Kore wa Zombie desu ka? Vol 7 Prologue

 

VOLUME 7

Prologue – Whoops. Sorry Sorry. I Almost Fell Asleep There.

 

Prologue Part 1

The most important thing to have in life is courage… is what I think at least. If you cower in the face of new experiences and can’t take that first step, then you’ll never get anything done.

You might fail. You might regret it. But that’s fine. You might be terrified, but even so, you continue moving forwards. If you don’t experience new things, you won’t be able to feel anything about anything.

Chris, the strongest masou shoujo, had suddenly appeared during our October school festival.

And that t.i.tle of “strongest” wasn’t just window dressing – a mere zombie like myself couldn’t even hope to touch her.

However, Chris had stolen something precious from me.

It had already been two months since I had decided to pay her back for everything she’d done.

Since then, I had gone through a mixer and a s.e.xual hara.s.sment trial… it had been quite an eventful two months. Yes, quite eventful…

In the end, I got two pieces of information. For one, Chris often went to places you would normally find middle-aged men at: oden (1) restaurants, horseracing tracks, etc. Second, if you tickled Chris, she would not be able to move anymore.

But just knowing that didn’t mean I was ready to face Chris.

Today was December 17th, a Sunday, and I was going to meet the “strongest person from the underworld” who might be able to face off with the “strongest masou shoujo.” (2) So, I had caught a train and went to a certain place in the Koto Ward in Tokyo. (3)

I was outside a shabby-looking wooden apartment building, which seemed decades old and looked like it would collapse under the smallest of earthquakes.

The entranceway was surrounded by a concrete block fence which was covered with ivy. I read the words “Sunflower Manor” on the fence in lettering that had been blurred by the rain. That name really felt out of place for this building…

I entered the building grounds, giving a sidelong glance to a rusty mailbox while going up some very creaky stairs. I soon found myself in front of my destination: room 203.

I took a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves, and pushed the doorbell.

I didn’t hear anything. I tried pus.h.i.+ng it hard, and then pus.h.i.+ng it many times at once, but nothing happened. It looked like the doorbell was broken.

I lightly knocked. Tap tap. No response.

I tried knocking harder. Knock knock. Absolutely nothing.

I wrapped my hand around the doork.n.o.b, which had become chilled from the biting winter wind, and tested it. The door was unlocked.

I slowly, slowly opened the door, and saw…

Bompf. Something flew out at me. A very soft something that filled my head with happy thoughts. Indeed, these were b.r.e.a.s.t.s.

If you left out the fact that I was dead, I was pretty much a very normal first year high school student, but I also wasn’t the type who cared too much about how big b.r.e.a.s.t.s were.

I mean, if you want to call yourself a man, then of course you had to like b.r.e.a.s.t.s. I wasn’t any exception to that rule.

However, when it came to how big or shapely they were, I didn’t really care much.

Even small b.r.e.a.s.t.s were fine! Is what I thought at least. But my my, this feeling of happiness…

Exactly how long had I stood here thinking about b.r.e.a.s.t.s? It was only one moment in real, but it felt like hours had pa.s.sed by in my head.

How had my brain been reduced to such a state…?

Well, it was because my face was now buried in a set of b.r.e.a.s.t.s.

A girl had suddenly come out when I opened the door, and I found myself being pushed back.

Clang! I collided with the rusty railing behind me. It was a flimsy-looking iron railing that looked like it would break under any significant weight, but I managed to wrap my arms around the girl and somehow escaped that fate.

She was probably around 1.6 meters tall (4)… she was a beautiful girl with a soft-looking, well-built feminine body. A tank top snugly clung to her body.

Her long hair hung down to her chest and also seemed to be knotted up in random places. Had she just woken up?

I was hugging her so it was hard to notice, but the only thing covering her underneath was one piece of black underwear… mmmmm…

Those bewitching thighs down there… that plump a.s.s covered by that black underwear… those tight hips and those ripples coming from that snug tanktop… it all gave off quite a lewd impression.

And then there were those gigantic b.r.e.a.s.t.s sitting on top of it all. If she moved just a little, those b.r.e.a.s.t.s of hers jiggled like they were living creatures. Just beautiful.

Wait! What the h.e.l.l am I thinking about right now?!

The girl was still in my arms, and all the strength had left her body.

“Are you okay?”

I tried calling out to her, but she didn’t respond. What the h.e.l.l? What was going on? My heart beat faster and faster.

For now, I carried her back into the room.

My strength as a zombie was the one thing I could depend on, so it was easy as pie to carry one girl.

I saw a kitchen and a bathroom out of the corner of my eyes, but proceeded further in.

It was a j.a.panese-style room, probably a bit bigger than 10 tatami in area. (5) A little shelf was crammed into the room and filled with manga and a figure collection. There were also manga and plastic bottles scattered all around.

I could tell from the state of this room that the owner wasn’t very good at keeping things tidy. It was like I was staring at the room of my own house’s resident irresponsible idiot, Haruna.

There was a television, but it was off right now. I sat the girl down on the low chair in the middle of the room and tried tapping her lightly on the cheek. At that point, the girl’s eyes opened.

“Fuaaahh~~. Ah, good morninggg…”

“Eh? Ahh, good morning.”

So she really was just sleeping? I watched her give a nice long stretch, her b.r.e.a.s.t.s drawing nicely tight… ah, no good no good. I hadn’t come here for that. I wasn’t here to s.e.xually hara.s.s anybody!

“Are you Naegleria Nebiros-san?”

“Agh, no no no. Don’t remind me of that name. Nene is fine.”

“Okay. Nene-san, then.”

……………….. And no response. Eh? What? Was she asleep again?

“Nene-san… Nene-san…”

“Fueh~?” She gave me a response like a flat can of cola and looked at me with sleepy eyes.

“Umm, I came here to see Nene-san about something…”

“Ah, okay…” Clunk. Her head flopped down under the influence of gravity.

She’s asleep again! She wasn’t even listening, was she?!

“Nene-san! Nene-san!”

“Ahh, sorry… umm, who are you again?”

“… Um, I think s.h.i.+momura told you about me before.”

“Ah, okay okay. Eucliwood’s friend, right…? Did you cut your hair?”

That wasn’t something you asked someone on your first meeting. Had we met somewhere before?

“I haven’t cut it in a while, but… umm, I’m here about Chris, the strongest masou shoujo.”

“Mhmm. Chris, yeah… that rings a bell…” Zzzzzz.

She fell asleep again! “Umm, sorry, but I really want to talk…”

“Ah, right umm… okay, we can talk. You see, the difference between Blue Mountain Coffee and Rainbow Mountain Coffee is-”

“That’s not what we were talking about! Not even close! See, I want to ask you about beating Chris…”

“Okay okay. Chris, right? Umm, I guess if you want to beat her, you’d have to come to me.”

Ohh! That sounded really rea.s.suring!

“Great! Then please help us with-”

Ugh, she’s asleep again! What the h.e.l.l is up with this girl?! She’s been falling asleep every second!

But seriously, those are some pretty big b.r.e.a.s.t.s. I’ve met a lot of big-breasted people already, but hers just took the cake. You could even call her b.r.e.a.s.t.s “explosively big,” pardon my French.

“Whoops. Sorry sorry. I almost fell asleep there.”

Nene-san shook her head from side to side trying to wake herself up. Wait… what did she mean almost?

“So, about Chris…”

“Hm? Hm hm? You’re… who are you again?”

… Umm… were we starting over then? Nene-san stood up and walked over to a strange desk that was slightly tilted. She sat down on a swivel chair, the kind you would often find in offices.

“So, I think Anderson-kun told you about me…”

“Ah, right right. I remember. Aikawa Kinya-kun, right?” (6)

“It’s Ayumu. Aikawa Ayumu. Do I really look like Kinkin?”

“Ah. You’re here for help with Chris, right?”

“Yes!” Finally the conversation was getting somewhere.

“Ah, don’t worry about that. Everything’s gonna work out. Look forward to it~~.”

She chuckled.

“Everything’s gonna work out… so, you’re going to fight for us?”

“Hm? Me? No no, that would be really bad.”

“Why? You can win, right?”

“If I win, then Virie and the Underworld are going to go to war again. Are you okay with that?”

I see. If the supposedly strongest person from the Underworld fights with the supposedly strongest masou shoujo, then that would be interpreted as an act of war. And… that war would happen in this world.

“Uhh…”

Nene-san probably saw the frustrated look on my face and guessed what I wanted to say. She gave me a smile.

“Yup. But the solution to that problem will be coming soon enough, so could you just wait a bit longer?”

I see. Nene-san didn’t have to be the one to fight, but there was someone else. And she would introduce me to this other person who could beat Chris. To think things could be going this smoothly…

“Got it. I’ll wait here then until that person comes.”

“Okay~~. Umm, there’s also something else I want to ask you…”

“Hm?”

“Help me. With this draft.”

Nene-san handed me a bundle of draft papers as she said that.

I saw manga drawn on the pages. It looked like a fantasy manga with a girl clad in armor as the protagonist.

“Help…? Wait, are you telling me to draw manga…?”

“Zzzzzz…” Nene-san opened her mouth wide, using the back of her chair as a pillow as she began to tilt backwards…

“Wake up, dammit!”

 

TRANSLATOR’S NOTES

(1) A j.a.panese stew using a soy-based broth.

(2) As usual, I’ll footnote this once per volume. Masou shoujo is literally “magical clothing girl,” and is obviously a pun on the standard “mahou shoujo,” or “magical girl.”

(3) The Koto ward contains part of Odaiba, which is the island on which Comic Market takes place.

(4) That’s around 5 feet 2 inches in stupid units.

(5) That’s around 175 square feet in stupid units.

(6) A j.a.panese Actor. Nickname is “Kinkin.”

 

VOLUME 7

Prologue Part 2

It was after school the next day, and I was sprawled out on my desk in an empty cla.s.sroom.

After the exchange with Nene-san, I helped her with her manga ma.n.u.script for three more hours.

How many pages did I trace out with black ink? How many frames did I add shading too?

And yet, we weren’t even close to done.

The deadline for the manga seemed to be the nineteenth. Today was the eighteenth… what a bad time to have met her.

The sun was going to set soon. I was dead… well, technically undead, so the one thing I was weak towards was sunlight.

… In the end, the person who was supposed to help us beat Chris never showed up.

So once the sun went down, I had to go to Nene-san’s place again and continue with our work.

Nene-san had said the following:

“Oh, sorry… hmm, that’s reaaally strange. I thought that person would come too… sorry, but could you come tomorrow again? I’m sure… tomorrow… zzzzzzzzz.”

And I responded instantly with a “don’t sleep, dammit!” of course.

I could’ve gone at a later date, but strangely I had an urge to finish the work which we had started yesterday. I guess otherwise it would be like getting on a s.h.i.+p and bailing midway.

“Hm, alone, are you? That’s good.”

As I waited on tenterhooks for the sun to set, a dull man with a rough beard wearing a white lab coat came into the cla.s.sroom.

“You’re the last person I’d want to see when I’m waking up from a nap.”

“Hey hey, that’s a pretty awful thing to say to your homeroom teacher, isn’t it?”

This was the Year 1 Cla.s.s C’s temporary homeroom teacher. His name was… well, umm, I just called him the Demon Baron.

He looked annoyed no matter what he was doing, his hair was unkempt, and his lab coat dirty. It was hard to give him any respect based solely on his appearance, but he was quite an incredible person.

“It’s always a bother to talk to teachers, so I guess my manners are getting pretty sloppy in that department.”

“Aikawa Ayumu-kun. Things just got quite bad.”

It was like he was ignoring me. Well, whatever.

“You talking about Chris?”

“Yes, Chris. It’s been around two months since she’s gotten her power back, right?”

The Demon Baron shook his head sadly, scratching his cheek. When this guy showed up in front of me, it was almost always for the sake of beating Chris. We would often exchange information like this.

“Well, things should be better soon, so just be patient.”

I gave him a proud smile.

“Oh, well that’s nice then. What’s the solution you propose?”

“I asked Naegleria-san for help, and-”

“Wha-?! Naegleria… that S-Cla.s.s… cough cough!”

The Demon Baron continued to look shocked even as he spat out blood like someone had twisted a faucet open.

“Ugh! My doctor was so explicit too in his orders to not get excited about b.r.e.a.s.t.s…”

The reason this person’s coat was stained red was from wiping his mouth, and because he was constantly coughing up blood and being carried to the nurse’s office. I was used to it though, so I just kept on talking.

“Actually, sensei, where do you come from? I guess you’re acquaintances with Yuu, so… I guess you’re from the Underworld?”

“I’m from Virie. I met Eucliwood in this world. Well, back then I was putting this army of vampire ninjas together, but that’s another story. More importantly…”

“You said things were getting bad. Did something happen?”

“Ahh, well… seems the queen is coming to this world.”

“Queen? You mean, the Queen of Virie?”

“I don’t know how she caught wind of it, but now she knows about Chris. So… we have this year to make sure we get rid of Chris and pretend she never existed.”

“Why?” I really couldn’t make sense of what he was saying.

“Do you really want this entire island nation to be blown up into outer s.p.a.ce?”

“… What does that have to do with anything?”

“The queen is the kind of person who, if we put her together with Chris, she wouldn’t bat an eye before blowing up an entire country. Right now, Ariel is managing to restrain her by pretending that Chris doesn’t exist but… well, it’s just a matter of time. And the deadline for everything is…”

“The end of this year, huh…?”

“I tried to do something about it too, but…”

“Hm? What did you try?”

“Well, we had the conservative and reform factions of the vampire ninjas, right? And you saw how Sarasvati got them all to cooperate with each other. I gathered up around a hundred of those vampire ninjas and went to take care of Chris.”

“A-A hundred?! And you still couldn’t beat her?!”

“Yeah. As expected from the ‘strongest’ masou shoujo. I thought we’d be able to manage since she can’t transform right now… but I underestimated her. So, I thought you, me, and Eucliwood could figure out a plan together. But if Naegleria is handling things…”

“Yup. Nothing to worry about.”

The Demon Baron let out a small chuckle and spoke with a joking tone in his voice.

“You might be our last guardian here. Is there anything you want from me?”

So melodramatic. Well, if you’re going to joke like that, then I’ll joke right back.

“Okay then. Buy me a can of milk coffee?”

“Ahh, sure.” The Demon Baron smiled. But right then…

Cough hack! He spit out blood.

“Ugh. My doctor ordered me to never treat anybody to anything…”

“You know, now that I think about it, isn’t that disease of yours a bit too convenient?”

The chieftain of the vampire ninjas started wobbling from the blood loss and collapsed onto the floor as I stood above him and watched him with a strained smile.

 

VOLUME 7

Prologue Part 3

As I sipped the milk coffee the Demon Baron had bought for me, I looked out the window at the sports clubs that were so diligently practicing even in the middle of this d.a.m.n cold. Geez, the track team was even wearing shorts…

The Demon Baron had barely managed to buy me this drink, but he apparently had lost too much blood and was now resting in the nurse’s office.

There wasn’t really enough time to take a nap right now, and the usual girl who I would talk to at times like this was currently running to her heart’s content out on the track. So I just sat there, wondering how I was going to kill time in this empty cla.s.sroom, when I saw one girl enter the room.

Her waist-length black hair fluttered in the wind as she walked over, a smirk appearing on her face.

“Oh look. You’re here alone… my darling.”

This girl, Sarasvati, looked around happily at the lonely, empty room as she came up right beside me. Her tall, slender body was clad in a sailor uniform.

“Hey Saras. That near-death homeroom teacher was here just a while ago, but he’s coughing up blood in the nurse’s office now. Did you need something?”

Schhp. I wrapped my lips around the straw for my milk coffee and sucked the drink up.

“Well, I wanted to make a report to the chief, but it seems we’ve pa.s.sed each other… hm, what is that?”

Saras looked down at the milk coffee that I was drinking.

“Isn’t it obvious? It’s milk coffee. People my age really like tasty, caffeine-heavy things like this, you know.”

“I see. I shall take that, then.”

Saras gave me a nod and then s.n.a.t.c.hed the milk coffee from my hands. Geez… this girl was always so forceful.

“If you really want one I can go get one for you. If you drink out of that one it’ll turn into an indirect kiss.”

I let out a single yawn, and I shook my head with exasperation. But Saras then brought her face right up to mine.

Her silky hair waved from side to side, and this beautiful girl gave me a bold smile at a distance close enough that our noses were almost touching.

“Perhaps that is precisely what I wanted to do… my darling.”

She challenged me with her grin, and I affixed my gaze on her lips that were right in front of me. I felt my heart skip a beat, but then I pushed her pretty face away.

“Don’t get so close.”

“… You certainly are colder today than usual, my useless darling. Did something happen?”

Saras seemed a bit worried. I was really used to her always talking down to me, but lately there’ve been times when I’ve seen a meeker, more feminine side of her personality.

“Ahh, I’m being forced to work as a manga a.s.sistant right now. It seems like the deadline is tomorrow, so everything’s in a huge hurry. I’m just tired from being made to do work that I’m not used to.”

“Tomorrow, hmm… oh hoh, it must be a doujins.h.i.+ for comiket then.” (1)

“Well, I’m not sure about any of that-”

“Given the timing, that must be it. I see, perhaps I can meet with my sc.u.m darling at the convention center as well.”

She closed her eyes, seeming to let all those emotions sink in, and then…

“I am happy, you piece of s.h.i.+t!”

She spat abuse at me with a smile from ear to ear.

“But, I really don’t think we’re going to finish.”

“Hm? Did you not say that the deadline is tomorrow?”

“Yeah. But it’s probably not going to happen. Especially considering what that person is like…”

I let out another yawn. But before I could speak again…

“You imbecile!” Saras yelled loudly.

I couldn’t help but lean over in my chair at the sheer volume of her voice. But Saras continued with the fury of a demoness.

“I will never forgive you if you don’t make a Comiket deadline! Never!”

Saras was getting very angry, and at that moment I had no idea why.

 

TRANSLATOR’S NOTES

(1) Doujins.h.i.+ are fan-made books, and the biggest marketplace they are sold is Comic Market, or comiket, a biannual convention held on Odaiba in Tokyo.