I’ll Still Love You Even If You’re a Man Vol 2 Chapter 14

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Time always flies faster when you are having fun. And for our couple, the National Day Holidays (Golden Week) went by in a flash. An Ziyan pa.s.sed Mai Ding a set of his house keys. Since he was going to be his maid for a month, giving him his own set of keys would be a more convenient arrangement. And even though An Ziyan was not going to teach him how to drive, Mai Ding found another person to do so. Everything seemed to be going according to plan.

It was the start of school the next day. After having lunch with his parents, Mai Ding took the bus back to campus. For some reason, Li Ming was already in the dorm, and just like every other time, he was glued to his computer screen. Mai Ding also realized that he was spotting a tan. Li Ming nodded at Mai Ding when he saw him and said, “Hey Mai Ding. Haven’t seen you for a while but from the looks of it, you look mighty pleased with yourself, eh?”

“My life is like an open book, isn’t it?” Mai Ding thought. It was one thing that An Ziyan was able to read his mind so well. At least, one can say that that was a sign of compatibility. But for Li Ming to be able to also read him so well, that’s another story.

“Why are you back so early?” Mai Ding said while tidying his bed.

“I was tending to my parents’ shop every day. Look, even my snow white skin has been damaged as a result. If I could come back earlier, why wouldn’t I do so?”

“Stop being disgusting. What 'snow white skin'?”

By the time Mai Ding was done clearing up his side of the room, it was already getting dark outside. He peeked out of the window to see if An Ziyan was back, but was disappointed by the fact that the room was still in darkness.

After a few minutes, he decided to head to the lobby to buy a simple bento box* for dinner: one for himself and one for Li Ming. Li Ming had asked him to when he found out that Mai Ding was heading downstairs. While queuing, however, he wondered if An Ziyan had eaten his dinner, and was worried that he might be hungry. And so, after pondering for a while, he bought the most expensive bento set for his boy.
(* - a meat and rice takeaway set famous in Northeast Asian countries like China, Taiwan and j.a.pan)

“Hey you, in front.” Someone was calling out to Mai Ding from behind.

Mai Ding turned and it was An Ziyan. Mai Ding couldn’t help but smile. “I see you’re back.” And both boys trotted back to their rooms, walking side by side, shouldert o shoulder. “Luckily I bought an extra bento for you. We can eat together later.”

Actually An Ziyan hated bento sets. But seeing how happy Mai Ding looked, An Ziyan couldn’t bring himself to say it. All he could do was to grunt a ‘yes’ in response to what his lover had said.

Back in the dorm, after pa.s.sing Li Ming his dinner, Mai Ding was practically skipping to the room next door. To some extent, Li Ming was a little jealous when he saw how happy Mai Ding was. “Looks like I’d better get myself a girlfriend too”, he thought to himself.

Mai Ding was sitting next to An Ziyan while voraciously eating his dinner; An Ziyan, on the other hand, was listlessly using his chopsticks to poke at his food, looking obviously disinterested with his meal. He decided to stuff some in his mouth but wanted to hurl. To his horror, Mai Ding added more food into his bento box, thinking that he wanted more.

When dinner was over, Mai Ding looked at An Ziyan then knocked on An Ziyan’s desk. There was a pattern in the way he knocked on the desk: one decisive knock, and after about two seconds, three quick ones. And after another two more seconds, one final knock.

“What madness has overcome you this time?”, An Ziyan asked.

“It was a secret code that my mom taught me. It means 'I love you'.”

“Why not just say it directly? What’s the point of having a code for this?”

“You are d.a.m.n unromantic, you know that?”

Mai Ding was feeling a little upset that he and An Ziyan weren’t able to connect especially when it came to matters like these. It was obvious to Mai Ding that such actions were cute and endearing, but An Ziyan, on the other hand, was just so practical about things and wasn’t moved by such acts. And thinking about it further, Mai Ding realized that An Ziyan had never said that he liked him, much less loved him. Mai Ding, however, had said it many times already.

This matter was weighing heavily on Mai Ding’s mind. It was only when it was getting too late and An Ziyan was about to chase him out of his room that Mai Ding blurted, “An Ziyan, you have not said that you love me.”

“Yes, you are right.” At least, he was honest about it.

“Are you ever going to say it to me?”

“No.” And with that, he closed the door on Mai Ding.

Biting his lip in frustration, Mai Ding reluctantly retreated to his room. He wasn’t upset, just disappointed. He knew An Ziyan could be rather obnoxious. “To have him solely to himself, that was good enough, right?” Mai Ding thought it was best not to force An Ziyan to say it if he didn’t really want to. In a relations.h.i.+p, forcing is not going to benefit anyone.

He was trying his best to stay open-minded. But that didn’t last long. The next day, while he was in cla.s.s, he overheard two girls gossiping:

Girl A: “Every day, I have to ask my hubby whether he loves me. If he doesn’t say those three words to me, I’ll nag at him till he says it.”

Girl B: “You sure are lucky. At least he says it. My boyfriend on the other hand was always telling me that he loved me when we were starting out. Now, after we’ve been together for so long, he can’t even be bothered. I am even thinking if he still loves me!”

Girl A: “But from what I know, if a guy doesn’t even say those words to his girl, it means that he doesn’t like her at all.”

Girl B: “How do you know this?”

Girl A: “Because if you love someone, you would want to express how you feel. So if you don’t even wish to express how you feel, it can only mean that what you feel is not love. For example, when I look at An Ziyan, I can’t help but express my feelings for him, telling him how I truly felt.”

Girl B: “Don’t you have a boyfriend already?”

Girl A: “That’s a different matter altogether. I know I can never be with An Ziyan. So he shall remain my fantasy. And furthermore, I heard that he has a new girlfriend now. I'm really envious! I wonder how romantic he is with his girl?”

Mai Ding was getting irritated. >>>An Ziyan? Romantic? He wanted to laugh sarcastically, but the more he thought about what the girls said, the more uncomfortable he felt. He couldn’t help but agree with the girl. When you love someone, you just want to let the other person know. But An Ziyan did not believe so. He suddenly thought of Bai Xiaosi, An Ziyan’s ex-girlfriend. If he did not tell her that he loved her when they were together, he would feel slightly better. But if he did tell her that he loved her, it would then prove that he didn’t really care much about Mai Ding. Things were indeed very complicated. Mai Ding needed to know that An Ziyan loves him.

That afternoon, while he was in An Ziyan’s room, Mai Ding secretly took his phone while he was busy doing something else. After he had found Bai Xiaosi’s number, he left the room quietly and once outside he ran as fast as he could, hoping to find a place he could call Bai Xiaosi. He did spend a few seconds considering if he should make that call. After all, he didn’t want to be like one of those girls, always breathing down the necks of their boyfriends, but the more he thought about it, the more he felt he couldn’t just let it go.In the end, he made the call.

“h.e.l.lo?” She sounded like she was still asleep. While it was day time in Asia, it was in the wee hours of the morning in the States. Xiaosi was about to scream at the idiot who dared to wake her up.

“Are you Miss Bai? I am Mai Ding.”

It took a while for Xiaosi to realize who Mai Ding was. “You? Why are you calling me?”

“I hope you aren’t busy right now. I have something to ask you.” Mai Ding was feeling a little awkward. She was An Ziyan’s ex-girlfriend, after all. However, despite the initial awkwardness, he had this feeling that she wasn’t that bad a person.

“Ok. Go ahead.”

“Erm…I…I would like to ask you…When you were with An Ziyan, did he tell you that he loved you?”

Bai Xiaosi was somewhat surprised by the idiocy of his question. “Tell me that he loves me?” Bai Xiaosi thought. She wanted to laugh. An Ziyan had never even given her a taste of what love was.

It was as if the two weren’t in any relations.h.i.+p at all. Bai Xiaosi had an evil thought suddenly. Clearing her throat, she began, “He was always so irritatingly romantic. Whenever we were alone, he would always tell me that he loved me. He would only give up when I am all red in the face. There was one time… I was making dinner. He suddenly hugged me from behind and whispered in my ear, telling me how much he loves me. To be honest, I was in total bliss at that time.” It was almost unbelievable. But for Mai Ding, a feeling of pain slowly spread across his heart, as if he were poisoned.

“Thanks. There’s nothing else then. Goodbye.” Mai Ding hung up. That scene that Bai Xiaosi described was on continuous replay in his mind. Why was it so easy for him to say it to her? And why was it so difficult to say it to me? These questions continued to bombard his mind. Is it because my love is not as great? He was thinking about it so much till his face went pale. At the start, he was still feeling somewhat alright, but now…

He marched right back to An Ziyan’s room, stood in front of him and demanded, “An Ziyan, do you love me all?”

An Ziyan smiled, wanting to laugh.

“What the f.u.c.k are you smiling for? I’m being serious!” Mai Ding hollered.

“Why are you asking these idiotic questions?”

Seeing how An Ziyan was still not prepared to say anything, Mai Ding felt even more disappointed. He never wanted to replace Bai Xiaosi’s place in An Ziyan’s heart, but at the very least he wanted to know that he was important to him. “Is it because I am a guy? Is that the reason why you can’t tell me that you love me?”

“No.” An Ziyan realized how important this was to his lover.

“Liar! You could obviously say it to Bai Xiaosi! Why is it that I am treated so differently? Does being a guy mean that there can be no romance, no affection? People say that when a person is in love, he would want to express how he feels. But you? I don’t even know whether you love me or not.”


“Bai Xiaosi?” An Ziyan frowned.

“An Ziyan, I need to know that you love me. Not just Bai Xiaosi.” And with that, he stormed out of the room.

“Come back here!” But it was to no avail.

Mai Ding was back in his own room. He couldn’t bear to continue the conversation.

An Ziyan called Bai Xiaosi. He was bewildered by the sudden turn of events. “Bai Xiaosi, what did you say to him?”

“I didn’t say much. I just recounted the good times we shared, how you told me that you love me everyday. No big deal, right? You mean, he’s upset? You can’t blame me. Furthermore, such minor squabbles would do a relations.h.i.+p some good. I’m actually making your relations.h.i.+p a little bit more exciting, don’t you think?”

“You did this on purpose, b.i.t.c.h.” An Ziyan was getting irritated.

“Why? Feeling irritated? When we were together, I never see you getting fl.u.s.tered at all. Last month when I was angry with you, you didn’t even realize that I was mad at you! And last Valentine’s Day, you sent me that face mask with the words: 'I hope you shuddap'? I think it’s time to settle those debts, don’t you think? And it will be Mai Ding who will help settle the score.”

An Ziyan hung up the phone, ma.s.saging his temples as they were starting to ache. He finally understood why his lover was so furious earlier.

In the other room, Li Ming could see how angry Mai Ding was. He could understand how Mai Ding felt. He thought it was better to put off the idea of finding a girlfriend for the time being. Being in a relations.h.i.+p had its own problems, had its own pain.

That night, Mai Ding couldn’t sleep. He was tossing and turning in bed, still thinking about what happened earlier. He heard his phone ring, and knew it was An Ziyan. He had half the mind to cancel the call, but he couldn’t bear to do so.

“Put your ear to the wall.” Mai Ding heard him say when he answered the call.

What was he up to this time? Mai Ding thought, but he did what he was told. Then he heard a loud knock from the other side. After about two seconds, there were three successive knocks. And after another two more seconds, one last one. Mai Ding was stunned by what An Ziyan had done, but he could feel his heart slowly melting; whatever hurt he felt, whatever anger… all those disappeared with a simple act from An Ziyan. Only he could calm the billows in Mai Ding’s heart. Mai Ding beamed.


From a distance, Li Ming could see Mai Ding’s expression. He had only one conclusion to make: People in love are obviously mad.

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To be continued...