatha had consented to fix the--the--what d'ye call it--the happy day.'

"'Wish them joy,' said Jericho.

"'As to the young lady's dowry?' hesitated Candytuft.

"'I can't give a farthing; can't afford it, my dear Candytuft.'"

The amba.s.sador then speaks for himself:

"'You may have remarked my affection for Miss Monica? You must have remarked it?'

"'I beg a thousand pardons,' said the wag Jericho, 'but it has quite escaped me.'

"Candytuft wanly smiled.

"'In a word, my dear sir, we have come to the sweet conclusion that we were made for one another.'

"'Dear me! Well, how lucky you should have met!'"

Mr. Candytuft beats about the bush for awhile, but at last comes abruptly to the point, saying:

"'I _must_ ask--you force me to be plain--what will you give with the young lady?'

"'Not a farthing!' cried Jericho. 'Not one farthing!' said the man of money with determined emphasis.

"'What is the matter?' said Mrs. Jericho, who entered the room at this juncture.

"'Pooh! you know well enough,' cried Jericho. 'Mr. Candytuft wants to marry rich; but that's not all--he wants to be handsomely paid for the trouble.'"

After awhile Jericho affects to agree to dower his step-daughter, and he says:

"'Let us settle the sum, eh! Well, then, what sum would satisfy you?'"