Sketches by Seymour Part 15

Sorrel sang--small, and Sniggs sang another sporting ditty.

"Our next meeting," resumed Saggers, "is on Thursday next when the pigeon-match takes place for a silver-cup--the 'Crack Shots' against the 'Oriental Club.' I think we shall give them I taste of our quality,'

although we do not intend that they shall lick us. The silver-cup is their own proposal. The contest being a pigeon-match, I humbly proposed, as an amendment, that the prize should be a tumbler--which I lost by a minority of three. In returning thanks, I took occasion to allude to their rejection of my proposition, and ironically thanked them for having cut my tumbler."

"Werry good!" shouted Sorrel.

"Admirable!" exclaimed Sniggs; and, rising with due solemnity, he proposed the health of the "worthy president," prefacing his speech with the modest avowal of his inability to do what he still persisted in doing and did.

"Brother Shots!" said Saggers, after the usual honours had been duly performed, "I am so unaccustomed to speaking (a laugh), that I rise with a feeling of timidity to thank you for the distinguished honour you have conferred on me. Praise, like wine, elevates a man, but it likewise thickens and obstructs his speech; therefore, without attempting any rhetorical flourish, I will simply say, I sincerely thank you all for the very handsome manner in which you have responded to the friendly wishes of Brother Sniggs; and, now as the hour of midnight is at hand, I bid you farewell. It is indeed difficult to part from such good company; but, although it is morally impossible there ever can be a division among such cordial friends, both drunk and sober may at least separate--in spirits, --and I trust we shall all meet again in health--Farewell!"

DOCTOR SPRAGGS.

Old Doctor Spraggs! famed Doctor Spraggs!

Was both well fee'd and fed, And, tho' no soldier, Doctor Spraggs Had for his country-bled.

His patients living far and wide He was compell'd to buy A horse; and found no trouble, for He'd got one in his eye!

He was a tall and bony steed And warranted to trot, And so he bought the trotter, and Of course four trotters got.

Quoth he: "In suns.h.i.+ne quick he bounds "Across the verdant plain, "And, e'en when showers fall, he proves "He--doesn't mind the rain!"

But, oh! one morn, when Doctor Spraggs Was trotting on his way, A field of sportsmen came in view, And made his courser neigh.

"Nay! you may neigh," quoth Doctor Spraggs, "But run not, I declare "I did not come to chase the fox, "I came to take the--air!"

But all in vain he tugg'd the rein, The steed would not be stay'd; The "Doctor's stuff" was shaken, and A tune the vials play'd.

For in his pockets he had stow'd Some physic for the sick; Anon, "crack" went the bottles all, And forma a "mixture" quick.

His hat and wig flew off, but still The reins he hugg'd and haul'd; And, tho' no cry the huntsmen heard, They saw the Doctor--bald!

They loudly laugh'd and cheer'd him on, While Spraggs, quite out of breath, Still gallopp'd on against his will, And came in at the death.

To see the Doctor riding thus To sportsmen was a treat, And loudly they applauded him-- (Tho' mounted) on his feat!

MORAL.

Ye Doctors bold, of this proud land Of liberty and--fogs, No hunters ride, or you will go Like poor Spraggs--to the dogs!

SCENE IX. (b)

"Well, Bill, d'ye get any bites over there?" "No, but I'm afeard I shall, soon have one."

Two youths, by favour of their sponsors, bearing the aristocratic names of William and Joseph, started early one morning duly equipped, on piscatorial sport intent. They trudged gaily forward towards a neighbouring river, looking right and left, and around them, as sharp as two crows that have scented afar off the carcase of a defunct nag.

At length they arrived at a lofty wall, on the wrong side of which, musically meandered the stream they sought. After a deliberate consultation, the valiant William resolved to scale the impediment, and cast the line. Joseph prudently remained on the other side ready to catch the fish--his companion should throw to him! Presently an exclamation of "Oh! my!" attracted his attention.

"Have you got a bite?" eagerly demanded Joe.

"No! by gos.h.!.+ but I think I shall soon!" cried Bill. Hereupon the expectant Joseph mounted, and seating himself upon the wall, beheld to his horror, Master Bill keeping a fierce bull-dog at bay with the b.u.t.t end of his fis.h.i.+ng-rod.

"Go it, Bill!" exclaimed Joe, "pitch into him and scramble up."

The dog ran at him.--Joe in his agitation fell from his position, while Bill threw his rod at the beast, made a desperate leap, and clutched the top of the wall with his hands.

"Egad! I've lost my seat," cried Joe, rolling upon the gra.s.s.

"And so have I!" roared Bill, scrambling in affright over the wall.

And true it was, that he who had not got a bite before, had got a bite--behind!

Bill anathematised the dog, but the ludicrous bereavement he had sustained made him laugh, in spite of his teeth!

Joe joined in his merriment.

"What a burning shame it is?" said he; "truly there ought to be breaches ready made in these walls, Bill, that one might escape, if not repair these damages."

"No matter," replied Bill, shaking his head, "I know the owner--he's a Member of Parliament. Stop till the next election, that's all."

"Why, what has that to do with it?" demanded Joe.

"Do with it," said Bill emphatically, "why, I'll canva.s.s for the opposite party, to be sure."

"And what then?"

"Then I shall have the pleasure of serving him as his dog has served me.

Yes! Joe, the M. P. will lose his seat to a dead certainty!"

THE POUTER AND THE DRAGON.

"Another pigeon! egad, I'm in luck's way this morning."

Round and red, through the morning fog The sun's bright face Shone, like some jolly toping dog Of Bacchus' race.

When Jenkins, with his gun and cur On sport intent, Through fields, and meadows, many fur-- --longs gaily went.

He popp'd at birds both great and small, But nothing hit; Or if he hit, they wouldn't fall-- No, not a bit!