Black Beetles in Amber Part 34

FITCH _a Pelter of Railrogues_ PICKERING _his Partner, an Enemy to Sin_ OLD NICK _a General Blackwasher_ DEAD CAT _a Missile_ ANTIQUE EGG _Another_ RAILROGUES, DUMP-CARTERS. NAVVIES and Una.s.sorted SHOVELRY in the Lower Distance

_Scene_--The Brink of a Railway Cut, a Mile Deep.

_Time_--1875.

FITCH:

G.o.ds! what a steep declivity! Below I see the lazy dump-carts come and go, Creeping like beetles and about as big.

The delving Paddies--

PICKERING:

Case of _infra dig._

FITCH:

Loring, light-minded and unmeaning quips Come with but scant propriety from lips Fringed with the blue-black evidence of age.

'Twere well to cultivate a style more sage, For men will fancy, hearing how you pun, Our foulest missiles are but thrown in fun.

(_Enter Dead Cat._)

Here's one that thoughtfully has come to hand; Slant your fine eye below and see it land.

(_Seizes Dead Cat by the tail and swings it in act to throw._)

DEAD CAT (_singing_):

Merrily, merrily, round I go-- Over and under and at.

Swing wide and free, swing high and low The anti-monopoly cat!

O, who wouldn't be in the place of me, The anti-monopoly cat?

Designed to admonish, Persuade and astonish The capitalist and--

FITCH _(letting go):_

Scat!

_(Exit Dead Cat.)_

PICKERING:

Huzza! good Deacon, well and truly flung!

Pat Stanford it has gra.s.sed, and Mike de Young.

Mike drives a dump-cart for the villains, though 'Twere fitter that he pull it. Well, we owe The traitor one for leaving us!--some day We'll get, if not his place, his cart away.

Meantime fling missiles--any kind will do.

_(Enter Antique Egg.)_ Ha! we can give them an _ovation_, too!

ANTIQUE EGG:

In the valley of the Nile, Where the Holy Crocodile Of immeasurable smile Blossoms like the early rose, And the Sacred Onion grows-- When the Pyramids were new And the Sphinx possessed a nose, By a storkess I was laid In the cool papyrus shade, Where the rushes later grew, That concealed the little Jew, Baby Mose.

Straining very hard to hatch, I disrupted there my yolk; And I felt my yellow streaming Through my white; And the dream that I was dreaming Of posterity was broke In a night.

Then from the papyrus-patch By the rising waters rolled, Pa.s.sing many a temple old, I proceeded to the sea.

Memnon sang, one morn, to me, And I heard Cambyses sa.s.s The tomb of Ozymandias!

FITCH:

O, venerablest orb of all the earth, G.o.d rest the lady fowl that gave thee birth!

Fit missile for the vilest hand to throw-- I freely tender thee mine own. Although As a bad egg I am myself no slouch, Thy riper years thy ranker worth avouch.

Now, Pickering, please expose your eye and say If--whoop!-- _(Exit egg.)_ I've got the range.

PICKERING: Hooray! hooray!

A grand good shot, and Teddy Colton's down: It burst in thunderbolts upon his crown!

Larry O'Crocker drops his pick and flies, And deafening odors scream along the skies!

Pelt 'em some more.

FITCH:

There's nothing left but tar-- wish I were a Yahoo.

PICKERING:

Well, you are.

But keep the tar. How well I recollect, When Mike was in with us--proud, strong, erect-- _Mens conscia recti_--flinging mud, he stood, Austerely brave, incomparably good, Ere yet for filthy lucre he began To drive a cart as Stanford's hired man, That pitch-pot bearing in his hand, Old Nick Appeared and tarred us all with the same stick.

_(Enter Old Nick)_.

I hope he won't return and use his arts To make us part with our immortal parts.

OLD NICK:

Make yourself easy on that score my lamb; For both your souls I wouldn't give a d.a.m.n!

I want my tar-pot--h.e.l.lo! where's the stick?

FITCH:

Don't look at _me_ that fas.h.i.+on!--look at Pick.

PICKERING:

Forgive me, father--pity my remorse!

Truth is--Mike took that stick to spank his horse.

It fills my pericardium with grief That I kept company with such a thief.

(_Endeavoring to get his handkerchief, he opens his coat and the tar-stick falls out. Nick picks it up, looks at the culprit reproachfully and withdraws in tears._)

FITCH (_excitedly_):

O Pickering, come hither to the brink-- There's something going on down there, I think!

With many an upward smile and meaning wink The navvies all are running from the cut Like lunatics, to right and left--