Caught in My Own Trap Chapter 14

Our Childhood

Xiao He He thinks that for selfish reasons, many reasons are often tangled together, it has nothing to do with love.

Xiao He He got home very early. After feeding her cat, Xiao Bao and she played with it for a while. Then she runs through the TV channels, no good programs on the TV, hence decided to switch on her computer to work. The picture is pencil sketched, and then scanned and painted. She always like to have the several pairs of matching tone and style for her customer to choose from. Therefore, customer like to praise her good and considerate nature. In the true fact, it is her liking it, nothing to do with the att.i.tude.

In the same company where art students-turned-designers love to create something new, and convince the customers to accept their ideas. But He He is different as she always have been very obedient to client’s wishes, and occasionally added some of her own ideas after some careful thinking. So Xiao He He is always the most likely one to make customer satisfied. She is very popular although she never have any big achievement. Her lady boss often said while watching her work while nodding and shaking her head at the same time: “He He, you’re clever and deft. Just lacking in ambition. Ambition!” She walked out of the door while mumbling to herself: “This is good. So much better too.”

He He do not have too many hobbies. Not even enthusiastic about beauty and interest in losing weight like most ladies. Her interest and love is only in her job. Others think she avidly immerse herself in the job late into the night, but she is actually just playing. She stayed up late into the night playing games, staying up all night chatting. Not much difference.

He He is painting a cartoon character, filling in the color while readily draw the horizon. Across the horizon is the seven colors of the rainbow and a small tree.

She recalled how she decided to take such career path. About a long time ago, too long that she can’t remember the year. Zheng Xie took her hiking up the mountain. It started to rain but they continued the climb.

Her age then must be pretty young. Because she remembers that when they are almost reaching the peak, she could no longer climb so shamelessly cry to go home. Later Zheng Xie piggyback her up.

If she was already a slight bigger girl, she certainly would not dare to throw the tantrum in front of Zheng Xie. She would certainly be thrown on the road by Zheng Xie.

In short, that day, Zheng Xie took off his coat and draped it around her head and piggy back her up the mountain. Arriving at the top of the mountain, the rain had stopped. She saw a beautiful view where Rainbow bridge from the side of the day across to the other side of the day with trees on the horizon.

He said: “What a pity, did not bring camera.”

He He said: “Never mind. I can paint for you.”

She just casually said it but a few days later, Zheng Xie gave her a big bag of brushes and paints with pens, colored pencils, crayons, oil pastel, watercolor paints, a variety of brushes and beautiful paper. Everything that one could think of.

In order to be worthy of these things, she began her painting career.

He He remembered, she did not intend to take painting as per goal in life. Although from a very young age, she started winning a lot of art-related prize. For her college entrance examination she took up law. Faculty of Law.

In fact, she had never had a goal in life. People often look longingly when referring to the future while on the other side, she will look bewildered and confused.

She wanted to go to law school because then, she fell in love with the Hong Kong dramas. Watching the dramas where they were debating in the court, she yearned and fantasies that she is also on air.

But her interest and dreams where crushed by Zheng Xie when he said: “Fellow cla.s.smate He He, from young until now, you have never won any fight with anyone. Even in the future in court it is accounted for full management, the shame when losing to the opposing counsel into silence is a small matter, losing the lawsuit will cause harm to the firm.”

During that time, He He was so angry that she turned red in her face. Thinking hard on how to refute it, she then realized that what he said is also reasonable.

Then the elders wants her to study arts, but she did not like as she felt that “art student” sound like a curse word. Only Zheng Xie supported her. “Don’t go and study Fine Arts. Fine Arts Department students are neurotic, not to mention that they are not normal. The compet.i.tion is too intense, you would not be able to pa.s.s.”

Just with his words, Xiao He He viciously made a decision to went straight to the professional art. In actual fact, she does not need to make such a hasty decision. She has favorable resources where her mother is able to find her contacts. As a result, Xiao He He is very disappointed and is complete far away on her own in the university thousands of miles away from home.

She then with full of self-esteem and pride, pack and left home. Until the end when she began to reflect: “How did I ended up embarking on such path.”

He He is the kind of person that does not tangle in the past. She does not like to remember. Even when watching TV or reading novels, she hated the part “About the past”. In those circ.u.mstances, she often jump directly to the current development.

Su Ren Ran often joke about her nerve. When something happen, others will panic / cry or even laugh. But instead He He often becomes the spectators outside of her own stories. For example, there is a year while in school, He He fell and had a head injury. She lost conscious for half a minute. Everyone else were in a panic, dialing emergency numbers while crying due to worry. A moment later, He He woke up and frowned… she said: “Don’t cry. Really noisy. Give me water. I’m thirsty.”

She is the kind of woman who has never been hurt in the fall of spring and autumn, and all the elements of the literary and artistic female youth have nothing to do with her.

Today, the reason why she went back to the old memories is because Ms Yang Wei Qi career reminds her of the days when she was impulsive of her decision.

 

heng Xie does not like the profession of lawyers. He had previously said: this is a career that can confuse the right and the wrong, which is contrary to conscience. This is erode the human nature gradually.

This is a tribute to Ms Yang who is different in his mind.

He He constantly has a very peculiar understanding of Zheng Xie. Zheng Xie is the kind of person whom is un-emotional in front of other people. His emotions are hard to see from his face, but He He would always feel it.

For example: Zheng Xie is very pleasant to a person. He He afterwards would say: “You hate him.” Xheng Xie would look listless and He He would say: “You must have completed a big business talk today. So now you do not have new target, hence there is nothing for you to look forward to.” The fact proves that He He guess is very right.

This time, He He saw that Zheng Xie is very serious with Yang Wei Qi. This is because she also have a very good impression of Ms Yang and thinks that both of them when standing together looks very compatible. He He has always found it difficult to have a good impression of the women around Zheng Xie. This is because they are not matching with Zheng Xie. He He is very concern about this problem as her relations.h.i.+p mostly did not worked out because of her occupational diseases.

He He of course is not jealous that the women appearing beside Zheng Xie will result in her being left out.

In fact, those women around Zheng Xie that comes and go, Zheng Xie never took the initiative to introduce her to his new companion.

But the few places that she likes, are the places that Zheng Xie took her before. So the chance of encounters are more comparable. Today’s att.i.tude indicate the more intimate relations.h.i.+p between Zheng Xie and Yang Wei Qi.

Those time, she treats it as watching a show, she is the audience while the woman is the protagonist and Zheng Xiew is just the props. Watching that is just so funny. Not like now, she can still recall how the woman looks like.

If Su Ren Ran knows about this, she will certainly make a fuss and say: “Xiao he He, you are jealous. You really like Zheng Xie.”

Of course she like Zheng Xie. Her parents were orphans. So in additional to her mother, Aunty Qian as well as Su Ren Ran and a few of her girlfriends and even her female boss, she treats them like her love ones. The male relative, she only had Zheng Xie. From her childhood years, Zheng Xie in her mind acts as her paternal grandfather, maternal grandfather, father, uncle, brother and sometimes even younger brother….. all these roles.

Except her dream lover choice.

He He is not a love tangled person. She just by opportunity to indulge herself the emotional feelings of letting go of something.

Want He He to be emotional is not very easy. The last time she was emotional was a few years ago when her idol Jay started dating.

He He likes Jay is not those young girls like feelings but more like mother love. Often in the forum, she enthusiastically together with others will discuss: “Our family children when will marry ah.” In fact, Jay has countless scandals that are not serious, so He He often laugh it off. Until that day, in front of the audience, he admitted that he had met with his fated love.

He He is so surprised that she shed tears and rushed to the official forum and left a message: “I’m so happy for you. Bless you ah. You guys must be happy ah.” The fact that she had shortness of breath that night, stayed up all night with a indistinct feeling, ultimately boiling it down to: “I’m selfish and emotional. Love is so shallow, deep down want to monopolize but I know that something that does not belong to me, I am aware of the weakness and must try to get over it.”

This evening, at the first greetings, she is also worried about being tangled. Deep inside her, she felt that she is selfish and her emotional state has reoccurred.

He He has never had the idea of having a future with Zheng Xie. Not even a small spark. Before she even had the perception of men and women, the perception of them together had been kicked out of the world.

He He can remember the exact time because it is the year where Zheng Xie is sitting for his college entrance examination. She is also in junior high school and it happen to be summer holidays. But her mother had to spend half of the summer with her students so she had spent half of the time in Zheng Xie’s home.

Zheng Xie was extremely busy that holiday and is always out. But she was not allowed to go out on her own to explore the street. So she always nest in the house while going online until her dark circles are all around her eyes. Later Zheng Xie occasionally takes her out to mix with him.

At that time, He He does not have many female friends. She lives in her lonely circle. Most of the people she knew are Zheng Xie’s buddies whom are many years older than her.

Each time Zheng Xie brings her along, she would be laughed at: “Yo, Ah Xie is coming out with his young pet.”

Those big boys always bring their older matured woman. Obviously only fifteen or sixteen but had chosen to make up and dressed like a twenty year old girl. He He has also seen such girlfriends of Zheng Xie.

The little girl, Xiao He He although is thirteen, still look less than ten years old. It is a joke that is taken for granted. Fortunately, Zheng Xie did not put much care into it, so she does the same.

They’re playing cards and also seems to have been gambling. It is inappropriate for children, so He He dodge in a far corner, alone playing computer games. After playing for a while, fell asleep and dreamed in the noisy place that she has grown up and became an adult. With the hairstyle of Scarlett, makeup like Cleopatra, dressed in “My Fair Lady” famous dress attending a social event but barefooted.

In the dim room, someone cover her with clothes and was immediately ridicule: “Ah Xie is competent enough to be a nanny.”

“What nanny? I think he simple wants to be 光源氏!”

“Who is 光源氏?”