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VOLUME 2
[4rd Discussion ~ The Resting Student Council~]
“What’s important is moderation! Because there are ups and downs, we are alive!” (1)
As usual, the president stuck out her small chest and proudly spoke as if she were reciting something she probably read in some book.
“And with that, today is a break! The student council will take a break!”
In the end, that was all she wanted to say. She smiled, sat back down and slumped over onto the long desk.
(Such a lazy president……)
She was moe. She was a loli (although she’s one year my senior), but seeing her splayed out lazily on the desk was somehow extremely moe. I mean, it was healing. She must have felt the moe like I did, because Chizuru-san dangled a piece of Pocky in front of the president’s face and called her name. When she did that, the president chomped on the snack and began to nibble on it like a squirrel, chewing on it little by little…… so cute.
“But ya know… It’s a bit late to be saying this now, but did we really need to gather up to take a break……?”
In contrast to the president, Minatsu stretched widely and muttered disinterestedly. Seeing that, Mafuyu-chan seemed to agreed with her sister, saying “Yes, that’s true……”
In response to Minatsu, I indignantly stood up and shouted “How could you say that?!”
“I’ve said this before, but you won’t be increasing your affection points like that, Minatsu!”
“That’s what I should be telling YOU!”
“What are you saying?! There’s already four student council heroines, Minatsu! Aside from the harem end, at best there’s only one person who will get to be with me! On this heated battlefield, if you don’t show up in the student council room, the one episode that you’re completely absent for the day…… you will wither away in an instant.”
“I’m fine with withering away! In fact, I want to be taken away!”
“You also need to moderate your tsun, or you’ll lose fans! Your role is essentially that of the main girl, so you really need to work harder!”
“Again, why the h.e.l.l do I have to get all mixed up in your Sugisaki Ken Compet.i.tion?! As far as you know, there are no partic.i.p.ants in this race!”
“You idiot, you don’t know anything, do you? I’m the protagonist, ya hear? The protagonist. I’m the only appearing main male character, aren’t I? If this isn’t a fierce battle, then what is it?”
“You’re just proving that you have no male friends, aren’t you?!”
“Yes, I do! I have a best friend named Nakameguro!”
“That’s only in Mafuyu’s delusions!”
“Ku…… Minatsu’s surprisingly tough to conquer…… She never gets out of the tsun stage.”
As I groaned, Minatsu gave me a surprised look, then sighed.
“In the first place, aside from the trends Ken talks about, I’ve never really had an interest in guys……”
“d.a.m.n it…… If you’re interested in yuri, then it’d be pointless for me to conquer you……”
“Well, you may call it yuri, but that’s not quite it……”
“Is that so?”
I asked her that and she crossed her arms in thought.
“Hmmmmmm…… I like girls more than guys. That’s for sure. Just being friends isn’t intimate, but I don’t have confidence in guys when it comes to things like romance or s.e.x.”
“Oh, so is that how Mafuyu-chan got brainwashed?”
“In Mafuyu’s case, it worked much more than I thought. She’s so pure, so she sorta just absorbed all of my anti-guy slander……”
“But not the yuri.”
“Yeah, well, if you asked me what I prefer, I’d say girls, so of course you’d think yuri. I get asked a lot if I actually see girls as romantic interests, but that’s also not true.”
“Sounds like…… you’ve had some hard times.”
“Eh, not really. You might not understand this Ken, but I don’t see romance as an overly important part of life.”
“Wow, there it is! Her virgin NEET declaration!”
“I’m not a virgin NEET! At least use ‘pure’ instead……! Ahem. That’s why I hate those kinda guys. Those people who say ‘you’re going to die if you don’t fall in love,’ or ‘You’ve never dated before? You’ve had a hard life.’” (2)
“Ooohh…… That’s a slight attack on me, isn’t it?”
For someone who was like those Love-Reigns-Supreme guys, even I was hurt. But, Minatsu smiled and denied that.
“Hm, well, as a friend, I do like you.”
“Eh…… ah, I, see…”
“Hm? What’s wrong. You’re red.”
“N, nothing.”
F…… for some reason, that really embarra.s.sed me. The h.e.l.l, what is this? She only told me she liked me as a friend. That’s nothing to get embarra.s.sed over. It just…… it somehow made me really d.a.m.n happy.
No, that’s no good Sugisaki Ken! You’re not a simple man who would be satisfied with being friends d.a.m.n it! You’ve got great ambitions! Don’t forget your harem soul! Your ulterior motives are eternal!
“Hoo…… That was dangerous. I was that close to becoming a fresh and pure young man.”
“What’s dangerous about that?! You should’ve done that! As you normally are, you’re a totally dangerous beast!”
I looked at Minatsu, who retorted with every fiber of her being, as if I were licking her clean. Then, in my mind, I swiftly stripped off her uniform…… Yeah, it’s fine. I’m still perverted.
“Alright! I can do this! I can properly see Minatsu as a target of my l.u.s.t!”
“Just what in the h.e.l.l are you declaring?! You have to let people know what’s going on d.a.m.n it!”
“Like I said, don’t worry. I will love you Minatsu!” (Sparkling smile)
“Now I’m scared of love for no reason!”
As Minatsu subtly backed away from me, I reluctantly looked around at the other members.
“…………”
They must’ve heard mine and Minatsu’s entire conversation, because everyone drew back slightly…… well, I guess I’ve gotten used to this kind of thing…
The president broached the hanging conversation, saying, “But you know…”
“The student council room is a comfortable place, isn’t it? Look, it’s like the princ.i.p.al has his office and the student council president has the student council room, right?”
“Not at all.”
Minatsu retorted. However, the president paid her no mind and continued speaking as Chizuru-san fed her Pocky.
“Sugisaki is always saying ‘my harem!’ but in a way, since I’m the president, that makes this my harem doesn’t it?”
“Please don’t try and take away my harem.”
“Sugisakiii… Ma.s.sage my shoulders…”
“………… If you get too c.o.c.ky, I’ll ma.s.sage your b.r.e.a.s.t.s.”
“b.r.e.a.s.t.s? Ma.s.sage…………?”
The president looked down at her chest. I gasped with realization and hastily tried to apologize.
“Ah, forgive me…… Seriously…… forgive me.”
“Don’t apologize! You’re pitying me! I really don’t want your pity!”
“I pity you…… I really do……”
“Don’t say that while looking at my chest!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
“I’m seriously sorry about bringing up groping you and things. I’m totally useless, aren’t I……? Even though in this world, not every girl is ‘gropable’ I…… said something so discriminatory!”
“You’re unnecessarily hurting me with those words!”
“Don’t you worry prez. There’s a demand for people like you, you know?”
“That doesn’t make me feel better! In fact, guys who hold that in demand are scary!”
“I…… Yeah, it’s possible.”
“What is?!”
“Instead of seeing it as ‘someone who worries about their lack of b.r.e.a.s.t.s,’ you can see it as acquiring moe points that people who have b.r.e.a.s.t.s can’t have. Being flat-chested is significantly profound…”
“Don’t say flat-chested! That’s discriminatory in itself!”
“But you see Prez, with your physique and personality, having huge b.r.e.a.s.t.s would just be wrong.”
“I don’t like what’s right!”
“A loli face with huge b.r.e.a.s.t.s usually comes with a disclaimer. But for me personally, a true loli means a flat chest!”
“I don’t care about your definition of a loli!”
“That’s why Prez, from now on please cry when you worry about your chest.”
“Then I wouldn’t be able to grow in confidence!”
The president was out of breath. Her lazy mood was gone, but seeing her pant was moe in itself.
In front of me, Chizuru-san was also enamored with the president.
“By the way, Chizuru-san, you’re not studying today?”
I asked on the spur of the moment. Especially when there was no student council work to be done, Chizuru-san always had notebooks spread over the desk. But today, she was completely absorbed in playing with something.
Chizuru-san combed her hair over her ear and smiled.
“In the first place, just attending cla.s.s is enough for me.”
“Eh? Then why are you always studying?”
“Ah, that’s more or less a hobby. For example…… in the world there are people who can and can’t spend hours studying, right?”
“If you ask me, I’m the type that finds studying to be a pain. Although I studied last year because I had a goal.”
When I gave that answer, the s.h.i.+na sisters and the president entered the conversation.
“Mafuyu also doesn’t study at home much…… only the minimum.”
“On the other hand I properly study. I don’t find it to be too bad.”
“For me –”
“Ah, don’t worry Prez. You don’t need to answer.”
“Sugisaki is a bullyyyyyyyyyyyy!”
The president noisily burst out in tears, but I ignored her. After all, she…… really didn’t need to answer.
After hearing each of our responses, Chizuru-san resumed her story.
“Among people who study, there can be those like Key-kun who work hard. But there are a surprising number of people who treat the act of studying as a hobby. I am one of those.
So you see, Mafuyu-chan with her extreme hobby of gaming at home can’t study at home, but Minatsu on the other hand makes a point of studying at home even though she loves athletics.”
“Ah, that’s true.”
“In the case for those who don’t particularly have anything else to do, studying is just something to do in the mean time. And so, when I have free time, I endeavor to absorb more information. Because of that, I find it uncomfortable to be praised for doing so.”
“So today……”
“Ah, today Aka-chan is particularly cute, so I’ve decided to spend my time with that.”
As she said that, she poked the president’s cheeks. Indeed…… the president sure was cute today. Because she didn’t have her usual energy, her cuteness was in full force.
When Chizuru-san and started to tug on the president’s cheeks, Minatsu called out, saying “But you know…”
“I know this is just my prejudice, but I think being able to study is a bad thing in essence. Especially science.”
“I can kinda get what you’re saying.”
It makes sense that Minatsu, a sports-oriented type, would be weak to something like that.
“Know-it-alls always charge ahead into weird things. In the middle of a heated paranormal discussion they’ll say with a normal tone, ‘but those things couldn’t be possible,’ and things like that…… Although it’s not like I don’t understand where they’re coming from.”
“Ah, I know what you mean. No matter what, there are those people who can’t overlook those types of things. Well, normally they don’t mean anything bad by it.”
“It’s not like we’re looking to argue if it’s possible or not, we just want to have fun talking about it……” I nodded in agreement as Chizuru-san joined in. “I heard from my drunken relative’s old man that there’s nothing more annoying than political opinions.” “Ah, I know what you mean.” Everyone agreed. “Well, I’m indifferent to politics, but I also don’t think it’s good. Not just politics either. No matter the topic, making someone listen to your opinion endlessly is a form of violence.” “Mafuyu also……is bad with things like that. Mafuyu just stays quiet.” “That’s why in my case, I love this student council.” With those words, Chizuru-san ended the discussion. It’s true…… this student council just might have a hint of that goodness. Everyone must have had some bad memory float up, because each one of us let out a sigh. Among us, Mafuyu-chan especially seemed down. Curious, I asked her. “What’s wrong Mafuyu-chan?” “Sugisaki-senpai…… In Mafuyu’s case…… Mafuyu has especially become a character whose role is to listen…… That’s why Mafuyu will end up captured by people and be forced to listen endlessly to pointless stories, and when Mafuyu tries to say anything they’ll cut Mafuyu off……” “Ah…” Mafuyu-chan probably would be the one to suffer something like that. If she and her conversation partner had clas.h.i.+ng topics, she would definitely lose out on her chance to speak and end up silently responding to a topic she didn’t care about with a smile. “You’re bad with a lot of different people, aren’t you Mafuyu-chan?” “Yes…… Especially with wild boys who aim for harems……” “Do you hate me or something?” “Like the proclaimed strongest earthling who ends up not getting to do anything……” “You mean K**llin???????!!!!!!!!!?”(3) “Ma.s.s murderers too……” “Most people aren’t comfortable with them!” “Mafuyu is also bad with serial kidnappers who target little girls!” “That makes it sound like you’re good with every other type of criminal!” “Mafuyu loves phantom thieves!” “You’ve never seen a phantom thief in real life!” “If Mafuyu had to decide…… extraterrestrial intelligent beings would be the type Mafuyu is bad with… maybe…” “What was the point of all the hesitation in that sentence?!” “But above all else, Mafuyu has the hardest time with people whose goal is a harem.” “Am I extremely hated or something?!” “That’s not true! Sugisaki-senpai is Sugisaki-senpai after all!” “Ah, if my heart weren’t completely stained, that could’ve been a good line!” Mafuyu-chan is definitely a cruel person…… Mafuyu-chan, I still love you but, little by little…… it’s getting harder to talk with you. “I’m bad with delusional novel writers who use me as the subject……”
Dejected, I tried to get her back. Since it was Mafuyu-chan I was dealing with, I thought she’d be shocked. But…… “Eh? You know someone like that? Wow, that’s inexcusable. Hmph.” “…… I give up.” I’ve decided. At the top of the “People Sugisaki Ken is Weak Against” ranking is s.h.i.+na Mafuyu…… But she’s still moe. I still love her. She’s still huggable. Actually I want to hug her. But even so…… “Now then, should Mafuyu continue writing Sugisaki-senpai and Nakameguro-senpai’s love scene…..?” “You’re my natural enemyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!” “Ehh?!” Mafuyu-chan wore a look of shock, as if she really had no idea why I said that. “Now, that’s enough of that.” Minatsu clapped her hands and s.h.i.+fted the conversation. “It might be a bit late to mention this, but is it really alright for us to do nothing today Prez-san?” At Minatsu’s question, the president sat upright and crossed her arms with a “Hmm…” “I think we should seriously do our work, but…… I mean, recently we’ve been staying here overtime, or rather we’ve been staying late after school working a lot, so I figured we would be fine if we took a break.” Chizuru-san agreed with that. “That’s true. After all, student council work is mostly volunteer work, so it’s not supposed to wear down the members. It’s usually something you only do the bare minimum for. Since that’s the case, it shouldn’t be especially problematic if we don’t deal with it for a day.” “It’s our job though, isn’t it? I mean, it bothers me to not do anything.” I feel like I can understand that. Even I feel like I should finished what’s a.s.signed to me. Be that as it may…… “Well, don’t worry about that Minatsu. I’ll take on each of the duties in detail myse-” “That’s exactly what’s bothering me the most!” “Ooh……” I was yelled at. The student council room fell silent, and the atmosphere that hung in the air made me want to run away…… Ah, I made a mistake. I thought we already had an unspoken understanding about me doing all the work myself for the sake of my harem…… I guess Minatsu had that “elder sister” part of her that couldn’t let that slide…… Minatsu gave an expression like she made a mistake and quickly tried to smooth things over. “N, no, wait. W, well, it’s not like I’m mad about it. I’m thankful for that which is why, I mean, I’m uncomfortable……” “I’m sorry, Minatsu.” “Wait, I mean, I don’t know what to do if you apologize! That’s not what I mean……” “I didn’t know you thought of me like that, Minatsu……” “I really don’t like you saying it like that!” “Don’t worry. As long as I have your love power, Minatsu, I’m invincible!” “No such thing! I’m not giving you anything like love power!” “Also, I’m fine if you occasionally be my outlet for my s.e.xual desires!” “Don’t make such a huge request without any reason!” “Don’t…… *cough*worry about…… *cough* my body…” “Hey, don’t suddenly start getting pushy!” “It’s alright. I’m only looking for bodily contact with you, Minatsu…… *cough*” “Don’t play the sympathy card! That’s degrading women!” “Even though it seems like Mafuyu-chan is degraded?” “Eh?” Minatsu looked over at her sister. And then…… “Ugh…… Sugisaki-senpai…… is so pitiful…… If Mafuyu is fine, then as many times as you want –” “She’s fallen! My little sister has totally fallen!” Minatsu was shocked. “Mafuyu-chan is definitely pretty impressionable, isn’t she?” “Ahh, I clearly didn’t raise this girl right!” As Minatsu shouted that, she hastily began undoing Mafuyu-chan’s brainwas.h.i.+ng…… Tch. And here I was aiming for a Sisters Bowl…… (4) “Sugisaki…… Right now you have a very gaudy face on……” The president glared at me with half-open eyes. I s.h.i.+fted my expression and turned towards the president. “Eh? No way~☆” “You weren’t the type of character who ended their sentences with a ☆!” “Sugisaki☆Ken” “Why would you even?!” In order to leave the s.h.i.+na sisters to their own world, I faced the president and Chizuru-san. Chizuru-san faced me with a suspicious smile. She initiated eye contact. (You’ve done well, Key-kun…) (Ooh! Y, you noticed……?) (Just who do you think I am? I can see through your clowning around in an attempt to distract Minatsu.) (5) (Oooh…… You see…… Chizuru-san……) (Don’t worry. I won’t say a word.) (Th, thank you very much.) (…… Hey, Key-kun. I actually find that part of you quite-) – “Hey, Chizuru! Sugisaki! What are you suspiciously staring around at?!” – Chizuru-san looked like she was going to say something serious, but she was interrupted by the president’s annoying cries. I let out a single sigh before smiling at the president. “Oho? Are you jealous, Prez?” “WHA- O, of course not! It’s just that the s.h.i.+na sisters were off in their own world, and then you and Chizuru went off in your own, so I felt left out for some reason!” “Ah. Well Prez is left out in the first place. From the student council that is.” “So cruel!” “No, you might even be left out from the whole school.” “Why did you correct yourself to something even more horrible?!” “Actually Aka-chan, you’re the black sheep of this world.” “Even Chizuru is joining in on the attack?!” As usual, Chizuru-san faced the president with a mischievous smile. “…?” Oh? Chizuru-san…… Was she actually kind of angry? Rather than her usual “Prez teasing,” this felt a bit more like a sulky attack…… I wonder why… Well, since it was Chizuru-san, I probably wouldn’t understand no matter how much I thought, so it’s best not to mind. The president became cutely angry, so I decided to step in. “Prez, Prez.” “…… What do you want, Sugisaki?” “Wanna do it?” (6) “NO I DON’T!” “You can’t take a joke. Since it’s you, I thought I’d use an old meme……” “Most readers won’t get that! And I’m pretty sure saying that to the opposite s.e.x is just s.e.xual hara.s.sment!” “At this rate, I won’t be able to have skins.h.i.+p with Prez any more……” “How do you only have a few options?! There have got to be other methods!” (Other methods………… ninety percent of them will get me labeled as a s.e.x offender, but I wonder if that’s fine? It should be fine…) “You definitely thought something 18+ just now, didn’t you?!” “Sorry. I’m an awkward man who can’t do anything but s.e.xually hara.s.s a girl I come in contact with.” “That’s not being awkward anymore, that’s a sickness in itself!” “That said, is it alright if I touch your chest?” “No, you can’t! I mean, what are you talking about?!” “It’s not like they’ll shrink……” “You’ve become the s.e.xual-hara.s.sing guy you said you’d be!” “It can’t be helped. In that case, your panties, please. Your panties.” “Why are you making it sound like you’re compromising?!” “Eh? Are your panties no good?” “Why do you look confused? Of course they’re off limits!” “What a toughly defensive maiden……” “So by your standards, a normal girl would happily hand over her panties?!” “Fine, enough about panties. How about your bra inst…… ah, sorry.” “Even I wear a bra! Don’t give me such a pitying look!” “……Forgive me, Prez. I got a bit ahead of myself.” “It just feels wrong if you apologize that much all of a sudden!” “I won’t s.e.xually hara.s.s you any more.” “Ah, what’s with this reluctant apology?! Even though it’s what I wanted! It’s exactly what I wanted!” The president held her head in her arms and groaned…… It’s definitely worth teasing her. If there was a “Teasable President Champions.h.i.+p” TV show, she would undoubtedly be at the top. In order to give the president a short while to recover, I spent time gossiping with Chizuru-san. “Chizuru-san, has anything interesting happened to you lately?” “Key-kun…… what’s with the clichéd question as if you were stuck in a conversation and had to say something?” With a sigh, Chizuru-san neatly fixed her uniform’s collar. “Sorry. It sorta just came to me.” “Well, I suppose that happens. It’s one of those icebreakers like ‘The weather sure is nice today,’ that is there just as a placeholder.” “Yeah, that’s true. Let’s see……. ‘How’s it going?’ is also used pretty often.” “That one is pretty troublesome. Though I usually respond with ‘what do you mean how?’” “But it’s also troubling if you respond with that. It’s like, ‘It’s just a saying…….’” “Though at that point, the conversation loses all momentum. There have been too many things going on in j.a.pan lately. You have to narrow it down to one of those to start talking about it.” “Like what, for example?” “Let’s see……” Chizuru-san brought her finger to her lip and thought for a while. She seemed to have an idea, smiled, and opened her mouth. “How about… ‘What do you think about a guy like……Tanaka Yos.h.i.+o, male, 31 years old, single, lives in Kanagawa prefecture. Occupation, system engineer. Working hours are the flexible timeframe of 12 noon to 9 in the evening (with a one hour break in between). Despite this, he frequently works overtime and comes home late every night. He was basically in love with his job.’” “That’s way too narrow! Moreover, I don’t know what to think!” “How about keeping the conversation’s momentum? Like ‘Ah, sounds like he’s putting too much towards his work.’ Or maybe ‘He really ought to distance himself from his job. That way he can try other things.’” “I don’t care about any fictional character like Tanaka Yos.h.i.+o!” “Oh dear…… how disappointing.” “What I find disappointing is your way of thinking……” “Then……Yes, how about, ‘So, are you interested in…… exchange killers?’” “Forget narrowing it down, that’s just scary!” “If you went along with it, the conversation would definitely have momentum.” “Yeah, a conversation for a terrible criminal plot!” “I’ve used that one quite often though……” “You’ve used it?! I really want to know under what circ.u.mstances that happened, but I feel like I shouldn’t ask!” “……………… It was a very tough time……” “Please don’t give such a distant look! I won’t be able to trust you anymore, Chizuru-san!” “There’s no need to worry. My hands haven’t been stained.” “That makes it sound like someone else’s have!” “……………… Heheh.” “So scaryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!” “Exchange killers are definitely the best conversation icebreakers.” “What makes you think that?! It’s just life-destroying gossip!” “Dear me…… All you’ve been doing is talking back, Key-kun. Alright then…… Let’s think of an icebreaker that you would prefer.” “Yes, please.” “Yes………… how about ‘It’s getting hard to hold back my s.e.xual desires, so I might go a.s.sault a girl…… want to come with? (smirk)’” “Just how much do you want me to be a criminal?! I mean, do you really think that lowly of me?!” “I thought it was a perfect icebreaker for you too……” “So mean! Among all the verbal abuse you throw at me, I think this has been the meanest!” “Key-kun, if you proposed that sort of conversation…… I don’t believe I could refuse.” “Why would I even ask you that in the first place?! Are you saying you would a.s.sault a girl too?!” “…………heheh.” Chizuru-san sent a fleeting glance towards the president with a smile. The president must’ve sensed something, because she suddenly began trembling…… come on now. “This student council is just full of yuri!” “Oh, don’t be mistaken, Key-kun. I…… am bi!” “And she comes out with such pride!” “If you drew out a character relations.h.i.+p chart, I would have ‘LOVE’ pointed at all of the student council members in bold.” “That’s even more inconsistent than me!” “Well, the point is, I’m fine with anything when it comes to getting me stimulated.” “Chizuru-san, you’re actually a more dangerous person than I am!” “Oh, now that’s not true. Under your wolf-like gaze, I’m always excited…… I mean afraid, you know? I’m just a frail girl.” “You definitely said ‘excited’ just now! You corrected yourself too late, you clearly said it!” “Key-kun is so scary☆” “Enough with the ☆already!” “Akaba☆Chizuru” “Just how far is the ☆ fad going to go in this student council?!” I panted heavily…… I screwed up. I shouldn’t have tried to gossip with Chizuru-san. She was an opponent I couldn’t hope to match at my current level. This is bad…… Retorting really tires me out. It’s best to just mess around with the president or Minatsu. Since dealing with Chizuru-san was wearing me out, I looked around the student council room to see if anyone else would be willing to waste time talking with me. The president…… wouldn’t make eye contact with me. Seems like she still hasn’t recovered from that earlier exchange. Naturally, Chizuru-san was out of the question. That left the s.h.i.+na sisters, but…… “You understand, Mafuyu? Guys like Sugisaki Ken are already beyond all help. They’re the worst. You can’t sympathize with them no matter what.” “……. Sugisaki-senpai…… is the worst……” Minatsu was imprinting words onto the empty-eyed Mafuyu-chan…… She was completely brainwashed. Since it was forced, I quickly jumped in to stop her. “Hey now, Minatsu. Don’t you think you’re going too far? At this rate, when Mafuyu-chan wakes up, she’ll try to destroy me……” “Heheh…… That would be pretty interesting to see…” “No, it wouldn’t! Minatsu, you have a dangerous look in your eyes!” “Awakened Mafuyu VS Bankai Sugisaki Ken…… it should be a good fight!” “Don’t go awakening your little sister! And why can I suddenly use Bankai?!” “Eh? Ken, could it be…… you can even transform into an Arrancar?” “Of course not! In the first place, I’m not a s.h.i.+nigami!” (7) “You say that, but you should be able to flash step……” “Like I said, no I can’t! Besides, can the readers even follow this anymore?” “Whatever. Everything…… will begin with Mafuyu’s awakening! Rise, Awakened Mafuyu! Rise and destroy the world!” “Hey, you’ve already gone and changed your goals!” With Minatsu’s shout, life returned to Mafuyu-chan’s eyes bit by bit. And once her eyes regained their brightness…… She mechanically turned towards me and her eyes snapped open. “Enemy, identified. Commencing attack.” “Her character’s been completely changed! Her personality has been shattered!” “For the sake of optimizing her battle power…… it had to be done!” “Just what the h.e.l.l do you think your sister is?!” “Ooh, Ken! That was a pretty cool line! Like a hot-blooded protagonist going against a mad scientist!” “This isn’t the time to say things like – huh ? Whoa!” As I was arguing with Minatsu, a ruler flew past, grazing the nape of my neck at a high speed. It stabbed into the wall, and the president and Chizuru-san’s faces went pale. At the same time, a single stream of blood flowed down my neck. “…………” Silence. I looked at Mafuyu-chan. “Calculation error: three centimeters, five millimeters. Correcting. Next round, loaded.” As she said that, I took pens out of my pencil case and began swinging them around at Mafuyu-chan, who aimed at my neck. In an instant, the student council room transformed into a battlefield. “Waaaaaaaaaaah?!” In haste, the president, Chizuru-san and I jumped out of our seats, and with a shriek ran to hid in a corner of the room. Only Minatsu’s eyes glittered with excitement as she cried out in awe. “You’re awesome, Mafuyu!” “You’re just fine with being ‘awesome?!’ Do something about this, d.a.m.n it! What the h.e.l.l’s with this turn out?!” “Since she’s my little sister, I figured she had potential…… but to think it would be this much…… Your sister is moved!” “Before being moved, fix this!” “Go, Mafuyu! Now is the time to release your true power!” “Why does it have to be now?! I don’t understand why it’s necessary at this point!” “Understood. s.h.i.+fting to stage two combat mode…… Battle power up by two hundred percent.” “I feel like she’s beyond any control now!” As I trembled, behind me, Chizuru-san took the opportunity to hug the scared president to calm her down. “Don’t you worry, Aka-chan. The one who will deliver the final blow to you…… will be me!” “There’s an enemy here too?! Waah! Aaahh! Save me, Sugisakiiiiiii!” “Heheheheheheheh……” “Sugisakiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!” Behind me, something amazing was going down, but…… Sorry Prez. I can’t do that right now. Before my eyes was a powered up Mafuyu-chan who was after my head. Next to her was Minatsu, who continued to laugh loudly. Behind me was the completely changed Chizuru-san and the pleading president. – (What do I do?! Just what the h.e.l.l do I do?!) – I held three cards in my hands. – The choices were…… “Fight,” “Run,” and…… – “d.a.m.n, in that case, this is the only thing I can do!” – This time the t.i.tle was “The Resting Student Council.” That means, from the start there shouldn’t have been a punch line. That’s exactly why…… I will make this choice! – I used the last option…… from the three cards that I had. – “No one remembers how the story ended. Next time we will start as if nothing had happened.” – And so. – See you next week~! TRANSLATOR’S NOTES
(1) More accurately, she said “Life has mountains and valleys!”
(2) NEET is an originally British acronym standing for “Not in Employment, Education, or Training.” Also, Sugisaki originally uses the word “doutei” referring to male virginity, while Minatsu protests for him to use “shojo” referring to female virginity.
(3) Krillin (Kuririn) from Dragonball Z is said to be the strongest of the earthlings, but he, along with the other earthlings never get to be useful in a fight in the end.
(4) Ken used the word “donburi” which refers to a meal usually consisting of some sort of meat, fish, or vegetables topping a bowl of rice. In this case, he means he wanted to have them as a s.e.xy meal.
(5) Chizuru says “Watas.h.i.+ wo dare da to omotteiru no?” This would be unremarkable, except for the fact that she uses “watas.h.i.+ wo” used in Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann instead of the grammatically correct “watas.h.i.+ wa.”
(6) Yaranaika?
(7) Bankai, Arrancar, and s.h.i.+nigami (or Soul Reaper for some) all terms referencing Bleach.
“It’s not like we’re looking to argue if it’s possible or not, we just want to have fun talking about it……” I nodded in agreement as Chizuru-san joined in. “I heard from my drunken relative’s old man that there’s nothing more annoying than political opinions.” “Ah, I know what you mean.” Everyone agreed. “Well, I’m indifferent to politics, but I also don’t think it’s good. Not just politics either. No matter the topic, making someone listen to your opinion endlessly is a form of violence.” “Mafuyu also……is bad with things like that. Mafuyu just stays quiet.” “That’s why in my case, I love this student council.” With those words, Chizuru-san ended the discussion. It’s true…… this student council just might have a hint of that goodness. Everyone must have had some bad memory float up, because each one of us let out a sigh. Among us, Mafuyu-chan especially seemed down. Curious, I asked her. “What’s wrong Mafuyu-chan?” “Sugisaki-senpai…… In Mafuyu’s case…… Mafuyu has especially become a character whose role is to listen…… That’s why Mafuyu will end up captured by people and be forced to listen endlessly to pointless stories, and when Mafuyu tries to say anything they’ll cut Mafuyu off……” “Ah…” Mafuyu-chan probably would be the one to suffer something like that. If she and her conversation partner had clas.h.i.+ng topics, she would definitely lose out on her chance to speak and end up silently responding to a topic she didn’t care about with a smile. “You’re bad with a lot of different people, aren’t you Mafuyu-chan?” “Yes…… Especially with wild boys who aim for harems……” “Do you hate me or something?” “Like the proclaimed strongest earthling who ends up not getting to do anything……” “You mean K**llin???????!!!!!!!!!?”(3) “Ma.s.s murderers too……” “Most people aren’t comfortable with them!” “Mafuyu is also bad with serial kidnappers who target little girls!” “That makes it sound like you’re good with every other type of criminal!” “Mafuyu loves phantom thieves!” “You’ve never seen a phantom thief in real life!” “If Mafuyu had to decide…… extraterrestrial intelligent beings would be the type Mafuyu is bad with… maybe…” “What was the point of all the hesitation in that sentence?!” “But above all else, Mafuyu has the hardest time with people whose goal is a harem.” “Am I extremely hated or something?!” “That’s not true! Sugisaki-senpai is Sugisaki-senpai after all!” “Ah, if my heart weren’t completely stained, that could’ve been a good line!” Mafuyu-chan is definitely a cruel person…… Mafuyu-chan, I still love you but, little by little…… it’s getting harder to talk with you. “I’m bad with delusional novel writers who use me as the subject……”
Dejected, I tried to get her back. Since it was Mafuyu-chan I was dealing with, I thought she’d be shocked. But…… “Eh? You know someone like that? Wow, that’s inexcusable. Hmph.” “…… I give up.” I’ve decided. At the top of the “People Sugisaki Ken is Weak Against” ranking is s.h.i.+na Mafuyu…… But she’s still moe. I still love her. She’s still huggable. Actually I want to hug her. But even so…… “Now then, should Mafuyu continue writing Sugisaki-senpai and Nakameguro-senpai’s love scene…..?” “You’re my natural enemyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!” “Ehh?!” Mafuyu-chan wore a look of shock, as if she really had no idea why I said that. “Now, that’s enough of that.” Minatsu clapped her hands and s.h.i.+fted the conversation. “It might be a bit late to mention this, but is it really alright for us to do nothing today Prez-san?” At Minatsu’s question, the president sat upright and crossed her arms with a “Hmm…” “I think we should seriously do our work, but…… I mean, recently we’ve been staying here overtime, or rather we’ve been staying late after school working a lot, so I figured we would be fine if we took a break.” Chizuru-san agreed with that. “That’s true. After all, student council work is mostly volunteer work, so it’s not supposed to wear down the members. It’s usually something you only do the bare minimum for. Since that’s the case, it shouldn’t be especially problematic if we don’t deal with it for a day.” “It’s our job though, isn’t it? I mean, it bothers me to not do anything.” I feel like I can understand that. Even I feel like I should finished what’s a.s.signed to me. Be that as it may…… “Well, don’t worry about that Minatsu. I’ll take on each of the duties in detail myse-” “That’s exactly what’s bothering me the most!” “Ooh……” I was yelled at. The student council room fell silent, and the atmosphere that hung in the air made me want to run away…… Ah, I made a mistake. I thought we already had an unspoken understanding about me doing all the work myself for the sake of my harem…… I guess Minatsu had that “elder sister” part of her that couldn’t let that slide…… Minatsu gave an expression like she made a mistake and quickly tried to smooth things over. “N, no, wait. W, well, it’s not like I’m mad about it. I’m thankful for that which is why, I mean, I’m uncomfortable……” “I’m sorry, Minatsu.” “Wait, I mean, I don’t know what to do if you apologize! That’s not what I mean……” “I didn’t know you thought of me like that, Minatsu……” “I really don’t like you saying it like that!” “Don’t worry. As long as I have your love power, Minatsu, I’m invincible!” “No such thing! I’m not giving you anything like love power!” “Also, I’m fine if you occasionally be my outlet for my s.e.xual desires!” “Don’t make such a huge request without any reason!” “Don’t…… *cough*worry about…… *cough* my body…” “Hey, don’t suddenly start getting pushy!” “It’s alright. I’m only looking for bodily contact with you, Minatsu…… *cough*” “Don’t play the sympathy card! That’s degrading women!” “Even though it seems like Mafuyu-chan is degraded?” “Eh?” Minatsu looked over at her sister. And then…… “Ugh…… Sugisaki-senpai…… is so pitiful…… If Mafuyu is fine, then as many times as you want –” “She’s fallen! My little sister has totally fallen!” Minatsu was shocked. “Mafuyu-chan is definitely pretty impressionable, isn’t she?” “Ahh, I clearly didn’t raise this girl right!” As Minatsu shouted that, she hastily began undoing Mafuyu-chan’s brainwas.h.i.+ng…… Tch. And here I was aiming for a Sisters Bowl…… (4) “Sugisaki…… Right now you have a very gaudy face on……” The president glared at me with half-open eyes. I s.h.i.+fted my expression and turned towards the president. “Eh? No way~☆” “You weren’t the type of character who ended their sentences with a ☆!” “Sugisaki☆Ken” “Why would you even?!” In order to leave the s.h.i.+na sisters to their own world, I faced the president and Chizuru-san. Chizuru-san faced me with a suspicious smile. She initiated eye contact. (You’ve done well, Key-kun…) (Ooh! Y, you noticed……?) (Just who do you think I am? I can see through your clowning around in an attempt to distract Minatsu.) (5) (Oooh…… You see…… Chizuru-san……) (Don’t worry. I won’t say a word.) (Th, thank you very much.) (…… Hey, Key-kun. I actually find that part of you quite-) – “Hey, Chizuru! Sugisaki! What are you suspiciously staring around at?!” – Chizuru-san looked like she was going to say something serious, but she was interrupted by the president’s annoying cries. I let out a single sigh before smiling at the president. “Oho? Are you jealous, Prez?” “WHA- O, of course not! It’s just that the s.h.i.+na sisters were off in their own world, and then you and Chizuru went off in your own, so I felt left out for some reason!” “Ah. Well Prez is left out in the first place. From the student council that is.” “So cruel!” “No, you might even be left out from the whole school.” “Why did you correct yourself to something even more horrible?!” “Actually Aka-chan, you’re the black sheep of this world.” “Even Chizuru is joining in on the attack?!” As usual, Chizuru-san faced the president with a mischievous smile. “…?” Oh? Chizuru-san…… Was she actually kind of angry? Rather than her usual “Prez teasing,” this felt a bit more like a sulky attack…… I wonder why… Well, since it was Chizuru-san, I probably wouldn’t understand no matter how much I thought, so it’s best not to mind. The president became cutely angry, so I decided to step in. “Prez, Prez.” “…… What do you want, Sugisaki?” “Wanna do it?” (6) “NO I DON’T!” “You can’t take a joke. Since it’s you, I thought I’d use an old meme……” “Most readers won’t get that! And I’m pretty sure saying that to the opposite s.e.x is just s.e.xual hara.s.sment!” “At this rate, I won’t be able to have skins.h.i.+p with Prez any more……” “How do you only have a few options?! There have got to be other methods!” (Other methods………… ninety percent of them will get me labeled as a s.e.x offender, but I wonder if that’s fine? It should be fine…) “You definitely thought something 18+ just now, didn’t you?!” “Sorry. I’m an awkward man who can’t do anything but s.e.xually hara.s.s a girl I come in contact with.” “That’s not being awkward anymore, that’s a sickness in itself!” “That said, is it alright if I touch your chest?” “No, you can’t! I mean, what are you talking about?!” “It’s not like they’ll shrink……” “You’ve become the s.e.xual-hara.s.sing guy you said you’d be!” “It can’t be helped. In that case, your panties, please. Your panties.” “Why are you making it sound like you’re compromising?!” “Eh? Are your panties no good?” “Why do you look confused? Of course they’re off limits!” “What a toughly defensive maiden……” “So by your standards, a normal girl would happily hand over her panties?!” “Fine, enough about panties. How about your bra inst…… ah, sorry.” “Even I wear a bra! Don’t give me such a pitying look!” “……Forgive me, Prez. I got a bit ahead of myself.” “It just feels wrong if you apologize that much all of a sudden!” “I won’t s.e.xually hara.s.s you any more.” “Ah, what’s with this reluctant apology?! Even though it’s what I wanted! It’s exactly what I wanted!” The president held her head in her arms and groaned…… It’s definitely worth teasing her. If there was a “Teasable President Champions.h.i.+p” TV show, she would undoubtedly be at the top. In order to give the president a short while to recover, I spent time gossiping with Chizuru-san. “Chizuru-san, has anything interesting happened to you lately?” “Key-kun…… what’s with the clichéd question as if you were stuck in a conversation and had to say something?” With a sigh, Chizuru-san neatly fixed her uniform’s collar. “Sorry. It sorta just came to me.” “Well, I suppose that happens. It’s one of those icebreakers like ‘The weather sure is nice today,’ that is there just as a placeholder.” “Yeah, that’s true. Let’s see……. ‘How’s it going?’ is also used pretty often.” “That one is pretty troublesome. Though I usually respond with ‘what do you mean how?’” “But it’s also troubling if you respond with that. It’s like, ‘It’s just a saying…….’” “Though at that point, the conversation loses all momentum. There have been too many things going on in j.a.pan lately. You have to narrow it down to one of those to start talking about it.” “Like what, for example?” “Let’s see……” Chizuru-san brought her finger to her lip and thought for a while. She seemed to have an idea, smiled, and opened her mouth. “How about… ‘What do you think about a guy like……Tanaka Yos.h.i.+o, male, 31 years old, single, lives in Kanagawa prefecture. Occupation, system engineer. Working hours are the flexible timeframe of 12 noon to 9 in the evening (with a one hour break in between). Despite this, he frequently works overtime and comes home late every night. He was basically in love with his job.’” “That’s way too narrow! Moreover, I don’t know what to think!” “How about keeping the conversation’s momentum? Like ‘Ah, sounds like he’s putting too much towards his work.’ Or maybe ‘He really ought to distance himself from his job. That way he can try other things.’” “I don’t care about any fictional character like Tanaka Yos.h.i.+o!” “Oh dear…… how disappointing.” “What I find disappointing is your way of thinking……” “Then……Yes, how about, ‘So, are you interested in…… exchange killers?’” “Forget narrowing it down, that’s just scary!” “If you went along with it, the conversation would definitely have momentum.” “Yeah, a conversation for a terrible criminal plot!” “I’ve used that one quite often though……” “You’ve used it?! I really want to know under what circ.u.mstances that happened, but I feel like I shouldn’t ask!” “……………… It was a very tough time……” “Please don’t give such a distant look! I won’t be able to trust you anymore, Chizuru-san!” “There’s no need to worry. My hands haven’t been stained.” “That makes it sound like someone else’s have!” “……………… Heheh.” “So scaryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!” “Exchange killers are definitely the best conversation icebreakers.” “What makes you think that?! It’s just life-destroying gossip!” “Dear me…… All you’ve been doing is talking back, Key-kun. Alright then…… Let’s think of an icebreaker that you would prefer.” “Yes, please.” “Yes………… how about ‘It’s getting hard to hold back my s.e.xual desires, so I might go a.s.sault a girl…… want to come with? (smirk)’” “Just how much do you want me to be a criminal?! I mean, do you really think that lowly of me?!” “I thought it was a perfect icebreaker for you too……” “So mean! Among all the verbal abuse you throw at me, I think this has been the meanest!” “Key-kun, if you proposed that sort of conversation…… I don’t believe I could refuse.” “Why would I even ask you that in the first place?! Are you saying you would a.s.sault a girl too?!” “…………heheh.” Chizuru-san sent a fleeting glance towards the president with a smile. The president must’ve sensed something, because she suddenly began trembling…… come on now. “This student council is just full of yuri!” “Oh, don’t be mistaken, Key-kun. I…… am bi!” “And she comes out with such pride!” “If you drew out a character relations.h.i.+p chart, I would have ‘LOVE’ pointed at all of the student council members in bold.” “That’s even more inconsistent than me!” “Well, the point is, I’m fine with anything when it comes to getting me stimulated.” “Chizuru-san, you’re actually a more dangerous person than I am!” “Oh, now that’s not true. Under your wolf-like gaze, I’m always excited…… I mean afraid, you know? I’m just a frail girl.” “You definitely said ‘excited’ just now! You corrected yourself too late, you clearly said it!” “Key-kun is so scary☆” “Enough with the ☆already!” “Akaba☆Chizuru” “Just how far is the ☆ fad going to go in this student council?!” I panted heavily…… I screwed up. I shouldn’t have tried to gossip with Chizuru-san. She was an opponent I couldn’t hope to match at my current level. This is bad…… Retorting really tires me out. It’s best to just mess around with the president or Minatsu. Since dealing with Chizuru-san was wearing me out, I looked around the student council room to see if anyone else would be willing to waste time talking with me. The president…… wouldn’t make eye contact with me. Seems like she still hasn’t recovered from that earlier exchange. Naturally, Chizuru-san was out of the question. That left the s.h.i.+na sisters, but…… “You understand, Mafuyu? Guys like Sugisaki Ken are already beyond all help. They’re the worst. You can’t sympathize with them no matter what.” “……. Sugisaki-senpai…… is the worst……” Minatsu was imprinting words onto the empty-eyed Mafuyu-chan…… She was completely brainwashed. Since it was forced, I quickly jumped in to stop her. “Hey now, Minatsu. Don’t you think you’re going too far? At this rate, when Mafuyu-chan wakes up, she’ll try to destroy me……” “Heheh…… That would be pretty interesting to see…” “No, it wouldn’t! Minatsu, you have a dangerous look in your eyes!” “Awakened Mafuyu VS Bankai Sugisaki Ken…… it should be a good fight!” “Don’t go awakening your little sister! And why can I suddenly use Bankai?!” “Eh? Ken, could it be…… you can even transform into an Arrancar?” “Of course not! In the first place, I’m not a s.h.i.+nigami!” (7) “You say that, but you should be able to flash step……” “Like I said, no I can’t! Besides, can the readers even follow this anymore?” “Whatever. Everything…… will begin with Mafuyu’s awakening! Rise, Awakened Mafuyu! Rise and destroy the world!” “Hey, you’ve already gone and changed your goals!” With Minatsu’s shout, life returned to Mafuyu-chan’s eyes bit by bit. And once her eyes regained their brightness…… She mechanically turned towards me and her eyes snapped open. “Enemy, identified. Commencing attack.” “Her character’s been completely changed! Her personality has been shattered!” “For the sake of optimizing her battle power…… it had to be done!” “Just what the h.e.l.l do you think your sister is?!” “Ooh, Ken! That was a pretty cool line! Like a hot-blooded protagonist going against a mad scientist!” “This isn’t the time to say things like – huh ? Whoa!” As I was arguing with Minatsu, a ruler flew past, grazing the nape of my neck at a high speed. It stabbed into the wall, and the president and Chizuru-san’s faces went pale. At the same time, a single stream of blood flowed down my neck. “…………” Silence. I looked at Mafuyu-chan. “Calculation error: three centimeters, five millimeters. Correcting. Next round, loaded.” As she said that, I took pens out of my pencil case and began swinging them around at Mafuyu-chan, who aimed at my neck. In an instant, the student council room transformed into a battlefield. “Waaaaaaaaaaah?!” In haste, the president, Chizuru-san and I jumped out of our seats, and with a shriek ran to hid in a corner of the room. Only Minatsu’s eyes glittered with excitement as she cried out in awe. “You’re awesome, Mafuyu!” “You’re just fine with being ‘awesome?!’ Do something about this, d.a.m.n it! What the h.e.l.l’s with this turn out?!” “Since she’s my little sister, I figured she had potential…… but to think it would be this much…… Your sister is moved!” “Before being moved, fix this!” “Go, Mafuyu! Now is the time to release your true power!” “Why does it have to be now?! I don’t understand why it’s necessary at this point!” “Understood. s.h.i.+fting to stage two combat mode…… Battle power up by two hundred percent.” “I feel like she’s beyond any control now!” As I trembled, behind me, Chizuru-san took the opportunity to hug the scared president to calm her down. “Don’t you worry, Aka-chan. The one who will deliver the final blow to you…… will be me!” “There’s an enemy here too?! Waah! Aaahh! Save me, Sugisakiiiiiii!” “Heheheheheheheh……” “Sugisakiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!” Behind me, something amazing was going down, but…… Sorry Prez. I can’t do that right now. Before my eyes was a powered up Mafuyu-chan who was after my head. Next to her was Minatsu, who continued to laugh loudly. Behind me was the completely changed Chizuru-san and the pleading president. – (What do I do?! Just what the h.e.l.l do I do?!) – I held three cards in my hands. – The choices were…… “Fight,” “Run,” and…… – “d.a.m.n, in that case, this is the only thing I can do!” – This time the t.i.tle was “The Resting Student Council.” That means, from the start there shouldn’t have been a punch line. That’s exactly why…… I will make this choice! – I used the last option…… from the three cards that I had. – “No one remembers how the story ended. Next time we will start as if nothing had happened.” – And so. – See you next week~! TRANSLATOR’S NOTES
(1) More accurately, she said “Life has mountains and valleys!”
(2) NEET is an originally British acronym standing for “Not in Employment, Education, or Training.” Also, Sugisaki originally uses the word “doutei” referring to male virginity, while Minatsu protests for him to use “shojo” referring to female virginity.
(3) Krillin (Kuririn) from Dragonball Z is said to be the strongest of the earthlings, but he, along with the other earthlings never get to be useful in a fight in the end.
(4) Ken used the word “donburi” which refers to a meal usually consisting of some sort of meat, fish, or vegetables topping a bowl of rice. In this case, he means he wanted to have them as a s.e.xy meal.
(5) Chizuru says “Watas.h.i.+ wo dare da to omotteiru no?” This would be unremarkable, except for the fact that she uses “watas.h.i.+ wo” used in Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann instead of the grammatically correct “watas.h.i.+ wa.”
(6) Yaranaika?
(7) Bankai, Arrancar, and s.h.i.+nigami (or Soul Reaper for some) all terms referencing Bleach.
