Standard Selections Part 49

"Well, come along with me. I'm rich. Ye can't hear 'em rattle, but all is not gold that rattles."

"Monsieur, we--boo-hoo--we asked that barber man over there to let us get warm in his store and--and--he wouldn't do--it--boo-hoo!"

"Well, now, don't bawl about that. He don't know no better. He's an Englishman. But I'll jes' take a note of that insult. [Takes paper from his pocket and writes.]--Get even with Barber at 63 Rue Saint Antoine.

Too mean to occupy s.p.a.ce here below. There now! that'll fix 'em. Hurry along here now or my hotel will be closed.--Say, brats, you stay here a minute. There is a poor little girl what's cold and she ain't got nothin' around her. You stay here till I gits back.

"There, little girl, take my scarf and put around you. This kind of life is alright fer boys but it's pretty tough on girls. Brr! it's rather chilly. And I'll eat a piece out o' Hades if it ain't re-raining again."

"Monsieur, boo-hoo--we--ain't had nothin' to eat--since--morning."

"Well, now don't bawl about that. Let me see--oh, here's a shop. Shovel in here.

"Boy, give us five centimes worth o' bread."

"For how many?"

"Well, there seem to be two uv 'em.

"Here--now take that--brat senior, and you take that, brat junior--now grub away. Ram that into your muzzle. Don't you understand? Well, cla.s.sically speaking--eat. Well, I thought ye knew how to do that.

[Whistles Ma.r.s.eillaise until they have finished, then stops suddenly and says to the boy behind the counter.]--Say, ain't them two nice specimens to be bawlin' jes' 'cause they ain't got no home?

"Hey there, are ye through? Well, shovel out, then. We've got to hurry or the elephant will have closed down his ears. Hey there, Montparna.s.se!

See my two kids?"

"Well, where did you get them, Gavroche?"

"Oh, a gentleman made me a present of 'em, down the street--say, they've got hides like linseed plasters, hain't they?"

"Where are you taking them, Gavroche?"

"To my lodging--the Elephant."

"The Elephant!"

"Yes--the El-e-phant. Any complaints?"

"You don't mean Napoleon's monument?"

"I mean Napoleon's monument--You see when Napoleon left for Elba, he put me in charge of the Elephant. Forward, march, there, brats! Good evenin', Montparna.s.se."

On arriving at the Elephant, Gavroche climbed up and then invited his friends to come up.

"Hey, there, brat senior--see that ladder? Well, put your foot on--Now ye ain't agoin' ter be afraid are ye? Here, give me your hands--Now--up--There, you stand still now, till I git yer little brother up--Here, brat junior. Oh, can't you reach that ladder? Well, step on the Elephant's corn then--That's the way--Now--up--There! Now, gentlemen, you're on the inside of the Elephant. Don't ye feel something like Jonah? But stop yer talkin' now fer we're goin' straight ter bed.

This way to yer sleepin' apartments--Here, brat junior, we'll wrap you up in this blanket."

"O, thank you, sir. It's so nice and warm."

"Well, that's what the monkeys thought. Here, senior, you take this mattress. Ye see, I stole these from the Jardin de Plants. But I told the animals over there that they were fer the Elephant and they said that was all right. Are ye in bed? Now I am goin' ter suppress de candelabra. [Blows out candle.] Whew! listen to it rain. How the rain do be runnin' down the legs of this here house. That's first cla.s.s thunder too. Whew! that's no slouch uv a streak uv lightnin' nuther. Here, calm down there, gentlemen, or ye'll topple over this edifice. Time ter sleep now, good-night. Shut yer peepers!"

"Oh, sir?"

"Hey?"

"What's that noise?"

"Why--it's--rats."

"Oh, sir."

"Hey?"

"What is rats?"

"Oh--rats--is--mice."

"Sir?"

"Hey?"

"Why don't you get a cat?"

"Oh--I--I did have--a cat and--and the rats eat 'er up."

"Boo-hoo. Will they eat us up too?"

"Ah--no--they won't eat you. You ain't got enough meat on you. Besides I got 'em all screened off with a wire. They can't get at ye. See here--Ef yer goin' ter be afraid, take hold er my hand an' I'll lay down long side o' yer and go ter sleep--Now I fergot ter tell you gentlemen that when ye wake up--I'll be gone, fer business calls me early, but ye're to make this yer home jes' as long as yer wants ter and come here jes'

whenever yer wants ter. Now fer the last time--good-night!"

FOOTNOTE:

[69] A dramatization from "Les Miserables," by Lucy Dean Jenkins.

THE HAZING OF VALIANT

ANONYMOUS

She was a small girl, but her sense of the ridiculous was tremendous.

All summer long she sat on the sand and was nice to two boys, a sub-freshman and a soph.o.m.ore. The sub-freshman's name was Valiant; he had a complexion that women envied, he was small and dainty and smelled sweet. The other, whose name was Buckley, was bigger and much more self-a.s.sertive.

One day the girl decided it would be fun to make them hate each other, and after that, when they were all three together, the soph.o.m.ore would tell her how hard his cla.s.s would haze the freshman in the Fall, while the sub-freshman only gazed out over the water and smiled. But one day the soph.o.m.ore made a remark about "pretty pink-cheeked boys," which had better been left unsaid. Then arose the younger one and shaking impressively a slender pink-nailed finger he spoke, "You had better not try to haze me, Will Buckley."

In the good old days you had only to casually drop a word to a freshman on the way to recitation to wait for you when evening came, and he would turn up promptly, take his little dose meekly and go back to bed a better boy for it. But all that is changed now.

Twice had Buckley waited near the house where Valiant ate his dinner. He had tried several ways of getting into the house where Valiant lived, but without success; then for three successive nights he waited in an alley near by; on the third night Valiant came, but with him an upper cla.s.sman friend. Buckley kept in the shadow but Valiant called out, "Oh, is that you, Mr. Buckley? How do you do? Aren't you coming in to see me?" Which was decidedly fresh.