The University of Hard Knocks Part 22

The "Sob Squad"

I am so sorry for the folks who quit, retire, "get on the shelf" or live on "borrowed time."

They generally join the "sob squad."

They generally discover the world is "going to the dogs." They cry on my shoulder, no matter how good clothes I wear.

They tell me n.o.body uses them right. The person going on south has not time to look back and see how anybody uses him.

They say n.o.body loves them. Which is often a fact. n.o.body loves the clock that runs down.

They say, "Only a few more days of trouble, only a few more tribulations, and I'll be in that bright and happy land." What will they do with them when they get them there? They would be dill pickles in the heavenly preserve-jar.

They say, "I wish I were a child again. I was happy when I was a child and I'm not happy now. Them was the best days of my life childhood's palmy days."

Wake up! Your clock has run down. Anybody who wants to be a child again is confessing he has lost his memory. Anybody who can remember the horrors of childhood could not be hired to live it over again.

If there is anybody who does not have a good time, if there is anybody who gets shortchanged regularly, it is a child. I am so sorry for a child. Hurry up and go on south. It is better on south.

Waiting till the "Second Table"

I wish I could forget many of my childhood memories. I remember the palmy days. And the palm!

I often wonder how I ever lived thru my childhood. I would not take my chances living it thru again. I am not ungrateful to my parents. I had advantages. I was born in a parsonage and was reared in the nurture and admiration of the Lord. I am not just sure I quoted that correctly, but I know I was reared in a parsonage. About all I inherited was a G.o.dly example and a large appet.i.te. That was about all there was to inherit.

I cannot remember when I was not hungry. I used to go around feeling like the Mammoth Cave, never thoroly explored.

I never sit down as "company" at a dinner and see some little children going sadly into the next room to "wait till the second table" that my heart does not go out to them. I remember when I did that.

I can only remember about four big meals in a year. That was "quart'ly meeting day." We always had a big dinner on "quart'ly meeting day."

Elder Berry would stay for dinner. His name was Berry, but being "presiding elder," we called him Elder Berry.

Elder Berry always stayed for dinner. He was one of the easiest men to get to stay for dinner I ever saw.

Mother would stay home from "quart'ly meeting" to get the big dinner ready. She would cook up about all the "brethren" brought in at the last donation. We had one of those stretchable tables, and mother would stretch it clear across the room and put on two table-cloths. She would lap them over in the middle, where the hole was.

I would watch her get the big dinner ready. I would look over the long table and view the "promised land." I would see her set on the jelly.

We had so much jelly--red jelly, and white jelly, and blue jelly. I don't just remember if they had blue jelly, but if they had it we had it on that table. All the jelly that ever "jelled" was represented. I didn't know we had so much jelly till "quart'ly meeting" day. I would watch the jelly tremble. Did you ever see jelly tremble? I used to think it ought to tremble, for Elder Berry was coming for dinner.

I would see mother put on the tallest pile of mashed potatoes you ever saw. She would make a hollow in the top and fill it with b.u.t.ter. I would see the b.u.t.ter melt and run down the sides, and I would say, "Hurry, mother, it is going to spill!" O, how I wanted to spill it! I could hardly hold out faithful.

And then Elder Berry would sit down at the table, at the end nearest the fried chicken. The "company" would sit down. I used to wonder why we never could have a big dinner but what a lot of "company" had to come and gobble it up. They would fill the table and father would sit down in the last seat. There was no place for me to sit. Father would say, "You go into the next room, my boy, and wait. There's no room for you at the table."

The hungriest one of that a.s.semblage would have to go in the next room and hear the big dinner. Did you ever hear a big dinner when you felt like the Mammoth Cave? I used to think as I would sit in the next room that heaven would be a place where everybody would eat at the first table.

I would watch them thru the key-hole. It was going so fast. There was only one piece of chicken left. It was the neck. O, Lord, spare the neck! And I would hear them say, "Elder Berry, may we help you to another piece of the chicken?"

And Elder Berry would take the neck!

Many a time after that, Elder Berry would come into the room where I was starving. He would say, "Brother Parlette, is this your boy?" He would come over to the remains of Brother Parlette's boy. He would often put his hand in benediction upon my head.

My head was not the place that needed the benediction.

He would say, "My boy, I want you to have a good time now." Now! When all the chicken was gone and he had taken the neck! "My boy, you are seeing the best days of your life right now as a child."

The dear old liar! I was seeing the worst days of my life. If there is anybody shortchanged--if there is anybody who doesn't have a good time, it's a child. Life has been getting better ever since, and today is the best day of all. Go on south!

It's Better on South

Seeing your best days as a child? No! You are seeing your worst days.

Of course, you can be happy as a child. A boy can be happy with fuzz on his upper lip, but he'll be happier when his lip feels more like mine like a piece of sandpaper. There are chapters of happiness undreamed of in his philosophy.

A child can be full of happiness and only hold a pint. But afterwhile the same child will hold a quart.

I think I hold a gallon now. And I see people in the audience who must hold a barrel! Go on south. Of course, I do not mean circ.u.mference. But every year we go south increases our capacity for joy. Our life is one continual unfolding as we go south. Afterwhile this old world gets too small for us and we go on south into a larger one.

So we cannot grow old. Our life never stops. It goes on and on forever.

Anything that does not stop cannot grow old or have age. Material things will grow old. This stage will grow old and stop. This hall will grow old and stop. This house we live in will grow old and stop. This flesh and blood house we live in will grow old and stop. This lecture even will grow old--and stop! But you and I will never grow old, for G.o.d cannot grow old. You and I will go on living as long as G.o.d lives.

I am not worried today over what I do not know. I used to be worried. I used to say, "I have not time to answer you now!" But today it is such a relief to look people in the face and say, "I do not know."

And I have to say that to many questions, "I do not know." I often think if people in an audience only knew how little I know, they would not stay to hear me.

But some day I shall know! I patiently wait for the answer. Every day brings the answer to something I could not answer yesterday.

It will take an eternity to know an infinity!

What a wonderful happiness to go on south to it!

Overcoming Obstacles Develops Power

As the Mississippi River goes on south he finds obstacles along the way. You and I find obstacles along our way south. What shall we do?