Five Little Plays Part 19

MRS. WESTERN. Most mysterious! Incomprehensible!

JUDGE. [_Looking at his watch._] Past nine! We shall plunge into the play--like body-s.n.a.t.c.hers, looking for the corpse of the plot--and we shall never know what it was that the heroine did.

MRS. WESTERN. [_Ignoring him, to_ MARTIN.] Smithers I'll answer for.

MARTIN. Oh yes, madam. If I _might_ make a suggestion--

MRS. WESTERN. Well?

MARTIN. It couldn't have fallen anywhere into your dress, madam?

MRS. WESTERN. Nonsense, how could it? [_She gets up and shakes herself._]

Absurd. [_She sits again._

MARTIN. Into your cloak?

MRS. WESTERN. Silk! No. That'll do, Martin. You might help the others outside. [MARTIN _goes._

JUDGE. [_With a step forward._] Now, admirable sister--

MRS. WESTERN. Didn't it strike you that Martin's manner was rather strange?

HARVEY. [_Fretfully._] Really you _must_ not suspect the servants!

MRS. WESTERN. [_Turning to him._] _Must_ not--must! That's scarcely the way to speak to me, Harvey.

HARVEY. [_Deprecatingly._] My dear--

MRS. WESTERN. And I wasn't suspecting--I was merely asking a question of my brother.

JUDGE. Come, Alice, let's go.

MRS. WESTERN. [_Shaking her head._] You three go. You'll excuse me.

JUDGE. [_Cheerfully._] If you insist--

MRS. BANKET. [_Coming forward._] No, no. _Do_ come, Alice!

MRS. WESTERN. I can't--I'm so puzzled. [_With a sudden idea._] Oh!

HARVEY. [_Who is behind her to the left, between her and the_ JUDGE.]

What? Have you found it?

MRS. WESTERN. No, no--of course not. But ring, please, will you?

HARVEY. Why?

MRS. WESTERN, I want you to ring. [_He presses the bell by the fireplace._] I just remember Miss Farren came in while we were having coffee.

HARVEY. [_Indignantly._] Alice!

MRS. WESTERN. I asked her to write a card to Harrod's--she'll have written it in here.

HARVEY. [_Angrily._] I say--really!

MRS. WESTERN. [_Coldly._] No need to snub me again--before our guests! I need scarcely say I am not _suspecting_ Miss Farren--but in justice to her--

MRS. BANKET. But, Alice, she'll have gone out--you told her she might--

MRS. WESTERN. Only to her sister's close by--and she may not have gone yet. Why don't they answer the bell? Ring again, Harvey.

JUDGE. The poor things are still searching.

HARVEY. [_Firmly._] Alice, I protest, I do indeed--

MRS. WESTERN. Don't be so foolishly sentimental--it's ridiculous at your age. The young woman is in my employ, as governess to my children. [MARTIN _comes in._] Has Miss Farren gone out yet?

MARTIN. No, madam. I believe she's in her room, dressing.

MRS. WESTERN. Ask her to come.

MARTIN. Yes, madam. [_He goes._

JUDGE. [_Shaking his head._] No sense of proportion, that's the truth--they've no sense of proportion.

MRS. BANKET. Tom!

JUDGE. A fact, my dear--but you can't help it. You've every quality in the world but just that--you _will_ always look through the wrong end of the telescope.

MRS. BANKET. Really, Tom, this isn't the moment for your nonsense--and if you only knew how stupid you are when you try to be funny!

HARVEY. [_Going nervously to_ MRS. WESTERN.] I say, I really do think--

MRS. WESTERN. [_Roughly._] I don't care _what_ you think. Leave me alone!

[_There is silence. The_ JUDGE, _sitting by the fire, whistles loudly "Waltz me around again, Willie!"_ HARVEY _has gone moodily across the room and stands by the sideboard._ MRS. BANKET _is sitting behind the table. After a moment the door opens, and_ MISS FARREN _comes in, with hat and cloak on, and goes straight to_ MRS. WESTERN. _She is an extremely pretty girl of twenty._

MISS FARREN. You want me, Mrs. Western?

MRS. WESTERN. Oh, Miss Farren, I've lost my bracelet.

MISS FARREN. Really! I'm so sorry! Where?

MRS. WESTERN. I don't know. You didn't see it, of course, after we'd gone?

MISS FARREN. [_Shaking her head._] No--and no one came in. I was writing the letter to Harrod's.

MRS. WESTERN. No one at all?