Standard Selections Part 78

BEATRICE. Ho! come not near me with such threatening looks, Stand back there, if you love me, or have loved!

[_As_ LARA _advances_, BEATRICE _retreats to the table and rings a small hand-bell._ MIRIAM, _in the dress of a page, enters from behind the screen and steps between them_.

LARA [_starting back_]. The Page? now, curse him! What? no! Miriam?

Hold! 'twas at twilight, in the villa-garden, At dusk, too, on the road to Mantua; But here the light falls on you, man or maid!

Stop now; my brain's bewildered. Stand you there, And let me touch you with incredulous hands!

Wait till I come, nor vanish like a ghost.

If this be Juan's page, why, where is Miriam?

If this be Miriam, where's--by all the saints, I have been tricked!

MIRIAM [_laughing_]. By two saints, with your leave!

LARA. The happiest fool in Italy, for my age!

And all the d.a.m.ning tales you fed me with, You Sprite of Twilight, Imp of the old Moon!--

MIRIAM [_bowing_]. Were arrant lies as ever woman told; And though not mine, I claim the price for them-- This cap stuffed full of ducats twice a year!

LARA. A trap! a trap that only caught a fool!

So thin a plot, I might have seen through it.

I've lost my reason!

MIRIAM. And your ducats!

BEATRICE. And A certain set of turquoise at Malan's!

SHE STOOPS TO CONQUER

OLIVER GOLDSMITH

ACT II, SCENE I

CHARACTERS: Hardcastle, hospitable and urbane, with a touch of humor in his nature; Marlow and Hastings who come from London to visit the Hardcastles; servants.

SCENE: Hardcastle's house. Young Marlow and Hastings have journeyed from London to the home of Mr. Hardcastle, an old family friend whom they have never seen. They are deceived into believing they are many miles from their destination when they really have arrived. They are told that Mr. Hardcastle's house is a public inn.

This leads to much confusion. The genial Hardcastle is drilling his servants.

_Enter_ HARDCASTLE, _followed by_ DIGGORY _and three or four awkward_ SERVANTS

MR. H. Well, I hope you're perfect in the table exercise I have been teaching you these three days. You all know your posts and your places, and can show that you have been used to good company, without stirring from home?

ALL. Ay! ay!

MR. H. When company comes, you are not to pop out and stare, and then run in again, like frightened rabbits in a warren.

ALL. No! no!

MR. H. You, Diggory, whom I have taken from the barn, are to make a show at the side table; and you, Roger, whom I have advanced from the plough, are to place yourself behind my chair. But you're not to stand so, with your hands in your pockets. Take your hands from your pockets, Roger; and from your head, you blockhead you! See how Diggory carries his hands. They're a little too stiff, indeed, but that's no great matter.

DIGGORY. Ay, mind how I hold them. I learned to hold my hands this way, when I was upon drill for the militia. And so being upon drill----

MR. H. You must not be so talkative, Diggory; you must be all attention to the guests. You must hear us talk, and not think of talking; you must see us drink, and not think of drinking; you must see us eat, and not think of eating.

DIG. By the laws, your wors.h.i.+p, that's perfectly unpossible.

[_Exeunt._

_Enter_ SERVANTS, _showing in_ MARLOW _and_ HASTINGS

SERV. Welcome, gentlemen, very welcome. This way.

HAST. After the disappointments of the day, welcome once more, Charles, to the comforts of a clean room, and a good fire. Upon my word, a very well-looking house; antique, but creditable.

MAR. The usual fate of a large mansion. Having first ruined the master by good housekeeping, it at last comes to levy contributions as an inn.

HAST. As you say, we pa.s.sengers are to be taxed to pay all these fineries. I have often seen a good side-board, or a marble chimney-piece, though not actually put in the bill, inflame the bill confoundedly.

MAR. Travelers, George, must pay in all places. The only difference is, that in good inns you pay dearly for luxuries; in bad inns you are fleeced and starved.

_Enter_ HARDCASTLE

MR. H. Gentlemen, once more you are heartily welcome. Which is Mr.

Marlow? Sir, you're heartily welcome. It's not my way, you see, to receive my friends with my back to the fire. I like to give them a hearty reception in the old style at my gate. I like to see their horses and trunks taken care of.

MAR. [_aside_]. He has got our names from the servants already. [_To_ HARDCASTLE.] We approve your caution and hospitality. [_To_ HASTINGS.] I have been thinking, George, of changing our traveling dresses in the morning, I am grown confoundedly ashamed of mine.

MR. H. [_putting chairs and tables in order in background_]. I beg, Mr.

Marlow, you'll use no ceremony in this house.

HAST. I fancy, George, you're right; the first blow is half the battle.

I intend opening the campaign with the white and gold.

MR. H. Mr. Marlow--Mr. Hastings--gentlemen--pray be under no restraint in this house. This is Liberty Hall, gentlemen. You may do just as you please here.

MAR. Yet, George, if we open the campaign too fiercely at first, we may want ammunition before it is over. I think to reserve the embroidery to secure a retreat.

MR. H. Your talking of a retreat, Mr. Marlow, puts me in mind of the Duke of Marlborough, when he went to besiege Denain. He first summoned the garrison--

MAR. Aye, and we'll summon your garrison, old boy.

MR. H. He first summoned the garrison, which might consist of about five thousand men--

HAST. What a strange fellow is this!