Phelim Otoole's Courtship and Other Stories Part 38

"You must stand for the young colleen, Frank," said he, "and who do you think is to join you?"

"Why, how could I guess?" replied Frank.

"The sorra other but little Toal Finnigan, that thought to take Margaret from me, you renumber."

"I remimber he wanted to marry her, and I know that he's the most revengeful and ill-minded little scoundrel on the face of the earth; if ever there was a devil in a human bein', there's one in that misshapen but sugary little vagabone. His father was bad enough when he was alive, and worse than he ought to be, may G.o.d forgive him now, but this spiteful skinflint, that's a curse to the poor of the country, as he is their hatred, what could tempt you to ax him to stand for any child of yours?"

"He may be what he likes, Frank, but all I can say is, that I found him civil and obligin', an' you know the devil's not so black as he's painted."

"I know no such thing, Art," replied the other; "for that matter, he may be a great deal blacker; but still I'd advise you to have nothing to say to Toal--he's a bad graft, egg and bird; but what civility did he ever show you?"

"Why, he--he's a devilish pleasant little fellow, any way, so he is; throth it's he that spakes well of you, at any rate; if he was ten times worse than he is, he has a tongue in his head that will gain him friends."

"I see, Art," said Frank, laughing, "he has been layin' it thick an'

sweet on you. My hand to you, there's not so sweet-tongued a knave in the province; but mind, I put you on your guard--he's never pure honey all out, unless where there's bitther hatred and revenge at the bottom of it--that's well known, so be advised and keep him at a distance; have nothin' to do or to say to him, and, as to havin' him for a G.o.dfather, why I hardly think the child could thrive that he'd stand for."

"It's too late for that now,", replied Art, "for I axed him betther than three weeks agone."

"An' did he consint?"

"He did, to be sure."

"Well, then, keep your word to him, of coorse; but, as soon as the christenings over, drop him like a hot potato."

"Why, thin, that's hard enough, Frank, so long as I find the crathur civil."

"Ay, but, Art, don't I tell you that it's his civility you should be afeard of; throth, the same civility ought to get him kicked a dozen times a day."

"Faix and," said Art, "kicked or not, here he comes; whisht! don't be oncivil to the little bachelor at any rate."

"Oncivil, why should I? the little extortionin' vagabone never injured or fleeced me; but, before he puts his nose into the house, let me tell you wanst more, Art, that he never gets sweet upon any one that he hasn't in hatred for them at the bottom; that's his carracther."

"I know it is," said Art, "but, until I find it to be true, I'll take the ginerous side, an' I won't believe it; he's a screw, I know, an' a skinflint, an'--whisht! here he is."

"Toal Finnigan, how are you?" said Art; "I was goin' to say how is every tether length of you, only that I think it would be impossible to get a tether short enough to measure you."

"Ha, ha, ha, that's right good--divil a man livin' makes me laugh so much as--why then, Frank Maguire too!--throth, Frank, I'm proud to see you well--an' how are you, man? and--well, in throth I am happy to see you lookin' so well, and in good health; an' whisper, Frank, it's your own fau't that I'm not inquirin' for the wife and childre."

"An' I can return the compliment, Toal; it's a shame for both of us to be bachelors at this time o' day."

"Ah," said the little fellow, "I wasn't Frank Maguire, one of the best lookin' boys in the barony, an' the most respected, an' why not? Well, divil a thing afther all like the ould blood, an' if I wanted a pure dhrop of that same, maybe I don't know where to go to look for it--maybe I don't, I say!"

"It's Toal's fault that he wasn't married many a year ago," said Art; "he refused more wives, Frank, than e'er a boy of his years from this to Jinglety cooeh--divil a lie in it; sure he'll tell you himself."

Now, as Toal is to appear occasionally, and to be alluded to from time to time in this narrative, we shall give the reader a short sketch or outline of his physical appearance and moral character. In three words, then, he had all his father's vices multiplied tenfold, and not one of his good qualities, such as they were; his hair was of that nondescript color which partakes at once of the red, the fair, and the auburn; it was a bad dirty dun, but harmonized with his complexion to a miracle.

That complexion, indeed, was no common one; as we said, it was one of those which, no matter how frequently it might have been scrubbed, always presented the undeniable evidences of dirt so thorougly ingrained into the pores of the skin, that no process could remove it, short of flaying him alive. His vile, dingy dun bristles stood out in all directions from his head, which was so shaped as to defy admeasurement; the little rascal's body was equally ill-made, and as for his limbs, we have already described them, as reaping-hooks of flesh and blood, terminated by a pair of lark-heeled feet, as flat as smoothing-irons.

Now, be it known, that notwithstanding these disadvantages, little Toal looked upon himself as an Adonis upon a small scale, and did certainly believe that scarcely any female on whom he threw his fascinating eye could resist being enamored of him. This, of course, having become generally known, was taken advantage of, and many a merry country girl amused both herself and others at his expenses while he imagined her to be perfectly serious.

"Then how did you escape at all," said Frank--"you that the girls are so fond of?"

"You may well ax," said Toal; "but at any rate, it's the divil entirely to have them too fond of you. There's raison in every thing, but wanst a woman takes a strong fancy to the cut of your face, you're done for, until you get rid of her. Throth I suffered as much persecution that way as would make a good batch o' marthyrs. However, what can one do?"

"It's a hard case, Toal," said Art; "an' I b'lieve you're as badly off, if not worse, now than ever."

"In that respect," replied Toal, "I'm ladin' the life of a murdherer. I can't set my face out but there's a pursuit after me--chased an' hunted like a bag fox; devil a lie I'm tellin' you."

"But do you intend to marry still, Toal?" asked Frank; "bekaise if you don't, it would be only raisonable for you to make it generally known that your mind's made up to die a bachelor."

"I wouldn't bring the penalty an' expenses of a wife an' family on me, for the handsomest woman livin'," said Toal. "Oh no; the Lord in mercy forbid that! Amin, I pray."

"But," said Art, "is it fair play to the girls not to let that be generally known, Toal?"

"Hut," replied the other, "let them pick it out of their larnin', the thieves. Sure they pa.r.s.ecuted me to sich a degree, that they desarve no mercy at my hands. So, Art," he proceeded, "you've got another mouth to feed! Oh, the Lord pity you! If you go on this way, what 'ill become of you at last?"

"Don't you know," replied Art, "that G.o.d always fits the back to the burden, and that he never sends a mouth but he sends something to fill it."

The little extortioner shrugged his shoulders, and raising his eyebrows, turned up his eyes--as much as to say, What a pretty notion of life you have with such opinions as these!

"Upon my word, Toal," said Art, "the young lady we've got home to us is a beauty; at all events, her G.o.dfathers need not be ashamed of her."

"If she's like her own father or mother," replied Toal, once more resuming the sugar-candy style, "she can't be anything else than a beauty, It's well known that sich a couple never stood undher the roof of Aughindrummon Chapel, nor walked the street of Ballykeerin."

Frank winked at Art, who, instead of returning the wink, as he ought to have done, shut both his eyes, and then looked at Toal with an expression of great compa.s.sion--as if he wished to say, Poor fellow, I don't think he can be so bad-hearted as the world gives him credit for.

"Come, Toal," he replied, laughing, "none of your bother now. Ay was there, many a finer couple under the same roof, and on the same street; so no palaver, my man; But are you prepared to stand for the girsha? You know it's nearly a month since I axed you?"

"To be sure I am; but who's the midwife?"

"Ould Kate Sharpe; as lucky a woman as ever came about one's house."

"Throth, then, I'm sorry for that," said Toal, "for she's a woman I don't like; an' I now say beforehand, that devil a traneen she'll be the betther of me, Art."

"Settle that," replied Art, "between you; at all events, be ready on Sunday next--the christenin's fixed for it."

After some farther chat, Toal, who, we should have informed our readers, had removed from his father's old residence into Ballykeerin, took his departure, quite proud at the notion of being a G.o.dfather at all; for in truth it was the first occasion on which he ever had an opportunity of arriving at that honor.

Art was a strictly conscientious man; so much so, indeed, that he never defrauded a human being to the value of a farthing; and as for truth, it was the standard principle of his whole life. Honesty, truth, and sobriety are, indeed, the three great virtues upon which all that is honorable, prosperous, and happy is founded. Art's conscientious scruples were so strong, that although in point of fact the term of his oath had expired at twelve o'clock in the forenoon, he would not permit himself to taste a drop of spirits until after twelve at night.

"It's best," said he to his brother, "to be on the safe side at all events: a few hours is neither one way nor the other. We haven't now more than a quarther to go, and then for a tight drop to wet my whistle, an' dhrink the little girshas health an' her mother's. Throth I've put in a good apprenticehip to sobriety, anyhow. Come, Madjey," he added, addressing the servant-maid, "put down the kettle till we have a little jorum of our own; Frank here and myself; and all of yez."

"Very little jorum will go far wid me, you know, Art," replied his brother; "an' if you take my advice, you'll not go beyond bounds yourself either."

"Throth, Frank, an' I'll not take either yours nor any other body's, until little Kate's christened. I think that afther a fast of seven years I'm ent.i.tled to a stretch."

"Well, well," said his brother; "I see you're on for it; but as you said yourself a while ago, it's best to be on the safe side, you know."

"Why, dang it, Frank, sure you don't imagine I'm goin' to drink the town dhry; there's raison in everything."