Sketches by Seymour Part 20

Racy and recherche relis.h.!.+

Thou art--

As delicate as first love-- As white and red as a maiden's cheek-- As palateable as well-timed flattery-- As light and filling as the gas of a balloon-- As smooth as a courtier-- As odorous as the flowers of Jasmin--- As soft as flos silk-- As encouraging, without being so illusory, as Hope-- As tempting as green herbage to lean kine-- ------------ a Chancery suit to the Bill of a cormorant-lawyer-- ------------ a pump to a thirsty paviour-- ------------ a sun-flower to a bee-- ------------ a ripe melon to a fruit-knife-- ------------ a rose to a nightingale--or ------------ a pot of treacle to a blue-bottle-- As beautiful to the eye as a page of virgin-vellum richly illuminated And As satisfactory as a fat legacy!

Talk of nectar! if Jupiter should really wish to give a bonne-bouche to Juno, Leda, or Venus, or any one of his thousand and one flames, let him skim the milky-way--transform the instrumental part of the music of the spheres into 'hautboys,' and compound the only dish worth the roseate lips of the gentle dames 'in nubibus,' and depend on it, the cups of Ganymede and Hebe will be rejected for a bowl of--Strawberries and Cream.

A DAY'S PLEASURE.--No. I.

THE JOURNEY OUT.

"It's werry hot, but werry pleasant."

Says Mrs. Sibson to her spouse "The days is hot and fair; I think 'twould do the children good To get a little hair!

"For ve've been moping here at home And nothin' seen o' life; Vhile neighbor Jones he takes his jaunts O' Sundays vith his vife!"

"Vell! vell! my dear," quoth Mr. S____ "Let's hear vot you purpose; I'm al'ays ready to comply, As you, my love, vell knows.

"I'll make no bones about the cost; You knows I never stick About a trifle to amuse, So, dearest Pol, be quick."

"Vhy, this is it:--I think ve might To Hornsey have a day; Maria, Peg, and Sal, and Bet Ve'd pack into a 'chay.'

"Our Jim and Harry both could valk, (G.o.d bless their little feet!) The babby in my arms I'd take-- I'm sure 'twould be a treat;"

Quoth he: "I am unanimous!"

And so the day was fix'd; And forth they started in good trim, Tho' not with toil umnix'd.

Across his shoulders Sibson bore A basket with the "grub,"

And to the "chay" perform'd the "horse,"

Lest Mrs. S____ should snub.

Apollo smiled!--that is, the sun Blazed in a cloudless sky, And Sibson soon was in a "broil"

By dragging of his "fry."

Says S____, "My love, I'm dry as dust!"

When she replied, quite gay, "Then, drink; for see I've bottled up My spirits for the day."

And from the basket drew a flask, And eke a footless gla.s.s; He quaff'd the drink, and cried, "Now, dear, I'm strong as ____" let that pa.s.s!

At last they reach'd the destined spot And prop and babes unpacked; They ran about, and stuff'd, and cramm'd, And really nothing lack'd.

And Sibson, as he "blew a cloud,"

Declared, "It vos a day!"

And vow'd that he would come again-- Then call'd for "Vot's to pay?"

A DAY'S PLEASURE.--No. II.

THE JOURNEY HOME.

"Vot a soaking ve shall get."

Across the fields they homeward trudged, when, lo! a heavy rain Came pouring from the sky; Poor Sibson haul'd, the children squall'd; alas! it was too plain They would not reach home dry.

With clay-clogg'd wheels, and muddy heels, and Jim upon his back, He grumbled on his way; "Vell, blow my vig! this is a rig!" cried Sibson, "Vell! alack!

I shan't forget this day!

"My shoes is sop, my head's a mop; I'm vet as any think; Oh! shan't ve cotch a cold!"

"Your tongue is glib enough!" his rib exclaim'd, and made him shrink, --For she was such a scold--

And in her eye he could descry a spark that well he knew Into a flame would rise; So he was dumb, silent and glum, as the small "chay" he drew, And ventured no replies.

Slip, slop, and slus.h.!.+ past hedge and bush, the dripping mortals go (Tho' 'twas "no go" S____ thought); "If this 'ere's fun, vy I for vuu," cried he, with face of woe, "Von't soon again be caught.

"Vet to the skin, thro' thick and thin, to trapes ain't to my mind; So the next holiday I vill not roam, but stick at home, for there at least I'll find The means to soak my clay.

"Tis quite a f.a.g, this 'chay' to drag--the babbies too is cross, And Mrs. S____ is riled.

'Tis quite a bore; the task is more--more fitt'rer for an horse; And vith the heat I'm briled!

"No, jaunts adoo! I'll none o' you!"--and soon they reach'd their home, Wet through and discontent-- "Sure sich a day, I needs must say," exclaim'd his loving spouse, "Afore I never spent!"

HAMMERING

"Beside a meandering stream There sat an old gentleman fat; On the top of his head was his wig, On the top of his wig was his hat."

I once followed a venerable gentleman along the banks of a mill-stream, armed at all points with piscatorial paraphernalia, looking out for some appropriate spot, with all the coolness of a Spanish inquisitor, displaying his various instruments of refined torture. He at last perched himself near the troubled waters, close to the huge revolving wheel, and threw in his float, which danced upon the mimic waves, and bobbed up and down, as if preparing for a reel. Patiently he sat; as motionless and unfeeling as a block. I placed myself under cover of an adjoining hedge, and watched him for the s.p.a.ce of half an hour; but he pulled up nothing but his baited hook;--what his bait was, I know not; but I suppose, from the vicinity, he was fis.h.i.+ng for a "miller's thumb."

Presently, two mealy-mouthed men, from the mill, made their appearance, cautiously creeping behind him.

I drew myself up in the shadow of the luxuriant quickset to observe their notions.

A paling in the rear offered the rogues an effectual concealment in case the angler should turn.

Close to his seat ran some wood-work, upon which they quietly drew the broad tails of his coat, and driving in a couple of tenpenny nails, left the unconscious old gentleman a perfect fixture; to be taken at a valuation, I suppose, part of his personal property being already "brought to the hammer!" the clattering clamour of the wheel precluding him from hearing the careful, but no less effectual taps. I certainly enjoyed the trick, and longed to see the ridiculous issue; but he was so intent upon his sport--so fixed that he did not discover the nature of his real attachment while I remained.

Doubtless if he were of a quick and sudden temperament, a s.n.a.t.c.h of his humour rent his broad cloth, and he returned home with a woful tail, and slept not--for his nap was irreparably destroyed!

I hate all twaddle; but when I see an old fool, with rod and line,